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Spike stood for a moment, in shock. He'd been with Elizabeth…no…Buffy. He'd been with Buffy, and they'd been…

It was over. The sense of loss he felt was acute, tearing at him from the inside. He'd had the woman he loved in his arms, and now she was gone, running from him—running from what they'd had.

Without thinking, Spike went after her, out of the Magic Box.

And into the sunlight.

As he began to smoke, he heard a high-pitched scream, and then felt arms wrap around him and pull him until they stumbled backwards into the shop.

"Spike…you think maybe you could get the hell off of me?" a familiar, male voice grunted from beneath him.

Spike got up, dusting himself off. He looked down to see Xander on the ground, wiping his brow. Xander had just saved him? Maybe they were still in Bizzaro World. He held his hand out, helping the other man up. "Um…thanks."

"Yeah, well, I didn't feel like having to clean your dust up from in front of the store," Xander muttered, letting go of Spike's hand the second he was upright.

Suddenly, Spike felt something hit him, and looked down to see Dawn clinging to him. "You scared me, running out there," she said.

"Sorry, nibblet. Where your sis and I were, I could go out in the sunlight. I guess I just forgot that I'm not really supposed to do that." With those words, Spike felt an overwhelming sense of despair fill him. He couldn't go out in the sunlight anymore, and he'd wager that he no longer had a heartbeat. He'd never thought he'd really care about those things, but now that he couldn't give them to Buffy anymore…

And Buffy had run into the sunlight. Back into her world, a place where he couldn't go.

"I have to go," Spike said, pulling away from Dawn. "I have to…" He needed to get away. He couldn't go after Buffy, and he wasn't even sure that he should. His mind was racing, his thoughts everywhere.

"Are you okay?" Dawn asked, her big, soft eyes looking too much like Buffy's for Spike at the moment.

He looked away. "Yeah, I'm… I have to go," he said again before hurrying out of the Magic Box, this time using his usual sewer exit.

"Well, he was acting weird," Xander said. "Even for Spike."

Anya shrugged. "Well, a few minutes ago, he was hanging out on a pirate ship after just marrying Buffy. Now he's here, and she ran away. Gotta be disorienting."

"Marrying Buffy!" Xander exclaimed. "When did that happen? And why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't tell you, because it was the end of the book, and I knew they'd be out soon," Anya said. "But it was a nice little ceremony, even if Rupert was drunk the whole time. You conducted it, Xander."

Xander's exclamation of "I what!?" managed to drown out Giles muttering, "Well, I'd have to be drunk if Spike and Buffy were getting married."

"You conducted the ceremony," Anya said, patiently, as if speaking to a child. "Or the version of you in the book anyway. See, he was Spike's first mate, and…"

"Spike's first mate? What sort of insane book is that?"

"He…or you…whatever…Anyway, that Xander was his first mate and William made him captain, so he married them." Anya frowned. "I'm not sure that ceremony was entirely legal. I mean, they were out of England, so I don't think they needed to post the banns, but…"

"Of course it wasn't legal! It was in a book! This is all insane!"

"Um, you guys? Do you think maybe we should check on Spike and Buffy?" Tara asked, everyone turning to face her as she did. "I…I mean, they have to be reeling from what just happened to them."

"Spike won't want company," Dawn said. "He'll be drinking, and possibly breaking stuff. But I'll go see if I can find Buffy."

"Okay Dawn," Giles said. "And have Buffy contact us later, would you?"

"I will," Dawn said with a nod before leaving the Magic Box.

"How did they get out anyway?" Willow asked. "I didn't do a spell…"

Anya shrugged. "The book was over."

*** *** ***

"Buffy! You're home!"

Buffy stopped in front of the stairs as he mother came rushing towards her, enveloping her in a hug. "Yeah, I'm home," Buffy said, weakly returning the gesture.

Joyce pulled away from her daughter. "Mr. Giles said you were trapped in a book? With Spike?"

"Yeah."

"I've heard of a lot of weird things since we moved to Sunnydale, but… Are you okay, Buffy?"

"I need to lie down for a bit, okay?"

"Sure, honey. Let me know if you need anything, all right?"

"I will."

Buffy walked up the stairs and to her room, sitting down on her bed. She knew she should be happy to be home, happy to be back with her family and friends. So why did she feel this way? She felt empty and lost, the pain welling up inside her almost unbearable. She hadn't felt this way since…

Since Angel moved to LA.

She picked Mr. Gordo up off her pillow, holding the stuffed pig as she curled into a ball on her bed, tears spilling from her eyes before she could stop them. Something inside her was screaming for her husband, for the man that she'd pledged herself to for all eternity, and the pain of knowing there was no real person to answer that need tore her apart.

She closed her eyes, but all she could see was William, looking at her with so much love. But none of that was real, that it all had been the product of a fantasy. She didn't have William, and she never would again.

Buffy barely registered the knock on her door right before Dawn peeked her head in. "Buffy?"

