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Home is Where the Heart Is, Part 9



Home is Where the Heart Is, Part 9
By *~Rachel*~

For disclaimers, summary, notes, etc. please see the first chapter.

 
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Buffy slapped her five cards on the table and grinned. "Ha! Full House!" she gloated, reaching over and taking the pile of chips in the center of the table.

Spike groaned and threw down his cards. "Well, I'll be damned. I think that I've finally managed to turn you into a half-decent card player, love."

"Well, after five months of learning, I better be improving by now," Buffy muttered, stacking up a column of blue coins beside her white ones.

Almost five months had passed since the night when Spike had shown Buffy what Riley was doing in his spare time. Buffy had "officially" broken up with Riley the next afternoon before running back to Spike's place and bawling her eyes out in the comfort of his arms.

After that, they habitually met together without their other friends tagging along. Spike continued to see the woman he secretly loved, and Buffy made a new best friend all over again.

However, in the last couple of months, Buffy and Spike had become unusually close, nearing that line between just being friends and something more.

They'd often walk around the campus or to the Bronze with their arms entwined as if they were dating, and every once in a while, Buffy would flirtatiously press a light kiss on Spike's cheek. For Spike, things were finally starting to look brighter. She seemed to have healed and moved on from Riley. Was she finally ready for someone new?

Spike gathered the cards in his hands and shuffled them as he asked her, "So, love, got any plans for tomorrow night? Got yourself a hot date?" God, I hope not, he thought to himself.

"Well," Buffy began as she picked her freshly dealt cards off the table. "I think Willow and Oz were talking about going to the Bronze."

"After all, what else is there to do in this god-forsaken town?"

"Exactly," Buffy agreed. The two played their hand in silence, and as Buffy grabbed the pile of chips in the center of the table, she nervously asked, "Uh...do -- do you want to come with me tomorrow?"

Spike's heart jumped and his eyes widened. "What...like a--"

"Well, it's just that it'll be Willow and Oz, and then Xander and Anya, and it’s better when there's an even number," Buffy explained. "So, are you interested?"

In you? Always, love, Spike wanted to say. "Yeah, sure," he replied instead.

"Oh, thank you!" Buffy leaned over and threw her arms around him, momentarily forgetting herself. "I hate being the fifth wheel at these get togethers."

Spike nodded in agreement, saying, "I understand that, love."

"I know." Buffy grinned and sat back, reaching across the floor to grab her purse before looking down at her watch. "Well, before I steal all of your money, I'd better be getting back to the dorm. I've got some studying to do still," she explained, jumping up to her feet.

"What time are you meeting?" Spike questioned as he followed her to the door.

"Around eight," Buffy answered. "So, I'll see you there?"

"Definitely."

"Thank you, Spike," Buffy said with sincerity. She bent forward and quickly kissed his cheek, instantly feeling that unspoken connection that the two of them shared. Before she could reason with herself, she drew herself forward and kissed him on the lips.

Buffy, Buffy, Buffy... Spike sighed, running his hands along her back as he pressed his lips against hers.

Ooh...Spike Lips, she thought, her mind dazed in ecstasy. What the hell am I doing?! Buffy asked herself in shock. "Okay...I've really got to get home," she said, pulling away from him.

 
Spike looked at her with a confused expression written on his face. I'm going to regret asking this, I'm sure of it. "Why do you keep doing this, love?"

"What?"

"Why do you always have to run away from this?" he demanded, only partly wanting to hear her answer.

"I'm not running, Spike...I -- I can't let you in," Buffy said, starting to get upset. "I just can't."

Spike paused, summoning every ounce of courage he possessed within himself. "I love you," he said truthfully and forcefully, staring into her eyes. C'mon, Buffy, say it back, he thought.

Buffy's eyes widened when she heard Spike say those three words aloud. Sure, she had suspected for a while now that Spike had been acting too friendly towards her, but she never suspected his feelings went that deep.

"Honestly, I'm not surprised to hear that, Spike, but right now I just can't concentrate on that," Buffy announced, trying to push away the feelings that were starting to surface within her.

