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[A/N: I couldn’t decide on a single quote for the title, so I put two together, and came up with something new. Thanks for the reviews, they really truly mean a lot to me. Anyway, quotes are as attributed and the disclaimers are still in effect.]

Previously: Everyone except Willow and Xander are up to speed about what is going on, with one notable exception. This is takes place the same day, only a bit later.

40. A sheltering holly tree.

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

Love is like the wild rose-briar;
friendship like the holly tree.
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms,
but which will bloom most constantly?
Emily Bronte, Love and Friendship

Flowers are lovely; love is flower-like
friendship is a sheltering tree
Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Youth and Age

Only solitary men know the full joys of friendship.
Others have their family – but to a solitary and
an exile, his friends are everything.
Willa Cather, Shadows on the Rock



Given enough time, Spike was reasonably certain Giles could come up with the answers to most demonic questions, or apocalyptic ones, provided he was in possession of all the facts.

Unfortunately, Spike knew he wasn’t. And that uncanny bond he shared with Buffy made it clear that the slayer had no intention of telling him.

After everyone had left he had followed Buffy upstairs to her room. He’d tried earlier to convince her to tell Giles, but Buffy wouldn’t budge.

“No Spike. I already told you I don’t want any one to know. And why.” Buffy was repeating exactly what she’d said earlier, this time with a bit more force. Her arms were folded across her chest and her face was set. Spike was pacing around her bedroom, gesturing wildly.

“Pet, it’ll help figure out what’s going on. An’ I don’t think its gonna bother the girls as much as you think.”

She was finding it hard to follow his movements. Finally she stepped in front of him and whapped his bare chest.

“Ow.” Rubbing his hand across the stinging spot, he looked at her with a bit of indignation. “What’s tha’ for?”

“You weren’t listening to me.” Buffy looked at him, waiting for him to understand.

“All right love.” Sitting down on the edge of her bed, Spike drew her between his legs. “Tell me your reasons.”

Buffy put her hands on his shoulders looking down at him. “Tara and Dawn are all ready upset enough. How much worse are they gonna be if they find out Willow used them to pull me from heaven? What would it do to them?”

Dropping her head down to rest on his, Buffy whispered, “Poor Tara’s already . . . Spike I can’t do that to her.”

He waited a bit, thinking hard. She did have a point about the girls. Tara was teerering on the edge of falling apart and with Dawn you never knew which way the teen was going to jump. Niblet was like a cat, temperamental and high strung. Pulling her closer into his embrace, Spike rested his head against her belly. “All right kitten. We’ll do this your way. ‘S your decision.”

Buffy was braced for an argument. Was all prepared to have to argue more and at length, prepared for his withdrawal and disapproval of her decision and actions. So when she didn’t get it, Buffy was deflated.

“That’s it? You’re just going to agree with me?” Buffy didn’t believe this. Spike was . . . “no argument?”

“Buffy, its your call. I can’t decide it for you. Wouldn’t want to.” Spike let her go, watching her pace now.

“You know Angel would be all disapproving guy right now.” When he snorted, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like “jackass” Buffy shot a look at him. Shutting his mouth, Spike tried for the innocent look. Raising her eyebrow, she just continued, “Riley would have just . . . not been able to . . . he would have just kept at me . . . or worse he would have told someone.”

Turning back to him, pushing her way into his embrace, she simply said, “thank you for understanding.”

Spike just pulled her closer, kissing her hard.


******************************** ****************************************

Tara slipped into the bedroom she was still technically sharing with Willow. The red head had slept nearly round the clock, although Tara knew she’d gotten up while they were out last night and eaten, but beyond that Willow had been asleep most of the night.

It was getting to the point where she was going to have to initiate a serious conversation with her girlfriend and then decide what she was going to do. She still wanted to talk to Spike and maybe today was a good day. After Giles and Wesley left, Dawn had said something about needing school things and with some urging from Spike, Buffy had offered to take her.

Looking down at the still sleeping girl, Tara hesitated. She thought about waking her up, and then thought maybe the reason why was because she wanted to avoid talking to Spike. Well that’s just silly. He’s not gonna think I’m a bad person for wanting to talk about this. Gathering up her clothes, Tara slipped from the room.

She figured she’d give Spike a half hour or so. It would take at least that long for him to say goodbye to Buffy.


******************************** ***************************************

She was really grateful to Spike for a lot of different things. For taking care of her all summer long, for being the one person she could rely on when everyone else was gone off doing their own things, Spike had always managed to make her his main priority. Now that her sister was back that had changed but not in a bad way. His protective circle had just widened a little bit to encompass the two of them. And if the scene earlier this morning was not acting, then his protection now extended to include Tara as well. Which was pretty cool.

