William flopped back on his bed, closing his eyes, and tried to lose himself in the music blaring from the stereo. Everyone was leaving for Spring Break. That is everyone but him. No one cared if he returned home or not. So, he was staying at Hyperion under the supervision of several old farts who thought that this school was the center of the universe. It sucked.
There was a stack of books to read, movies to see with his generous allowance, and he could always get a head start on the schoolwork for the next term. Who was he kidding? He pummeled the pillow as he turned on his side, fighting back the tears that were seeking exit around his eyelids. Everything and everyone sucked. Even Xander. His best friend who was going on a week long cruise with his family. Bastard. Will was fucking alone for an entire week with nothing to do.
Why should he expect it to be any different? An accident of his mother’s menopausal cycle, not really wanted, but too ashamed to rid themselves of the baby. So, he was born to parents who couldn’t care less, and so they let the nannies raise him, and then shipped him off to boarding school as soon as possible. In the end he was always alone.
“Hey, Spike, you okay?” Xander said behind him.
“Yeah, fine,” Spike answered, wiping at his cheeks before his friend could see. Once a ponce always a ponce it seemed. A hand settled on his shoulder. “Said I was fine, mate.”
“Yeah, you always are.”
“I was just thinking about…being back in school.”
“What part?” Xander asked with a laugh. “There were a lot of parts.”
“Spring Break.”
It needed no other definition. In their minds there was only one Spring Break that really mattered. It was the week they became men. Instead of leaving his best friend behind, Xander had somehow missed the boat, and returned to spend the week with Spike.
Spike turned around with a half-smile on his face. Xander was grinning too. Then they both said the name at the same time, “Harmony.” Then laughed. The ditzy blonde worked at the arcade they frequented, and due to extreme boredom the three had spent every free moment she had for days on end in bed. Together. She liked the action of having two men fucking her at the same time. They liked it because she was more than willing to teach them everything about sex. And drugs. It was the most hedonistic time of their lives. Everything in their lives after that week had been affected by it.
“What if I lose her?” Spike said, feeling his eyes fill again. It couldn’t happen. It was unthinkable. If only he knew how to treat a lady instead of the women who knew how to play the game that he normally associated with.
“She’ll come back,” Xander said. “The girl ain’t no fool. There’s nothing out there that will compare to life with you.”
“Don’t Xan,” Spike bit out, walking past his friend. “She didn’t marry me for the money. In fact I think she hates it.” He laughed. “Who would have thought?”
“Thought what?” Xander asked, following him into the kitchen. He perched on one of the stools around the island.
“Thought that I’d end up with a woman like Buffy.”
“She’s a girl,” Xander corrected. “And personally, I can see the attraction, but, don’t hate me for saying this; she doesn’t exactly fit in…”
“I love her, Xander,” Spike said. “Don’t, okay? I know the pacts we’ve made, about what standards we’d live up to, but, god, Buffy, she’s like sunshine when she’s in my arms.”
Xander sighed as he ran his fingers along the countertop. Spike ignored him as he pulled out a bottle of soda from the fridge. He knew Xander didn’t care much for Buffy despite his words to the contrary. They’d known each other too long for them not to know what was really up with the other. But they were grown men now, not a couple of kids trying to get through life by leaning on each other. And by choosing women who would play just as they once did. There were too many things at stake. Careers and lives that could be lost if the truth was exposed. He bent his head as he put the bottle on the counter.
“Xan, don’t take this the wrong way,” Spike said. “I need…need to make things right. Buffy is good for me, kind of like a conscience that I don’t have anymore. I can’t keep fucking around and up. I don’t want to lose what I’ve got.”
“So, you’re just suddenly going to become all goody two shoes? That’s going to be a laugh,” Xander said. “Do you really think you can give everything up?” He reached across the counter, engulfing Spike’s hand with his own. “Too many good times, mate.”
