My dear wicked boy left bruises on me today. Oh, not in anger, but sometimes the passion overtakes him and he can’t help it. It was our most exciting lovemaking yet, and I don’t think I’ve ever had so many orgasms. If only he was this exciting all the time. I don’t think I would ever need to find anyone else to share my bed.
I really hate it when he speaks of love and eternity. Such poetry. I can’t stand it. Not from him. I slapped him when he told me how much I meant to him. Silly of him to think that I would feel the same for him. Or even worse, that he thinks this will keep me away from other men. I must have my pleasures.
Unable to read anymore of Drusilla’s treachery, Buffy flipped ahead a few more pages.
Spike was such a bad boy today. He brought me presents, such pretty snow, and red wine to celebrate the completion of the final book. I could care less, but he was so happy for once. We fucked for hours until he passed out. He’ll sleep for almost a day. Plenty of time for me to slip away without him ever knowing I’m gone.
I have a new lover. He has so much power, and he calls me his little girl. Yet he is easy to twine around my little finger. The gifts though are hard to hide from Spike. He is so suspicious these days. Always asking questions, and telling me not to go out. His anger is boring me. I don’t care what he says. Daddy will take care of him when the time is right. Patience and I will have it all.
Buffy let the book fall to her lap. Her stomach was tied in knots as her hatred for Drusilla grew. It wasn’t right, but she wanted to shake the woman, and tell her what a fool she’d been. All William wanted was love, and she threw it away for power and sex. It seemed like such a waste to her. She knew what it was like not to have the love you so desperately wanted. Sighing, she turned the pages until there was a scrawled entry as if the writer was upset.
I can’t stand it, not anymore. How dare he think he has the right to tell me what to do or where to go? He should be on his knees thanking God that I even married him in the first place. He was nothing until he met me. I was the one who gave him the world, and now he acts as if I owe him. How ridiculous is that? Threatening me with divorce. I’ll take everything he has, and he’ll be back in the sewer again. Or even better, I won’t let him go. I’ll fight him every step of the way, and flaunt my lovers in front of him. Spike can go to hell, and I’ll enjoy it every step of the way.
Tears filled Buffy’s eyes at how hurt William must have been by his wife’s actions. She was more than a fool. She’d been a heartless bitch. It made Buffy even more determined to find a way to exorcise Drusilla from Spike’s heart.
“Hey, Buffy, you decent?” Xander’s voice interrupted her thoughts.
Buffy’s head snapped up as she turned toward the doorway as if Xander would be standing there. He wasn’t. She scrambled to her feet before darting out into the hallway.
“I’m getting dressed, Xander,” Buffy called out. “Give me a minute and I’ll be down.”
“Okay, going to raid the ‘frig while I wait.”
Sighing in relief that she hadn’t been caught, Buffy retraced her steps to the closet. She quickly returned things to where they’d been except for the journal. After putting the key back in the jewelry box, she looked around the room for a place to put the diary. The room was too austere for any decent hiding spots. She grabbed her clothes and retreated to her bathroom. Hiding the journal in the drawer with her monthly supplies, she figured it was a place Spike would never look through, one peek should be enough to send him running.
After dressing in an old pair of jeans, a Juicy Couture pink eyelet cami and brown Frye cowboy boots, Buffy went down to join Xander. She was curious as to why he was there. They’d declared a truce after the disastrous night of Spike’s cocaine usage. But she didn’t think they were friendly enough for hanging out.
“Hi,” Buffy said, going into the kitchen where Xander was sitting on one side of the island. He was munching on sliced cheese and salami. She sat in the chair next to him. “What brings you over? William is gone to the meeting with David and the others.”
“Yeah, I know,” Xander said, with his goofy friendly smile. “I thought maybe you and I could get to know each other a little more. We both care about William and it would make it easier on him if we were friends.”
“What brought about this change of heart? Last time we spoke, you were still drawing lines. It was something to do with me being naïve, wasn’t it?”
“Hey, hey, I was wrong,” he said, lifting his hands in surrender. “Forgive a guy, okay? I had you pegged wrong. Thought you were just after Spike’s money, and or his bod, but it seems you’re a bit tougher than I thought.”
Buffy shrugged. “So, now that you’ve decided we’re going to be friends, how do you plan on achieving this?”
For a second, she saw anger cross Xander’s face, but it was gone before she was even sure it was there. He seemed determined not to fight with her, no matter how much she opposed him.
“I was going to ask you to go to lunch,” Xander replied, putting together some more meat and cheese. “Maybe show you around Los Angeles a little or take you somewhere you don’t want Spike to know about.”
It was bait. One she didn’t need to take because she was going to try to be honest with her husband. She started to refuse Xander’s offer, but then she had an idea. Something she’d thought of earlier, and here she was given the opportunity.
“You know there is somewhere you could take me,” Buffy said, smiling. “I want to go shopping for William. He doesn’t seem like anyone has spoiled him, and I want to be the one to do it. Will you take me?”
