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Chapter 16

The doorbell rang a third time. Which was weird. She was expecting everyone to arrive soon, but usually, they all just walked in the door. She had shouted to Dawn to get the door while she continued the finishing touches to her mascara; but, either Dawn hadn't heard her or was ignoring her, or apparently, she was nowhere to be found Buffy discovered as she raced down the stairs, her hair still encased in a towel.

She swung open the door, not sure what or who she expected to find, but a delivery guy holding a flower arrangement had definitely not been on the list of possibilities.

"Buffy Summers?" The delivery guy asked.

"So says my driver's license," She answered.

The guy didn't even blink at her response, just handed her a small clipboard with a big "x" next to a line and said, "Sign please." Boy, he really loved his job. Not that she could exactly throw stones, glass houses and all. That's probably exactly how she looked every day at the Doublemeat. She quickly signed the slip and handed it back to him, at which point he shoved the flower arrangement at her. She barely grabbed the vase it was in before the guy was already halfway down the walk.

She walked around the open door, giving it a little shove with one foot to send it closing, and carried the flowers into the dining room. She set it in the middle of the table, giving it a little twist to position it just right, and then stood back to look at it. It was certainly an odd mix of flowers and greenery. She recognized the irises and the little pink roses, but the bigger red flowers looked like a cross between a rose and a chrysanthemum, all of which her mother had grown in the garden. There was also several long stems of something kind of a desert green with tiny little flowers that had five blue petals and a yellow center. And there was some thorny greenery with little white and pink flowers, and… were those berries? Little green raspberries, maybe? She wasn't sure she'd ever seen any quite like it before. But it did make a very nice centerpiece for the table. She stepped back in, turned it just an inch more to the right, and then gently poked around it looking for the card that generally came with these things.

"Huh, guess it fell off," She mumbled to herself, then looking at the clock on the wall she gave a tiny panicked squeal and took off to go finish her hair and makeup.

Plenty of thoughts rumbled around in her head as she dried her hair. How they were going to reshuffle things in the house now that Willow was gone, how she was going to make up the extra money for the bills, what she was going to do with Dawn for the summer once school was out, how to ease Dawn into patrolling. Did she salt the potatoes? What were they going to do with William?

She flipped her hair back and stared at herself in the mirror. At least the last few days had been calm. That beat the heck out of fighting Warren, chasing Willow, getting shot and dying, seeing Warren's skinless corpse, fighting crabby earth demons, trying to explain to William that an errant wish had killed Spike and brought him more than 120 years forward in time in the blink of an eye. She accidentally jerked her lipliner all wonky on that thought. That, and the reminder of why she'd made the errant wish in the first place.

"What am I going to do with a 148-year-old Victorian Englishman?" She asked the woman in the mirror.

"Well, for one," Dawn answered walking up behind her and scaring the bejeesus out of her. "Stop thinking of him as a 148-year-old Victorian Englishman."

"Crap, Dawn, don't do that!" Buffy chided her sister. "I already have to fix my lip liner. You could have made me poke my eye out or something!"

"Whatever," Dawn rolled her eyes at her as she put some freshly folded towels into the cabinet.

"Besides, Dawn, Victorian Englishman is pretty much his entire definition right now. Our culture, our customs, our speech, our clothes, everything is hugely different for him. He's completely out of his time."

"Yeah, Giles was almost giddy when he met him and figured out you were serious that this was pre-Spike William," Dawn smiled at her in the mirror. "I don't think I've ever heard him say 'fascinating" that many times. Also, I think it wigged William out a little bit."

"Yes, but once Giles came down from his watcher high, they seemed to get along ok."

"Mmm, I guess. I mean, he did seem sort of…is relieved the right word… to be talking to another English guy, but he still seemed kind of…I don't know, sad, maybe?"

She had to admit, he'd been pretty somber. At first, she'd attributed it to his shyness, but now she was thinking there was more at to it. Who knew that at one time in his life Spike had been seriously shy? He was almost like Willow when she'd first met her. Which, now that she thought about it, made a lot of sense. Vampire Willow and Spike had a lot of similarities. It was both scary and amazing what can happen when the shy, quiet, smart ones lose all their inhibitions, being without a soul and all. And damn if that thought didn't frighten her more than it probably should have. If normal Willow could go off the rails in such scary, world-ending-darkness, fashion was William capable of the same?

