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Pursuits of Happiness by facingthesun

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Chapter 12

“You wanna play again?” Buffy asked cheerfully.

“No, I think four times is enough.” Elizabeth started to put the game away. “I can’t believe you won every time, Buffy.”

“I’m just lucky I guess.” She kept her foot still, knowing that William was as hard as a rock. “You don’t have to do that, we’ll clean up, right William?”

“Yes,” he croaked.

“Are you feeling alright? You look sick, dear.”

“I-I’m fine, Elizabeth.” William smiled weakly.

“Ok, I guess I’ll turn in. Buffy, would you like me to help you tie up William?”

“No.”

“But you will do it, right?”

“Of course, we have a new chair to try out.”

“Ok,” Elizabeth frowned. “I will check later.”

“Check away.”
***

“Don’t move.”

“I don’t think that I can,” William gasped.

“I feel bad now. Don’t move,” Buffy said again before diving under the table.

“Buffy,” William whispered, “get out from under there.”

“Shhh,” she said softly, working on his zipper and pulling him out of his pants. “I’m sorry.” She gave his cock a kiss before caressing him with her hands.

“Buffy—I--.”

“Hold on, I’ll hurry.” Once William gripped the seat of the chair, she placed her hand on his as he came hard.

“Uh.”

“You ok?” Buffy giggled as he rested his forehead on the table.

“Barely.”

“Is there a napkin up there?” Her hand came up on the table and William kissed it, putting the napkin under her fingers. “Thank you.” She dabbed and wiped him clean.

“Are you coming out from under there?”

“Yeah.” She crawled out from underneath the table and William hugged her, hiding his face against her stomach. “I’m not ready to tie you up.”

“I want to sleep in our bed,” he said softly.

“I know.” She rubbed his back as she stood. “But the chair…the new one will be more comfortable, I know it.”

“You’re right.” Sighing, he looked up at her, “I’m not tired though. We slept a lot today.”

“We can watch TV and postpone the tying. Elizabeth said you only had to be bound when I’m vulnerable and I’m feeling good. Go get out of those jeans and meet me in the cuddly chair.”
***

They sat in darkness except for the glow of the TV. In the chair, Buffy rested her head on William’s shoulder and she paid no attention to the show that was on. “Are you watching this?”

“No.”

Buffy threaded their fingers together and stared in off in a daze. “I’ve been thinking… I don’t think you can go out anymore. I don’t want you to accidentally go poof.”

“Poof?”

“If Spike shows up…vampires, in direct sunlight, they turn into dust and kinda blow away. I don’t want that to happen, so, no more beach.”

“We went there enough,” William said, trying to sound optimistic. “Today was wonderful…staying inside was wonderful.”

“It was.” She brushed her lips under his ear and he shivered. “I love you, William.”

He moved in the chair and they grinned at each other as they sat nose to nose. “We can go to the beach at night and sit under the stars.”

“We can bring an extra blanket and maybe your flashlight,” Buffy added just to see him blush. “We’ll make a date out of it. You free tomorrow?”

“I believe so.”

“Maybe we’ll leave a little early so we can see the sunset again. Just to be safe, you can wrap up in Spike’s jacket so you’ll be protected by the sun.” Buffy nuzzled the side of his face with her nose, pressing soft kisses against him. William eagerly joined in and their kisses grew deeper and more passionate. “I’ve also been thinking…”

“Yes?”

“Wait.” Buffy stalled not quite ready to be away from his lower lip. She sucked and played with it until she worried that she’d make it swollen. “I’ve been thinking that Elizabeth never gets up before five in the morning.”

“Are you sure, Buffy?”

“You know what I’m thinking?”

“I’m positive that your thoughts don’t involve me being bound.”

“True…”

“Elizabeth will probably be upset if we ignore her wishes…”

“True, again…but really, what can she do other than scold us?”

“What’s your idea, love?”

“We sleep here but wrapped in blankets. We keep the TV on and in the morning before Elizabeth comes out of her room, we break away quickly and claim that we got up early to watch cartoons.”

“And I’m never tied up?”

“If it makes you feel better, maybe we could loosely tie around your waist. I’ve been looking at the chair and sure it’s bigger for both of us, but I think it could hurt you because it’s so wide. Or, here’s another option, we just run into our room now and take tomorrow morning like a man. When she pounds on the door, we glare and you can give her a weak little, ‘sod off’.”

“What does that mean, sod off?”

“Don’t know, it’s a Spike thing. So, chair or bed? Comfy bed or comfy chair?”

