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Buffy took off Harmony's clothes as soon as she got into her bedroom, wadding them up and throwing them in the corner. She stared down at the damp pile, wondering if Spike had ever taken them off of the blonde vampiress. The thought made her stomach turn.

She heard a soft knock on the door and looked up sharply. "Buffy?" her mother called from the other side.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"There's pizza downstairs if you're hungry, sweetheart."

"I'm fine. I think I'm just going to turn in for the night."

"Are you sure? I know you're usually really hungry after patrol…"

"It wasn't a very busy night, with the rain and all."

"Oh." A pause before Joyce spoke again. "Can I come in?"

"Just a minute. Let me get dressed." Buffy grabbed a pair of flannel pajamas from her drawer, in the mood for something warm and comforting. She put them on quickly, then called to her mother. "Come on in."

Joyce opened the door slowly, coming in the room almost tentatively. "I feel like I never come in here anymore."

"I'm barely in here anymore," Buffy replied.

"You haven't changed it much since we moved in," Joyce said, looking around.

"I like having something in my life that stays the same."

Joyce smiled softly at her daughter, tucking a wet strand of hair behind Buffy's ear. "Are you sure you're not hungry? If you don't want pizza, maybe we could get something else? It's late, but there's some drive-thrus…"

"I'm fine. And what's with the Mom overload?"

"I just…I love you, Buffy. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do. And I love you, too." Buffy frowned. "Is everything okay? Did…did something happen? Are you still sick?"

"I'm fine, honey. I had a check up today, and everything's going as well as the doctors hoped. They got it all, and the doctors say my recovery is going very, very well. It's just… I keep thinking about how close I was to being gone from the lives of my girls. There's so much we wouldn't have been able to do, and I…" Joyce stopped, wrapping her arms around Buffy in a fierce hug.

Buffy felt tears pricking her eyes as she returned her mother's embrace. "I know. I don't know what I would've done if…"

"Shh. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. Not for a long time."

Buffy looked up, though she kept her arms tightly around Joyce. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, baby." Joyce kissed Buffy's forehead. "You're all cold and wet. Would you like some hot chocolate?"

Buffy blinked, thinking back to when Spike had offered her the same thing a short time before. He'd been taking care of her… "I just had some. Thanks, though."

"You did?" Joyce asked with a frown. "Where?"

Buffy pulled away. "Spike's."

"Was he helping you patrol?"

"No. I went alone tonight. It just started raining, so I went over there because it was closer than home. And he gave me some dry clothes and hot chocolate."

"Oh. Well, it's good to know he does actually drink it."

"Huh?"

"Oh, I give it to him to take back to his crypt with him. He likes it."

"You give Spike hot chocolate?"

"Yes."

"When do you do this?"

"He comes over here," Joyce replied. "We talk. You didn't know that?"

"Uh, no. What do you and Spike talk about?"

Joyce shrugged. "Different things. He's a very nice young man."

Buffy suppressed the urge to giggle insanely at Spike being described as a "very nice young man." "I just never thought about Spike coming over here. It seems so odd…"

"Not really. He told me I remind him of his mother. I think they were very close. Besides, everyone needs a little mothering now and then."

Buffy lowered her head slightly, glancing upwardly at her mother. "So you, um…like Spike?"

"As someone to share a cup of hot chocolate with now and then, yes. As a boyfriend for you, I'm not so sure."

Buffy looked down at the floor. "Me either."

"Is this because you were in a romance novel with him?"

Buffy looked up sharply. "You knew it was a romance novel? Did they actually tell you that? I mean, you're my mom, and…ew."

"Well, they didn't exactly tell me, but when I asked Rupert what book it was, he started stammering a lot and polishing his glasses. That was a bit of a tip off."

"I guess the book was part of it," Buffy said, looking back down. "But Spike said tonight that there's this instruction book, and it says that it creates things based on feelings you already have, so I had to really be in love with him, not just thinking I was because of the book."

"And are you?"

Buffy's answer was barely audible. "Yes."

Joyce felt herself torn in two different directions. Buffy was obviously hurting, and the last thing she wanted was for her little girl to hurt. But on the other hand, she wanted something other for Buffy than a vampire. Although Riley had been human, and he certainly hadn't done Buffy any good… Joyce had been firmly against the idea of Buffy being with a vampire when it came to Angel, but looking back on it now, she saw how much of that was just not liking Angel. And she hadn't. Not even when she had thought he was simply Buffy's history tutor. He had looked at her daughter in a way that the mother in Joyce had rebelled at.

Spike looked at Buffy like she was something wonderful, a treasure. And the tone in his voice whenever he talked about her… He was bright and handsome, both things she'd wish for Buffy to find in a boyfriend. And he was always well-mannered, at least around Joyce, which was very high on her list. The way she saw it, a young man should always be respectful to his girlfriend's mother, and bonus points if it didn't seem forced.

Honestly, other than the whole undead issue, Spike was exactly the kind of man Joyce would want for Buffy. She supposed if it meant Buffy was happy, she could overlook that one thing…

"I think you should follow you your heart, Buffy."

Buffy blinked, gaping at her mother for a moment. "Huh?"

"If your heart is telling you to be with Spike, you should. Yes, in an ideal world, I'd prefer my daughter not to be with a vampire, but…" Joyce let out a deep breath. "Life's too short to not be with the person you love."

