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A MURDER IN SUNNYDALE


Chapter 22: ‘Admitting’

“I think I’m in love with Spike Williamson,” Buffy whispered to her best friend, and coincidently, her Psychologist, Willow Rosenberg. “No,” Buffy continued with a shake of her pretty golden head, “I know I am in love with Spike, or William, that’s his given name, actually.” She actually ended her admission with a tone of firm conviction, for once.

Buffy watched her friend, carefully, trying to clock the reaction that she might give her. If she expected a frown from the red-head, or a scowl, or even a ‘be careful’ kind of warning, Buffy was sadly disappointed.

“Buffy,” Willow began, softly, “what do you expect me to say? That I want you to ‘take care’ or ‘go slowly’? Well,” the good doctor sighed, “I won’t do that, or say that. I think, in fact, I know, that this Spike, or William that is, might be exactly what you need in your life. Why should I caution you, about loving him I mean?”

With a shrug, Buffy shook her head again, “I don’t know Wills,” she murmered, “Spike, I mean Will, he’s so, so very overwhelming, I guess.” Buffy looked out the window of her friend’s office and took in the now clear blue Sunnydale sky.

‘The sky,’ Buffy mused, ‘Spike’s eyes are that color. Just that shade of blue, after the rain.’

“How is William overwhelming, Buffy?” Willow asked, seriously.

“I don’t know, can’t explain it, really,” Buffy responded quietly. “He’s just, you know, overwhelming. Will, he’s,” she thought for a moment, then continued, carefully, “he is so protective, but not in a controling or patronizing way. Not at all in a ‘Buffy can’t take care of herself’ kind of way. Not like Riley was, and certainly not like Angel still seems to be. Even though old Angel and I are now officially mortal enemies.”

“Spike, I mean William is protective, in kind of a ‘I’ve got your back, Buffy’ way, but only if you need me to. He is so not of the ‘Buffy is weak’ train of thought; he’s a ‘Buffy is a strong, formidable woman train of thought, but…”

Willow quirked her auburn hued brow up, “but?” she asked, slowly.

Buffy cleared her throat quickly and met her friend’s grey-eyed stare. “William is a real man, a real complex one. His personality is somewhere in between old Victorian values and 21 Century ideals, especially where I’m concerned. He knows I can take care of myself, really, but he wants to help me, emotionally that is. Be there for me, just in case I need him and his strong shoulder to lean on. Is it weak of me, Willow? To want to have William in my life? To need his emotional support and want to be a part of his life and have him be a part of mine?”

The Psychologist, and best friend of Buffy Summers, Willow, broke out into gleeful laughter and shook her red head.

“Hardly, Buff,” she chuckled. “I mean, if you can’t lean on your loved one, emotionally especially, from time to time, then who can you lean on? And frankly, why bother to have these loved ones in your life if you can’t lean on them when you need to? Or want to lean on them for that matter? Geez, Buffy,” she continued in a rather motherly tone, “there’s nothing wrong with depending on people you love, and who love you. I have Tara for that and she has me. Why shouldn’t you get to have that too, with this William?”

“I guess,” Buffy stammered as she fidgeted with her ID badge that was pinned on her white blouse, just over her heart. “But what happens, if I do let myself get so close to Spike?” Buffy felt tears begin to form in her wide, green eyes. What happens when he goes home to England? Another guy, what? Leaves me?”

“If you don’t ‘get close’ as close as can be to this man,” Willow gently lectured her, “then look what you’ll lose out on Buff? If you allow your fear of love to overwhelm you, disallow you to take a chance with Spike? I think you’ll find that you will lose out on something that could be ‘the something’ in your life.”

Willow gave Buffy a firm, but affectionate look. “There’s an old saying, Buffy, I’m sure you’ve heard it before. It’s not very ‘professional’ really, at least not for a ‘Shrink’ like me to quote this but you need to hear it.

The red-head grinned widely at Buffy, then stated simply:

“No guts/no glory.”





Buffy wandered back to her office, almost in a daze. She had admitted to her Shrink and best friend that she was indeed in love with Spike, okay, with William Williamson. This was quite a scary thought for Buffy, but one that she was beginning to get rather used to. For some reason, just admitting it to Willow, friend and doctor to her, Buffy, made her feel much lighter in her heart and soul.

When she got back to her office, Buffy found a couple of messages on her machine. She hit the ‘listen’ button and sat down to hear the first message.