“No problem. I can take you to Cordelia’s store, the finest men’s clothes in the Hollywood area.”
“Thanks,” Buffy said. “I’ll be right back.”
All she needed was her purse, and a quick double check in the downstairs bathroom to make sure that everything was in place. It was. She hurried back to join her husband’s friend who was returning the remainders of his snack to the refrigerator.
“That was quick,” Xander commented, giving her a once over. “A woman who doesn’t have to take an hour to get ready.”
“I was already ready,” Buffy replied, with a smile. She headed for the front hall with Xander behind her. “So, let’s go. I have to be back before he is, and oh, would you mind buying some champagne so we have some tonight? I told him I would have a bottle chilling, but I think we drank the last one the other night.”
“The corruption of a minor, I love it,” Xander cackled, rubbing his hands together. “Oh, I made reservations at The Ivy for lunch. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Nope, never been there,” Buffy said, stepping into the elevator. “Always ready to try something new.”
It was quite the experience for a small town girl. Buffy was just starting to get comfortable living in William’s world of celebrities and money, but sitting down to lunch surrounded by stars and having paparazzi watching everyone’s move was heady. Xander amazed her with his ease at the whole scenario and his efforts to make sure she felt included. On the way to their patio table, he even introduced her to a few of the celebrities. People she’d only seen on television or magazines. Yet, he was so at ease that it made her feel the same way. But she was thankful their table was in the corner and out of the way of the crowd.
“Oh, thank goodness,” Buffy muttered after they had sat down and she was perusing the menu. “Real food.”
“You mean you don’t like ordering stuff you have no idea of what it is because it’s all in French,” Xander said, leaning back in his chair. “Now, what kind of celebrity’s wife are you? Get with it, chickie.”
Casting an evil eye at Xander, Buffy said. “Will likes me just the way I am.” She sniffed and playfully stuck her nose in the air. “Besides it gives him an excuse not to go to those places. He’s happier with wings, beer, and pizza anyway.”
“And champagne?”
“That’s my drink.” She put a finger over her lips. “But don’t tell anyone. It’s our secret.”
“Hey, I’m not one to tell.”
“I know,” Buffy said, staring down at her clasped hands on her lap. She sighed, before looking back up at her companion. “You’ve been very loyal to Will. It’s one of the reasons he appreciates your friendship so much.”
It brought Xander back to the table. He leaned forward on his forearms. “Will’s been very loyal to me, too. We’ve gone through a lot together since we met, and I would never betray him.”
There was an intensity to Xander’s comment that shook Buffy to the core. It was another of his warnings to her. Not that she needed it. She knew she could never break up their friendship, not without seriously damaging her marriage. Sometimes the two men were so close it was like they were one person…or a couple. Buffy tilted her head, studying Xander as she gave the thought serious consideration. She knew they were roommates for years, and were almost inseparable even when they were married. Just like they were now. Hardly a day went by that they didn’t at least talk on the phone once.
“How close are you to my husband?” Buffy asked in a hushed tone, leaning forward herself. Forgotten was everything around them as she mirrored Xander’s pose. “Tell me, please, what exactly are your feelings for him? And his for you?”
A shadow fell over the table as the server came to take their order. They both moved back, still tense and the conversation not over as they chose their lunch. Buffy taking a vegetable salad while Xander picked a seafood plate, and then asked for a cocktail to take the place of the bottled water they’d been drinking. Once they were alone again, Xander played with his fork while still leaning back in his chair.
“Spike and I are like brothers,” Xander finally said without meeting her eyes. He rubbed his jaw. “We grew up together, did what we had to do to survive, and we’ve shared everything along the line, been there for each other, and kept each other’s asses out of the fire. If you want me to say it, then I will.” He looked up to meet Buffy’s gaze. “Yeah, I love him. I’m not ashamed of it. He’s been there for me when no one else has, and I’ll be there for him no matter what happens. Does that answer your question?”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, retreating. She recognized the fact that she’d pushed him as far as he would go, without the hostility returning between them. It was best if she kept him on friendly terms with her until she knew more. Maybe Xander wasn’t the one to worry about anyway. She shook her head, and wished she could get back to the journal, and maybe figure this all out so they could get on with their lives. “I’m sorry, Xander, I just love him so much, and,” she paused to give a shrug. “I’m like you; I just want him to be happy, you know?”
“I know, Buffster,” Xander teased, with a wink. “So, let’s declare the truce on the fact that we want to keep our boy happy.”
“Deal,” Buffy said, putting her hand out for Xander to shake. “Now, let’s talk shopping.”
Xander laughed. “Hey, still a guy here,” he said. “I’m taking you to Cordy. She can tell you anything you want to know about clothes. She is the Fashion Princess of Rodeo Drive.”
“She owns a store?” Buffy asked for clarification of a comment he’d made earlier along with this one. “Why didn’t she take me there, instead of the other places?”
