By Heather Martin

Spoilers- Set during and after Smashed. I borrowed a few lines from Wrecked as well. Has spoilers for everything up to that point. Goes AU after that

Summary- B/S T/W A/X Something goes funky with Spike and Buffy after their coupling in the abandoned house. Meanwhile, a demon and a mysterious girl come to Sunnydale from the future.

Chapter Eighteen- Love and Hate

Buffy opened her eyes. The sun shown through the window, bathing her in radiance. She was enveloped in something as warm as the rays. She moaned in contentment, rolling over.

Her gaze fell on Spike. She soaked in the sight of him, noticing how childlike he looked while asleep. His hair was free of gel, falling in gentle curls around his face. The arm around her twitched, the first sign of his arousal. Everything came rushing back. She remembered their sleeping arrangements last night; and also his private conversation to their unborn child that she had invaded upon.

Spike shifted, his crystal blue orbs coming to life. They focused on her. At that moment she could see the love the pair held. It had always been there, she was sure, but she had never truly acknowledged it until then. Probably because she hadn’t wanted to.

“Do you want me to go?” Spike asked.

It was strange how fast something could change. Yesterday morning Buffy would have cast him aside without a second thought.

“No,” Buffy replied. “I want you to stay.”

Shock and then confusion passed over him. He rose up on his elbows, taking her in.

“What is this? There is only so much a bloke can take. Are you serious? I don’t think I can stand it if you deny this ever happened and kick me aside.”

She shook her head. “I’m through hurting you, Spike. It’s not good for either of us. Or . . . Or our daughter.”

“Is that what this is then? An attempt to make things right for the baby? A front so she won’t suspect mummy hates daddy. I won’t live a lie, Buffy.”

Sadness fell over her. She’d done real damage to him. Would she be able to fix it? Or was it too late?

“I don’t hate you, Spike. I haven’t for a long time,” she told him.

“What is it you feel then? Do you feel anything at all for me?”

She could tell from his voice that not feeling anything would be far worse than hate.

“I care about you,” she truthfully said.

The expression on his face turned to hope.

“And . . .” She took a deep breath. “I’d like to change that.”

“Change it?” His tone was cold, thinking her words meant something else.

“Yes,” she said gently. “I’d like to make it more.”

“What exactly are you saying, ducks?”

Pleading, Buffy asked, “Will you help me love you, Spike?”

That left him speechless. He stared at her in disbelief.

Smiling, she took his hand. “I think it would be best for all three of us. Don’t you agree?”

His mouth slowly turned into a grin. “Buffy?” he choked. “I . . .”

“So, it’s settled,” she declared. “Buffy mission finding love is now in session.”

That was how Spike became Buffy’s boyfriend. No one fought it. Although, the most likely candidate to do so was missing. Two days went by and neither Xander no Anya had been seen. Everyone was worried. Even Spike was a little concerned. Mostly because they were important to Buffy, and Buffy was important to him.

On the third day, Willow was considering going to Tara for help. Her ex-girlfriend could do a location spell to help. Just as she had made up her mind to do so, the two showed up.

Xander and Anya came into the Magic Box, holding hands. Willow instantly stood up. She put on her resolve face, determined to find out answers.

“You are in big trouble, mister!” Willow declared. “Where have you been?”

“Sorry, Will,” Xander apologized. “I should have told you all that we were leaving.”

“Yeah, you so should have. We were tempted to go to desperate measures. Like slapping your picture on milk cartons.”

At that moment Buffy and Spike came out of the training room. Spike looked exhausted and sore, while Buffy was glowing and full of energy. The slayer held a bottle of water in her hands. She stopped in her tracks, uncertain, when she noticed Xander and Anya.

Xander glanced Buffy’s way. “It was on the spur of the moment. I . . .”

Excitement came over Anya. “We have major news. Even more so than Buffy’s announcement.” She held up her hand. A golden band accompanied her diamond engagement ring. “Look, we got married!”

Buffy’s mouth hung open in aghast. “What about the dream wedding you had planned?”

“We decided it wasn’t needed. All it was doing was tearing us apart rather than bringing us together. We eloped.”

Willow pouted. “I can’t believe I missed your wedding, Xand.”

“We might have another one later,” Xander assured his friend.

The red-head nodded. “You promise?”

“When we’re ready. Right now I don‘t think I could handle it. I have enough to deal with.”

“On that case . . .” Willow moved forward. She hugged Xander, and then even hugged a surprised Anya. “Congratulations.”

Buffy stood there, longing to embrace her friend as well, but held back.

“Can I tell the rest?” Anya eagerly asked.

“Not yet, Ahn. In a bit. I have to do something first,” Xander told her. His eyes landed on Buffy.

“Buffy, can I-uh, can I talk to you for a moment?” He glanced at Spike. “Alone.”

Nodding, Buffy moved toward the back of the store. The newly wedded man followed behind her. They stopped near the couch in the training room. The two friends looked at each other awkwardly like strangers.

Buffy broke the silence. “So, you went and got yourself a wife?”

“Yeah.” He gave her a small smile. “I feel as if a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders. I realize now that it wasn’t marrying Anya that was the problem. It was the whole wedding thing. All I wanted was to declare my love for Anya, not a big mess.”

“Well, I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.”

There was another pause between them.

“About Spike,” they both began at the same moment.

They grinned.

Buffy gestured to Xander. “You go first.”

He sighed. “Buffy, you were right. What you do with your life is your business. I shouldn’t try to interfere even if I don’t approve.”

“I’m sorry you were the last one to know,” Buffy told him. “I wanted to tell you. You and Will were the ones I wanted to tell first, but I was afraid. I was afraid I might lose you guys.”

“I don’t wanna lose you either. I don’t know what I’d do without you or Willow.”

“Let’s not find out.”

They moved toward each other then, hugging tightly. Xander pulled back slightly.

“So, a baby, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah. Can you deal with that?” she inquired.

“I don’t have to be nice to Spike do I?”

Buffy laughed. “I’m not asking for miracles.”

“Good, cause you aren’t likely to get any.”

“You might want to know something, Xander.” She took a deep breath. “Spike is going to be hanging around a lot. We’re sort of together.”

Xander looked far from happy, but he tried to be accepting. “Are you in love with him?”

“No, I’m not. But I wish I was.”

“How can you say that, Buffy?”

“You’re supposed to be understanding Xander. Where’d he go?”

Sighing, he said, “All right. Living dead boy is going to be around, gotcha.”

“And I might fall in love with him someday.” She met his eyes. “Does the thought of that disgust you?”

“Yes,” he told her, not being able to lie. “But if it ever happens I won’t stand in your way. I’ll grit my teeth and bear.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

“Friends?”

Her smile brightened. “Friends,” she confirmed.

“As my friend,” he began, “I’d like you to be the first to know something.”

Curious, she asked, “What, Xand?”

“Anya’s going to have a baby.”

Her green eyes got large. “Oh my gosh!”

“Yeah.”

“That is so great, Xander. You’re going to be a daddy.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you excited?”

He nodded. “And petrified.”

“I think that comes with the package.”

Sudden understanding came over Buffy. “That’s why Anya was upset the other day.”

“Yeah,” Xander agreed. “You know, Ahn, she likes the spotlight.”

Buffy and Xander went back out into the main part of the store. Anya rushed over to meet them.

“Can I tell now!?” Anya questioned.

“Go ahead, Ahn,” Xander said, giving the okay.

With a squeal, Anya proclaimed, “Xander and I are going to be parents.”

__________________________________________

Was that free enough of angst for you all? : )