“Buffy!” came Xander’s rushed, animated voice, “it’s Amy. Fuck Buff, she’s run again! Early this morning, maybe last night. Angel O’Connor just had another APB put out on her and…..”


Buffy hit the stop button before Xander’s message to her was completed. She suddenly felt very sick to her stomach and even dizzy.

“Oh my God,” Buffy gasped, horrified, as she fell into her chair. “Amy, what the fuck were you thinking!”

Before Buffy could completely fall apart in shock, and disappointment at Amy, a strong, loud knock sounded on her office door.

“Buffy, Princess,” it’s me, Spike, “can I come in, luv?”

“Yes,” Buffy called out, weakly, even more stunned that Spike would know to show up here, now. Just when she needed him most.

“Baby,” Spike strode into the office, closing the door behind him, “Wesley just called me, about 30 minutes ago. He told me about this St. Claire, chit, that she ran again. I knew you’d be upset so…”

Before he could finish, Buffy rose from her chair and hurried over to him, throwing her arms about his strong, comfortable chest.

“I can’t believe this,” Buffy whispered in horror, “I can’t believe that Amy would pull this, now. Why? Does this mean she ‘is’ guilty? What? And, how did Wesley find out so fast?” She looked at him in complete confusion.

Buffy looked up into Spike’s indigo eyes, questioningly, “how come you guys know everything, like first?”

Spike stroked Buffy’s long hair, lovingly, “honey,” he began softly, “Wesley and me, we like get the word before anyone on this crap about my cousin’s murder. It’s the way it works, baby,” he finished and pulled Buffy’s golden head back to his chest.

“Oh,” Buffy whispered in response, still confused a bit.

“Buffy, let’s sit down,” Spike ordered gently as he led her to the chair and pulled her on his lap. “I can’t promise you, baby,” he murmered into her warm ear, “that this chit, Amy, didn’t whack Holden or Katerina, but I think I know why she ran away.”

Buffy pulled back and looked at him, even more confused by now. She started to ask ‘why’ then closed her mouth, tightly. ‘If he wants to tell me, he will,’ she surmised.

“Wesley’s been keeping an eye on St. Claire, Buffy,” Spike began evenly, “you know that, right?” Buffy nodded silently.

“Well, he’s also, Wes that is, been trying to help Amy with this Andrew bloke. The one the girl is so attached to, the one in prison for drugs. Wesley thought he could help the kid, Andrew that is, but apparently, at this time, he can’t swing an early release for him. I guess Amy was all broken up over Wes’s failure to spring this Andrew bloke. But, that’s only part of the reason the chit took off again, at least according to Wesley.”

Buffy was totally shocked at this. She knew Wesley was going to try and help Andrew, for Amy’s sake, but she had no idea he was already acting on his promise. “What’s the other reasons, then,” Buffy mumbled, “if not that Amy’s guilty?”

Spike sighed loudly, he had not wanted to upset Buffy with this information he had from Wesley, thought it best she wasn’t aware of the even more problems St. Claire had had recently. He wished he could light a cigarette, desperately, but of course this being California and their fucked up rules about indoor smoking?

“Wesley told me that St. Claire had received a couple of ‘notes’ or something. Okay,” Spike sighed again, “threats. At least two of them in the last week. It was Amy that didn’t want you to know, she didn’t want you upset or scared and Wes and I? We agreed with her.” He shook his head, “I’m thinking that St. Claire got real scared, took off because of it. Stupid move on her part, but I suppose she’s not thinking straight.”

“Threats!” Buffy exclaimed, “who? What and why?” She leapt off of Spike’s lap and began to pace about the office. anxiously.

“Don’t know who, or what, Buffy,” Spike watched her as he spoke, “just maybe a clue as to why. Whoever this ‘person’ is that sent the threats? They made it clear that Amy is going to pay for Holden and Katerina’s death, one way or another. If the fine justice system of California doesn’t convict her of this crime? This real brave fuck, who sent the notes, will convict her and carry out the sentence.” He finished on a sour, sarcastic note.

Buffy collapsed back on Spike’s lap and buried her head in his chest again. “Oh, shit,” she groaned into his shirt, “this is so fucked up. All of this. You know, this ‘threat’ crap, it’s not going to bull the DA’s office, or Angel ‘fuck them and dump them’ O’Connor. He’ll have a field day with this one.”

