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Joyce stood outside the door, nervously waiting for when she could go back in. She knew she had to address the situation at hand, but she was unsure of what to say. She knew Buffy had been with at least Angel in the past, and she wasn't naïve enough to think that her daughter was going to spend her college years abjuring the company of men, but Spike? Sure, Joyce liked him despite the fact that he was a vampire, but was he wanted for her daughter? She'd objected to Buffy's relationship with Angel for many reasons, the least of which not being that he was a vampire. Besides, when she'd left only a couple of days earlier, Buffy and Spike had been at each other's throats, and now they were…well, something else. Could such a relationship be good for Buffy?

The door opened and Spike walked out, running his hand through his ruffled hair. He shifted nervously, and Joyce was glad he looked embarrassed at least. She wouldn't have appreciated smugness from him. "You wanted to talk to us?" he asked, not looking at her in the face.

"Yes, I do. Is Buffy, um, dressed?"

"Yeah, she is." Spike left out the fact that the reason it had taken as long as it did to open the door was that a few, um, articles of Buffy's clothing had ended up missing.

Joyce nodded and followed Spike back into the room. Buffy was sitting on the edge of the bed, only giving her mother a quick glance before starting down at the floor again, her face bright red. "Well, I guess it would be an understatement to say I'm surprised," Joyce began. "When I left, you two wanted to kill each other. How did this happen?"

Buffy and Spike shared a quick glance. How had this happened? "I don't know," Buffy said softly.

"We haven't really had that conversation yet," Spike said. He understood Joyce's concern, but he wished she wasn't doing this now. Whatever it was he had with Buffy, it was still fragile. If Joyce made her overanalyze it now, Spike could lose Buffy before he had a chance to make things stronger between them.

"Don't you think maybe you should have before you just jumped into bed?" Joyce asked. "This was very irresponsible of both of you."

Spike's jaw ticked. He didn't want to start anything with her, but she was overstepping her boundaries. Yes, Buffy was her daughter, but he was an adult. Much more so than Joyce in fact. She certainly didn't need to be talking to him as if he were a child. He started to speak, when Buffy's head shot up.

"Mom, I have two words for you—police car."

Joyce's eyes widened. "Buffy…that was the candy, and…"

"No! God, Mom, I'm sorry you walked in on that, but Spike and I are both old enough to make our own decisions about this, okay? Yeah, it might have been a little rash, but it's not like it was unsafe or something. We were two consenting adults."

"But this is crazy, Buffy! I know I told you to be a little nicer to him, but this isn't quite what I meant."

"I know. Look, we really can't answer any of your questions right now. I know you're confused, but so am I, and I bet Spike is, too. So let's just drop it."

"Drop it? Buffy, I can't just drop it! I came home to find my daughter having sex with another vampire." At the hurt look on Spike's face, Joyce added, "Yes, I do like you better than Angel, Spike, but that doesn't change what I want for my daughter. I want her to be able to live a normal life, not…"

Buffy stood up, causing Joyce to stop abruptly. "What about what I want?"

Joyce blinked. "Is…is being with Spike what you want?"

Buffy crossed her hands over her chest defiantly. "It could be," she said, her chin slightly raised.

Spike looked back and forth between the two women, and let a small grin form on his lips. He knew Buffy was just claiming to want him because her mother had said otherwise, but he still liked hearing it.

"Buffy, you can't honestly think this is a good idea!"

"Well, I do!" Buffy replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm sure Spike is hungry. I'm going to get him some blood."

Spike blinked. Wait, she was leaving him alone with her mother? That wasn't good. "Uh, pet, you don't…" Buffy was already gone. "Bollocks," Spike muttered under his breath.

Joyce looked over at Spike. "You know this isn't good for Buffy."

"That's her call, Joyce," Spike replied. "Not mine."

"If you really do care about her, you should want what's best for her."

"Again, not my call. Look, I know what you're trying to do, and I can appreciate it, but as you said earlier, I'm not Angel. I'm not going to run off because I can't even give Buffy a normal life. Buffy's never going to have a normal life. She can't. She's the Slayer, Joyce. I know that's something you don't fully understand, but I do. I've come up against more than one Slayer in my life, and I understand them. I know what makes 'em tick. Buffy will never be happy with normal. Even if she thinks she wants it, it won't be enough for her. She needs someone who can be her equal. I'm not saying that I'm necessarily what's best for her either, but that's for Buffy to decide—and if she decides I'm what she wants, I'm not going to tell her no. You think Angel's leaving really did her any good? Do you have any idea how emotionally scarred your daughter is? God, this morning she was amazed that I was just here. Not that I still wanted her, or that I didn't treat her badly the morning after, but that I simply had the decency not to make her wake up alone. Do you really think that it would be good for her to have another man just walk out of her life?"

