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Chapter Five

"You what?"

Looking at Wes now with his eyebrows furrowed and the way he said ‘what' as if he couldn't believe what she'd just said, Buffy had a feeling inviting Spike to their party was the wrong thing to do. She opened her mouth to speak, but Wes continued on.

"And you went to meet him? Without telling me?"

"It was a spur of the moment thing. I didn't even want to do it and I didn't want—you know what, I don't know why I didn't tell you, I just didn't. I'm telling you now though, doesn't that count for something?"

"I don't know. Tell me, if a wife tells her husband after her affair, does that count for something?" And he stalked off, leaving Buffy open mouthed.

She jumped up and went after him a second later. "Wesley!" She yelled after him, finally managing to catch him in his study.

He spun to her, "what Buffy? What do you want to tell me now? Or not tell me as the case may be?"

She pointed at him, "you're being dumb."

"Am I? You go to see your first love, the man you have incredible history with, the one you planned to spend the rest of your life with, the one you conceived a child with and you don't tell me until AFTER you invite him into OUR home for a party with OUR friends?"

Buffy stopped, dropping her hand. She bit her bottom lip. "Okay, when you put it that way. .
. " She decided to leave out the fact that Xander and Willow had been Spike's friends too once upon a time.

"Thank you!"

"I'm sorry Wesley. I am. I really am. I didn't think. I wasn't thinking."

"You forget that we're a team Buffy. I'm not saying that you have to ask my permission to go out with Xander or Willow or if you want to go shopping. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that when it comes to things like meeting Spike, who holds a hugely significant part of your life, that I'd rather prefer you tell me about it."

"So you could stop me from seeing him? He told me you played the boyfriend card when you met him," she was feeling a little defensive and it came through in her voice. Mainly because she knew he was right.

Wesley sighed and took off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose and perching himself on the edge of his desk. "I wouldn't have stopped you from seeing him. I think working through your past with him is a wonderful thing to do. I wanted you to talk about it."

"To you, not to him necessarily."

He shot her a look. "All right so I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of my girlfriend talking to the man who held her heart for so long."

"That's it right there, Wesley. Held. Past tense."

Wesley looked at her helplessly, "I can't help it if I act crazy when it comes to you, Buffy. I love you and I worry about you. You've come so far from the girl I met so long ago. I just fear that his presence will stir things up for you."

"That's inevitable Wes. He already did, but you see, it's a good thing." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself up against him in a hug that was meant to be comforting. "As much as I might fight it tooth and nail, it's a good thing."

He gave her a wry smile.

"There's so much baggage there between Spike and I, there's no way we could ever possibly pick up where we left off. We're different people now, we're not in high school, we're not naïve and stupid, we both lost a lot of that innocence and the rush of first loves. Trust me when I say it's over."

Wesley leaned forward and rested his forehead on her shoulder. "I'm usually not a jealous man. You must bring it out in me."

She smiled mischievously and brought his head up. "I wonder what else I can bring out," and she leaned in for a kiss.


FLASHBACK: Ten years before

"We'll be happy won't we?" Buffy asked Spike as they lay on the soft green grass, staring up at the clouds in the bluest sky Buffy had ever seen.

Spike turned his head to look at her, "are you kidding? Happy? We'll be so happy it'll be like everyday is a holiday."

She giggled, " you're so inventive you always find a reason to celebrate."

"And now that my girl is having my baby, I'll be celebrating everyday. Think of it Buffy. We'll go to school during the day and meet at home where we'll relieve our nanny. We'll make dinner, play with our child and send him off to bed while we spend our nights in front of a roaring fire making love."

"No studying?" She teased.

"Well, we'll squeeze that in somewhere," he grinned devilishly and rested his head on her
belly. "I wonder if I strain hard enough I can hear its heartbeat."

Buffy ruffled her fingers through his bleached locks. "I love you."

His head popped up and he grinned. "I love you too." He leaned in and kissed her and then
laid his head back down on her belly. "And when we get married, it'll be the biggest event that
England has ever seen."

Buffy smiled dreamily. "You make everything always sound so perfect."

"Because it will be Buffy. How could it not be? It's us. We're perfect for each other. Meant
to be." His head popped up to look at her again, his blue eyes sparkling in their intensity. "You're
mine, right?"

She nodded, caressing the side of his face tenderly. "I'm yours."

"And I'm yours. Forever."


END FLASHBACK


Spike shot up in bed, a cold sweat breaking over him, the words of the dream ringing in his
ears. It felt as if it'd just happened yesterday. What he felt, the intensity of it, the desire the yearning, the desperation. . . he couldn't say when the last time he had felt something like that because, well, he knew. The last time he felt anything like that was with Buffy. Sure he'd had flings since then but nothing could have compared to what he had felt for Buffy. She had captured his heart and his soul from the start and she'd held it firmly in her grasp.

He'd be lying if he didn't admit that he'd felt her pull the heart strings when he finally saw her after so long. She'd grown into a woman. A woman wise beyond her years. She had a hard edge to her than she hadn't had before. It was intriguing.

Crawling out of bed, Spike made his way to hotel's bathroom—having not found a place of his own just yet—and got himself a glass of water. He'd worked hard to make sure he wouldn't have to worry much about finances and being a vagabond if situations called for it. His situation at the moment called for it. He still wasn't sure if staying in the same city as Buffy was a good idea.

He walked to the window and pushed the curtains back, staring at the parking lot and found himself wondering what would have happened if Buffy hadn't lost the baby. Would their dreams still have come true or would something else have ripped them apart? Would her parents have had him arrested for getting her pregnant or would they have been able to come to a solution to please everyone?

They'd never know, would they? That was the saddest thing of all. Not knowing what could have happened. He knew that he would have followed Buffy to the ends of the Earth and that everything he'd said to her that day, he'd meant.

Running a hand through his springy curls, Spike wondered for the hundredth time
what the hell he was doing. Why didn't he just leave LA and leave Buffy in peace? Was he crazy for thinking they could work through this? Oh, he had had so much conviction when it came to telling her what they needed to do, but the emotions and the memories that were creeping back in. . . well, it wasn't what he'd expected. He'd expected there to be some tears, some hugs, forgiveness and then they'd move on. He hadn't expected to FEEL so damn much! And then what would they do once they'd made peace with each other? Be friends? Or would they simply go their separate ways and when they passed each other on the street, they'd smile and nod as they continued on their merry way. Spike clutched his heart. He didn't like that idea. The shining, bright girl he'd been in love with was calling to him and she wouldn't settle for anything less than his heart and his soul. That girl. . . she was in the new Buffy somewhere, but did he want to risk uncovering her? Had he already started to? He shook his head.

"What the hell am I doing?"




Buffy was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling with her hand over her belly wondering when her mind would stop showing her the past long enough for her to get some sleep. She looked over at Wesley and smiled softly at his sleeping form, one arm slung across her waist as he slumbered on his stomach. He was so handsome and sweet. So good to her. They'd made themselves a good life and she was comfortable with the way things were. She had been afloat and on a steady course. Now though, she felt the boat shift just a little bit and if it kept up at this rate, would she find herself flung over the side, over her head in water? Sighing she looked back up at the ceiling. She wondered if Tara could squeeze her in this week as sort of an emergency situation. Buffy shook her head and rubbed her temples. Get a grip girl. You don't need to lean on Tara like that. You have to do this on your own. It's a party for crying out loud! Just a party.

Oh God, she needed a life jacket. NOW.





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