Spike nodded, “I know, baby,” he cooed, stroking her hair again, tenderly. “Of course, you know that you, Wesley and me, we’re about the only ones that ‘think’ St. Claire might be innocent, so yeah, your ex is going to wreak havoc in the courtroom with this one.”

Buffy shook her head, “I don’t know why,” she began, the pain in her voice was thick, “why I care so much about Amy. What happens to her in life, since the day Ford and I pulled her and Andrew out of that prostitution ring your cousin was running.”

She looked deeply into Spike’s blue eyes and saw so much love and concern there, so much caring. Buffy ran her slim fingers down his left cheek and nuzzled her lips to his right one.

“Then again,” she whispered raspily, “maybe I do know why I feel so ‘connected’ to Amy St. Claire. Why I always have, since day one. Spike,” Buffy paused a minute, “I need to tell you something, about myself, my own ‘misguided’ youth. Will you listen to me? Hear me out and maybe, just maybe, I can suss out these feelings I have now?”

Spike scrunched up his brows, puzzled, but happy inside that his girl wanted to confide in him. ‘She’s opening up,’ he realized in silent delight, ‘she’s commin’ around.’ He nodded in response and clasped her tightly.

“When I was sixteen-years-old,” Buffy began hesitantly, “I was pretty naïve, real naïve actually. Of course, I lived here, in Sunnydale with Dad and Mom, little Dawnie and we were a pretty happy family. I’d say anyway.”

Buffy averted her eyes from Spike’s, then looked back at him, her eyes tinged with insecurity. “I got mixed up, in my Jr. year of High School, with a guy, a real bad ass guy. At least bad ass for Sunnydale, California.” She smirked, slightly, then continued.

“His name was Richard Pike, Rick Pike actually, but everyone called him ‘Pike’ because it just seemed to match his hard ass personality. God, he was always in trouble and…”

Spike cleared his throat, “Pike?” he smirked, “bad ass?” Buffy actually grinned, “yeah, bad ass, bad boy, whatever you call it. That was Pike.”

“Anyway,” she continued, “I really liked this guy and…”

“Should I be jealous?” Spike interrupted with a smirk and Buffy slapped at him, gently. “No!” she exclaimed, “come on William, let me finish!” He nodded again, “I’ll be good, or at least quiet.”

“Okay,” Buffy began again, her voice a bit shakey, “so I really liked Pike and he ‘really’ liked me. We, uhm, well we kind of, uhm…” she blushed profusely.

“We did the nasty, a lot,” Buffy finally muttered, still red with embarrassment. When she looked at Spike, he just stared at her, intently. ‘No judgement there,’ she thought, relieved, ‘no sarcasm in those open blue eyes of his.’

“Well, no big surprise really, but I got pregnant and, well, Pike, he got in trouble, again. With the law. Got sent away to a Youth Correctional facility and I was left, well….here in Sunnydale, alone and pregnant at 16.”

Spike didn’t say anything, just continued to stroke Buffy’s long golden hair and thinking about what she’d told him. He was pretty sure where this was going and he hoped his expression was comforting, at least understanding enough for his Buffy.

“I never told anyone about the baby, except Willow, my best friend, even then and,” she paused again, “my Dad.”

“You can imagine what my Dad did? How he reacted to this ‘great’ news? Pike never knew it, but it was probably a blessing that he did end up in that facility before anyone knew about the baby, especially my Dad. Anyway, Dad, he made me, no,” she shook her head quickly, her brows scrunched up, “no, Dad talked me into getting an abortion. Which I did, without my Mom, or little sister, or anyone else knowing about the baby. Only Dad, Wills and now you, had any idea about that baby or the abortion. I think some part of me still blames my Dad for talking me into it, but then again, how could I take care of a baby? At 16?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Spike murmered, nuzzling his forehead into hers, “I’m so bloody sorry about all that crap in your past. I only hope you don’t let this always bring you down, keep you from living now and all. You have to let it go, sweet, but I’m sure your friend Willow has told you this?”

“Yes,” Buffy nodded sadly, “and I have, pretty much, let it go. The baby part anyway. It’s just that, when I first met Amy St. Claire, she was just sixteen-years-old. So damned innocent, really, and God, fucking naïve as I was at her age. I guess,” Buffy scrunched her brows again and thought a moment, “I guess that I’ve always felt a sense of connection to Amy, because she reminded me so much of myself at that age. I also always wondered, you know? The baby, what if my poor little baby had been born? Ended up like Amy St. Claire, so lost, such a mess? I think that’s why I ‘act’ like Amy’s Guardian Angel, or something?”