Surprise had come to Joyce's face as Spike spoke, and for a moment, she had nothing to say. Finally, she replied. "I…I had no idea. About Buffy…I just thought." She sighed. "I want her to be happy."

"So do I. And I am sorry you saw what you saw. I know that's something you could've gone your whole life without seeing."

Joyce chuckled. "Yes, it was. I'll…knock next time."

"Probably for the best."

"I don't approve."

"I know."

Buffy came back into the bedroom then, carrying a mug for Spike. Joyce walked towards the door. "I'll…I'll let you two talk. But I want your clothes on. Understood?"

"Yes, mother," Buffy replied.

"Clothes on," Joyce said one more time before shutting the door.

Buffy handed Spike the mug, then sat cross-legged on the end of the bed, not looking up at him. Spike set the mug on the bedside table, then sat behind her, rubbing her shoulders. "Are you going to be okay?"

Buffy leaned into his hands. "If you keep doing that, quite possibly," she replied. "You've got great hands."

"I thought I had already more than proved that."

Buffy smiled slightly. "Behave yourself. My mother meant that 'clothes on' thing."

"You poor little naïve girl," Spike said, kissing her neck. "There are so many things we can do without removing a single stitch of clothing."

Buffy shivered at that, but restrained from taking him up on the offer. "We…we need to talk."

Spike's hands dropped to his sides. This was it. Buffy was going to give him a nice little "this is wrong" speech, and that would be that. He thought for a second that maybe he should beg, but decided against it. Maybe he could at least get through this with a bit of his pride intact.

Buffy turned around so that she was facing him. "I know that this shouldn't have happened. I mean, Slayer and vampire—kinda wrong here. And before you say anything, I realize Angel was a vampire, too. But this—this can never be what I had with Angel."

Spike looked up sharply at that, and Buffy saw the pain in his eyes. "Buffy…"

"Let me finish, okay? What Angel and I had was special. He was my first love. But I'm not sure if that's really what I want now. I mean, I thought Angel was all I'd ever want, and that if ever left I'd just die, but…but he left, and I'm still alive. And despite the extreme wrongness that is this, I felt something with you last night, Spike. Something that I haven't felt since Angel, and that I still didn't get a lot with him. Something I've been desperately searching for with Riley, but unable to find. And this is all really scaring me, because two days ago I was so sure I hated you, and then you had to go throw everything off with your life saving and wood chopping, and…why are you so quiet? You're never quiet. That's scary, too."

Spike smiled at her, taking her chin in his hand and tilting her face up. "Didn't want to interrupt you, pet. Kinda liked what you were saying."

"So how do you feel about all this?"

"You make me feel alive, Buffy. And seeing as my heart stopped beating over a century ago, that's quite an accomplishment. And yeah, I get that this should be wrong, but bloody hell woman, I want you."

"But what's going to happen if we do this, Spike? You saw how my mom acted. And my friends—Giles—they're all going to freak."

"Sod 'em. The only people who matter in a relationship, Buffy, are the ones in it."

"Is that what this is? A relationship?"

"Do you want it to be?"

"I don't know. That's the problem."

Spike took her hand, stroking it with his thumb. "How do you feel about me, Buffy?"

"I…I used to hate you. But then, well, these past couple days, I…I think I started liking you. That's insane, isn't it? You can't go from hate to like in two days, can you?"

Spike tucked her hair behind her ear. "I did. Granted, I've wanted you since the beginning, but I didn't like you." He winked.

"I just know this is going to blow up in my face," Buffy said. "I mean, I have this horrible dating track record as it is, and if I get involved with my former mortal enemy, isn't that just begging for trouble?"

"Maybe not. Maybe it's exactly what that track record of yours needs."

Buffy frowned. "How do you figure?"

"Well, dating people you didn't want to kill—at first, anyway—hasn't worked out for you. So they way I see it, maybe you need to switch tactics."

Buffy smirked. "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard."

"I don't know. I think a Slayer managing to get two vampires to fall in love with her is pretty crazy in itself." Spike didn't realize what he'd said until Buffy turned completely pale and pulled away from him.

"What did you just say?"