“It’s very tempting…”

Buffy stood, offering him her hand. “You can say that I forced you,” she whispered. “Come on, we only have a few days left.” Buffy bit her bottom lip and tilted her head toward the bedroom. “Please?”

“You don’t have to beg.”

“I know.” She smiled as he got to his feet.

“I’d like to avoid Elizabeth having reason to scold us.”

“We’ll get up early.” Buffy walked backward, her eyes never leaving his face as she led him into their room.

William nodded, shutting and locking the door. “What about lights?”

“Candles.” Nodding, he started to collect all pale colored cylinders that Buffy insisted that they buy weeks ago.

“I’ll light them, don’t worry.” Buffy used the lighter, knowing that when William tried the first time he couldn’t get it to work. She hummed when he came behind her, kissing her neck. Laughing, she traveled around the room and William trailed after her.

“There are a lot of candles.”

“All done.” She spun, wrapping her arms around him and they soon fell on the bed with Buffy covering him with kisses.
***

Buffy wasn’t sure if she was awake or dreaming. She struggled to focus her sleepy eyes on the silhouette in front of her. “Did I sleep too long?” Reaching for him, she sighed as he kissed her. “Oh, wow.”

Chuckling, he traveled down her body, giving her wet openmouthed kisses. After he pulled her nightgown off with ease, he spread her legs and settled between them.

“Hey, hey,” she hissed as his lips brushed against her inner thighs. “Where are those kisses heading?” He mumbled words Buffy couldn’t make out against her skin. “Are you okay?”

He remained silent until he entered her and they both moaned, touching their foreheads together. “Buffy,” he said her name in a raw voice. “Buffy.”

“You teased me,” she whispered. “I thought you were going to be daring there for a minute.”

“Just ask…I’ll do anything for you,” he mumbled as he continued to make tiny noises. His mouth and fingers were everywhere, trying to take in all of Buffy at once. “I love you, Buffy.”

Her heart tightened at his desperate voice. “I love you too.” She laughed softly as he looked at her in awe. “You’re kinda out of it, huh?” When he gave her another smothering kiss, she petted his face and gasped when she noticed that his cheeks were wet. Without another word, she rolled them over and rocked against him. “Whatever it is, don’t worry about it, baby. I love you.”

He closed his eyes as Buffy explored his chest. Once she experimentally bit his nipple, he groaned and bucked his hips. Buffy giggled as he made a sound that was near a growl. “No, I want you slow. I like to make love slowly,” she said but then felt silly afterwards. “I guess you know that by now…but this…you kinda feel different, so, very, very good, William.”

“Buffy?” he paused as if he wanted to say more.

“Yes?” Buffy kissed him sweetly and hummed. “God, I love you.” On the verge of climax, their eyes locked as she rode him leisurely. “William?” Buffy noticed something about him was lacking but she couldn’t put a finger on it.

“Oh,” she froze suddenly after resting her head on his chest, “oh, oh no.” He had no heartbeat.

“Buffy,” Spike’s eyes grew wide. “Buffy, please…”

“No.” She covered her face with her hands and panicked, having no idea what she should do. Seconds later, she allowed him to roll them over but she pulled away when he tried to move her hands.

“I…I’m sorry.”

Words were caught in her throat and her chin trembled uncontrollably.

“I love you so bloody much, Buffy.”

She sniffled and warm tears fell from her eyes. As her body shook from sobs, she barely felt the kisses he dotted up and down her arms and on her fingertips. Buffy whined and closed her eyes tight when Spike held her hands at her sides.

“Let me…I’m here, love.”

“No.” She shook her head, her tears never stopping. “You’re not him. I should’ve known… You sound like him and feel like him…taste…but you’re not him.”

“Guess I’m not.” Even though she didn’t want to, Buffy whimpered when he pulled out of her and looked for his clothes.

“I’ll let myself out.” He shot her a pained look before reaching for the doorknob. “I guess this is the end, Slayer. Hope you and Peaches can patch things up.”

“Spike…” She could barely talk above a choked whisper. “I…don’t leave.”

He crooked his brow and turned from the door.

“I’ve lost William,” she closed her eyes briefly and pulled the covers around her body, “please don’t leave me. They all leave me.” Trying not to hyperventilate, Buffy looked at her hands. She listened as he shuffled, taking off his coat and she didn’t move away as he sat on the bed.

“I shouldn’t have tried that earlier, but I’ve waited for so long, pet, and you where there and very naked and…”

“And you’re evil,” Buffy suggested quietly. She reluctantly scooted towards him. “It wasn’t so bad, but if you try anything else, I’ll kill you.”

“Alright, sounds fair,” Spike cleared his throat and nodded.

