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Chapter 30 – Truths



Buffy hated hospitals.

When she was a child, her playmate died while recovering from the flu in a pediatric ward. Her intense dislike carried over to doctors. The coldness, the inhuman approach to examinations, and the feeling of exposing oneself to a near stranger only added to the feeling. Those deeply seated reasons were why Buffy had brought Tara along with her to the appointment with Dr. Rosenberg.

She pushed aside the hem of the robe so she could scratch at her knee. It was a relief that she didn’t have to wear a paper gown. It was just one of the signs showing the doctor cared about the comfort of her patients. The examination room wasn’t the typical cold and sterile environment of most. A couple of pillows were on the bench in the corner and there were wicker baskets for the used gowns and for the trash. Of course, some things couldn’t be friendly no matter how you dressed them up.

Leaving her knee alone, Buffy played with the end of a stirrup still tucked into the table. It clacked against the metal and she swung her legs in time with the noise. Her actions made Tara giggle. Buffy glanced up at her friend and smiled.

“Hey, anything to make the nervousness go away,” Buffy said. “I’m just glad that Harmony is only the receptionist. If she’d turned out to be the nurse to take my vitals, I think I would have run.”

“You wouldn’t have had a chance,” Tara agreed, with a slight roll of her eyes. “I would have dragged you out of here.” She shuddered. “She was scaring me with all her talk about you being the new Mrs. Nagle and how much Drusilla was missed.”

“If Dr. Rosenberg is anything like her office help, I’ll find someone else.”

The only thing she needed today was the answer to the pregnancy question. After that, she could find someone else to take her through to term, and if she wasn’t then she had all the time needed to find someone she liked.

“Hello,” a cheerful voice said from around the opening door. The next second a petite redhead appeared. She smiled at Buffy, and gave another hello to Tara. Buffy relaxed a little at the doctor’s friendly demeanor. In her arms, the doctor carried a chart that she put down on the counter. “How are you doing today, Buffy?”

“I’m okay, Dr. Rosenberg.”

“Please, call me Willow,” the doctor said with a wave of her hand and a broad smile.

“All right, Willow,” Buffy said, relaxing a little bit more under the doctor’s warm gaze. Despite where the recommendation had come from, she felt that Willow was very different from the snobs who were some of her clientele. “This is my friend, Tara.” Buffy added, nodding toward her friend.

“Nice to meet you,” Willow said, casting another smile toward Tara. There was no indication that she didn’t approve of the visitor. Instead, Willow leaned against the counter, opening the file to scan for information before looking back up at Buffy. “So you came to find out if you were pregnant?”

“Yeah, I’ve skipped a period, and that’s not usual for me.”

“Did you take a home pregnancy test?”

Buffy shook her head. It had never occurred to her to buy one. She felt like an idiot. “I, no, I didn’t even think about it.”

“That’s fine,” Dr. Rosenberg said. She patted Buffy’s hand. “Not everything is accurate and a physical as well as a blood test are still the most effective ways of positively detecting pregnancy. What do you say to getting all the necessary stuff out of the way?”

Willow spent the next few minutes doing a routine physical examination; listening to Buffy’s heart and lungs, a breast exam and then the dreaded pelvic. Tara held her hand all the way through it to give her support, while Willow kept up a running conversation about the news, weather, and Hollywood gossip. Buffy knew the inane talk was meant to help her deal with the embarrassment and nerves. It made her appreciate the doctor even more.

“Okay, sit up,” Dr. Rosenberg said, slipping off her gloves. She smiled, her eyes twinkling in delight as she continued, “From the pregnancy test and the physical, I can say without a doubt that you’re pregnant, Buffy. I hope this is a happy event for you.”

“Oh my god,” Buffy squealed, her hand immediately going to her lower belly. “I’m having a baby.” She bounced, reaching out to hug Tara. “I’m going to be a mommy.”

“Congratulations,” Tara said, squeezing her hard.

“It’s always good to see someone so happy to be pregnant,” Dr. Rosenberg said, reaching for the chart to make notations.

“I know Drusilla wasn’t,” Buffy said, looking down and clutching her hands together. “Poor Will is going to be so happy about this, or at least I hope he will be.”

Dr. Rosenberg covered her hands with one of her own small ones. “Don’t let the past get in the way of your happiness. Maybe it wasn’t the time for them to have children, and that’s the reason he didn’t want Dru to take the baby to term.”

“What?” Buffy exclaimed, her brow furrowing in confusion. “She was going to have an abortion?”

“Oh dear, I’ve said something I shouldn’t have,” Dr. Rosenberg stood, her face flushed. “It was wrong of me…I just thought that…well because of what you said, I thought you were worried your husband didn’t want this child.”

