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[A/N: Title is from an INXS song of the same name. Gotta love those Aussie boys. May Michael Hutchence rest in peace. Quotes as attributed, as always. Disclaimers, unfortunately still the same.]

Previously: Buffy’s back, Giles is about to land at the Airport. Xander and Anya are about to find out . . .

16. Beautiful girl, stay with me.

Suddenly everywhere
Clouds and waves are one,
The storm has cleared the air
The sea holds the sun
And the blue sky –
There is no under, no above
All is light, all is love
Is it like this when you die?
Eva Gore-Booth

I am the daughter of Earth and Water,
And the nursling of the Sky,
I pass through the pores of the ocean and shores,
I change, but I cannot die
Percy Bysshe Shelley, The Cloud


Xander was repeating himself, which was driving Anya to distraction. “I don’t know. The store was busy, Tara didn’t say much.”

“Okay. I get that. But you’re sure she said pick Giles up at the airport?” He just needed to hear it again.

Anya rolled her eyes, replying in an annoying monotone that she normally reserved for the terminally dense, “yes Xander, Tara called earlier and invited us for dinner. Then she called back and asked if we could pick Giles up at the airport.” Waiting a beat, she launched into her personal commentary, “I don’t know why he’s returning so soon. He must have forgotten something important, like his passport or his glasses and that would explain why he had to come right back wouldn’t it?”

Half listening, half totally ignoring her, Xander scanned the crowd of departing passengers. Mumbling some sort of response to his girlfriend, Xander craned his neck.

“Oh, there he is.” Anya tugged at his arm, pulling him off to the right.

Giles looked like hell and his clothes were completely rumpled. Smiling weakly, he nodded his greetings.

“What happened? What did you forget?” Anya chirped at him, looking him over. “God you look awful.”

“Thank you Anya for your keen observation.” Giles threw out his dry response, leaning down to get his bags.

Not giving either of them another chance to speak, Giles headed for the exit. “Shall we?”

Shrugging and exchanging confused glances, the couple followed him out.

“He’s awfully grumpy.” Latching onto Xander’s arm again, Anya remarked “probably too much time cooped up with strange people.”

“Right Ahn, coz there’s no strange people in Sunnydale.”

Giles ignored them and their banter out of the airport and all the way back to Revello Drive.


******************************** ******************************


She was alone, for the first time since her return. Dawn was showering while Tara and Spike were some where else in the house. She wasn’t sure she liked being alone because the memories were harder to fight. It was easier when someone else was nearby. Buffy liked having Tara around, it was comfortable. Having Dawn around was good too, but in a slightly different way, but having Spike around was . . . she didn’t have to be strong or pretend to be okay with him. Spike was comforting.

Buffy was pretty sure though that one of the last things he’d wanted to be called was comforting. It didn’t suit his image. Too bad because he was really good at it.

Nearly all her memories had returned, though some things were still hazy, she pretty much had it all back.

Especially those last months since her mother died. The last nights too, were very clear. Losing Dawn. The fight with Giles. That last conversation with Spike and facing Glory.

The jump wasn’t so clear, neither was what came after. It hurt too much to think about. She didn’t want to remember . . . suddenly tears filled her eyes and she couldn’t stop. Whimpers filled her ears and she clutched at the pillows. Can’t think about it. Don’t wanna think about it. Buffy pulled her feet onto the bed, new tears flooding her eyes.

Rocking back and forth she dragged a pillow to her face, heaving great gulping sobs into the fluffy depths. Suddenly, strong cool hands were at her arms, gently removing the pillow from her grip.

“‘s all right slayer. Sssshhhh.” He figured this was gonna keep happening for a while least until she got a bit more used to being back.

Nonsense words kept flowing from his mouth and it wasn’t long before she calmed again. She felt like such a . . . “gotta stop doing this.”

She wasn’t really speaking to him, more like just speaking out loud to herself, trying to reach some semblance of control. Being this weak wasn’t like her, but she couldn’t seem to stop. Buffy was very grateful for Spike’s presence, because he didn’t make her feel badly for her current state, didn’t comment or make snide remarks, just let her be until she got herself together. It was nice.

Listening to his voice was nice too.

