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Ch. 24: A Walk to Remember

Buffy leaned against the wall, waiting for the band to emerge from backstage. It seemed like forever, and even Anya had quieted down in anticipation of a reunion with her long-parted boyfriend. The club was still hopping, with the DJ cranking out hip hop to maintain the atmosphere's energy. Still, in Buffy's mind there was no sound except for the sound of her heart beating, nervously beating in uncertainty. Surely they would get back together—based on his performance, there could be no doubt about how he felt and what he wanted. But there was doubt nonetheless. She bit her lip and tried not to play with the cuticles on her nails; they were quickly deteriorating at the rate she kept picking at them. Breathing in deeply, she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down.

"Hey, cutie."

Buffy's eyes flew open, and she almost jumped at the sound of such a silky voice near her ear.

Knowing he had surprised her, Spike grinned and leaned casually against the wall next to her. "Waiting for me?"

Buffy rolled her eyes, trying to act like she hadn't almost peed her pants just a second ago. "Actually, I'm waiting for Anya—we're supposed to have a girls night tonight."

Spike stood up straight, and his posture revealed his sudden discomfort and embarrassment. "Oh, sorry. I thought—well, maybe we can talk later?"

Buffy thought it was so cute the way he was doubting herself the same way she was—but she wasn't about to let their break-up go any longer than it needed to. She reached out and held his arm, stopping him from leaving. "Hey, I was just teasing. Of course I'm waiting for you," she said softly.

He slowly relaxed when he saw her sincerity, and he blushed a little at his own insecurities. "So, uh," he began nervously, his earlier confidence gone. "Can I walk you home?"

She nodded shyly, unsure of how to proceed in these make-up moments. Waving goodbye to Anya and Willow, she followed Spike out into the evening.

There was a full moon, and the jumpy nerves bouncing into the stars reminded her of their first walk together. She smiled a little at the memory, at the wonder she had experienced when he had first kissed her.

"Do you remember our first walk home together?" Spike murmured, slowly walking alongside her. "It was such a beautiful night, and you were so beautiful under the stars. You still are," he added shyly, nervously running his hands through his hair, not quite sure where to keep them.

Buffy blushed; it seemed that they were starting all over again, the butterflies fluttering with the newness of it all—and she loved it. This time, she slipped her hand into his, and they walked home together in comfortable silence.

She knew that she should say something, apologize for the way she'd acted and pushed him away, tell him how she'd missed him—something. But the power of silence and of her hand on his seemed to speak much more loudly and eloquently than she ever could. For now, for the time they walked hand in hand under the stars, she said nothing. And he said nothing. And yet they both knew.

Eventually they arrived at Buffy's house, and with her mom's car in the driveway and the lights on around the house, Buffy knew they'd have to say goodbye pretty soon. Leading him up to the door, she turned to him, still holding his hand.

Looking up at him, eyes wide with regret, Buffy murmured, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I let my temper get to me and push you away. I guess I just—" She bit her lip, trying to articulate her swirling thoughts. "I can't explain it, really. I guess sometimes I get a little crazy, thinking about what will happen in the future and all, and I let it get to me, and to you. I'm sorry."

Spike let her have her words, not wanting to break in until she was finished. When she stopped, he took her hand and held it to his heart. "No, I'm sorry. I let my temper get to me, and I let my anger dictate my thoughts. I can't tell you how sorry I was when I finally calmed down. I wanted so much to go back and change things."

"Me, too!" Buffy exclaimed, glad that they were both being so honest.

"But I do want to say this." He wanted to be completely frank with her, so he breathed in and dove blindly. "Honestly, I don't think about marriage—but not because I don't care about you enough. I'm a guy—I don't think about marriage. Hell, I barely think about my own future. But I do think about now—and right now I want to be with you. Do you think that's enough? For now?" He looked into her eyes, wanting so much to kiss her but wanting to get his words out first.

Buffy nodded, her eyes down. "I guess it's just a girly thing, always thinking about marriage and stuff. But it means a lot to me that you're telling me. And it's enough—for now." She smiled coyly, looking up at him through thick lashes. "So are you gonna kiss me now or what?"

Spike chuckled. "God, I missed you!" And with that he drew her close, pressing his lips against hers and feeling the thrill zing back and forth between them. He kept the kiss slow and tantalizing, caressing her tongue and rubbing her cheek with his thumb, savoring its smoothness. He slowly broke away and eased into a hug, loving the way she fit so perfectly into the crook of his neck.

Though the kiss was fabulous—much better than what she'd been imagining all these days—the hug had an intimacy that made her feel as if she were returning home. His familiar scent, the way she melted so naturally into his body—these were the little things that truly completed her joy.

"I'd better go in. Mom's probably waiting up," she said into his neck, finishing her sentence with a little kiss to that smooth slope of his jawline.

His body tightened; even the tiniest kiss made his whole body crackle with electricity. He intentionally separated them, not wanting her to feel his reaction. "Yeah, I guess so. So, you're my girl again?" he said lightly, smoothing back her hair with affection.

"Yeah. You're my guy again?" she replied, mussing up his hair a little.

"Yup." He kissed her lightly one last time, and then smiled broadly. "So I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

"Okay. Goodnight." She started to open the door, but her eyes were still on him. "Sweet dreams," she whispered, her tone intimating much more.

He tried to look nonchalant, but his body was pushing him to press himself against her, kiss her silly, make up for all that lost time. Instead he waved a little awkwardly and shoved his hands into his pockets. When she finally disappeared into the house, he took a deep breath, adjusted himself a little, and slowly turned to walk home.

Once inside, Buffy leaned back against the door, a silly grin on her face.

"Well, Dawn? I think you owe me ten dollars." Joyce smiled at the way her eldest daughter was grinning happily, and she remembered what it felt like to be so in love.

"Mom!!! How was I supposed to know she wasn't going to be stupid the way she normally is!" Dawn whined as she stomped up the stairs.

Buffy, oblivious to their gambling on her happiness, merely sighed contentedly, eyes staring out into her own fantasies.

--

The next morning, the gang was all together again, laughing and chatting in the cafeteria—but there was something new, a feeling of precious awareness and an acknowledgement that what they had could be lost—and so they clung to it more tightly. It was a lesson that everyone learned willingly, though slowly.

Later that day, Spike was checking his email, and he noticed that Buffy had replied to his request, after they'd seen each other. Head tilted with interest, he clicked on the message.

spike...

i know that i didn't really tell you how much your song, well, songs, meant to me last night. i was too overwhelmed with just seeing you again, and i forgot to thank you for everything.

for the way you sang to me, apologized in front of so many people when i should've done the same to you...it made me want to cry—and it made me appreciate what a wonderful, loving person you are. you don't have to crawl to get to me—i could never fight the feeling when it came to you, and i hope you won't either.

and for the second song, for making it possible for me to work things out with willow and anya again—i can't begin to describe what that means to me. it was enough to be able to work things with you, but that you would think not only of us but all of us...you are truly the best. i am so incredibly lucky to have you. i will never let my temper get in the way of us again. i promise. and i also promise to avoid being irrational—yes, i admit it—when it comes to girly things. you mean too much to me, and i hope that i am worth all that you were willing to give last night.

your girl,
buffy

Trying to hide the blush that was steadily creeping up his face, Spike read the message through again and then closed the window. And then he went to go find his girl.





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