"Um…nothing. Just a, um, figure of speech."

"No, that is not a figure of speech. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse—that's a figure of speech. What you just said, that's…" Buffy stood. "I can't. This is too much."

"Buffy, wait! I'm sorry. It just slipped out, okay? Can't we just forget I said it?"

"No! I can't just forget something like that." She stepped back. "I can't believe I was even considering… This is not going to happen, Spike."

Spike completely forgot his earlier decision not to beg. Things had been going so well, and now she was changing her mind? He cursed himself and his uncanny ability to always say exactly the wrong thing. "Buffy, please. Just give this a chance. It…it could work."

"No, it couldn't. I'm sorry, Spike, but I just can't go through this again."

"Again? Dammit, Buffy, we already established I'm not Angel! I can give you what you need. Really, I can."

"No. You can't. Look, Spike, last night was good, but it was just one night. It's not going to happen again. I don't want it to"

Spike looked at her, pain in eyes. "Buffy…"

"No." Buffy left him then, and Spike lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Well, mate, that could've gone a lot better," he muttered to himself.

*** *** ***

Joyce found Buffy a little while later, sitting on the back porch, staring out into space. "Did you have a talk with Spike?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"I decided it's better if we don't take things any further," Buffy replied tersely.

"I think that's for the best. I mean, as far as vampires go, Spike seems okay, but he's really not what I want for you."

"I know, Mom. He's not what I want for me either." Buffy felt her heart clench at her own words. She could still feel the ghost of Spike's touch on her skin, and it was so hard to resist the urge to run back in the cabin and crawl into his arms.

Joyce kissed the top of her daughter's head. "I know this is difficult, Buffy, but it's for the best."

"I know. I'll be in in a little bit, okay?"

Joyce took the hint that Buffy wanted some time alone. "Okay, honey. I'll be inside if you want to talk."

"Thanks, Mom."

Joyce walked back into the cabin, leaving Buffy alone with the snow and her thoughts.

*** *** ***

Spike paced restlessly in his room. This was not how he imagined things ever turning out with the Slayer. He wished Joyce had just stayed in Sunnydale. Then he could still be in bed with Buffy right now.

Or maybe they should've just left him in Sunnydale. Things would've been much better for him if he hadn't come here, whether he would've known it or not. Sure, he wouldn't have gotten that one incredible night with the Slayer, but he figured the aftermath of that was going to be more than he wanted to deal with. Especially since he'd let that damn "love" thing slip.

It wasn't like he'd even meant it. He didn't love the Slayer. That was too ridiculous to even consider. He loved Drusilla. She was his dark princess, the face of his salvation. He would love her until he was dust.

But then why had he barely thought about Drusilla at all in weeks? Why were all his thoughts wrapped up in the Slayer? She was all he thought about, dreamt about. And as much as he wanted it to be about killing her, it wasn't. He wanted to touch her, kiss her, feel her beneath him.

It was then that Spike had a revelation.

He was in love with her. He was in love with the bloody Slayer.

In all his years of being love's bitch, this had to be the clincher.

Spike sat back down on the bed, staring at the wall. Why did these things happen to him? Why did he always fall for women who would never care for him as much as he did them? He felt suddenly as pathetic as he did his last night as William, tearing up his poetry, tears stinging in his eyes as he played back Cecily's harsh words over and over again in his mind. He was there again, wearing his pathetic heart on his sleeve, all but begging for it to be crushed under the boot heel of a woman who would never see him as anything but beneath her.

He grumbled to himself, lying back on the bed. At least he had one thought that could marginally cheer him up.

Now that he'd gone and used the word "love" to Buffy, maybe she'd finally get around to staking him.

*** *** ***

Somehow, Buffy had forgotten how horribly uncomfortable this couch was. It was fine during the day, a perfectly comfortable place to curl up on for a Christmas movie overload, but as soon as she tried to sleep on it, it grew painful, hard bumps she swore hadn't been there earlier.

She sat up, pounding the cushions. "Damn demon couch," she muttered. "Why'd we have to get a cabin with only two beds?"

She looked back over at Spike's bedroom. He hadn't left it after their conversation, not even for blood. She kept seeing his face as he begged her to give them a chance. Never before in her life had she felt guilty for hurting Spike. But before, it had always been physical. Where was the bad in a vampire Slayer hitting a vampire?

