The tile was cold beneath her back while his mouth was hot as he planted kisses along her side. Buffy lay there, trying to imagine she was with the man she’d fallen in love with, but it wasn’t working. Will pushed her over onto her stomach so that he could return his attention to her back and bottom. There was something about lying face down on the tile, tears making the surface slippery and a man she couldn’t see paying homage to her ass, that finally pushed Buffy over the edge.
It was an ugly scene, and she couldn’t do it. Maybe Drusilla would have gone to these depths to please him, but she couldn’t. It was making her stomach turn, and maybe he wouldn’t love her anymore, or even as much as Dru, but she’d reached her limit on being agreeable for the night.
“Stop, Spike,” Buffy demanded, forcing herself over with her hands. “I…I can’t do this…Not like this.” He was staring at her in astonishment from where he’d landed on his arse beside her. She didn’t care at the moment. “I’m going upstairs to our bed.”
“Pet, I’m sorry,” he apologized, scrambling to his feet to help her up. He shook his head as he grabbed her hands. “I’m such an idiot. Kind of got carried away here,” he pulled her against him, “you do that to me you know.”
“I’m cold,” Buffy replied, feeling a shiver run through her for effect. Hopefully, he wouldn’t know it wasn’t from the chill, but rather from his touch. Stepping out of his embrace, she turned to grab her dress and shoes before starting upstairs. “I think I’m going to take a shower before heading to bed.”
By the third step he was beside her, clutched in his hands was her forgotten underwear. He didn’t say anything just followed her to their room, and then gently removed her things from her grasp.
“Go ahead, luv, I’ll put this stuff away.”
She nodded even though she knew it would probably end up draped over a chair or even back on the floor. He was still antsy, even worse than before. He kept pinching his nose as he moved around the room. She could only hope that he didn’t have a stash somewhere in the house. Not that he’d ever acted like this before. It was something she definitely would have noticed before. Forcing herself not to start an argument when he was under the influence, she grabbed a nightshirt before darting away to the bathroom.
For the first time in days she hesitated outside Drusilla’s closet. Glancing behind her to make sure he wasn’t looking, she tried the handle. It was still locked. It was time to accept that there was someone else in their marriage. Dru was here as surely as if she was still alive. The woman must be laughing her ass off at her darling Spike marrying such a foolish girl as Buffy. Except Buffy was still alive, unlike the ghost that was haunting her husband.
“I’ll make him forget you ever existed,” Buffy vowed. “He’ll be the man I married, because I love him like you never could.”
Feeling stronger than before, she hurried off to take a quick shower. Thanks to the combination of the hot water and her new determination, Buffy felt more in control by the time she was done. She quickly brushed her teeth and hair before returning to the bedroom. William was still awake, barely though, stretched out on top of the bed. He watched her as she crossed the room, but she stopped at the edge, waiting to find out what kind of mood he was in. She returned his gaze. Her eyes flicked across his nude body. From his face relaxed, but eyes wary down to his half-erect penis curling upwards through his pubic hair, down to his legs sprawled open. She sighed. For the first time since she’d met him she wasn’t entranced by his beauty, but was almost repulsed by him.
“I’m only going to ask you this once more,” Buffy said, sitting beside him with her legs curled under her. “What did you take tonight?”
“I did a line of coke,” Spike said, half shrugging his shoulders. “It was kind of like a celebration thing, you know…everything went so well. Xander had some, he offered, I accepted. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“It is to me,” Buffy responded, staring down at her tightly clasped hands in her lap. “You might consider me naïve, but I didn’t think you were that kind of man.”
Buffy flushed turning away when his laughter rang out. It was humiliating. Not so much even that he was laughing, but because she really didn’t know what kind of man he was. Blindly, she’d followed her heart, and now she was here.
