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Dawn couldn't sleep. Despite the fact that walls and closed doors muted the sound, she was keenly aware of her sister's heartbroken sobs. She hadn't known Buffy to be this upset in a long time.

"Or ever, really," Dawn muttered to herself. "Since I didn't actually exist yet the last time."

Dawn still couldn't quite wrap her head around that concept. She was mystical energy and her memories were all fake. Even for the Hellmouth, that was weird.

And she'd done nothing but cause problems since she had been put into human form. Glory was after Buffy, and Dawn knew that was all her fault. Things would be hard enough for her sister without a hellgod to contend with, and Dawn had brought that down on her.

She wondered, too, if she'd had anything to do with her mother's illness. What if she was radiating some sort of energy that had sparked a tumor in Joyce's brain? She knew if she voiced that fear to anyone, they'd tell her it was insane, but she couldn't help feeling it. It had all started after Dawn arrived, after all. Who better to blame than herself?

Buffy's crying was getting worse. Dawn felt an overwhelming urge to comfort her, to help her. She had to bring something beneficial into their lives, be something other than a destructive force.

Dawn crept out of her room and into Buffy's, climbing into the bed next to her sister. Buffy looked up at her, her eyes red and puffy. "Hey, you," she said hoarsely.

"Hey," Dawn replied, smiling as she pushed Buffy's hair back from her face. Buffy thought in that moment Dawn looked older than her age, almost as if she could see part of her real ancient nature shining back in her eyes.

"Was I keeping you up?" Buffy asked. "I'm sorry, I…I wanted to be quiet, but…"

"It's okay. I'm glad I'm awake. You look like you could use some company." Dawn paused for a moment, then said, "And don't worry about Mom. She's asleep. She's still taking those pills the doctors gave her post-op. I think she could sleep through World War III."

Buffy chuckled lightly. "Probably. Dawnie?"

"Yeah?"

"How long was I gone?"

"About a day," Dawn replied. "Not long at all. I'd only been out of school a couple of hours when you got back."

"Oh. It seemed a lot longer for me. Weeks…maybe even months. I don't know how long we were on the island…"

"Island?"

"Yeah…Spike…er, William and I…or Elizabeth…well, we were on this island together. And at first I was afraid, because we were stranded there, and then there was this skeleton of a man we found, and I thought that we'd die, but we didn't…and…and then it was nice."

"Nice? What did you do?"

Buffy turned bright red. "Things you don't discuss with your little sister."

Dawn blushed, too. "Oh. So…so you and Spike were, um, pretty close, huh?"

"Yeah. We were. I loved him. Or she loved him. I don't know. It's all so confusing."

"Why don't you tell me about it?" Dawn suggested. "It might help."

"There's no reason to. It wasn't real."

"Neither were the first thirteen years of my life, but I'm not going to say they didn't exist. I have the memories. It's like I lived them. I can still taste the cookies grandma used to bake. I can still remember the smell in the kitchen of our old house after the…incident." Dawn smiled a little at the way Buffy's mouth quirked at that. "I can remember running around the backyard with you when we were kids, and how Dad would always yell at us about how we were going to fall and break out necks. I can remember so much from those thirteen years, and in that way, they're real."

Buffy sat up, and for a moment, Dawn thought she was going to bolt. She didn't. She pulled her knees up to her chin and took a deep breath. "I woke up on the pirate ship. Giles was there, only it wasn't Giles. It was weird, book Giles. But then Spike was there, and he was the pirate captain. And then there was Angelus, and he wanted to kill us. We ended up on this island, and then somehow…we fell in love. We kept switching back and forth between ourselves and our characters, and I want to say that it was Elizabeth loving William and that was it, but Dawn, I felt it even when Elizabeth wasn't there. And then it was just Elizabeth, but…but I still knew everything that was going on. And I know I was still affecting her. Or me. Elizabeth was in control, but…but I was Elizabeth, too."

Buffy grew silent again, and Dawn mulled over what she had just said. Granted, it was confusing, trying to sort out the whole Buffy/Elizabeth thing, but if Buffy had still felt like she was herself when she was her character, even if the character was technically in control… "I bet it was the same for Spike. With William. If William loved you, then Spike would have to, too."

Buffy looked at her sister, and Dawn saw the tears reforming. "He doesn't. I know he doesn't."

"What did Spike say when you went to talk to him tonight, Buffy?"

Buffy's gaze fell to the bedspread. "It didn't go well."

"I gathered that much. Details?"

"He was just…mean. He said he didn't want to talk to me, and that he had to drink to get my taste out of his mouth."

"And?"

Buffy ran her finger over the bed, tracing out her own pattern. "I said I hated him."

"Buffy!" Dawn screeched, sitting up. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I do! He's an evil vampire, and…"

"Oh, stop right there. I mean, sure, he's evil, but he's also…well, sorta good. You and I both know he's not like other vampires, Buffy. You think Angelus would've gone with me when I broke into the Magic Box to make sure I didn't get hurt?"

"He should've brought you back inside the house."

"And then I would've snuck out again. Spike knew that. He kept me safe that night, Buffy. That's not an evil thing to do. And what about last week, when he let me and mom stay in his crypt? He let me paint his nails."

"Spike paints his nails anyway."

"Yeah, but still… an evil vampire sitting still while a teenager does his nails? Not exactly of the norm."

"I… It doesn't matter, Dawnie. Spike and I can't have here what William and Elizabeth had in the book. It isn't possible."

"How do you know? You haven't even given it a shot."

"Spike doesn't have a soul, Dawn."

"He has a chip. Same dif."

"No, it isn't."