Spike squeezed the hand in his, and then turned away. He knew that Xander’s feelings were mixed up about where they stood. Xander wanted to be him, wanted what he had, wanted him. It was all part of their relationship. It was why his friend had slept with Drusilla. They’d always shared what they had, women, drugs, secrets, and possessions. Why should they stop at the wives? A flash of Cordelia naked and willing went through his mind, but he pushed it away as he tried to ignore the ache that went through his groin. He’d never been with Cordelia, but there had been opportunities when he could have. The whole bizarre situation was just one the two friends had never discussed until he’d married Buffy.
“Xander, I’m thirty-two and tired,” Spike tried to explain. “To the whole world I’m this sophisticated author with a dirty secret because of his dead wife. I can’t keep it up anymore. I just want to be loved, and to love Buffy. To come home to her, to be what she needs. Please try to understand.”
“You saying you don’t want to be friends anymore?”
“No, that’s not it,” Spike said. “You’ve always been there for me, and I’m never going to forget it. I just can’t play that way anymore…the drugs and…you know.”
“The sex? Is she that good in bed? Or so blinded with love that she’ll let you do whatever you want to her? Has she let you handcuff her yet? Maybe you’re starting off slow with a little spanking…?”
“You’re pushing it,” Spike snarled, interrupting Xander’s tirade. “Buffy is a lady and I love her. I won’t let you talk about her like that. At least for me, try to respect her.”
“Okay, okay,” Xander said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I’ve always supported you. Don’t think you’re going to be able to pull it off, but hey, I won’t tempt you anymore. No more offering.”
“Thanks, mate,” Spike said, relieved that he wasn’t going to have to choose between his best friend and the woman who was changing his world. “I just hope she comes back.”
“Why sit around and wait?” Xander asked, reaching for the soda and pouring it into a glass. “Where is she going to go? She doesn’t really know anyone in town, and she ain’t running to her Daddy again, so I’d say she went back to Sunnydale.”
“Sometimes you just fucking amaze me,” Spike said, with a broad grin. “You’re right. I’m going to take your advice and go find her. She’s got to be with that bird, Tara. If I find her, I’ll find Buffy.”
The phone was ringing again. It seemed Will wasn’t going to give up. Buffy chewed her lower lip while staring at the phone that just wouldn’t shut up. Maybe she should answer it, try to reason with her husband, let him know that she needed time before coming back. Yet, a part of her wanted to tell him to come and get her. She wanted him.
Tara stood up, and unplugged the phone. “Until you’re ready,” she said, sitting on the couch next to Buffy again.
“Thank you,” Buffy said, retreating into the corner again. The pillow clutched in her arms. “I’m so confused.”
“You have reason to be,” Tara responded. “The man you’re with certainly doesn’t seem like the man I met at the hotel. It’s hard to imagine Will the way you describe him being now.”
“He is,” Buffy said. “It’s not like he’s got a split personality or something. He’s just…,” she covered her face with her hands. “He just scares me sometimes, but I know he’d never hurt me. Not deliberately.”
“What about in the heat of the moment?”
“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, starting at her friend. It was already apparent what Tara meant. It was one of the reasons she’d run. Could her husband have killed his first wife in an emotional outburst? How much could one man take before he lost it? Drusilla would have tried the patience of a saint, from what she knew of her. But she wondered about the woman Will had fallen in love with. He wouldn’t have fallen in love with her if there wasn’t something special about her. It wasn’t something she would ever find out from him though. Drusilla was a closed subject unless she wanted to start another argument.
“Buffy, I know you love him,” Tara said, scooting closer to her. “From what you’ve told me though, I’m worried about you being there. He just seems so volatile. Are you going to spend your life trying not to anger him?”
“No, of course not,” Buffy exclaimed, and then she quieted again. “Tara, I won’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind that he had something to do with Dru’s death, but I trust that he’s a good man. Yes, he has some faults, but I don’t think violence is one of them. At least not for a woman he loves.”
“He seems to be really possessive. Look, he won’t even respect your need for some time alone.”
“He’s worried about me,” Buffy defended him. “And he’s afraid I’m not coming back.”
“You’re going to go back, aren’t you?”
“Where else am I going to go?”
“Buffy, it’s like he told you. You’re rich now. You can do whatever you want to do, including leave him.”