“Hold me.” She rested against his empty chest and blinked away the tears that refused to go away. “I’m going to cry some more.”

“You do that.” He sighed and touched her hair. “I’ll tend to you.”

“If you aren’t here, if I fall asleep or something, if and you decide to spare me or some shit like that by leaving, I’ll kill you.”

“Right… I’m not leaving, love.”
***

“Buffy! William! I can’t believe you!”

“Elizabeth?”

Buffy opened her eyes and looked up, catching Spike with a little smile on his face. “She’s going to be so mad.”

“She’ll put me in a bloody test tube.”

“What?”

“You know her and her researching mumbo jumbo.”

“Yeah, you’re her vampire-god-superhero,” Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

“Buffy!” Elizabeth pounded on the door again.

“What?”

“You deliberately did the opposite of what I asked! I bought you a chair!”

“Yeah, well, leave me alone,” Buffy snapped.

“Buffy--.”

“Leave me alone!”

“That was a good one, pet,” Spike teased. “I think I’m deaf.”

“What are we going to do?” She sat up, pulling the sheet tightly around her. “If Elizabeth sees you, she’ll never let you out without giving her enough crap to write another stupid book.”

“I’ll shake her off.”

Buffy frowned, “And then as soon as she knows you’re back, I’m being shipped back to Sunnydale.”

“I could go back,” he suggested carefully. “Find my own way, travel at night.”

“To Sunnydale?”

“To you. If you’ll take me, that is.”

“I don’t love you.”

“I didn’t give you a reason to, did I?”

“You really love me?” He nodded and Buffy inhaled sharply. “What about Drusilla?”

“What about Angel?”

“I broke up with him.” She shifted, feeling uncomfortable.

“Well, I was dumped by her.” He scratched his eyebrow with his little finger as he stared ahead. “Surprised that didn’t come sooner,” he muttered.

“You loved her too?”

“The heart’s capable of loving more than one person.”

“Oh…”

“But that doesn’t mean you didn’t take up all my thoughts, dreams and desires. Dru went mad every time I woke up moaning your name. Too bad you couldn’t have a Jane Doe kinda name; ‘Buffy’ definitely singles you out.” Spike laughed but quickly sobered. “What I felt and feel for you, there’s no use comparing it; you win every time against Dru. She’s nothing compared to you.”

“Hmmm and let’s think back. She’s the face of my bloody salvation, my black goddess…?”

“You remember that?”

“Yeah, and it makes me want to heave.” She crossed her arms over her chest, not noticing that it made her sheet hang open.

“Jealous, pet?”

“Of that ho? No way.”

Spike smirked, but he changed the subject. “So, is it a plan?”

“I guess.”

“I’ll get to Sunnyhell as soon as I can. Gotta try for my second chance, yeah?”

“Like I care.” Buffy tried to sound snotty but her voice didn’t cooperate with her wishes. “When are you leaving?”

“As soon as you want me to.”

“It’s sunny outside.”

“Got my coat, it blocks the sun fairly well.”

“No.”

“Alright. Will I be hiding in here all day? Hate to mention it, pet, but I’m feeling fairly peckish, I feel like I haven’t eaten for months.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose, “Where am I going to find blood on the island?”

“Just give me a few minutes with the locals and--.”

“No! No eating people!”

“Why not? It’s what I do.”

“Not if you think you’re coming near me. If there’s even the tiniest chance that I’m loving you, you’re not having blood unless it’s blood from a hospital or pig farm, and that’s after you’ve paid for it too.”

“You want me to become like Peaches! I will not!”

“Then say tootles to your chance.”

“Bloody hell,” he muttered under his breath. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Really?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I’ll do anything for love,” Spike paused to look her in the eye, “anything for you, Buffy.”

“Close your eyes,” Buffy said, her voice tight.

“Why?”

“Because I’m getting out of bed and I don’t want you to look at me.”

“But I’ve seen you…”

“Close your eyes.”

“Prude,” Spike teased, closing his eyes.
***

“Elizabeth, I know you’re mad, but we had a good reason.”

“What?”

“William didn’t feel well last night. I think he caught a bug.”

“Oh?” Elizabeth’s head shot up. “Is he alright?”

“Stomach ache.” Buffy said, wondering if the Watcher would notice that she had been crying all night and that she could barely say William’s name. “I was wondering if you could get him some medicine or something.”