“It’s gone five, Rupert will be landing about now. Xander and Anya are picking him up, then coming here. You gonna be okay for this?” Spike held her in a loose embrace, catching her up on what was about to happen.

“Giles is coming back? Where was he?” She was so confused.

Right. She didn’t know anything that had been going on, so he needed to fill her in on all that as well. “Ah, yeah. Watcher left yesterday, Council called him back. He called while you were still out of it, told him to come right back home. Harris and the bird don’t know about you ‘t all.”

“So everyone is coming here?” Buffy cringed a bit, not really wanting to face so many people all at once.

“Yeah well, seems like its best to get this over with, then suss out what to do next.” Releasing her, Spike sat back on his heels.

“Gotta tell them all sooner or later, might as well be now. You need to know some things also, pet. “ why he had to be the one to break this news to her he had no idea, but since he knew nearly as much as Tara did, might as well be him. And he would rather it come from him anyway. “Red worked some mojo to bring you back. Used a forgetting potion on Niblet and Glinda too, so they didn’t know what she was up to.”

Buffy sat there quietly, just listening to his explanation. He hesitated, waiting a moment to see if she was going to say something, but she kept her silence. “Tara thinks something went wrong with the magics, ‘s that’s why you had to climb out. Not really sure ‘bout that m’self.”

Spike started pacing back and forth in her room. “Dunno much, maybe we’ll know more when Red wakes up. Ah, Glinda put her under using her own mojo. Something about a goddess comin’ to speak with her. Said it best we wait until Rupes was back.”

He stopped talking, idly running a stake through his fingers, just waiting for her to say anything in response. Buffy was just processing it all. So it was Willow. That was something she hadn’t expected. She really didn’t know what to say. Looking up at him standing there, Buffy had the sudden realization that Spike didn’t have anything to do with whatever had happened. Some sense of intuition told her that whatever had been done, was done without his knowledge and that part of him was truly furious with everything. She didn’t know what that meant or what was going to happen, but it was clear in his stance that some sort of reckoning was going to occur when Willow woke up. And Buffy was okay with that.

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him. Tell him what she remembered about where she had been. But the words were stuck there, unable to be voiced aloud. If she said them, that made it real. Made it a fact. Something she couldn’t avoid. She couldn’t hide from it. She knew Spike too well to say something like this to him and ask him to leave it alone. That wasn’t in his nature at all. He faced things head on, never once flinching from the truth. And if he knew, he wouldn’t let her hide from it, or hide it from her friends. Instead of telling him, she blurted out the other thing on her mind.

“You’re gonna stay, right? Not gonna leave?”

Oh god. She hated sounding so needy. Buffy almost cringed at the pleading tone in her voice, until she caught the look on his face.

“Made you a promise, pet. Not going anywhere, til you drive me away.” He gave her a half smile, conveying nearly as much as his words.


******************************* ***************************************


There were new noises downstairs, voices speaking and doors opening and closing. Buffy could hear everything, since Spike had left the door open just a bit. He’d left her here, going downstairs for just a moment to get something to eat. Spike had promised her that he’d be up with more soup for her and to bring her downstairs to face the others.

Buffy heard the voices, knowing who was there, she strained hard to make out the words. Unknowingly she pulled away from the door, huddling back on the bed. She didn’t want to go down there. Didn’t want to face anyone. Fear set in and the shaking started. Buffy couldn’t control it or the tears.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs, driving her further back on the bed. Almost cowering in the corner, Buffy raised her hands up to protect herself.


******************************* ***************************************


They knocked at the door, then walked right in, Xander’s voice calling out his hellos to everyone. Tara raised her eyes to Spike, as he turned to remove Buffy’s soup from the microwave. They hadn’t discussed how to handle this – hadn’t had the time to do more than make Dawn promise not to blurt things out.

Her whispered “I’ll get them settled into the living room, then we’ll wait for you to come down.”

He nodded once his focus on not spilling the soup. Tara moved out into the hallway, drawing everyone’s attention.

“Hi Mr. Giles. You’re back?” She decided playing semi-stupid would work.

“It would appear so. Had some problems to take care of.” Picking up on her pretense, Giles played along.

No one paid any attention when Spike slipped down the hallway and up the stairs. Xander was moving around the living room, while Anya perched on the couch, thumbing through one of their old magazines.