"I think he loves you, Buffy. I mean, have you seen the way he looks at you? It's like you're the only woman in the world." Dawn's eyes lit up, as if suddenly getting an idea. "And you know, I bet that's why he's been all big about helping you on patrol lately. It's sorta romantic."

"That he wants to kill things for me? Ugh, no. And he only helps me on patrol so he can get his violence on. Nothing romantic about that at all."

"You are so stubborn. Like when we were younger, and you insisted for months that you could teach the dog to talk."

"He was right on the verge of speaking, I swear!"

"See. Stubborn. And Buffy, you obviously want to be with him. Otherwise you wouldn't be in here sobbing your eyes out."

"What I want and what I can have are two different things. I've been down this road before. I know where it leads."

"You have? Refresh my memory and tell me when you've dated Spike before."

Buffy gave her sister a dirty look. "I've dated a vampire before, Dawn. It's the same thing."

"It is not!"

"Yes, it is! You just need to understand that, okay?"

"Do you know what it would be like to date Xander?"

"Huh?"

"Answer the question, Buffy."

"Well, no, I guess. I mean, I can speculate since I know him, but I don't know exactly what it would be like to date Xander."

"But you dated Riley."

"They're two different…" Buffy stopped, realizing where Dawn was going with this. "Oh. Clever."

"See? Saying you know what it would be like to date Spike because you've dated Angel and they're both vampires is just like saying you know what it would be like to date Xander because you dated Riley, and they're both humans. My English teacher is always going on about not making overgeneralizations, and that's just what you're doing."

"I'm not writing an essay."

"No, you're making important life decisions. I have a few hints from my guidance counselor about those…"

"And you can save them. But I get what you're saying."

"So go talk to Spike? Possibly when he's not drinking?"

"I've already talked to Spike. He's not William, and he doesn't want me. End of story."

"Argh! There it is again! Stubbornness! Do you really want to just stay here by yourself and be miserable?"

Buffy's eyes clouded over. "I don't have a choice, Dawn. Spike and I just can't be together in this world. I have to deal with and accept that."

Dawn stood up. "Fine. But you're making a mistake."

"I'm not."

Dawn sighed. "I'm going back to bed, Buffy. Try to get some sleep."

"Good night, Dawn."

"Good night." Dawn walked out of the bedroom, frustrated, but with no intention of giving up. If she couldn't talk any sense into her sister, well, then she'd just have to come up with something else.

*** *** ***

Spike was used to waking up with a headache the morning after a night of heavy drinking.

What he wasn't used to was having that headache coming from something smacking him repeatedly in the head.

He opened his eyes to see a very angry looking Dawn Summers, her hand poised to hit him again. He jumped up. "Bloody hell, woman! What are you doing?"

"I was trying to knock some sense into you," Dawn said, hands now perched on her hips. "Oh, and I wanted to hurt you for making my sister cry. Did either one work?"

"Well, you hurt me all right, you little…" Spike stopped abruptly. "Buffy was crying?"

"Yep. Sobbing her heart out all night. Said it was all your fault."

"My fault. My fault?" Spike chuckled humorously. "She's the one who ran off. And the one who said she hated me, I might add."

"She didn't mean that. You know Buffy, make her mad enough, and anything's liable to come out of her mouth. But she doesn't hate you. She loves you."

Spike stared at Dawn for a moment. "You're cracked."

"It's true. She told me last night during the sobfest. Oh, and that's what she was coming to talk to you about when she came to your crypt last night."

"She….what?" Spike sat back down.

"She wanted to know if you still felt what William felt. And judging from what I saw last night, she's thinking you don't. So…" Dawn walked over and smacked him hard on the side of the head again.

"Ow! Would you bloody cut that out! Evil lil' chit…"

"Hey, I'm trying to help you. I want my sister to be happy. She's had a hard enough time as it is, and if you can make her happy, then I want you to be with her. That, and you're way cooler than any of those lame losers she's dated before. Anyway, you've gone and messed things up big time, so it's going to take some serious work if you want to convince Buffy that you can love her, and that you can, you know, give up all the evil stuff."

"What! I'm not giving up any evil!"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Please, Spike. You haven't been the Big Bad for a while, and you know it. So give it a rest already."

"I am so! It's just this chip!"

Dawn crossed her arms in front of her and arched an eyebrow. "Oh, really? So if the chip stopped working right this very second, you'd drain me dry."

"You bet I would."

"Liar. Anyway, I know you're totally in love with Buffy, and she's totally in love with you, so we're going to have to make this work."

"You do know you're insane, don't you?"

"Spike, would you focus? I'm sure between the two of us, we can wear her down. It's just going to take some work. You know how Buffy is, and she's got that whole no soul equals bad programming we're going to have to deal with. Any suggestions?"

"You stop skipping your meds?"

"Spike! You are being no help. Come on, do you want Buffy or not?"

Spike sighed, looking down at the stone floor of his crypt. "I'm never going to get Buffy, bit."

"Ugh. You are just as stubborn as she is. So you're gonna what, sit around here moping and drinking, and feeling all sorry for yourself. That really is pathetic. You're less of the Big Bad than I thought."

Spike's head shot up. "Oi. Watch it. I told you I'm still the Big Bad."

"So prove it. You want something, you take it. Stop being a big baby, and get Buffy."

Spike looked almost hopeful. "You really think I can?"

"I know you can. With my help of course."

"So what do we do?"

Dawn plopped down in front of Spike's chair, sitting cross-legged. "We plan."

*** *** ***

Okay, the reviews for the last chapter were way down on all the sites where I post, so I'm thinking one of two things—either people aren't interested anymore, or I'm updating too frequently, and need to cut back from this updating almost every day thing I'm trying. What do you have to say?





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