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MAKE HER OWN WAY


Chapter 14: ‘Leaving’


A/N: A bit of a ‘warning’ here for all Spike lovers: Frankly, he acts like a real ass here, so please don’t be mad at me. There’s a reference to unconsensual sex, nothing too very graphic, but might be offensive to some. Much ‘adult language’ please remember that I love Spike, too, it’s just that I must submit this chapter to keep things going in the fiction. Thank you, Luv, S

Spike felt like he had been hit by a mack truck, then, just for good measure, somebody else had come along, while he was still down and kicked him twenty times in the gut. His old mate, panic, hit him like a tidal wave, sending his emotions reeling from fear, to anger, to rage in less then a nano second. “What the FUCK do you mean, you think we should seperate!” he roared at the top of his lungs, grabbing Buffy around the shoulders and pulling her onto his lap, forcefully. For the third time in less then a week, he felt like shaking his beloved Buffy violently, but again, he was able to force the urge back down. “Will….” She trembled in his arms, her green eyes expressed just how terrified she was of this side of him. “Will, I just think that we need a break from each other,” she was finally able to choke the words out, despite the tears that now flowed down her cheeks.

Before she could say any more, Spike stood up with her still in his arms and blindly stumbled into their bedroom, slamming the door behind him. A medium sized Armani suitcase, Buffy’s suitcase, was the first thing that caught his eye. The sight of her bag, packed neatly, no doubt, set next to the foot of their bed enraged him even more. He literally tossed her on the bed and then pinned her little body down with his own stronger one. When she looked away from him, he quickly pulled her face, roughly, back to meet his own, his blue eyes bore into her green ones, like lazers. “What the fuck are you playing at, Princess?” he growled, low and deep in his throat, tightening his hands on her, putting more pressure on her lower body with his own.

Buffy felt her whole body tremble, but certainly not in desire this time; this was primal fear. She ‘knew’ that William would never hit her, or hurt her physically, but right now his behavior was bordering on the out of control level. ‘I should have known,’ she derided herself, ‘should have realized he’d never just accept this.’ “I, I just think we need to be apart for a little while, Will,” she stuttered, feeling her sense of panic begin to overwhelm her. “Well,” he responded gruffly Spike’s evil smirk on his lips, “there’s the proble; you trying to think.” Buffy stared at him, momentarily stunned into silence, this wasn’t like Will, he never said awful things like this to her. “Get off of me,” she commanded, rather calmly now, she thought proudly, even pushing him as hard as she could. “Not gonna happen,” he growled back, forcing her back down on the bed. “Where the bloody hell do you get off, suddenly comin’ in and telling me we should split? What did you think, Buffy, I was just gonna’ go “sure Princess, I’ll even help you pack. Although I see you’ve already done that,” he growled, looking back, angrily, at the suitcase behind them on the floor.

“I mean, you’re a bright girl, Princess, did you really think that I was going to allow you to walk out of here, out of my life!” His voice had gone up three levels in loudness and Buffy flinched in fear again. “Will,” she whispered, trying to set the pace again, “the neighbors,” she began. “Can go to fuckin’ Hell for all I care. They can’t hear anything anyway, baby, remember I’ve got this whole place soundproofed.” This was true, Buffy remembered, Will liked his music, loud, and had the walls soundproofed right away.

Spike was past seeing red at this point, he was seeing a searing white light that seemed to block out any train of thought, except one; ‘she’s leaving me.’ He looked down at her, his Princess, pinned underneath him like she was some kind of helpless prey, her eyes wide and gleaming with tears. The look on her face, a mix of fear, pain and maybe even hatred, ripped his heart; no, it felt like she’d run a dagger through it. “Why?” he rasped, feeling the tears that threatened to spill from his own eyes, searching her open green eyes for the truth. His voice was riddled with pain and desperation, he felt like a complete ponce and hated himself for it. Weakness was not in the Giles men’s nature, normally Spike was no exception. Buffy was and would always be his only weakness, that was the problem and right now, he was more afraid of losing her then even dying. “Can’t live like this anymore, Will,” she whispered, “can’t live with you anymore.”

Instead of taking this as any kind of a sensible explaination, Spike took it as a direct challenge to battle. He was past angry, he was livid by this time, embarrassed by the tears, pissed that apparently, they weren’t going to work so easily on Buffy this time. Fueled by confusion, anger and fear, he felt pushed to release his warrior nature out at her, full force. “Can’t live like what!” he screamed at her, just inches from her pale face. “Like fuckin’ royalty! Bloody fuckin’ hell you little spoiled brat, who else would give you what I have? Who else could love you like me, Angel?

Maybe if I snorted coke, treated you like shit and knocked you around once or twice you’d find it ‘cute’ and love me too!” He resisted the urge to shake her, but couldn’t keep from gripping her little chin, forcing her to keep their eyes locked together. “I do love you,” she sobbed, her voice barely a hoarse whisper, “but I hate what you do and what you did. I know about the pills, Will, everything.”