“Pet, I’m sorry,” Will said, trying to choke back his laughter. He rolled over, grabbing her hands in his strong grip, and staring up at her with his most intense gaze. “I’m not that kind of man. I promise I’ve been a good boy for a really long time…”
“Since Dru?” She asked, one brow rising as she felt her walls slamming shut around her heart. “Tell me, please, who I really married…this beautiful, charming and gentle William that I first met or…are you Drusilla’s husband that I keep hearing rumors about?”
“Bloody hell,” Will snarled. He flopped back on the bed with his hands covering his face. He ran this fingers through his hair then turned back to meet her gaze. “I’m just a fucking man. Don’t play this shit with me.” He pointed at her. “I can’t be your fucking fantasy…just like I couldn’t be hers. So, if you don’t like it then get the hell out of my life.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, leaning her forehead against his stomach. “I’m so confused…I love you so much, but I keep hearing all these horrible things about…and then tonight you were using. I don’t know what to believe. Please don’t be mad.”
It took him awhile to respond. She waited listening to his breathing quiet down, feeling the twitching of his body still, until finally she felt his fingers twine in her hair. He wasn’t angry anymore. Maybe a little sad though, so she caressed his arm with gentle strokes, hoping he’d feel the love in her touch.
“About Dru, huh?” He said, with a sigh while he moved restlessly beside her. “She was a bitch, Buffy, and in the beginning I was ready to follow her to the ends of the earth…, but it’s all over now. Believe me it was past time. I was done with her. With the marriage, all of it, even love’s bitch has his limits of what he’ll take. She deserved what she got…”
Her eyes opened wide as she sat up to look at him. “Will, you don’t mean that? No one deserves to die like that.”
“Don’t I?” Will replied, with a chuckle. He cupped her face. “Sorry, luv, it’s hard when you hate someone as much as you love them. I don’t want you to understand what happened. You’re too good to be soiled by the ugly mess of my first marriage.”
“But I am,” Buffy whispered, scooting closer to him. “It’s like she’s still here with us, a living breathing memory that no one will let go. Everyone I talk to has to bring her up…telling me about how horrible she was to you, but yet you say you loved her and I don’t understand.” She waved her hand. “And you taking drugs aren’t you afraid of what it could do to you. You’re a brilliant writer. What happens…?”
He grabbed both of her hands. “Nothing is going to happen. Come here, pet,” he pulled her until she was on top of him. “I won’t use again…I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Buffy said. She reached out to smooth back his curls only to realize he was almost asleep. His lids were drooping against his cheeks. It amazed her that he’d stayed awake as long as he had. Curling closer to him, she whispered to him, “Go on to sleep. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Love you, Buffy.”
“Love you, too,” she responded, with tears streaming down her cheeks.
The note she’d left scared him to death. All Buffy had written was ‘I need time to think. Things are happening too fast and I need to catch up. I’ll be back later. All my love, Buffy’. How long was she going to be gone? Was she coming back? Did she really still love him or had he killed it last night with his idiocy? And why wasn’t she answering her cell phone. He’d dialed it a dozen times, but it kept going straight to voice mail.
Spike sat on the side of the bed, alternately staring at the note clutched in his hand and the picture of them taken on their wedding day. Her smile was so bright, so hopeful, and he’d destroyed it in only a few short days. Already, she wasn’t the sweet child he married in a rush of hopeful passion. The innocence was being tarnished, and he had no one to blame but himself.
He grabbed the phone off the nightstand, quickly dialing a number he’d memorized years ago.
“Come on, come on,” Spike muttered while the phone rang. “It’s Sunday, so what the bloody hell are you doing?”
“Sleeping, asshole,” Xander’s sleepy voice came over the receiver. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Buffy’s gone,” Spike exclaimed, his hand running through his hair. “Left me some bloody note and just disappeared. I have no idea how long she’s been gone or where she went to…nothing.”
“Oh, come on,” Xander responded, sounding a little more awake. “It’s probably some sort of game she’s playing. What did you do to piss her off?”
“The damn drugs you gave me last night. I should have known better than to do it.”
“What? You supposed to become some goody two shoes to please this pretty little piece of ass you married. That’s bullshit.”