“So where are the girls and dead boy?” Xander grabbed the remote, flicking on the television.

“Up . . upstairs getting ready.” Wasn’t completely untrue. The girls were upstairs getting ready, just not the girls Xander meant.

“Hey guys” Dawn fairly slid down the stairs, stopping short at the bottom, when she spied Giles. Her shriek of surprise and big hug were fake, but neither Xander nor Anya noticed.

A rather uncomfortable silence settled on the room.


******************************* *******************************


Spike pushed through the door, bowl of soup clutched in one hand and bread in the other. “Thought this might do you pet.”

He stopped short, seeing Buffy huddled up on the bed, leaning heavily against the headboard. Her shaking was visible from where he stood. Spike swore softly under his breath, dropping the two items on her bedside table.

“Hey pet, ‘s just me. Relax.” He approached her slowly, knowing she wasn’t quite okay.

“C’mon luv, settle down. It’s only your mates.” Buffy shook harder, moving away from his voice. “Hey, hey, c’mon kitten, its okay.”

This episode wasn’t as bad as the earlier ones, seemed like this was more a case of nerves than anything else. Spike had no doubt that she would snap out of it quickly and she proved his guess right when she wiped her eyes and drew in a deep breath. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, in fact it was going to be very difficult, but she wasn’t all chosen-like because she gave up when things got hard. If anything she dug in her heels and got stubborn about it.

Raising her eyes to his, Buffy straightened her shoulders, stretched out her hand to clasp his. “Thanks Spike.”

There was more she wanted to say, but couldn’t force the words passed her lips. He would understand that she couldn’t talk right now. Was almost afraid to talk.

“Eat some soup before we go downstairs.” Handing her the bowl, Spike got up from the bed and paced around the room.

Watching him, Buffy idly noted that it was a rare thing that he just sat and did nothing. He was such a bundle of energy, it was fascinating to watch. Even when he was still, something was moving, whether it was his leg, or fiddling with some item in his hands or his mouth was working, Spike was never still. She used to find it annoying. She used to find everything about Spike annoying. From the tips of his bleached head to the bottoms of his clunky black boots, she had hated him. That was before.

Before Dawn. Before Glory.

Before she jumped.


******************************* *******************************


Xander was still flicking through the channels and Giles was stretched out on the couch, resting his eyes. The three girls had moved to the kitchen, getting the dinner ready. Neither Dawn nor Tara spoke much, letting Anya chatter away about her day. It was easier, because neither one of them wanted to let anything about Buffy slip out before she was ready to come down the stairs.

Tara had decided on pasta, thinking that if Buffy were able to eat, this would be mild enough. Everything else was ready. They were only waiting on the two upstairs.

Thundering footsteps came flying down, startling everyone. Spike rounded the corner of the staircase, his voice carrying in the quiet. “Watcher. What the hell are you doing back here?”

The feigned confusion went unnoticed. Xander ignored him like always and the girls kept silent. Giles however, snorted his disbelief, then opened a single eye and replied “had some unfinished business to take care of, got held over in New York and decided to return here instead.”

Spike was impressed. Nice cover there mate. He nodded quickly in acknowledgment. Then asked the girls “when’s that dinner ready?”

Dawn rolled her eyes at the silly pretending but went along with it. “Soon. Why you gotta go somewhere?”

“Something like that.” He thought for a moment, mumbling what sounded like “gotta patrol this bloody place.”

Tara finally got really tired of the silly games. “Dinner is just about ready Spike.”

He caught her look, turning right back around to go get Buffy. “Just be mo’.”

Taking the stairs two at a time, he nearly flew up the stairs.

Anya walked into the living room, getting the men’s attention. “Tara says dinner is ready.”

Wandering into the kitchen, everyone grabbed a plate, filling it and then moving into the dining room. They were all seated except Tara when they heard footsteps on the stairs. Thinking it was just Spike, neither Xander nor Anya looked up, but Giles had his gaze riveted to the open doorway.

Spike stood there, blocking everyone’s view of the slayer, his voice ringing out, “didn’t wait for me didya?”

“Why should we wait . . . . “

Xander’s voice trailed off and everyone froze.

Spike moved to his left, giving everyone a clear view of what he’d been blocking.

Buffy.





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