That stopped him cold. He reared back from her, loosening his grip on her and freeing her from his body’s hold. Buffy took advantage of his shocked state to push him off of her, landing him on his back on the floor beside the bed. She rolled off the opposite side, and ran for the bedroom door, grabbing her suitcase on the way. ‘I’ll call a cab on my cell phone,’ she told herself, glancing around the front room for her purse. The front door and freedom were just a few feet away and Buffy was in a full trot to get to them. Just as she touched the golden door knob, Will reached her from behind and flung his long, strong arms around her waist. “You’re not going anywhere,” he growled dangerously, spinning her around, causing her to drop her purse and suitcase. “Let me go!” she screamed, struggling against his muscled body, even as he picked her up from underneath her bottom and forced her legs around his own waist. “Never!” he roared in response.

Somehow, Buffy found herself back on their bed, watching in horror as Will locked the bedroom door behind them. “You are not leaving me,” he stated through clenched teeth. He stalked over to the bed and climbed up over her, resting each one of his knees on either side of her prone body. “You can’t keep me hostage, William,” she hissed, “I can leave any time I feel like it and you can’t stop me!” A smug smile slowly came over his mouth, “wanna’ bloody bet,” he snarled back, lowering his body, almost tenderly, onto hers. “Yeah, I’ll take that bet!” she screamed, defiantly, pushing his chest away from her. ‘If he thinks he’s going to kiss me right now, he’s sadly mistaken,’ she told herself, wisely not vocalizing this thought.

He realized, of course, that his Buffy was not going down easy, not this time. All the tears and sobbing she had produced before had turned into spit fire and defiance on her part. This was his girl in full on battle mode and while he hated to fight and argue with her, at the same time, he found it to be a very arrousing. Spike pulled her up by the shoulders, roughly and tried to kiss her, only to be pushed away, violently. ‘Christ,’ he mused, ‘when did she get so damn strong?’ “My mother, she expects me in LA, this afternoon, Will,” she spat at him, “what do you think she’ll do when I don’t show?” With a smirk, Spike shrugged, “don’t give a fuck, sweetheart,” he chuckled wickedly, “she’s in LA, we’re in Sunnydale.

Just who do think holds more sway, here in Sunnydale that is?” He watched her green eyes flicker with uncertainty, ‘That knocked some of the piss out of you, didn’t it Princess,’ he thought smugly. “Besides,” he continued, assured in his strength, “do you think Joyce would really believe you’d ever leave ‘me’?” She stuck her gorgeous little chin out, defiantly, “yeah, I do. Especially after she found out about that little stunt of yours, with the pills I mean.”

Spike thought about that for a minute, “how’d you find out about that?” he asked evenly. “Dr. Denisof called, he had one of the packages analyzed by his lab. And why the hell am I telling ‘you’ this!” He eyed Buffy, carefully, “I thought you told me you flushed the old pills.” It was her turn to shrug. “You deceitful little bitch!” he snarled softly, “you lied to me. You lied and plotted against me, didn’t you?” Buffy looked at him as if he’d lost his mind, completely. “That’s priceless, Spike!” she laughed sardonically, “I’m a deceitful bitch after what you pulled!” The ‘Spike’ thing wasn’t lost on him, but he chose to keep his mouth shut, for once, and let her finish. “By the way, Spikey,” she asked through narrowed emerald green eyes, “who’s bright light idea was that one, the pills I mean, anyway? Your’s or Daddy’s? I mean, he must have known, right, you don’t take a piss, usually, without calling him and asking permission, do you?” Spike felt his jaw clench tightly, almost painfully, “leave my old man out of this Buffy,” he hissed, stunned at her choice of words.

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” he reasoned out loud, running his long fingers down her cheek, to her neck, coming to rest on her right breast. “We’re going to get past all this bullshit and go on, like always. Eventually, we’ll get married and once you’ve popped out a couple of kids, we’ll forget this ever happened.” Buffy was shocked, he really believed this crap he was spewing, “it does matter and I’m leaving, period,” she hissed back at him, a little less loudly now. William’s whole body tensed, ‘kind of a like a snake just before he strikes,’ she realized, fearfully.

She watched, warily while he pulled his tee-shirt off and tossed it into the corner of the bedroom. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing, Will?” she gasped, pretty sure of what he had in mind. “I ‘know’ what I’m going to do, Princess, I’m going to fuck some sense back into you, “ he chuckled. “I’ll fuck you, you’ll fuck me back and before long, you’ll stop this bullshit and love me again. Pretty simple, really.” “No,” she stated firmly, “I’m not making love, fucking or shagging, whatever you want to call it. I’m not.” Without warning, Will reached out and ripped the front of her sundress in two, pushing the torn fabric back off of her shoulders. “We’ll just see about that,” he growled, groping for her now exposed breasts.

