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*** The song lyrics used are “Goodbye to You” by Michelle Branch. They are hers not mine.***



While Buffy prepared herself for her meeting with Living Death, Spike prowled around his apartment restlessly. Everything in his life seemed empty since he had left her hours ago, everything but the bottle of whisky. Which he was trying to empty as quickly as possible, hoping to make the pain stop for even just a moment.

So far it wasn’t working but he was determined to keep trying. He drank glass after glass and when that wasn’t dulling his senses fast enough, he started to drink from the bottle itself. Being a vampire had it’s perks but at the moment he would trade away his long lifespan if it meant he could get falling down drunk like a normal man who had just had his heart broken. It wasn’t like he had anything to live for anyway, he told himself taking another deep pull of the strong yet not strong enough spirits.

When the phone rang beside him, he reached out for it blindly sure that she had come to her bleeding senses. “Buffy?”

“No man it’s Gunn, what’s going on? I’ve been trying to reach you all night.”

He patted his pockets, impatiently searching for his cell phone. Pulling it out, the message button blinked at him impatiently. “Sorry about that, I’ve had a bad day. But thanks for having someone bring my car to her house…I guess I needed it after all.”

“Whatever man,” Gunn said knowing Spike to well to miss the slight slur in his voice. He was betting that the pretty little blonde had something to do with it but he had another woman who needed him right now. “Dru’s nurse has been trying to reach you all day.”

Sobering instantly at the thought of his sister, Spike grasped the phone tightly. “Is she alright?”

“All I know is that she went insane for awhile, claiming that you were being smothered by a green haze. Tara said it went on for about a half hour and then she calmed down again. Dru told her that your angel had made a deal to keep the devil away and that you were safe again. I hope that means something to you because Tara didn’t understand it anymore than I did but she thought it might be important to you. She told you everything in her messages to you but since your not phone friendly, I was drafted to play errand boy. How many times have I told you…”

“Gunn,” Spike interrupted cutting him off suddenly. “Call Hank and the Giles’s, something’s up with Buffy. She kicked me out of her place saying she didn’t love me and now I think Dru’s message had something to do with it.”

Without waiting for an answer, he hung up and played his messages on his cell. After he heard Tara’s he sat down the phone to search for his keys when the next message started to play.

“Spike this is Hank. Giles just called to tell me that Living Death can possess people, trapping the host in some way. He’s trying to translate the rest of the text now but I’ve been trying to reach Buffy and she’s not answering her phone.”

Suddenly everything made perfect sense, he felt like a fool for not seeing it before. It hadn’t been Buffy who had pushed him away, it had been Living Dead, he told himself. Knowing that he had to hurry and that he might already be to late, he raced out the front door just as the next message started to play.

“It’s Hank again, Giles finished the translation. He can only possess the dead and they have no memory of it happening. Stay away from her Spike, you’re dangerous to her now…”

Spike sat in his car, trying to think of where to go. He knew she wasn’t at her home, if she was possessed she wouldn’t be where he had last left her. So where else would she go to “deal with the devil,” like Dru had said, he wondered. In his heart he knew that Buffy would fight against anything trying to take her over and she was smart enough to know that she needed his help. She would come to him but since she didn’t have his address where would she go to find him, he asked himself slamming his hands down on the steering wheel. Only one place popped in to his mind and he was certain that he was right. Ramming the car in gear, he pealed out and headed into the night.
________________________________________________

Buffy walked across the rooftop of the club as the music blaring inside wrapped around her like a soft blanket. As she walked towards what remained of Riley Finn, she listened to the music that would be her swan song.
______________________
Of all the things I’ve believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
Tears form behind my eyes,
But I do not cry,
Counting the days that pass me by.
I’ve been searchin’ deep down in my soul,
Words that I’m hearin’ are starting to get old,
It feels like I’m starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
And I say-

*goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
___________________________

Feeling that the song had said it better than she ever could, she took the knife that Riley handed her without a single word. She looked up at the sky to the stars casting their light down on the world. She made a wish on the first star she saw, for him to find happiness and brought the blade down to her left wrist.

