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*** I used a small portion of dialog from Seeing Red and Fool for Love, I altered it somewhat but I figured I would give you a heads up! As always, it‘s there work not mine, I‘m just borrowing it for a bit.***

“You alright luv, you look like you‘ve seen a ghost?” Spike asked, laying his palm against her face.

Since that was the truth, she had to smile. “I’m alright, my brain was just catching up after all those stimulating stories.”

“I’m feeling pretty simulated myself.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. “Now that we’re finally alone, I believe that you promised to pick up where we left off.”

“Spike,” she laid her hand on his chest, unable to meet his eyes. “Can we just spend the rest of the day together and forget about what is coming next. No phones, no demons waiting in the shadows, just take the entire day and live in the moment.” Because it is our last, she added silently.

“I’d love to, but the timing is all wrong Buffy. You’re in danger and we can’t just ignore that.”

“Why not? I’m always in danger, there is always something after me. So why can’t I have a single day that belongs to me…is that really so much to ask for?”

“When we defeat the Living Death, then we will take a day for ourselves. But right now we have to deal with that, it has to be the main priority.”

“So I guess all your pretty declarations were just nonsense after all. I played this game with Angel, demons before girlfriends, and I don’t really feel like starting it over again with you. It’s my life on the line and I am willing to put you first, so why can’t you do the same for me?” She asked pulling away, not just physically but mentally. She couldn’t keep him, so she knew she had to prepare herself. The old adage, you had to be cruel to be kind was suppose to play out later in the day but she wasn’t sure she could do it if she spent another moment in his arms. Only hours remained before her date with death and she had wanted to spend them with him. But now that she thought about it, that wasn’t fair…to either of them.

She had told him she would need something to hold onto if he died and now she wanted to give him something to help him cope with her death. He loved with his whole being and that meant he would mourn her with the same passion. She had hoped to live forever as a glided angel in his memories but by tomorrow she would have fallen from grace and become a demon. In her heart she knew that it would be him that would have to destroy the thing she had become and he would never strike the killing blow if he still cherished her in his heart. Just like she had been unwilling to let Living Death consume him. By letting go of the one thing she had left to hold onto, she would be giving him the strength to do what had to be done.

She had to be selfless and even if he never knew or understood why she had chosen this path, it would mean something to her. Living Death had taken away her options, but she still had atleast one choice she could make. This would be her final gift to Spike, the last declaration of her love and it would carry her from this world into the next. Even to her own mind it sounded like a comforting lie and more than anything she wanted to tell him the truth. But she couldn’t. He couldn’t fight this anymore than she could and all the truth would do is kill them both.

She was complacent about her own death, she had faced the possibility for so long it was hard to be distraught now that it was actually going to happen. But the thought of him being a slave for all eternity, was worse than having him reduced to nothing more than ash. Death, was in a way just another part of life…any life even for a vampire. But he deserved more than a life trapped in between two worlds.

Her mind set, she prepared to bleed him without a single mark to show for the pain she was about to inflict. He would hate her and she could bear that, if it meant he lived to see tomorrow. “I can’t believe I was actually starting to buy into this love crap.”

“What in the bloody hell is going on with you?” He asked searching his mind for any explanation that would explain the complete 360 she was pulling and he just kept coming up blank. What could have happened in the last couple of minutes that was strong enough to rip them apart, he wondered searching her face for some sign.

“I’m just tired of being the least important thing in my lovers lives. I mean with my track record you think I would have learned my lesson by now, but nope I just keep hooking up with loser after loser.” She said reaching over to select an apple from the bowl resting on the counter. Not because she was hungry, but because she couldn’t meet his eyes yet.

“Why don’t you tell me what got you all fired up and let’s go from there.”

“Let’s not, cuz to be honest, if I have to hear you profess your undying love one more time…I think I will be sick. You’re what a hundred and fifty, so I’m betting that I’m not the first girl you’ve used those moves on…only this time, you picked the wrong girl.” She gestured with the apple. “Don’t get me wrong, it was fun for awhile. Kinda like being in one of those musicals with the curtain closing on an impassioned kiss, with the rising music and what not. but it’s not exactly my scene. Give me sweaty bodies writhing to the beat and men who don’t bother to pretend its more than what it really is.”

“Enlighten me pet, what is it exactly?”

“Sex…great sex sure, but still just sex.”

“When did you come to that sodden revelation?”

“When I listened to your friend talk in the slow way of his and started to wonder if his technique in the sack was as dedicated as his courtroom style. You know a brief yet powerful opening statement then off with the clothes until a verdict could be reached.” She took another bite of her apple, forcing the fruit down her throat while her stomached churned with guilt. “You might have forever to spend experiencing the same thing over and over again but me…well let’s just say I don’t mind trying something new.”

He didn’t consider himself a patient man by any means but her words were enough to convince a saint to commit murder. Up till now he had been tolerant of her relationship phobias, hell he had been the epitome of understanding and this was what he got in return. Not bloody damn likely, he thought grabbing her arm. “You’re scared about what I can make you feel and your afraid to let me in.”

“I think the word you are looking for is bored.” She told him coldly, jerking her arm away. “I don’t want to spend my days having lengthy discussions about where this relationship is headed. I work hard and play hard and to be honest keeping up with you is mentally exhausting. I’m not the white picket fence kind of girl and I’m tried of pretending that I am. What I feel for you isn’t love, it’s good old fashioned lust. Why else do you think we spend ninety percent of our time fucking? If you could cut out the ten percent that constitutes our “relationship,” you would be perfect for me. ”

“Is that all you want from me Buffy, a good uncomplicated fuck that won‘t mean a damn thing the next morning?” Spike asked glaring at her dangerously.