“Watch it,” Spike growled. “That’s my wife you’re talking about.”
Spike stood to start pacing the floor of his bedroom. He hadn’t done anything since he’d found the note. Panicked at the thought of losing her, he’d immediately called the only person he could think of who would help him through this. Now, Xander was acting like an ass.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry, but you’re trying to be someone you’re not just to please her.” He laughed. “Did you really think she’d never find out the truth of who you are?”
“Yeah, kind of,” Spike said, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. “She’s everything I ever wanted, Xan, I can’t lose her. You know, it’s because of her that I’m even getting a chance with David. Damn it. How could I have been so stupid?”
“She’ll come back,” Xander said. “Where is she going to go? She knows she’s got it good, and she’s probably just trying to punish you for not following her rules.”
“Bullshit,” Spike said, staring out the window. “I hurt her. She doesn’t understand this life, and I was being selfish.”
“No, you were being you,” Xander replied. “We’ve always been able to party with the best of them. You just got spooked when everything was going down after Dru’s death and the police were watching every fucking move you made. It’s time you started living again.”
“Yeah, and look where that life led me,” Spike said, closing his eyes in guilt. “Look at what I did…the things we’ve done. Maybe it’s time for me to grab onto the best thing that’s ever happened to me and never let her go.”
“I can just see that happening,” Xander laughed. “You becoming an angel? Now, that’s a laugh. You’ve had a taste of the good life, and that little girl you married isn’t going to be able to keep you satisfied for long.”
“I think she can,” Spike said, with determination. It was time to quit whining and find out where his wife went. “Look, I’ll talk to you later. I need to find her.”
There was a silence for a second before Xander said anything, then he surprised the hell out of Spike. “I’m on my way over. If she’s what makes you happy, then I’ll support it.”
“Thanks mate,” Spike whispered, clicking the phone off and tossing it on the bed.
The first thing to do was to find out if she took any clothes and suitcases with her. He strode to his closet, flinging it open to search for any sign she was going to be gone for awhile. All of her bags were there, and there didn’t seem to be any clothes missing. Of course, he wasn’t sure what she did own or didn’t own. He’d never really paid attention. Frustrated, he returned to his room and snatched the phone off the bed. He dialed the number for the doorman downstairs.
“Yes, Mr. Nagle?”
“Hey, I’m looking for my wife. Have you seen her today?”
“Yes, of course. She came down about nine and requested that I get a taxi for her. Is there a problem?”
“No, no,” Spike said, sitting on the edge of the bed. At least she was still willing to use his money to get around. Why hadn’t he ever taken the time to get phone numbers for her family and friends? Tara. The girl back in Sunnydale. He’d gotten her number. Quickly dialing it, he was frustrated to find it was going to her voice mail also.
“Mother fucker,” Spike yelled, throwing the phone against the wall. He didn’t even care when it broke into little pieces. He needed his wife back.
Buffy didn’t even notice the scenery as it rolled past the window. All she could see was the days that had gone by since her marriage to William. She loved him so much and was already regretting her flight from home. But she needed to think, to be herself again, and there was only one place for her to do that. Home. Sunnydale, where she’d grown up, and felt comfortable.
“Oh, Will, forgive me,” Buffy whispered while one finger trailed against the window. He’d be so upset when he woke up and found her gone. But she was too much of a coward to leave him when he could talk her out of it. He would. She would cave in to him. It seemed like she had no will of her own where he was concerned.
The bus rolled into the depot with a jolt as it hit a pothole. It brought her back to the present. Buffy scanned the crowd, and then smiled when she spotted Tara at the curb. Suddenly everything seemed better. A little easier than when she’d left home. Tara was waiting with open arms, engulfing her in a tight hug that left her breathless.
“Come on, sweetie,” Tara whispered, slipping an arm around her waist to lead her through the terminal. “Let’s go somewhere where we can talk over a quart of ice cream.”
“Sounds good to me,” Buffy said, leaning on her friend.
It was good to be home.
to be continued…