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Chapter 17


Buffy walked into her history class with trepidation. She had talked her
mother into letting her skip the rest of the previous week, saying she was
sick. It wasn’t far from the truth. Now she had to face up to a part of
her life and try to put it behind her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to
accomplish that in one day, but she had the rest of the school year to come
to terms with her feelings. Unfortunately.

Buffy walked through the doorway, feeling Spike’s eyes on her immediately.
She avoided him as she sat down in her usual seat, turning and making
pleasant conversation with Willow until the bell rang. She could see the
look on Willow’s face and knew that her friend was getting worried about
her.

Spike began class, but Buffy could tell his mind was elsewhere. She turned
her eyes away every time he looked in her direction, pretending to be taking
notes. Spike lectured for half an hour before announcing that they would
get some free time before the bell rang. Buffy watched as he grabbed a
stack of papers from his desk and began to hand them back to the students.
She unconsciously shied away from him when he passed her, a move that
did not go unnoticed by Spike as he placed a paper facedown on her desk, and
he felt his stomach tighten at the simple act.

Buffy looked at the piece of paper and felt herself go pale at the note
written in pencil.

‘We need to talk.’

‘I can’t,’ Buffy thought, trying to ward off a panic attack. ‘I’m doing
well by just being here. He can’t expect me to talk to him after…’

She could see him watching her as the bell rang. Gathering her strength as
she stood up, she gave Spike a pointed look before crumpling the paper in
her hand. They had nothing to talk about. It had all been said the other
night. She continued to ball it up as she walked by his desk and tossed it
in the trash can, looking away as she followed Willow out of the room.

Spike sighed when the last person walked out, dropping his head into his
hands as the door shut, leaving him in silence.

The last week had been hell for Spike, and he wanted to make sure Buffy was
okay. He had been relieved to see that she was in school that day, but it
did nothing to dissuade his concerns when she ignored him for most of the
day.

He hated himself for what he was putting her through…for what he was putting
himself through, but it couldn’t change anything.

Above all else, Spike was grateful that Giles had enough trust and respect
to come to him instead of immediately going to Snyder. He made a bad
situation more bearable. Spike couldn’t live with himself if his affair
with Buffy had hurt her future in any way. He was prepared to suffer the
consequences for his actions, but he would be damned if he dragged her down
with him.

* * * * *

Buffy sat with Willow a few days later, having a much needed girl’s night
for Buffy’s birthday. Ever since Buffy’s affair with Spike, she felt like
she’d been neglecting her best friend. Willow and Xander had embraced a
tentative relationship since Homecoming, and tonight was the first night the
two girls even got to talk about anything personal in months. It felt good
to relax with some cheesy eighties movies and not have to think about her
Spike-related problems. At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

“Okay, Buffy, spill it.”

Buffy turned to Willow, a surprised look on her face. “Spill what?”

“I know you’ve been keeping something from me, and I’ve been playing the good
friend role by not pushing, but you’ve become really withdrawn and depressed
this week, and I want to know why.”

Buffy stared in shock. Should she tell her? It would definitely lift a
very pressing weight from her shoulders and hopefully let the healing
process begin. That’s what Buffy needed. She needed to put distance
between Spike and herself, and who better to help with that than her
trustworthy best friend.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“You know I can,” Willow replied, turning her full attention to her friend.

“I’ve been seeing somebody…at least I was, until recently.”

“Buffy, why didn’t you tell me?” Willow asked softly, her voice full of
concern, wondering what could have happened to cause this big of a change.

“Because it’s kind of…illegal.”

Willow’s eyes widened. “You’re not seeing a drug dealer, are you?” she asked
in a panicked voice.

Buffy had to smile at her friend. “No, Wills. Not that kind of illegal.
He’s…older.”

“Oh,” Willow said with relief before her eyes widened. “Ooooh.”

“Yeah…and that’s not all.”

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, but I’ll keep it a secret if you
need to talk about it.”

“It’s Mr. Bradley,” Buffy squeaked before burying her head in a pillow.

Willow sat in stunned silence for several long minutes. “Our history
teacher?” she asked quietly, needing it to be confirmed.

Buffy raised her flushed face to look at her friend. “Yeah,” she said
softly before putting on a fake, cheery face. “So, tell me about you and
Xander.”

“Uh uh, no way you’re getting out of this one, missy. You’re going to talk
to me. Now, when did this start?”

“A few months ago, around the start of the school year,” Buffy murmured.
“He…he ended it…a few days ago.”

“That’s why you really weren’t in school? I thought you were sick.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said in a choked voice as her emotions started overwhelming
her.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Buffy shrugged, biting her lip. “I keep hoping it will get better…it
hasn’t.”

Willow wrapped a comforting arm around Buffy’s shoulders. “Did you love
him?”

“I do,” Buffy said as tears streamed down her face. “I love him so much
and…”

Buffy trailed off as she took a deep breath, trying to get the strength to
say what she needed to say. “Willow, I’m pregnant.”





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