By Heather Martin

Spoilers- Set during and after Smashed. I borrowed a few lines from Wrecked as well. Has spoilers for everything up to that point. Goes AU after that

Summary- B/S T/W A/X Something goes funky with Spike and Buffy after their coupling in the abandoned house. Meanwhile, a demon and a mysterious girl come to Sunnydale from the future.

Chapter Twelve- Seeking Comfort

Buffy opened the door. She looked tired and worn out.

“Buffy. Hi.”

Tara stood before her.

“Hey.” Buffy let her friend in. “Everybody’s gone. Just you and me.”

The two women went into the living room. Buffy sat on the coffee table, facing Tara, who was on the couch.

“I checked everything. There’s . . . There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“There has to be,” Buffy insisted.

“Well, I said that there was nothing wrong with you, but ... you are different. Shifting you out of ... f-from where you were ... funneling your essence back into your body ... it altered you on a basic molecular level. Probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in Spike's chip. But it's all just surface-y physical stuff. It wouldn't have any more effect than ... a bad sunburn.”

Buffy was quiet for a moment, contemplating this.

“I’m not wrong?” Buffy finally asked.

“No. You’re the same Buffy. Just with a cellular tan,” Tara explained.

“If that’s true. . . Then why?”

Tara leaned forward. Her face was kind and understanding.

“Why what, Buffy?”

The slayer shook her head. “You overlooked something. Will you check again?”

Worried, Tara said, “I promise you, Buffy. There is nothing wrong with you.”

“There has to be! This just can't be me, it isn't me.” Tears swam in Buffy’s eyes. “Why do I feel like this? How could I do those things with Spike?”

Tara gaped. “What things?”

The slayer lifted her head. Her gaze met Tara’s and then shifted away again.

A frown marred Tara’s features. “Oh,” she said as she began to understand.

“He's everything I hate,” Buffy choked out. “He’s a murderous, unclean thing.”

Tara took Buffy’s hands in hers. “Buffy?” Buffy reluctantly looked at her. “Spike isn’t a vampire anymore.”

The tears in Buffy’s eyes flowed more freely. Her shoulder shook.

“Buffy, have you comprehended this? Deep down?”

“I-I went t-to him even after . . .” Choked up by sobs, Buffy could hardly get her words out. “I treated him like a monster.”

“But you won’t again,” Tara assured her. She stroked her hands. “It’s all right. Everything’s all right now.”

Sliding off the table, Buffy fell to her knees on the floor. She put her head in Tara’s lap. Tara seemed uncertain at first, but then stroked her friend’s hair.

Muffled, Buffy said, “Nothing’s all right. I don’t think anything will be all right again.”

“You made a mistake, Buffy. You can learn from it. Not do it again,” Tara told her.

“Things still won’t be all right. The damage is done.” Buffy raised her head. “I’ll still be pregnant.”

Tara’s eyes enlarged. “Buffy!?”

“Don’t tell anyone. Please,” Buffy begged.

Recovering, Tara responded. “I won’t.”

“The way they would look at me . . . I just couldn’t . . .”

“I won’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t do that. But you are going to have to tell them eventually. Have you told Spike?”

Buffy shook her head.

“Do you love him?”

Startled, Buffy backed away slightly.

“It’s okay if you do. He’s human now. And even before he’s done some good.”

“I-can’t,” Buffy choked.

Buffy had another crying attack. “Can you tell me now that I’m not wrong? How can you? This morning I contemplated destroying my baby! I thought about abortion, Tara!”

Tara fought crying herself.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Buffy confessed. “I never would have thought that before Glory. I never would have let this happen in the first place.”

The slayer reached out and hugged Tara. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

************************

Mindy (not Mandy) smiled at Spike. “I had a good time.”

“Yeah. The movie was fun,” he told her.

They stood outside her house.

“Well . . .”

“I better get going.” He began to turn away.

She grabbed him, bringing him toward her again. She smashed her lips down on his, kissing him with passion. She plunged her tongue into his mouth with fury.

When they separated, Spike was stunned.

“Call me, okay,” Mindy said. She grinned, heading inside.

**************************

There were four rings before her call was answered. Across the ocean, a voice said, “Hello?”

“Giles?”

“Buffy? So good to hear from you. How are things?”

Buffy twirled the phone cord with her finger. “They’ve been better.”

“What is it? Is there something you have to face?”

“Y-yes. There is a big bad after me. But that isn’t why I called.”

“What is troubling you, Buffy? Is there something I can do?”

“Yes. Come back to Sunnydale.”

There was a sigh. “Buffy . . .?”

“No, Giles . . . I need you.”

“What is going on?”

“I . . . I just need you. I can’t tell you over the phone.”

“Is it really that dire?”

She stifled a sob. “Yes, Giles, it really is.”

“Very well then. I’ll be on the next plane out.”

“Th-Thank you, Giles.”

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I’m changing the category to angst. I think it is more appropriate. I haven’t even started any action yet.

What do you guys think?