The weird thing was, and by rights she really should be feeling this way, she wasn’t at all jealous that Spike’s main attention had shifted to her sister. He wasn’t leaving her out, forgetting her or even treating her like she was no longer important because Buffy was back. If anything, he’d made sure she wasn’t feeling left out. She and Tara both knew that Spike was sleeping in her sister’s bed every night and that Buffy was, well at least it seemed that way to the two of them, admitting her feelings. The only one who had a problem with the whole thing was Xander and maybe Willow and how weird was it that Giles wasn’t lecturing about how ‘vampires were all bad’ and ‘one mustn’t be involved with the evil undead’. Weird but cool.

Dawn flipped open her journal and thought about writing, but looking up at the clock, she changed her mind. She was going shopping, with Buffy of all people. Not that she and Buffy didn’t love to shop, but since long before their mother had died, it wasn’t something they normally did together. And after, well, there just had been other things on both their minds. Like Glory. Like just getting through the day without either of them collapsing into tears.

Buffy still wasn’t herself, was still getting used to being home, loud noises and bright lights and unexpected movements still bothering her. But she was getting better. Having Spike around all the time was a huge part of how Buffy was feeling, at least as far as Dawn could tell. She still heard the tears in the middle of the night, still found Buffy staring off into nothing, her sister still shook when the stress got to her and every single time, every single time, Spike was there, holding her, whispering to her, doing anything and everything that Buffy needed.

Dawn had long ago decided that Spike really loved Buffy, way more than Riley had ever loved her, and much more than Angel had. Now, though watching the two of them, Dawn realized something else. Her sister had changed. And despite the shakiness and tears, she’d come back a little bit better. At least for now. With any kind of good luck, she’d stay that way.

At least she hoped so. It would be nice, if she and Spike managed to stay together, if they became a real family.


******************************** ****************************************

Their kisses had a way of quickly becoming more, every time they touched. It was so simple to give over to her senses, drowning in the taste, the feel of him surrounding her. His touch, the rough pads of his fingers grazing across her sensitive skin, was enough. His cool unnecessary breaths blowing over her, into her, drove her to madness. That moment when he laid her bare, when they were both skin to skin and he slid his hard length inside her, driving the air from her body; that was what she craved, that instant, that moment when he slid inside feeling her warmth surrounding him and his eyes opened wide and his expression . . . Buffy loved that look.

It was the one on his face right now, as he thrust inside, forcing air and noise out of her mouth. His hand gripped her hip, holding on, his fingers digging in, no doubt bruises would show up later. She didn’t care . . . her hands were wrapped around his upper arms, squeezing hard.

“Buffy” his mouth was at her ear, his voice filling her head. “Buffy . . . love . . . come with me.”

Raspy with need his voice rolled through her, her name on his lips enough to melt her, warm her, sealing the ragged edges of her back together. Liquid fire raced through her, surging, pounding . . . Her heart thudded heavily in her chest, beating hard enough for both of them.

“Spike. “

Every muscle screamed his name, ached for his touch, wanting to envelope him, hold him there . . . he thrust hard hitting that spot and Buffy convulsed around him, a strangled scream wrenched from her throat. His hips stilled and a chest deep groan rumbled inside her, his ejaculate coating her depths.

Arching her head up, Buffy ran her tongue across his lips, feeling his smile. “Love you kitten” was whispered into her mouth and Buffy held him closer.

How she wanted . . . .

Her heart wasn’t ready yet.


******************************** *****************************************


Spike was watching television in the living room when Tara finally made it back downstairs. He was flipping channels idly, slouched on the couch, another mug of blood clutched in his hand.

Rounding the stairs, Tara looked around. Cautiously entering the living room, she sat down on the edge of the couch. “Buffy still around?”

“Girls are jus’ puttin’ on the final touches. They’ll be ready soon. You goin’ with them?”

“Uh no. I . . . I have some things around here I have to do.” Tara fidgeted in her spot.

After watching her for a few minutes, Spike took pity on the girl. He knew she wanted to talk to him, and figuring she’d gathered up her courage now, poor chit didn’t know how to proceed. “What’s up Glinda?”

“Can I . . . can we . . . you aren’t busy are you?”

He almost laughed, but knew it took a lot for her to come to him and it wouldn’t be nice to laugh. Didn’t want to hurt her feelings either. “‘m all free pidge, what’s your question?”

But before she could say what was on her mind, the two Summers girls clattered down the stairs. Dawn looked thrilled but both of the other two could see Buffy was pushing herself. The slayer’s face was set and the strain was showing around her eyes and mouth.

Dawn was practically bouncing around, excited to be out anywhere with Buffy. Looking up at his girls, Spike suppressed a grin at Dawn’s behavior and reached out a hand to Buffy. “All right kitten?”

Faking a bright smile for her sister’s benefit, Buffy took his hand and pulled him to his feet. Spike wrapped his arms around her and dipped her down, causing the others to laugh. Directing his words to Dawn, Spike said, “get my wallet, Nib.”