Buffy began to cry, softly against Spike’s chest, while he tried to comfort her, tenderly.

“It’s okay, baby,” he murmered into her warm, golden hair, “I’ve got you.” ‘I’ll always have you,’ he promised her silently. Spike cradled his weeping love in his arms and rocked her, gently.

“Will,” Buffy finally murmered with a little sniffle, “thank you, for being with me. For being here and all.”

“That’s okay, Princess,” Spike smiled warmly at her, “I love you Buffy. I want to be here with you, for you.”

Buffy gazed into her lover’s gorgeous, honest blue eyes, her heart began to race, loudly beating in her chest. ‘No guts; no glory,’ the words echoed through Buffy’s overworked mind.

“Will,” she whispered, never breaking their mutual gaze, “I love you too.”

Spike gaped back at Buffy, his own heart was racing now, like a fucking race horse. ‘Christ!’ he thought in shock, ‘did I hear wrong or did my girl just admit she loves me!’

“Say it again,” he ordered gently, holding Buffy’s warm, green-eyed gaze with his. “Tell me that you love me, again, now.”

“I love you, Will,” Buffy murmered with a little blush, but she didn’t look away from him this time.

“God, Buffy,” he moaned as he began to kiss her, hungrily and run his hands down her arms. Without hesitating, Spike began to unbutton the white silk blouse that his Buffy was wearing.

“Will!” Buffy gasped, stunned, “we can’t…..” she glanced nervously at her office door.

“Yeah, we can, baby,” he whispered with desperation, “I locked the bloody door on the way in. I need you Buffy and you need me, now.”

Buffy thought about what they were about to do, in her office for the love of God, then, proceeded to unbutton Spike’s shirt with her own nimble fingers.

They began to kiss again, their mouths were greedy for each other’s lips, throat, shoulders. By the time Spike had pushed Buffy’s skirt up around her hips, she had unzipped his jeans and freed up his very hard erection.

Spike groaned as Buffy positioned his shaft up to her thong and allowed him to push the offensive little scrap of lace aside to gain access. “Jesus Buffy, what you do to me,” he moaned again, huskily, as he slid, into her wet cunny.

“What you do to me,” she hissed back, her husky tone matched his.

He clasped her hips and began to help her rotate from side to side on him, up and down, slowly. “Fuck, Buffy,” he moaned again into her mouth, “I love you, I love you so much.”

Buffy threw her head back and began to moan, softly. Her pleasure moans were barely audible to him, they had to be very careful as not to be heard. Even he understood that.

When they came, together, Buffy collapsed onto her lover and buried her head into his neck. He buried his face into her neck at the same time, gently biting her softness there.

“I love you,” they stated, in unision, their voices were a mix of breathy groans and whispers.

Before Buffy could even stand up to pull herself back together, and allow Spike to do the same, her phone rang, shrilly.

Buffy leaned over the desk and picked up the phone, reluctantly, winking at Spike, wickedly. Poor guy was ‘all out’, collapsed back into the office chair, a very sated, happy smile on his handsome face.

“Buffy! It’s Xander, again,” came the annoying one’s voice over the phone. “Christ Buffy,” Xander continued excitedly, before Buffy could cut him off and hang up the phone.

“It’s Amy St. Claire,” her partner continued, almost screaming into the phone.

“They caught her, up north, by Salinas of all places! Buffy, you better sit down,” Xander warned her.

“What is it, Xander,” Buffy asked, suddenly very frightened, “what’s happened?”

“It’s Amy,” Xander repeated, “they caught her, yeah, but Jesus, Buff….”

She heard her partner take a deep, calming breath, “I guess Amy put up a fight, Buff,” he finally said, somewhat more legibly, his deep voice sounded almost sympathetic. “She’s been shot.”




A/N: Hehehehe, how’s that for a cliff hanger? Looks like there’s not going to be a trial, for a while, anyway. Hope that the office Spuffy sex wasn’t too far out there or hokey.

That’s okay, now we can concentrate even more on Spuffy, right? Oh, yeah, besides, now Buffy can get more information to help clear the wounded suspect.

As for Buffy’s admission, well I guess everyone, all of us have secrets from our past. The only problem is, will Buffy be able to accept Spike’s violent past, from his misspent youth? That remains to be seen.



Please read and review. Thanks, luv Spuf





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