“Will,” she whimpered, “you tore my dress.” Buffy didn’t know right at that minute if she was angry, sad, hurt or stunned, maybe all of those emotions. She did know that Will, in a moment’s time, had broken her heart in two, again. “No problems,” he smiled evilly, “I’ll buy you another one just like it. Give me one of your marvelous blow jobs, and I’ll buy you ten more just like it!” Will pulled her near naked body up close to him, murmering, his voice deceptively tender, “you know you love it a little rough sometimes, baby, come on, make your man happy.” All of the earlier fight seemed to just rush out of her and she just collapsed back onto the bed, bringing Will right on top of her. Even though she struggled to battle the fresh tears, they fell anyway, making her ashamed of herself for her weakness. When Will sat back up, reaching to remove her thong, Buffy felt a surge of inner power hit her and she didn’t hesitate. She swung back her right arm and flung it up against him, catching him on the left side of his handsome face. Although she was not particularly strong, and certainly wasn’t powerfully built, her open handed blow seemed to have stunned William into complete immobility.

Spike flew back from Buffy’s slap, then watched as she scampered off their bed and ran for the bathroom. He heard the door slam, then lock behind her, leaving him alone and in shock. ‘Bloody hell,’ he thought, rubbing his left cheek, ‘my girl’s got a mean right hook, even if it’s an open handed one!’ From his place on the bed, he could hear her sobbing in the bathroom, that is until she turned on the bathtub faucet and he heard nothing but water running. “Fuck!” he shouted angrily, more at himself by now then her. Getting up from the bed, he looked over at the mirror above the dresser, catching his reflection, “you’ve fucked everything up this time, haven’t you Spike?” He asked his mocking reflection which now looked more like a demon then a man.

Buffy’s little red sandal caught his attention, the strap must have broken during their struggle and the whole shoe apparently slipped off her foot. He picked it up and began to examine the tiny footwear. “God,” he sighed sadly, his voice full of remorse, “my Princess has the tiniest little feet.” Those traitorous tears of before spilled from his eyes. “I’m sorry, my love,” he whispered at the door between them.

“Buffy,” Spike was standing at the bathroom door, calmed down and sick at heart for the horror that had taken place earlier. “Please open the door, baby,” he pleaded. No answere. “Princess, open the door, we’ll talk, I’ll make this better. I’ll fix it, I promise.” Finally he heard her beloved voice, “go to hell!” she cried. “Okay, I deserve that,” he responded, trying not to laugh out loud, Buffy was not one to swear much but when she did, it was almost comical. “Just open the door, I won’t come anywhere near you. Just want to talk to you, okay?” He was leaned up against the oaken door, his forehead against the wood. “Open the door,” he demanded this time, a little more firmly then when he’d asked. Again, no answere. “Okay, Buffy, if you don’t open this door by the time I count to five, I’m kicking the fucking thing in!” Spike actually stood there and counted to bloody five, then, kicked the door in with such a force that he fell into the bathroom.

Spike picked himself up from the floor and found Buffy in the tub, immersed in water, up to her chest. When he made a move closer to her, she gasped and covered her breasts with her tiny hands. This hurt him worse then the physical slap she’d hit him with earlier, Buffy had never tried to hide her nakedness from him before. It cut him like a knife. “I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely, no longer ashamed of the visible tears that slipped down his cheeks. Buffy didn’t say anything she just stared at the water around her. “I’m so sorry, Buffy,” he whimpered, taking a step closer to her, trying not to be too intimidating, finally. She looked up at him through tear stained eyes but said nothing. “You have to understand, baby,” he began, “if I lost you, I’d just die. I’m nothing without you, nothing. Please forgive me, please.”


Buffy sat in the now cooling bath water, staring at her lover. Caught between disbelief, sorrow and anger, she just didn’t know what to do anymore. Will was standing there, crying, no less, begging her to forgive him, expecting her to. Here she was, totally at a loss as to how to handle this turn of events. Truthfully, she should have known this whole mess might have occurred, William being who he was, but she’d hoped that things might have turned out differently.

Finally, she sighed and picked up the loofa sponge from the water, “what time are we supposed to be at The Chateau tonight, Will?” She could hear his sigh of relief from across the room and didn’t even flinch when he closed the gap between them and joined her by the tub. “Eight,” he purred, nuzzling her damp neck and trickling water from his hand down her back. “Buffy,” he whispered warmly, “I love you, so much, baby. Can I join you in there?” Buffy didn’t vocally answere him, she just nodded yes.


A/N: Okay, don’t shoot the messenger, I promise this whole angst thing is not over. Not by a long shot.
Thanks for reading, please review if you like. Luv, Spuf





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