“Yeah, pretty much.” She laid the apple down and gave him a smoldering look. “You up for it or should I find someone else a little more my speed.”

“I’ll give it to you pet…I’ll give it to you good.” He pulled off his shirt and shoved her back against the counter. And with nothing even close to tenderness he had shown her earlier, he began to unbutton her shirt. She wanted to fuck, did she…well them he would give the girl exactly what she wanted. When it was over, he was certain that she would take it all back.

She could see he was on the edge of reason and all it would take was a few subtle shoves and he would fall over to the other side. Burying herself away, she braced herself for the greatest performance of her life. She reached out and began to unbutton his pants and when he was freed she shoved him away towards the wall. Pinning him in place with her body, she unbuttoned her jeans and let them fall to the floor. All that remained of her clothes was her bra and panties and instead of taking them off, she pushed her thong aside and anchored herself around his waist. She’d fuck him like a professional, without the slightest bit of attachment. Unable to face the cold, he would leave she knew it…she counted on it to force her to continue this dark deception.

She began to ride him with slow deliberate movements, arching her back so that her breasts would brush past his body with each downward movement. Feeling his muscles tense while he fought her, she smiled down at him smugly. “Is this what you call giving it to me good, lover?”

Incensed, her spun around forcing her back against the wall. Grabbing her ass hard enough to bruise, he rammed into her fully, drawing a harsh moan from her lips. “To rough for you pet?”

“Not rough enough…” She gasped out breathlessly as her body stung from the violent intrusion. To make her lie sound like the truth, she raked her hands down his chest, hard enough to draw blood. “The only kind of love I want Spike, is wild and dangerous. It burns and consumes...”

“Until there's nothing left.” He finished for her. “Love like that doesn't last. I know you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore.” He told her softly, gently running a hand down her face. He didn’t want her like this. He didn’t want to take her in anger and since she had mentioned love, he saw this as his one chance to get them back to where they belonged.

“That’s what living fast is all about…it doesn’t have to last. Nothing lasts forever so consume me while you have the chance…or someone else will.” She admitted truthfully, knowing full well that he would think she was saying something else. “So make me feel alive or get the hell out.”

“I can make you feel.” He told her thrusting into her again, losing himself to the darkness that she called out with her words and he was going to bring her under with him. He was through trying to break through to her and he was tired of begging her for the slightest sliver of affection. Inside he was screaming for her to hear him but he was through being defeated by her. He had hit rock bottom and he could no longer tell the truth from the lies. Each cruel remark she had casually tossed his way had caused a part of himself to died and he had nothing left to give her. Except for the sex she so badly seemed to want over everything he had offered. She had stripped him bare and locked him in the dark and he was going to drive the final nail in the coffin.

Pumping into her furiously at a bruising rhythm he ignored the soft whimpers of pain that escaped from her lips accompanied by every dark moan, slipping from his. He would make her feel alive, he told himself letting his true face erupt from the violence of his dark passion. He would save her so the devil she so badly wanted to court could claim her. It wasn’t suppose to be this way, but she had made her choice and this was his. They both would just have to live with the pain and known that they could have had so much more.

Just before her climax ripped through her, he lowered his face to her neck and began to feed…to consume her just like she had wanted. He could feel her blood escaping from his hungry mouth, warm and sticky sliding down against their flesh like poured honey. He drunk her down, long past the point of being sated, just hoping to fill the emptiness she had left inside him. Her heartbeat pounded in his head, echoing through the caverns of his heart but even the warmth he had stolen from her wasn’t enough to save him from the nothingness he had become. Only she had the power to make him feel alive and up till now it had all been a lie, he thought bitterly tearing his mouth away from her poisoned skin.

He felt betrayed. He knew where she lived now and until she could see through the lies she told herself, what they had would never being the kind of love he wanted. If it was ever love at all, he wondered looking into her emotionless eyes as he pulled out of her, without ever finding his release. “You never loved me did you?”

“That was always your delusion, I just told you what you wanted to hear. Like you said Spike,” she began getting to her feet, not bothering to hide her nakedness. “It sounded like goodbye and that because it was. I wanted you but I won‘t let anyone tie me down with their emotions. I told you I wasn‘t the broken angel in the picture who needed to be saved. I don‘t care about salvation or what comes after, all I care about is myself as I am now.”

“You’re not a fallen angel but you’re broken and just as lost.” He told her reaching down to pull on his jeans. Grabbing his shirt he pulled it over his head and reached over to the counter to where his wallet sat next to his jacket. He pulled out the crisp bills inside and slapped them against his palm. “I told you I wouldn’t sell myself but that’s all you wanted wasn’t it. You wanted me to service you and you know what Buffy, that makes you the whore. You don’t peddle your flesh for the money, you do it because that’s all you know how to do because you’re empty inside. You never had it as good as me. I would have given you everything.” He screamed at her before flinging the bills towards her.

“Spike…” She uttered brokenly, unable to continue the charade any longer. She was dying inside a thousand different ways and it was to much for her to take any longer. She wanted to confess and beg for absolution but the moment her eyes met his she knew that it was to late. He had no love left for her in his heart, she had made him believe the lies and now he could no longer hear the truth. “I’m sorry.” She told him softly, chocking on his bitterness all the while crying tears of pure misery.

“Don‘t you dare feel sorry for me, I feel sorry for you.” He told her coldly, before walking towards the door. “You’re beneath me.”





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