Buffy felt a lump rise in her throat, her mother's words hitting her hard. She was the Slayer. She'd known from the beginning that that came with an expiration date. Even if you lived to be a hundred, life was short. When there was a very good chance you wouldn't see thirty…

"I need…I haven't decided yet," Buffy said.

Joyce squeezed Buffy's hand. "Whatever you decided, sweetheart, I'll support you."

"Thanks, Mom."

"If you change your mind about being hungry…"

"I'll come downstairs."

Joyce smiled. "Okay. Good night, Buffy."

"Night, Mom."

*** *** ***

Buffy couldn't sleep. Her eyes didn't seem to want to stay closed, and all she could do was stare up at the ceiling.

And think about Spike…

She could feel the walls crumbling around her heart. What Spike had said to her tonight, coupled with her mother's acceptance of any relationship that could exist between her and the vampire, had done so much to warm her towards the idea. Was it actually possible that it could work? Could she be in love and not have it end tragically? Buffy had never known love and happiness to go hand in hand. Every man she'd opened even part of her heart to had hurt her.

Maybe it was because she hadn't given it to the right one…

Was it naïve to believe that? Was it better to be jaded, to know the pain love caused and shield yourself from it?

But she was shielding herself now, and it still hurt.

She rolled over, grabbing the phone and dialing a number from memory. After several rings, a tired male voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Xander."

"Buffy? It's three in the morning. This better be an apocalypse…"

"No, sorry. World's not ending. Is Anya there?"

"Um, yeah. Why?"

"I want to talk to her."

The confusion was obvious in Xander's voice. "Okay…"

A few moments later, Anya was on the phone. "Buffy? Why in the name of all the hells are you calling me at this hour? Xander said you said the world isn't ending, so I don't see why this couldn't wait for normal business hours."

Buffy decided it was best to cut to the chase. "Spike said you told him the book can't make people fall in love."

"It can't. Is that why you're calling?"

"Yes."

Buffy could hear Anya's heavy sigh on the other end of the line. "Look, it's late, so I'm going to cut this short. The book didn't make you fall in love. You are in love. It's obvious to anyone with eyes. Go have him give you orgasms, and let me get some sleep."

Buffy heard Xander's loud exclamation of, "What! Don't tell Buffy to get…those from Spike!" followed by an "ow!" "What was that?" Buffy asked.

"Xander said something stupid, so I smacked him. Being tired makes me cranky. But according to the instructions, you love Spike. Really, I don't care what you do with your life, but personally, I think you'd be much less bitchy if you had some good sex, which I'm positive Spike could provide. I mean, have you seen the size of that bulge in his jeans. If I didn't have Xander…"

"Anya!" Buffy and Xander exclaimed in unison.

"Ow. Both of my ears hurt now. Anyway, is that all you wanted?"

"Yes. You can go back to sleep now." The only response Buffy got from Anya was the click of the telephone, followed by a dial tone.

The voice that had been telling Buffy that being with Spike was wrong kept getting quieter and quieter. He was a vampire, and that had been a problem with Angel. He didn't have a soul, and she couldn't pretend that didn't bother her.

But he loved her. And she loved him.

Life's too short to not be with the person you love…

Buffy jumped out of bed, changing her clothes quickly. She crept down the stairs and out the front door. As soon as she had it locked behind her, she took off in a run, ignoring the driving rain that was hitting her. One thought ran through her mind over and over again, kept her going.

She had to get to Spike.

Suddenly, she felt herself stopped by something in front of her, and she looked up into feral yellow eyes.

"Well, lookie what we have here, boys? Seems like someone thought it would be fun to take a jog through the cemetery at night."

Buffy sighed as the three vampires circled her. Where had these guys been when she was looking for a fight? She didn't have time for them now, not when they weren't the vampire she wanted. She put her hands on her hips. "Look, I'm not in the mood. Can we do this some other time?"

The vampire in front of her smiled, his fangs glistening in the moonlight. "Sorry, sweets. I'm hungry now."

"Fine. If that's the way you want it. We'll just have to be quick about it."

"Uh, Ralph, she ain't scared. This is the part where they're usually scared."

"That's because I'm not the one who's about to die," Buffy replied, pulling a stake from her waistband. She pushed back, driving it into the heart of the vampire who had just spoken without as much as a glance in his direction.

"Ralph!" the third vampire exclaimed. "She just dusted Leroy!"

Buffy quirked an eyebrow. There was something slightly disappointing about a vamp named Leroy. Not that Ralph was any better… But there wasn't exactly time to dwell on it now. Or even bother with the punning. She was a Slayer on a mission after all. She turned and staked the vamp who had just lamented the death of Leroy.

Ralph's eyes widened. "You're the Slayer."

"Hey, he catches on! Are you gonna run now?"

Ralph grinned. "Nope. I'm gonna kill myself a Slayer."

"Hate to break it to you, Ralph, but that's not how this is going to work."

Buffy raised her stake, only to have Ralph swipe at her with his meaty hand, knocking her down into a puddle of mud. She looked down in disgust. "Ew! And I was going to meet someone, too. You better hope he'll still want me if I'm all muddy…"

"You better hope he'll still want you when you're all dead."

"See, Ralph, we've had this conversation," Buffy said, getting back to her feet. "I'm not the one who isn't walking away from this." Ralph struck out at her again, but Buffy ducked beneath the blow, coming up to hit her mark with her stake. She dropped the piece of wood to the ground and ran through Ralph's dust.

Spike's crypt was in sight. Just a little further…

She stopped when she got to the door, taking a deep, calming breath before pushing it open and walking inside.

*** *** ***

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