“Sure, sure.” Elizabeth sighed in relief, “And here I thought you both misbehaved because you’re ornery. I knew he looked ill last night…”

“Misbehave, us?” Buffy tried to smile but it was too hard. “Thank you, Elizabeth, I know—I know William appreciates it.” She left the room quickly before the woman could ask her any questions.
***

“Don’t ask.” Hours later Buffy gave Spike a Styrofoam cup.

Spike looked at the cup hungrily. “You’re just in time I was about to burst through the window. All those people parading by like--.”

“Happy Meals with legs?” Buffy suggested quietly, memories flooding her thoughts.

“Buffy…” He ignored the blood and tried to comfort her.

“No.”

“I don’t see why I’m so different. I remember everything, every moment of his life…every moment with you. I remember what was felt… I was there,” Spike said, looking hurt that she rejected him. “I may not have a heart beat, but I still feel…you taught me everything I know about love, sex--.”

“You’re a demon, a killer and my,” she struggled, “my William didn’t like such ugly business.”

“Sorry, forget that I said anything.” He looked away but Buffy saw that tears were in his eyes.

“You can leave early in the morning.” Buffy sat on the bed and watched him as he sipped the blood. “If you need money…”

“No, no… Buffy, where did you get this?” He stared at her and he shook the cup again. “Where?”

“I told you, I’m not telling. Hey!” She squirmed as he grabbed at her arms.

“Hell, Buffy! I would’ve starved!” He dropped her bandaged arm.

“I know, that’s why I--.”

“No, I would have rather starved.” Looking into her eyes, Spike growled at her. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“Well, I did,” she blushed, trying to get away from him, “and now I’m seeing how stupid it was.”

“Wait,” Spike caught her and pulled her back gently. “I take it back, alright? Thank you.”

“Too late, mister.” Buffy’s mouth scrunched up in a pout as she glared at him.

“Love, don’t look at me like that.” He smiled, holding her chin in his hand. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself for me, but I’m touched by the gesture.”

“I’m the Slayer, Spike. I know what I can and can’t do.” Her heart sped up. “Don’t you look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like…like you’re about to kiss me.”

“You know me well.” He leaned towards her and Buffy closed her eyes. When they kissed, Buffy started to cry. “Buffy…”

“Do I really know you?” She asked the question that had been pounding in her head all day as she walked around the island, trying to sort her thoughts. “Do I?”

“You made me. The moment I saw you, you claimed me, Buffy. You know me.”

“I feel like I cheated on him,” Buffy confessed.

“I just want to love you, Buffy. Let me take over where he left off. I have William in me. Fuck, I even keep a notebook.”

“You still write poetry?” Buffy smiled for the first time since William’s departure.

“Yes, but don’t tell anyone.”

“Still about me?”

“Every syllable.” He grinned at her and Buffy could’ve sworn that William was back in her arms. “It’s good stuff. I think I owe you a reading under the stars.”

“You do.” Buffy sniffled. “But Spike, really, before more happens, I want to love you too.”

“Do you think that’s possible?” He swallowed and looked as if he was afraid to be hopeful.

“I think I told you that before, didn’t I?” She laughed softly as he held her tight.

“I love you, Buffy.”

“I know you do,” she smiled warmly and ignored the tears in her eyes. “I’m happy that you do.”

“All I want is to see you happy, pet.” He flashed her a smile before kissing her again.
***

“How long do you think it’ll take?”

“Don’t know.”

“It takes me a day on the airplane.”

“Then it shouldn’t take me more than two or three,” Spike said with a nod.

“You want this stuff?” Buffy carefully placed William’s belongings on the bed were Spike was lying.

“You keep it, pet.”

“Take the journal.”

“No, he’d want you to have it and I do too.” He thumbed through it with a nostalgic look on his face. “This is yours, along with everything else.” Spike gave the stuffed groundhog a squeeze and rolled his eyes, looking at the collection of Happy Meal toys.

“Thank you,” she said, secretly relieved. “Elizabeth should be asleep by now.”

“You getting rid of me?”

“No,” Buffy said quietly, not responding well to his teasing question.

“Buffy.” He sat up and before Buffy knew what was happening, she was in his arms. “I’ll be coming back for you. In fact, you’re never getting rid of me. I promise to be the thorn in your lovely side forever.”

“Yay, my very own stalker.” Buffy’s voice wasn’t as sarcastic as she had hoped. She sighed and wiggled into him. “Maybe you should go now and then I won’t have to wait so long.”

“You’ll miss me?” Spike asked in a husky voice.

She nodded, not able to say the words.

“Can I get a kiss for luck?”

Nodding again, she whimpered as he kissed her.

“Wait for me…just a few days, I’ve waited…”

“I know,” Buffy kissed his cheek. “I know, Spike.”
***
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