“Actually, it’s her family’s store and it’s a men’s store,” Xander replied. “I think you’d be cute in guy’s apparel, but it might cause a scandal.”
This time they both laughed. They hurried through their meal, so they could head to Cordelia’s shop. Chase was one of the few independently owned stores left on Rodeo Drive, established by Cordelia’s grandfather; it had been passed down from one generation to the next. One day, she would be the sole proprietor of the establishment, trained since she was an infant for that exact purpose. For most, an appointment was required for shopping in the establishment, but as husband to the future of the store, Xander had no trouble by stepping that rule.
“Hello, Mr. Harris,” an impeccably groomed woman greeted them when they entered. She turned her smile to Buffy. “Welcome to Chase. My name is Natalie, and I’ll be helping you today.”
“Thank you,” Buffy said. She turned to Xander uncertain how to proceed; although she’d gained some insight, the day Cordelia had taken her shopping.
“She’s shopping for her husband,” Xander explained to the salesperson. “Casual stuff. He’s not much into suits.”
“Certainly,” Natalie said, with a nod. “Please come this way. “ She led them to a back section of the store where there were stacks of denim on various displays. “Did you have a particular designer in mind?”
“Uh, not really,” Buffy said, her eyes widening as she looked around. “Xan, does he have a preference?”
“Hi, sweetheart,” Cordelia said, stepping out from a door marked Employees Only. “I’ll take over, Natalie. Thank you.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Natalie replied, before scurrying off.
Without being aware of it, Buffy stepped closer to Xander upon the appearance of his wife. The other woman was so coiffed that Buffy felt frumpy beside her. Plus, her attitude was giving Buffy the impression that Cordelia was better than she was. It made her uncomfortable.
“Hi baby,” Xander said, accepting his wife’s kiss. “Didn’t mean to leave you out, but you weren’t on the floor, so I thought you were busy.” He gave an easy shrug. “We’re shopping for Will.”
“Of course,” Cordelia said, finally acknowledging Buffy. “It’s always a woman’s right to mark her man with the clothes she prefers.” She smiled, even if it was a bit thin as if she was forcing it. “I’ve done the same thing.”
“Thanks, Cordy, I appreciate the help,” Buffy responded, trying to smile herself. “He just never bothers to get himself anything, and I thought I’d help out.” Self-conscience, she played with a pile of jeans beside her. “I’m just not sure what designers are what.”
“That’s not a problem,” Cordelia chuckled. “Men don’t care as long as they’re comfortable. She took Buffy’s hand. “Don’t worry, sweetie, we’ll find what you want to see him in and he won’t mind wearing. I’m thinking Just Cavealli, or maybe True Religion, they’re already broken in, which Spike will like. Let me grab a couple of each and we’ll go from there.”
It was almost three hours later by the time they’d finished shopping. Laden with bags filled with almost a dozen jeans, and twice as many t-shirts and shirts, they were heading back to Sanctuary. They’d also fit in a quick stop to pick up the champagne and some deli items for dinner. Xander was insisting he was staying since he’d gotten his favorites, and Buffy was telling him the celebration was for two when they stumbled off the elevator. Both were laughing as they made their way into the living room where they found Spike waiting for them.
“Hey, man,” Xander exclaimed. “Your wife is a shopping machine.”
Buffy dropped her bags and ran over to Will expecting him to embrace her, but he didn’t. Instead, he stopped her with hands on her waist, and then put her behind him.
“Will, what’s wrong?” Buffy asked, putting her hand on his arm, but he ignored her. He was directing all of his energy on his friend.
“I won’t share Buffy with you,” Spike practically snarled. “She’s off limits. Do you understand?”
“Will, we went shopping,” Buffy said, pulling on him when he took a step toward a stunned Xander. “For stuff for you. It wasn’t a big deal.”
She’d never witnessed this kind of tension between the two men before. It was a revelation that she didn’t understand.
“Yeah, Spike,” Xander replied, standing his ground, and clenching his hands at his sides. “It wasn’t a big deal. I was trying to be friendly for your sake. Thought it was what you wanted.”
“Giles called me,” Spike said, shaking Buffy off and taking another step. “It seems there are already photos up for sale. Photos of the two of you, having lunch, shopping, and whatever the hell else you two were up to today.”
“Will, how could you think I would be doing anything wrong?” Buffy asked, scurrying to stand between the men. She grabbed Spike’s shoulders, shaking him to gain his attention. “I love you. Nothing happened. It’s like Xander said, we were just trying to be friends.”
“No one is Xander’s friend,” Will barked. He looked down at her. One hand wrapped in her hair, tilting her head back so the other hand could cup her face. “Did he tell you that he was fucking Drusilla behind my back? He was.” His thumb caressed her cheek. “I swear if you ever cheat on me, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” Buffy asked, trembling from the chills that were rioting through her body. “You’ll kill me?”
“No, I’ll kill me,” Will whispered. “I can’t live through that again.”
to be continued…