Rushing out of the room, Dawn found his wallet in record time. Spike had not much need for the money he won playing poker, most of it going to household expenses, but sometimes he kept a bit extra back. Since Rupert had brought more human blood this morning, the stash he had wasn’t necessary.

Kissing Buffy’s forehead, Spike reached out with one hand to take the wallet from her sister. Pulling out a couple of bills, he handed them to Buffy. Despite her surprise, a bit of the strain was gone from her face. Whispering her thanks, she said so low only Spike could hear, “thought this was going to be a window shopping expedition.”

“I know sweetheart.”

Kissing her again, Spike pushed her toward the door. “Go on you two. Be here when you get back. Go on.”

Buffy tried hesitating, but Spike pushed her toward Dawn, who was already out the door. He raised an eyebrow and kissed her once more. “Go.”

With a huff and a roll of her eyes after he playfully slapped her butt, Buffy was gone, trailing after Dawn.

Watching him watch Buffy, Tara smiled. He had such an enraptured look upon his face. Without really thinking about it, she said, “you really love her.”

“Well yeah.” Spike wasn’t about to deny it.

Settling back down on the couch, Spike looked at Tara. “So what’s up pet?”

Completely uncertain how to proceed, Tara was at a loss for words. She looked at him for a minute, her distress clear. Taking pity on her, Spike put his feet up, saying, “this about Red?”

“Yeah. . . yeah it is.” Thank god he pays attention. I just thanked god for a vampire. A soft giggle escaped her. He looked at her strangely and Tara just smiled. “You’re a pretty good guy you know that?”

Spike ducked his head. Tara was watching him closely so she saw the change in his coloring, as slight as it was.

Diving right in, she went on, “I’m worried you know? This isn’t good what she’s done. She used me, used Dawnie. What Willow . . . what she used could have . . . Wesley said Lethe’s Bramble is deadly if ingested too much. Gods above Spike, what was she thinking?”

Dropping her head into her hands, Tara tried to hold back the tears. Reaching out tentatively, Spike rubbed his big hand across her back. “All right, pet. . . . jus’ cry it out.”

Through her tears, Tara said “I don’t know if I trust her any more. She doesn’t even realize what she’s done. And . . . now . . . you tell me she’s still . . . Spike I don’t know what to do . . . . what am I supposed to do?”

Brushing back her hair, Spike soothed her with nonsense words, just letting her get it all out.

“‘Jus’ tell me what you’re thinkin’.”

He was at a loss. He had nothing to say that might help her. Willow was, right now, on his short list of people to avoid. Except for those short minutes spent with everyone around, Spike had yet to be alone with Willow since Buffy’s resurrection. Had only seen her twice since Buffy’s admission that she’d been in heaven. Given how he felt about that, Spike wasn’t so sure he’d be able to restrain himself from going after her. Red was not currently one of his favorite people.

He kept his hand in motion, while Tara wiped away her tears. “Gods Spike, what am I gonna do? What should I do?”

“Dunno pet. Got my own issues with what’s goin’ on.”

A watery smile crossed her face, trust Spike to not lie to her, to any one. Good thing he always told the truth because he was a really bad liar.

“What you do is up to you pet. Only you can decide how to go about things. You’re the one got hurt in all this.” He didn’t want to fall on platitudes, not with Glinda. She deserved better than that from any of them, especially him. The two of them had been close over the summer and in the past week or so, what she’d done for Buffy . . . .

“C’mon Glinda, you’ve got to suss this out, so talk.”

Facing him, Tara just let the words flow, the confusion, the pain, the feelings of betrayal, the utter loss she felt for what had been ripped away from her. How Willow’s actions had violated her. And not just her, but Dawn too. Willow had violated another innocent.

And the really hard thing to admit, the really really hardest thing of all, was that none of it seemed to matter at all to Willow. That some how, Willow couldn’t make the connection between her actions and what she’d done to them. Like it was someone else entirely who’d done that to her and Dawn.

And through it all, through her long halting explanation Spike just listened. Sometimes patting her back, sometimes holding her hands, but he was there. He listened, but he also heard what Buffy had said to him earlier, about how the girls wouldn’t react well to hearing Willow had used them to rip her from heaven. He got it. Listening to Tara spill out her fears and worries and sadness, Spike finally understood what Buffy had been trying to tell him.

That was pretty much what she’d really wanted. Someone to listen. Wiping her eyes again, Tara told him so, saying, “you know, Spike, you’re a really good friend.”

Well that surprised him.

Sitting beside her, one quarter of the Scourge of Europe flushed beneath her praise. “Pet . .”

“No really Spike. You just listened, that’s so important. Thank you.” Touching his hand, she repeated herself. “Thank you Spike, for being my friend.”





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