"So what? You're just going to ignore what's been going on between us?"

"What exactly is going on between us, Spike?"

"I love you, and you refuse to let me in," Spike clarified. "Buffy, I know you better than you know yourself. I have seen the real woman inside, and I love her. Please don't shut me out."

"Spike, I'm sorry...I just -- just don't feel the same way about you," she managed to stutter.

"Bullocks," Spike protested. "Now who is lying through their teeth?"

"Spike, I'm being serious here!"

"So am I."

"You just wouldn't understand what's going on."

"Then, why don't you tell me?"

Why can't he just give up already? Buffy asked herself in exasperation, his never-ending persistence angering her to no end. "Tell you what? Where do you want me to begin, Spike? Do you want me to start when I was seven and my father deserted my mother and me? Or what about Scott? Or do you want me to begin with Riley? Oh...wait, you already know about them. Tell me, where do you want me to start?"

"It's okay; I understand," Spike spoke calmly. "Look, love, I know what's going on. You're afraid of being hurt again. You feel that if you open your heart to another bloke, and he breaks it, then you're never going to get past that."

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't give me a lesson in psychology, Spike!" Buffy shouted. "I know how my mind works; you don't."

"Then, why won't you at least give me a bloody chance?"

"Because I can't!" she screeched. "Every time I do, they leave me, and I *can't* do that again. Scott, Riley, my father...they all left me, and every time one of them left, it killed me a little bit more."

Spike shook his head, pitying*** the insecure woman standing in front of him. "Love, they're all bastards for leaving someone as amazing as you," Spike insisted. "Look, Buffy, I'm not them. I'd *never* leave you; you've got to believe that. I mean, you've been trying to get rid of me since the beginning of our senior year in high school, and I'm still here."

"You're still here *now*," Buffy argued. "But you just wait until--"

"Buffy, you've got to let me in," Spike pleaded. "You've been giving your friends the cold shoulder, distancing yourself from everyone, and...well, that’s not like the old Buffy Summers that I know and love."

"Fine, then stop loving me, okay?" Buffy said*** as she attempted to push past him and get away from his intense glare.

"No, look, don't go storming out of here when you're so mad," Spike gently commanded, grabbing onto her arm as he spoke. "We can talk this out."