"Well, we'll just have to help him adjust," Buffy answered. "Find out what he likes, and then help him embrace the Sunnydale lifestyle." She sounded just a little too chipper even to her own ears.

"Can you say, 'Trying too hard'?" Dawn smirked at her.

Dinner was going splendidly well, considering. Dawn and Xander were laughing at some joke he'd made. Anya kept staring at the flowers with a weird look on her face. Everyone was avoiding the subject of Willow entirely. William was studiously pushing his food around his plate and staring at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Giles seemed to be taking it all in like some grand patriarch. They didn't get to have many moments like this. She wanted to remember this one.

"A toast!" Xander held up his glass, suddenly. She must have missed something. "To friends and yellow crayons, and yet another averted apocalypse," He finished.

She picked up her glass and held it aloft, like everyone else. It was as close to an acknowledgment of their friend trying to end the world as they were going to get. Everyone resumed their conversations, even Giles was offering his opinion intermittently. She wondered when they would get to be like this again. Giles was leaving in the morning to go back to England. He'd planned on leaving with Willow immediately after the whole thing had ended, but when he'd met William, he'd decided to stay an extra couple of days. Two of the coven people had teleported over and taken Willow with them. And Giles had taken to William research like the studious watcher he was. Giles had promised William he would search for records on his family, and his mother in particular, in exchange for additional information on William himself.

She hadn't intended to eavesdrop on their conversations, but they were in her house, and it was kind of hard not to pick up bits and pieces. He'd studied science and "classics" at Cambridge, whatever that meant. Apparently, his family had a long history at Cambridge. He spoke five languages, though she didn't catch which ones. His father died not long after coming back from Abyssinia, wherever that was. He didn't have any brothers or sisters. He was a presumptive heir, which she had learned meant that he was basically a backup heir because his cousin was only eight and surviving childhood back then was an iffy proposition. The cousin's two older brothers that had already died. She was beginning to understand the whole "heir and a spare" thing.

"Really, William, you should return with me to London," Giles was currently trying to convince him yet again. She'd put the kibosh on that twice already in as many days. "I dare say at least one of my colleagues would be practically euphoric regarding the prospect of meeting you."

"Giles?" Buffy's voice held a warning in it.

"Really, Buffy, this is an immense opportunity! The council could put their considerable resources toward helping William reconnect with his family, and we might be able to learn…"

"Beg pardon…"

"A world of no!" She put an abrupt end to his explanation. "Give it a rest already, Giles. He's had enough trauma to last a lifetime, he doesn't need the Council turning him into some sort of lab rat. Besides, that Linda woman…"

"Lydia," He corrected her with only a tiny hint of a grin.

"Lydia," She sent him a glare that said she didn't care what the lady's name was, "Gives me the creeps."

"M-might I…"

"She's perfectly harmless, Buffy." Giles insisted. "She's just a bit, enthusiastic, in her studies."

"If I m-may…"

"Studies of Spike!" She countered. "William isn't Spike!"

"I'm right here!" William practically shouted as his fists, a utensil clutched in each hand, slammed onto the table for emphasis. Which caused a lot of commotion because it also knocked over his glass and he made an impressive juggling effort of trying to catch it and set it upright, only it ended up shattered on the floor instead.

Silence seemed to reign for a while after that, with everyone very carefully focusing on their plate and Buffy silently set about cleaning up the glass and then replacing it.

"Sorry," She mumbled contritely as she sat back down. "You're right. It's your decision."

Everyone continued eating quietly for several long minutes. It was Dawn who finally broke the silence.

"So, Anya, I notice you keep staring at the flowers?"

"Mmm, yes," Giles dabbed at his mouth. "It's quite an interesting centerpiece. Are they from your mother's garden?"

"No," Buffy drew the word out. "I thought maybe you sent them?"

"Me?" Giles seemed confused she'd suggested him.

"Peace offering?" Buffy hesitantly added.

"No. Though it would have been a lovely gesture, had I thought about it. I suppose I should be flattered."