Buffy shook her head. No matter what happened between her and Will, she would never take his money. It was a matter of principal, and of her own personal ethics. She married him for love. She wouldn’t divorce him for his money. She wouldn’t divorce him at all. In only a matter of a few weeks, she’d changed. Her life wasn’t in Sunnydale anymore. It was in Los Angeles with William. No matter how hard it got.
“No, I won’t leave him,” Buffy said, looking Tara in the eye with determination. “We’ll find a way to make it work. He won’t hurt me...not physically anyway. That much I know.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am.”
“So, you’re going to find a way to co-exist with the ghost of his dead wife?”
“Don’t say it like that,” Buffy said. “He blames himself. It isn’t that he did it in fact, but he thinks he failed her and drove her into other men’s arms. The only way for him to be free is for him to know the truth about her and what happened.”
“Buffy, what are you planning on doing?”
“Finding out as much about her as I can,” Buffy said. The first thing would be getting into that closet. When she first came to the penthouse as Will’s wife, she was too naïve to know the truth. A matter of only a few weeks had changed that. Not much would shock her at this point about Will and Dru’s marriage. Maybe if he knew that he didn’t have to hide his darkest secrets, he could be free to just love her. “I’m going to fight for him.”
“You need to be careful,” Tara warned. “She was murdered, and it was never proven as to who and why. You stumble onto the wrong information; you could end up in a lot of trouble.”
“I’ll be fine,” Buffy said, with a smile. She crossed her heart with her index finger. “I promise. Now, let’s go get some food before you take me to the bus station.”
“Buffy…”
“Nope, just be supportive at this point,” Buffy said. “Please, I need someone.”
“Okay,” Tara said, with a shrug. “I don’t like it, and I hope you’re right, but I know I can’t talk you out of it. Please, remember I’m here if you need anything. Okay?”
It didn’t take long for the two women to grab their purses and head outside. Buffy’s heart thundered when she saw a familiar Porsche at the curb in front of Tara’s apartment building. Will was leaning with his arms crossed on the hood. He stared at her as she came closer. It was like a magnetic pull to him that she couldn’t refuse.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, stopping a few feet from him.
“Coming to get you,” Will said. “I need you with me.”
“And what if I don’t want to be there?” Buffy asked, glad for Tara’s support as the other girl stood beside her. She clasped her hand. It kind of scared her that he would find her despite her request for some time. But she wouldn’t surrender to the fear, or to him. When she went back, it would be when she was ready. No matter how much she wanted to throw herself into his arms, and beg him to love her forever.
“I don’t know what I’ll do,” Will said, blinking rapidly before looking down at his shoes. “I’m sorry, baby, for everything.”
“And you’ll never mistreat her again, right?” Tara asked, with a raised brow. “You’re acting a little scary. Do you know that?”
Will shrugged, looking up at Buffy again. “I guess I am. I don’t know. Am I scaring you?”
“A little,” Buffy conceded. “I needed time, Will.”
Pinching his nose, he stood back up. “I needed to know that you were all right. And yeah, I was hoping that you would be ready to come back with me. I’m even willing to get on my knees and beg, but I don’t want you to be scared of me, ever, so I’ll go.”
It was the last thing she expected to hear. Relief flooded her body with a whoosh as he confirmed that all of her instincts were right. He was just a man, with faults, but he really loved her. Buffy grinned, then turned to Tara.
“Rain check on dinner?”
“Go honey,” Tara replied, giving her a quick hug. “Good luck. Call me.”
“Yes,” Buffy said, before hurrying to the car before Will could drive away. She rapped on the window. “Let me in.”
The door was flung open to reveal a smiling Will. She climbed in, and waved good-bye to Tara as she buckled her seatbelt. He didn’t say a word, just drove off toward Los Angeles.
It was home now. That much Buffy knew. She reached over and took her husband’s hand. Somehow she would eradicate Drusilla from their lives, and find a way to free Will from his prison of self-doubt. There was no reason to doubt that she would, because her life was depending on it, too.
to be continued…