"I think that I've said everything that needed to be said," Buffy declared, twisting her arm out of Spike's hand, and walking out the door.

 
~~~

 
Buffy entered the Bronze, smiling at the familiar sight of the stage, the crowded dance floor, and the bar in the far right corner. I really have missed this place; I'll admit that, Buffy thought to herself as she traveled deeper into the darkened atmosphere.

 
"Buffy Summers!?" a familiar voice questioned behind her.

Buffy spun around, her eyes bulging when she saw the woman standing in front of her. "Ohmigod! Anya!" She quickly stepped forward and hugged the brunette. "How are you?"

"I'm good!" Anya announced, smiling widely. "And look at you! You look great!"

"Thanks, so you do," Buffy complimented.

Anya leaned in closer to talk with Buffy privately. "Is it really true? Rupert told me that you're divorcing Spike and marrying Angel O'Connor."

Buffy's features clouded over in confusion. "Wait...when did you talk to Giles about this?"

Anya's eyebrows raised, and she nervously bit her lower lip. "Well, I guess Spike failed to mention who his father was dating."

"Dating? Ohh..." Buffy realized, taking a second to let that new bit of information sink in. Buffy let out a chuckle before saying, "Boy...when you were dating Xander, I never would have thought that you would have ended up with Giles."

"Oh, tell me about it," Anya agreed. "Anyway, details please!"

"Yes, Anya...I'm here to get a divorce from Spike," Buffy acknowledged. "He's being pig-headed, as usual, and now I'm stuck here for a week, trying to get those damn papers signed."

"Why a week?"

"I don't know," Buffy admitted. "Spike says he's got some plan to keep me here. I think I know what his game is, but I'm still not sure."

Anya's gaze traveled past Buffy as the smile disappeared from her features. "Well, good luck with that," she murmured.

"Thanks." Buffy quickly glanced to see where Anya was staring and sighed in exasperation when she saw a bleached blonde head heading her way.

"How about a dance, love?" Spike asked, a hopeful smile on his face.

"How about not?" Buffy retorted, starting to stalk away from him.

Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him before she could get away. "Now, now, love," Spike teasingly scolded. "I think a bloke who asks politely and all that rot, deserves a dance."

Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine. *One* dance."

Spike led her out onto the dance floor and spun her around before latching his grip onto her waist and pressing her tightly against him. Figures there had to be a slow song on when he asks me to dance, Buffy thought, marveling at the irony.

"How come you didn't tell me about Anya and Giles?" Buffy wondered.

Spike glared at her as if she were insane. "Do you have any idea how incredibly awkward it is? To say that your father is dating someone that's the exact age of his son?"

"Can't say that I do," Buffy admitted.

"Well, that's why I didn't tell you, love," Spike explained. "It's just too bloody weird."

"But Anya seemed happy," Buffy thought aloud.

"Oh, she is. Both of them...they're incredibly happy together. Harris is still getting used to the idea, but since he hooked up with Cordelia, he hasn't minded too much," Spike elucidated. What do you know? We're actually having a civilized conversation for once.

"Talk about unexpected couples," Buffy muttered underneath her breath. "I never thought that I would ever see Cordelia and Xander together. He deserves so much better than her."

"Cordy isn't like she was back in high school anymore," Spike said defensively. "She's grown a lot...realized she did some bad, selfish things back then."

Like trying to go after you numerous times? Buffy wanted to ask him.

"But then again, you and I were an 'unexpected couple,' as you termed them," Spike noted, shooting a quick glance down at her to see if he would get a reaction to that.

"Spike--"

"C'mon, love, admit it. We had some good times here, didn't we?"

Buffy shook her head and took a small step away from him, placing some distance between their bodies as they danced. "I know what you're trying to do, and it's not going to work, Spike."

"Oh really?" Spike raised a scarred eyebrow as he asked, "What am I doing, love?"

"You're trying to remind me of all of the happy times that we shared when we were dating, hoping that you'll be able to talk me into staying with you," Buffy clarified.

"Love, I'm appalled," Spike sarcastically answered her. "Why on earth would I do something like that?"

"C'mon, Spike...I know you too well to fall for something like this."

Spike smirked at the small blonde before asking, "So...you wouldn't feel anything ...anything at all? If I reminded you of that corner over there and that night you saw me with Cordelia?"

Buffy stopped dancing when she heard what Spike said. Of course, he just *had* to bring that up too, she bitterly thought to herself. "You really know how to ruin the mood of a good dance," she grumbled, breaking away from Spike's grasp and turning from him.

Buffy reached for her coat and headed out the door, forcing herself to not look back at her husband.

 
~~~

 
Buffy roamed the Bronze with a drink in her hand as she watched Willow and Oz dance on the floor. Xander and Anya were perched at a table, no doubt deep in one of their many arguements.

How pathetic am I? Buffy questioned. I'm a fifth wheel tonight -- again!.

Because of her argument with Spike last night, she hadn't been counting on him showing up at the Bronze to be with her any time soon. I really screwed that up, didn't I?

Buffy strolled up to a table, placing her drink on the tabletop before spinning around in the chair. She cast her eyes to the door, wondering if she should just call it a night and head back to the dorms. After all, there wasn't anything else better that she could be doing here.

Buffy’s eyes swept past the entrance again, and she almost fell out of her chair when she saw who had arrived. Spike! He came! she realized with joy. Spike actually showed up. Buffy stood and started toward him, pushing her way through the massive sea of people around her. I really need to apologize to him, she reminded herself as she neared him.

Then, a tall, brown-haired woman swooped by and dragged Spike by the arm behind the curtains of beads.