Dawn watched her sister for a moment, noting how her only movement was from the sobs wracking her body. "Do you want to talk about it?" Buffy was silent, staying curled in a ball on her bed. Dawn's thoughts were drawn back to not so long ago, when Riley had left. Buffy had been upset then, too.

But she hadn't been this upset…

Dawn sat beside Buffy, reaching out tentatively to touch her arm. "What happened, Buffy? Why did you run out of the Magic Box like that?"

Buffy's only response was to cry harder.

"Spike tried to go after you. He ran outside and…"

Buffy sat up suddenly, her eyes wild. "It was sunny out there! He…oh, god…"

"No! He's okay, Buffy. Xander pulled him back in."

Buffy's shoulders slumped forward in relief. "He shouldn't have done that."

"Xander?"

"No! Spike! He shouldn't have…he shouldn't have run after me like that."

"He seemed upset, too, Buffy."

"Well, of course he was," Buffy said, her tone suddenly bitter. "If you were a vampire, and you'd just been forced to be all lovey-dovey about a Slayer for days, wouldn't you be bitter, too."

Dawn frowned. "Buffy, I don't think that was it. He looked…sad. Sorta like you do now, only with less hysterical sobbing." She cleared her throat. "Anya said the two of you got married…in the book?"

"William and Elizabeth got married."

"But you were William and Elizabeth, right?"

"No. Not really. It wasn't…" Buffy doubled over, clutching her face in her hands. "Oh, Dawnie, none of it was real! I was so happy, and so in love, and then it was all taken away from me. I lost the man I loved."

Dawn wrapped her arms around Buffy, trying to soothe her. "But Spike is still here. I'm sure he went back to his crypt. You could…"

Buffy pulled up, shaking her head. "No. I…I can't. Spike can't love me, not here. He's…he's a vampire. He doesn't have a soul. He can't love me. The book only made him think he did, and now he'd…" Buffy's voice trailed off into another fit of tears.

"But…but he loved Drusilla. You know he did, Buffy. Couldn't it be possible for him to love you now?"

"No! It was just the book. He can't love me outside the book."

Dawn managed to meet her sister's eyes. "Do you still love him?"

Buffy said nothing, but the flash that Dawn saw in her eyes was all she needed to know. Buffy fell forward, and Dawn held on to her, trying her best to comfort her sister.

*** *** ***

Spike sat in a chair in his crypt, whiskey bottle in hand. He'd been taking one long drink straight from the bottle after another, hoping that it would dull some of the pain.

It didn't.

Over and over again, the memory of watching Buffy run from him played in his mind. He remembered the look in her eyes when she realized where and who they were, and knew what she had to be feeling.

Hate. Loathing. Disgust.

He knew she'd be angry at herself as well as him, but knowing Buffy and her holier-than-thou attitude, she'd quickly make it all about him. She'd dismiss all the whispered words of love, all the passionate touches, and go back to hating him with a blind fury.

Just like she had after that bloody engagement spell…

Spike took another drink from the bottle and sneered. Who was she to think that she was better than him? That she hadn't felt it just as strongly as he had? Self-righteous little bitch, always assuming that no soul meant no feelings. Wasn't his fault that her Great Ponce of an ex had been a bland, emotionless wanker.

The door to his crypt slid open, and Spike looked up sharply, blinking as he wondered if his eyes were playing tricks on him. "Buffy?"

Buffy willed herself to keep her distance from him. She wasn't even sure why she'd come here, knowing that it couldn't possibly go the way she wanted it to go. He wasn't going to sweep her into his arms and love her the way William had. But Dawn had encouraged her, told her she had to go talk to Spike now, before too much time had passed. And honestly, she wanted to see him. After everything that had happened between Elizabeth and William, being separated now hurt, even if she knew that things weren't the same.

"We have to talk," Buffy said, pulling herself up straight.

Yeah, Spike had seen this coming. Now it would be time for the threats. If you tell anyone about this, I kill you, etc. "Save it, Slayer," he growled. "I have no desire to hear a sodding thing that comes out of your mouth."

Buffy's lip trembled at his harsh words, but she refused to start crying again. Instead, she surveyed the litter at the bottom of his chair. "You've been drinking?"

"Well, yeah. Had to get the Buffy taste out of my mouth, didn't I?"

Buffy felt like she'd been hit. She'd known that he'd be cold to her now that they were back in the real world, but this… "I hate you," Buffy said before turning and running from the crypt.

"Yeah, mutual!" Spike yelled back. Spike glared down into his whiskey bottle before throwing it against the wall.

*** *** ***

Yep, I'm still evil. Bet you're all out there thinking of ways to hurt me, aren't ya?

This story is nearing the end, though it's not quite over yet. And I promise, I'll stop being mean soon…

On a side note, Joyce will not die in this fic. Let's just say her operation went smoothly, there were no complications, and she'll live until the ripe old age of 102. Why? Cause I'm the writer and I say so, that's why!

Review please. Reviews are fodder for the muse.





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