This time, she'd hurt him emotionally. Despite their past, she didn't really have the right to hurt him like that. The way he'd looked at her when she'd told him that it wasn't going to work, it was just like…

Buffy suddenly felt sick to her stomach. That look on his face was just like the one she'd had when Parker had told her their night together had just been "fun." Even if she hadn't meant to let things get to that point with Spike, the result had still been the same. She knew what he was feeling now, and it made Buffy ill to think she'd done that to anyone, even Spike.

She got up then, walking to the bedroom and slowly peeking in. "Spike?" she whispered. "You awake?"

"What do you want?" he snapped, still lying on the bed, not turning to look at her.

"I…I wanted to apologize," Buffy said, coming into the room and shutting the door behind her. "The way I treated you today was wrong."

Spike turned his head, giving her a puzzled look. "Have I gone completely daft, or did the high and mighty Buffy the Vampire Slayer actually just apologize to me."

"Yes, I did. And you don't have to be an ass about it." Buffy played with one of the buttons on her pajamas. "I…I didn't mean to use you, and I know that's probably what it looks like. Things just moved really quickly last night, and I…I couldn't control myself."

"I do have that effect on women."

Buffy smirked. "You're impossible."

"And adorable."

"Spike…"

"And do you know what else is adorable? Those pajamas."

Buffy looked at her outfit, blushing. "I'm trying to be nice, and you're teasing me."

"Nope, no teasing. I happen to find little smiling reindeer with candy cane antlers the height of fashion."

"I hate you," Buffy said, the small smile threatening to break through her pout letting Spike know she meant anything but.

Spike held out his arms. "C'mere, pouty."

Buffy didn't think. She just moved, back into Spike's arms. It unnerved her how safe she felt there, but it didn't make it any less true. He wrapped his arms and the blankets around them, kissing her on the top of her head. "Spike?"

"Yeah, luv?"

"Did you mean it today when you said you'd fallen in love with me?"

Spike paused before finally answering. "Yes."

"Oh." Buffy was quiet for a moment. "I…I don't know if I can love you."

"I know. I don't expect you to. It's not the way it works with me anyway."

Buffy looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"Women don't love me back, Buffy. I Guess I'm just…unlovable."

"Drusilla loved you."

"Maybe. In her own crazy way. But not the way I loved her. Never the way I loved her."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't get loved back either."

"Angel…"

"No." Buffy moved closer to Spike, tightening the grip she had on him. "I think he loved me, just not, well like you said with Dru—not the way I loved him. I never could've walked away from him, and he walked away from me so easily. Just off into the night without even a real good bye."

"Angel's an idiot. Always has been."

"He thought he was doing what was best for me, but isn't that for me to decide?"

"Seems like it to me. 'S what I told your mum earlier, when she tried to compare me to Angelus."

"You do realize that if we were together, you couldn't kill again, don't you? Even if you somehow got rid of that chip, you couldn't…"

"I know, Buffy. I've thought about that. But there's one thing in this world that's always meant more to me than all the bloodshed and violence I could find, and that's love. I'd do anything for the woman I love, pet. Even if it meant turning my back on everything I am."

"I'm still scared, Spike."

"I know, kitten. Me, too."

"Do you think maybe you could…just hold me tonight?"

Spike kissed her softly. "I'd be honored."

Buffy smiled, cuddling against Spike's chest as she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

*** *** ***

"Buffy…Buffy, wake up."

Buffy blinked groggily. "Spike?"

"Yeah. There's someone knocking at the front door."

Buffy glanced at the clock, frowning. "At this hour? That could be bad."

"I know. Come on, let's go check it out."

Buffy nodded, walking out of the bedroom with Spike. Her mother was in the living room, a worried look on her face.

"Buffy, do you have any idea who could be here at this time of night?" Joyce asked. "And were you back in Spike's room?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "We were just sleeping. And no, I don't know who it is. Spike, get my back in case it's something demony."

"You got it, Slayer."

Buffy opened the door slowly, ready to fight if need be. She gaped when she saw who was standing outside. "Giles?"

"Buffy, I have to speak with you immediately. It's urgent," Giles said, shivering.

Buffy sighed heavily, letting Giles inside. "Let me guess, someone's giving me an apocalypse for Christmas?"

"Quite possibly."

"Just what I always wanted." Buffy turned to Joyce. "Mom, you might as well start a pot of coffee. Something tells me this is going to be a long night."

*** *** ***

What's this, you say? A plot? Yeah, I didn't see it coming either. Oh well, we'll see where it goes. *wink*

Review please!





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