______________________________________

I still get lost in your eyes,
And it seems that I can’t live a day without you,
Closing my eyes,
And you chase my thoughts away,
To a place where I am blinded by the light,
But it’s not right.

*goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
________________________________________


Slowly she drew the blade across her skin, pricking her flesh and bringing blood welling up to the surface. She felt nothing but empty, the physical pain she was inflicting upon herself was nothing to losing him, she thought as the first tear escaped. Willing to give in, broken and defeated she began to send the blade in deeper. Just then the next verse of the song echoed around her.
____________________________________
Hold on to...
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,

I want what’s yours and I want what’s mine,
I want you,
but I’m not giving in this time.
__________________________________

As those words reverberated through her mind, the world just stopped and the rest of the song was lost in a wave of silence. She had heard enough and it had reminded her that some things were worth fighting for…they were worth fighting for. Pulling the blade up, all of her feelings came rushing back, the pain fueling her need to fight. Before he could guess her intentions, she kicked him in she knee, knocking him down to the floor. “Sorry but if you want me, I’m not about to make it easy for you.”

He flipped to his feet gracefully and gave her a hard smile. “I must admit that I hoped you would say that.” He backhanded her, knocking he back a full step.

She countered with a right cross and the fight began in earnest. She ducked his blows and took others that were nothing more than a blur to her eyes. For the first time in her life, she had something worth living for and her body responded before she even had time to think. She was fighting on autopilot, surrendering herself to the primal force that’s power flooded her veins. Her world had narrowed down to encompass him alone and she knew even before he fell to the ground, that she had won. She brought the blade he had handed her, down into his chest, twisting it to sever any organs nearby and looked into his eyes. “Still glad I decided to fight?”

“Buffy!” Spike screamed, flying through the door and racing towards her.

Turning to him instinctively, she heard Living Death laugh even as he chocked on his own blood. The icy hand of dread slid down her spine and she turned back to him and knew by the glowing emerald of his eyes…that he had won. Her earlier indecision had doomed her. He was broken and bleeding before her but with Spike being so close he still had just enough power to defeat her.

“I’ll see you soon luv,” He told her, using Spike’s words with Riley’s voice.

She knew by the sound of Spike’s footsteps that she had only seconds to make her choice and she reached a trembling hand out to grab the blade. Clenching it tightly in her hand, slicked already by her own blood she pulled it free and stood up to face Spike. “I love you.”

While he screamed at her to stop, she brought the blade down across her other wrist, cutting through the veins and spilling her blood onto the roof. Staggered by a wave of dizziness from her life draining away with every crimson drop, she sank down to her knees. Sliding the blade across the roof towards Spike, she placed her palm over her heart. “If you don’t kill me, he will take me over. Please don’t let me die for nothing.”

“What are you talking about,” he said wrapping his hand over his wrist to stifle the blood and pulling her into his lap.

Quickly she explained what had been going on and about the deal she had struck. Laying her hand against his cheek, she smiled up at him softly. “I need you to finish what I started.”

“I can’t kill you Buffy…I can‘t lose you.”

She leaned up to press a light kiss against his lips. “You’re my soul mate, my destiny. Not because fate said so but because we said so. I will always be a part of you, in this life and the next. So let me go so I can return to you again. If you don‘t, he will claim me and I will be lost forever.”


“I need more time…there are so many things left to say.”

“I can feel him inside my mind already pulling me…into the darkness. I love you but you have to do this...now before it’s to late.” She began to shake violently as a wave of heat crept across her skin.

The change was happening and time was running out. He could see her fading away into the nothingness and he pressed his lips to hers. “I love you.” Taking the knife, he stared down into her eyes and plunged it into her heart before it could give it’s final shuddering beat.





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