"Was there not a card that came with them?" Anya asked. "Traditionally there's a card indicating who they're from."

"Nope. No card. They were delivered earlier this afternoon."

"Maybe they're from a secret admirer!" Dawn was beginning to perk up.

As the others began engaging in speculation, except William, who was suddenly very interested in eating everything on his plate, and Anya, who was eyeballing William with half a grin on her face. Was she crushing on him? They did have that fling at the Magic Box, and Spike was certainly skilled in…

She mentally shook herself. Hadn't she just yelled at Giles that William wasn't Spike? And here she was revisiting her mental catalog of carnal knowledge. William, Buffy, this is William.

"You know, speaking of tradition, Buffy," Anya's prompting jolted her out of her thoughts. "If it is a 'secret' admirer," Anya made air quotes around the word secret, "there was a tradition a while back of using flowers to send secret, or not so secret, messages."

"That's no secret, Anya," Xander chimed in. "I mean, you give different colored roses for different things, right?"

"As usual, Xander," Anya replied, "Your ability to oversimplify something so incredibly complex is mind-boggling." Anya sighed, rolling her eyes. "Every piece in the arrangement has a meaning. Not just the color of the flowers, but each flower itself has a different meaning. Even the greenery has a meaning. You could tell someone to meet you tomorrow morning so you can elope together, or you could essentially curse their family and declare war."

"So, what does this one say?" Dawn asked in a strangely conspiratorial manner.

"Well… it's been a while, so I'm a little rusty…" Anya hesitated.

"Oh, come on Anya!" Dawn begged.

"Okay, okay. The irises clued me in first. It means that whoever it is, they are sending you a message."

"Yeah, got that part," Buffy rolled her eyes. "Kind of the whole purpose of sending flowers, right? So what's the message?"

"Well, you've got a lot of raspberry brambles, that's sort of like an apology. They're sorry about something. The pink roses can mean friendship or admiration, or maybe they admire your friendship. The live flax, I think that's flax, means they appreciate your kindness."

"What about the red ones?" She couldn't help asking. "They aren't roses," She observed.

"Camellias if I'm not mistaken?" Giles offered.

"Why don't we ask our botany expert?" Anya smiled brightly. "William?"

The poor guy was drinking from his replacement glass, and Anya's question must have startled him because he choked and for a moment she wondered if they were all going to get an impromptu shower. But, he managed to recover.

"Camellia, yes," He rasped out between coughs. "Camellia Japonica, I believe." He took another drink from his glass.

"Now, Camellia's were like Xander's roses, and not just because they look kind of like them," Anya announced. "The flower itself had a couple of meanings, but each color had meaning, too. They stood for destiny and longevity and perfection. A white one could mean they think your beauty is perfect, or that you were pure perfection or just pure sometimes. But a red one…"

Anya paused, glancing around the table like she was about to reveal a big secret. In response, Buffy noticed that everyone had stopped whatever they were doing, and they were all waiting to see what she said.

"Well, that meant you were the flame inside their heart. You're their heart's destiny."

"So…" Buffy tried to put it all together.

"So…" Anya parroted, "They have a message for you: They feel really bad, and they're sorry. Like, really sorry. They appreciate your kindness and admire you, or at least your friendship, and they are putting their heart's destiny in your hands."

Xander's whistle cut the silence that followed, as they all contemplated the arrangement.

"Or they just liked the flowers and thought you'd appreciate them," Xander light-heartedly added. Which seemed to cut the strange tension in the room.

The rest of the dinner went by without any further incidents. They'd moved to the living room for a while and discussed previous apocalypses. Giles was still quietly studying William, who was quietly studying her.

Finally, Giles announced that his departure, reasoning that his plane left quite early in the morning. He offered handshakes and hugs all around. He offered his hand to William and asked him one last time to consider going with him. She tried to act like she wasn't listening for his answer as she began gathering cups and dessert plates.

"I regret that I must decline your generous invitation at this time, but there are matters here I must attend to. Perhaps another time?" William replied while still holding Giles' hand, then gave a smile and slight nod.

"Fascinating," Giles whispered, again, before shaking himself out of observation mode. "Yes, yes, of course. Buffy has my number should you change your mind. I-I'll call Buffy once I find something." They ended the handshake and William stood aside.