“No, no,” Buffy said, turning to look at the wall as the tears filled her eyes. An innocent life was gone; a life that its father never knew existed. If Will had even been the father of Drusilla’s child. “It’s one of the few things that doesn’t worry me. He’ll want this child,” Buffy said with enough determination to convince even herself.

Dr. Rosenberg look confused for a moment, and then finally said, “Good. I’m glad to hear that. It will make things much easier for you to have his full support during the pregnancy.”

“Drusilla was wrong,” Buffy grabbed Willow’s hand. “I don’t know everything, but I do know that Will didn’t know the child existed. He would never…,” Buffy wiped at her face with the back of her free hand. “I don’t understand how, I mean how could she just destroy a life like that? A baby her husband would have wanted no matter what she said.”

“Don’t upset yourself,” Willow said, squeezing her hand. “It’s not good for you. I’m going to have the nurse bring in some pamphlets on early pregnancy and I’ll write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. If you want to find someone else under the circumstances I understand, but I would love to have you for a patient.”

“Thank you for your help,” Buffy said, sliding off the table. “And I’ll be back. You were really nice and understanding, especially about having a friend with me.”

“You’re not the only patient who doesn’t like to be alone and wants a little moral support,” Willow said, opening the door. “It’s something you and the first Mrs. Nagle have in common.”

Buffy stood stunned, unable to move as she realized what Willow’s last comment meant. There were only two women Drusilla would have trusted enough to take to the doctor. Jenny or Cordelia. And she’d bet everything she had that it was Cordelia.

“Don’t, Buffy,” Tara said, with a touch of admonishment to her voice. “You promised Will you wouldn’t dig around anymore. Let it go. Just be happy that you’re pregnant, and I just know this will be what brings Will around. Drusilla is gone.”

“I know,” Buffy said, sighing as she reached for her clothes.

And she did know, but a part of her didn’t want to let it go. She was angry for her husband even if he had no clue what was going on. It wasn’t right that he wasn’t given a choice about the baby. Maybe Drusilla knew it wasn’t Will’s child, and that was why she was planning an abortion. Or maybe it hadn’t mattered who the father was, only that she didn’t want to be a mother. Her hand covered her stomach again as she wondered how anyone couldn’t want a baby with the man they loved.

Buffy promised herself and her baby that she would only do what was best for them and Will. No one or nothing else was going to come between them. She smiled at Tara.

“You’re right and I intend to keep my promise. This baby is going to come first no matter what. The past is over with and Will and I have a promising future together with our baby. I can’t wait to tell him the news.”

Pushing all the questions and doubts aside, Buffy allowed a bubble of happiness to engulf her in its soft prism of joy. She thought about holding her child, Spike’s joy and happiness when he held their baby for the first time, and she even allowed herself to think about decorating a nursery and what theme she’d like for her baby. She smiled at nothing in particular on the ride home from the doctor.

Suddenly her phone rang, startling both Tara and her, and she quickly rummaged through her purse to find it. Buffy groaned when she saw it was Cordelia, but answered it anyway with a terse hello.

“How did your doctor visit go?” Cordelia asked in a concerned voice that didn’t do anything but make Buffy suspicious.

“Everything’s fine,” Buffy said, with as much cheeriness she could muster for the other woman. “Thank you for the recommendation. Dr. Rosenberg is wonderful.”

“Look, I know you’re on the way home, but I was wondering if you could come by my house first. Spike left his jacket here the other day and I thought you’d like to take it to him.”

“I’m kind of in a hurry. Can it wait?”

“No, I really think you should come now,” Cordelia said. “Or I could call and talk to Spike.”

“About the jacket?”

“Don’t be obtuse, Buffy,” Cordelia said in an exasperated tone. “You and I need to talk about a few things. We may as well get it over with now or Spike could find out some things you wouldn’t want him to learn.”

“Will and I don’t have any secrets,” Buffy said, trying to bluff so she wouldn’t have to face Cordelia until after Will knew about the pregnancy. Despite the certainty or hopefulness of Cordy not knowing anything that could put her and Will’s relationship in jeopardy coldness curled in Buffy’s stomach. She didn’t want to take the chance of losing him when everything was finally within reach.

“Bullshit. Get your ass over here now or I’ll make sure your marriage is over. Who the hell is your precious Will going to believe? You or me?”

Buffy closed her eyes as Cordelia hung up on her. She could bluff, pray and bargain, but she wasn’t sure that Will would choose her over the others. Her former joy was replaced with a sick feeling, and tears sprang to her eyes. She quickly explained to Tara what the other end of the conversation entailed, and then asked to be taken the Harris’s house.

“Don’t listen to that bitch. You know he would choose you,” Tara said, pulling into a parking lot so she could turn around. “Don’t doubt his love for you, and the strength of truth is on your side.”

If only she could believe it.


to be continued…





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