By Heather Martin

Spoilers- Set during and after Smashed. I borrowed a few lines from Wrecked as well. Has spoilers for everything up to that point. Goes AU after that

Summary- B/S T/W A/X Something goes funky with Spike and Buffy after their coupling in the abandoned house. Meanwhile, a demon and a mysterious girl come to Sunnydale from the future.

Notes- This has direct quotes from Into the Woods.

Sorry, everyone. Another angsty part. But don’t worry, it will lesson soon.

Chapter Nineteen- The Absence of Love (AKA Passion)

Time passed. And with each passing day Buffy tried to love Spike. She paid attention to everything he did or said. Something grew inside her. Compassion? She felt for him in a way she never had before. But in that special place in her heart, where her memories of Angel resided, it lay dormant no matter how she longed to awaken it.

Spike practically lived at the Summers’ house. He even stored some clothes there for the many nights he shared with Buffy. They had sex often. It was no longer fucking in Buffy‘s mind, but was still far from making love. Each time, she opened herself up, attempting to turn her fire into something else. As her high came, she’d look him right in the eyes. She’d soak the blue pools in, attempting to steal some of that love they held. But it never worked. All she sensed when her orgasm washed over her was pleasure and satisfaction.

Buffy entered her fourth month of pregnancy. She wore loose clothing, but if someone were to lift her top they would have been able to detect a very small bump. The day she had noticed, she had to share it with Spike.

She lay in bed, waiting for him. When he did come in, she instantly threw off the covers to expose herself. She was completely nude.

“Come here,” Buffy ordered.

Of course Spike thought she was wanting sex. He still enjoyed their intimacy, but wasn’t as eager as he used to be. Their bonding brought him sorrow afterward. He knew Buffy was trying, but he also knew that she wasn’t succeeding.

Spike came forward. When he stepped up to the bed, she pulled him down next to her. She took his hand and placed it over her middle.

“Feel that?” she questioned.

How could he not? There was a slight curve to her usually flat belly.

“That’s our baby,” she told him. “It’s growing.”

It continued to grow. Spike would monitor Buffy’s stomach every day, delighting at how it seemed bigger than the last time. It was a miracle for both of them.

Spike wondered if being human wasn’t so bad after all.

**************************

Buffy sat at the table, drinking herbal tea and looking over the paper. She was relieved to see that there were no ‘mysterious’ deaths that morning. If there had been it would have worsened her slayer withdrawal. She felt so useless and frustrated. The others assured her that there weren’t any signs of the Gestalt demon as of yet, and that their attempts at slaying were paying off.

Just then Alexis entered the room. She halted, seemingly startled by Buffy’s presence. She had been acting that way a lot lately. She tended to keep to herself most of the time, as if she were avoiding the rest of them.

“Do you want breakfast?” Buffy asked, putting down the newspaper. “I can make you eggs.”

“N-no thanks. I was just gonna have some fruit loops,” Alexis informed.

The slayer shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

The teen got out the milk and started to dump cereal into a bowl. She drowned the fruit loops, and then dived a spoon into it. She prepared to exit the room.

“Hey, Alexis, why don’t you sit with me?” Buffy asked. She gestured to the stool beside her.

Alexis hesitated. After a moment she gave in and went over to the empty seat. She hopped up. She began to eat in silence.

Buffy bit her lip. She was worried about Alexis. The girl had been full of energy when she had first arrived. Now she seemed depressed.

“So . . . “ Buffy started. “Do you miss your time?”

Alexis put down her spoon. She didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy apologized. She touched Alexis’s arm gently.

Alexis’s head jerked toward Buffy. The slayer froze. The girl’s eyes were blue, but something in them eerily matched her own. They held pain and age far beyond anyone that young should possess.

“We’ll find this Gestalt and eliminate it. You’ll be home in no time.”

Alexis got down from the stool. She took her empty bowl to the sink. She ran water over it.

“You said we are friends in the future. Am I different then? Is it hard to be around me because of that?”

Buffy was desperate. Talk, talk, she silently begged. She got her wish.

“In the future we’re happy,” Alexis stated.

Hope passed over Buffy. “We’re happy?”

“At least, that’s what it seems like.” It sounded like she wasn’t sure if appearances could be deceiving or not.

“I know you’re not supposed to say much. But please, can you tell me one thing?”

Alexis turned to face her.

“Do I ever love Spike?”

Without any indication of feeling, Alexis said, “I don’t know anymore.”

*************************

Spike arrived back to Buffy’s house late that night. He was sweaty and achy from patrol. There had been more nasties to kill than normal. He held a broadsword that was covered in green goo. Before going inside, he rinsed it off with the hose.

The house was dark and quiet. He groped his way upstairs. When he opened Buffy’s door, faint light could be seen. Buffy was sitting in bed, waiting for him. The lamp was on, providing enough illumination for Buffy to read the baby book he had given her. She raised her head as he entered and put the book down.

“Hey,” the blonde slayer greeted.

“Hey, luv,” he replied.

She got out of bed. He took in the pink nightgown she wore. She came up and kissed him on the lips. Her tongue delved between them, searching.

When they parted, he noticed the hungry gleam in her eyes.

“Buffy, I need a shower. I . . .”

She silenced him with another kiss.

It wasn’t long before their clothes were shed. They tumbled onto the bed, exploring each other. Spike realized how attentive she was to his caress. Tonight was about her.

He entered her warmth, gasping at the tightness of her folds. Their movements were slow, savoring each thrust. Her hips gyrated, getting him to hit the right spot.

Her green eyes kept in contact with his gaze. He watched intently, hoping beyond hope that he would see it. The spark he had been waiting for what seemed like eternity. All he saw was her heightening pleasure.

He came. Seconds later she followed. They lay together. On a fundamental level Spike was sated. But deeper, he was left bereft from something he never had.

The slayer fell into a peaceful sleep. He could hear her even breathing. He kept vigil of the shadows that fell across the room.

A conversation of the past entered his mind. The words hit him hard.

“Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. And sometimes I think I got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her. To be all alone even when you're holding her. Feeling her, feeling her beneath you. Surrounding you. The scent ... No, you got the better deal. “

They had been spoken to Riley. He had never felt a bit of sympathy toward the git. He didn’t now. But he had to admit he understood what the man had gone through.

Spike had turned into a duplicate of Riley Finn. Buffy’s normal boyfriend. The one she kept around for convenience. The one she tried to love, but couldn’t.

He glanced over at his slumbering slayer. He ran a hand over her golden locks. He wished he could change into something she could love. Buffy couldn’t love him as a demon, and she couldn’t love him as the man he was now. What else was there to be?

I know, I know, that was sad. I’m so sorry, but I had to do it. Things will get better. I promise.