"Buffy," He pulled her in and hugged her tight. "Be careful?"

"Always!" She answered with more cheer than she really felt, watching him leave again. As they broke the hug, he smiled and asked her to help him with something in his car. She told everyone she'd be right back.

"So what's the what?" She asked once they reached his rental car.

"Do you think it's wise, having him stay here?" He asked.

"Giles, I'm not letting you turn him into some sort of specimen for the Watcher's Council." This was getting old.

"I'm not talking about that," He answered. "I'm talking about you being involved with Spike. Buffy, what happened here?

"What do you mean?" She hedged.

"The Buffy I know would never have made a wish such as that unless something quite significant happened. Something significant enough to unconsciously summon Anya to you, and I don't buy that it was merely an argument."

She turned and leaned against the car, crossing her arms, as she looked up at the stars.

"I think I broke him, Giles," She answered.

"Go on," He quietly urged.

"I treated him like dirt. Lower than dirt. And he just kept coming back. He wanted a relationship, something real, but I couldn't...wouldn't...let it be like that. Every time he tried to do something nice, or sweet, or tender, I'd beat him up, down, and sideways until he gave up. I didn't want him to be nice. It was like some sort of weird war, where I wanted him, but it was killing me that I did. He just wanted to be there for me, with me, and I just wanted to hate him. And he let me. He let me pour all of my hate and anger and pain into him, and came back for more. He never stopped trying, and I hated him for it. Every single time I would push him, right up to the edge, so I could justify it and say that he was a monster. That it wasn't really me doing any of this, it was him."

"I see."

"You really don't." She let out a short bitter laugh. "Giles, I spent months driving him insane. Consent was even part of the equation, mine or his. He came to the house that night to apologize, to me! He apologized to me for hurting my feelings! Told me how much he was hurting, that I should have let Xander kill him, he was hurting that much. And I blew him off. Told him to leave. He fell into the same tug of war we'd played a hundred times, trying to reach me the only way I had ever let him reach me. God, Giles, he was so desperate… trying to get me to admit that I… He didn't realize I wasn't playing that game... not until it was almost too late."

"Buffy…"

"I kicked him across the room. That was when he realized that he'd almost… And his face…" She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears threatening to spill, as images of his expression at that moment flooded her mind. She took a deep breath and continued. "He left… ran out without looking back. Didn't even take his coat."

"I-I don't know what to say," He sounded as confused as she felt.

"When Anya showed up, all I could think about was how angry I was that of all the times he knew what I wanted, could read me better than anyone else, this one time, why didn't he know? How could he not know?"

"You don't need to continue, Buffy."

"Really do," She insisted. "I sat there thinking about all the times I'd used him. All the times he'd let me. Everything I'd done to him, let him do to me, and the whole time I was wondering… who's the real monster in this situation? And I hated him. For making things so complicated. For loving me. For making me feel things that I didn't want to... not then. And I just wished, for one second, that I could go back to that black and white world before Spike made everything so damn gray."

"And now?"

"And now there's an innocent man, ripped from everything he knew, paying for my mistakes. How is what I did any different than when Willow pulled me out of Heaven, Giles? I owe it to him to try and make this right as best I can."

"Buffy?" He paused. "May I make a suggestion?"

"I'm not sending him to London, Giles."

"Be very careful, here. In your quest to make amends, make sure you are atoning to William and not Spike."

"Now you're stealing my lines." She smiled. "That's like telling me not to confuse Willow with Xander."

"Well, one thing has certainly remained constant," He offered.

"Oh? What's that?"

"It would seem William is quite infatuated with you."

"What? Don't be silly."

"My dear girl," Giles glanced toward the sky, probably begging for patients, before giving her that very pointed look that said she was missing something very obvious. "Who do you think sent the flowers?"

She stood there, trying to comprehend the words he'd said, but they just weren't registering.

"Be careful, Buffy." He bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her head, then climbed in his car and left.

She continued thinking about what he'd said. Could he be right? Was William falling in love with her? Was it even possible?

Nah. "Silly Giles," She laughed to herself as she walked back inside.





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