Cordelia, Buffy coldly thought. God, that girl just doesn't know the meaning of "give up," does she? Look at her, she's already trying to move in on Spike again.

She picked up her pace and followed Cordelia and Spike, preparing to unleash "Buffy The Bitch" if necessary. However, the sight before her eyes made her freeze in shock. Spike and Cordelia stood leaning against the wall at the back end of the Bronze locked in a passionate embrace. Cordelia's arms were wrapped tightly around Spike's waist as she forcefully kissed him. What was even more surprising was that he was returning her actions with equal ardor.

Fighting back tears, Buffy spun around and started half-running, half-walking towards the exit. Well, I guess I know the *real* reason why Spike came here tonight.

 
~~~

 
Buffy trudged back to her mother's house, planning on spending the night there instead of being by herself in the doom room. When she tread through the doorway, Buffy was blown away with the delicious aromas of her mother's cooking. "Mmm, something smells good," Buffy called, wiping away the half-dried tears from her cheeks.

"Honey?" Joyce exclaimed from the kitchen. "I'm in here."

Buffy walked into the kitchen and sat in a stool at the counter. "That smells great, what is it?"

"Oh, actually...it's something that William fixed for me the other night," Joyce explained. "It's some...chicken lasagna or something. Do you want to try some?"

Buffy scoffed. "Spike made it? No thank you."

Joyce walked over to stand in front of her daughter with a frown on her face. "Buffy? Is everything okay? You look as if you've been--"

"Crying, yeah, I know," Buffy glumly replied. "I just found out that I didn't know Spike as well as I thought I did."

"What did he do, honey?"

"I caught him making out with Cordelia Chase, the local whore--"

"Buffy, language," Joyce warned. She shook her head in disbelief, obviously not believing what Buffy was telling her. "William...*our* William really did this?"

Buffy nodded. "Yep. I thought that he was coming to the Bronze to see me, and then Cordelia snatched him away before I could get up to him."

"Well, maybe you just don't know the whole story," Joyce suggested. "There is probably some logical explanation why William would--"

"What? His lips just *fell* on her's?" Buffy shook her head forcefully. "I don't think so."

"It can't hurt to ask him about it," her mother stated.

Buffy climbed off the stool and rubbed her eyes. "Whatever," she muttered, turning around walking out of the room. "Guys can be such jerks some times."


~~~

 
Thinking that Spike owed her an reasonable clarification for what she had seen at the Bronze, Buffy headed over to Mr. Giles' house the next evening. She had spent all day thinking about what they had both said to each other the day before.

For one thing, Buffy had realized that Scott and Riley had hurt her more than she wanted to admit to. Spike was right about how she refused to open her heart to anyone.

Most importantly, Buffy had figured out that what she was trying to disguise as friendship with him had turned into something more than that a long time ago. She knew that she didn't truly love Spike yet, but Buffy also knew that the possibility that she might eventually love him was very real.

Before, she just didn't want to admit her true feelings for him, but now that she was finally ready, she was too late anyway. Now, faced with all of this newly discovered information about herself, Buffy had to take action.

"Spike?" she tentatively asked once she opened the door to his bedroom.

Spike peered over the top of the book he was reading and quickly sat up on his bed. "Nice of you to *knock* before inviting yourself inside my room," he spoke coldly.

She lowered her head. "Your father let me in," she explained.

"Well, then I hope that he can show you the way out, also."

Buffy winced, knowing very well that she deserved every cruel word from him. "I know that I probably shouldn't have come, but I needed to..."

"What?" Spike voice revealed deep anger and undisguised hurt. "What did you want, Buffy?"

"I wanted to be with you that summer before college started," Buffy spoke softly, unable to meet his eyes. "On prom night, I wanted to be with you."

Spike paused, now unsure of what to say to her. "Well, so much for that plan, right, love? After all, you looked mighty friendly with Riley that day at the beach."

Buffy shook her head in protest. "No, we were just joking around that day. I don't know what you saw, but we were just goofing off. I was still hoping that you'd..." Her voice died out.

"So this is *my* fault now?" Spike retorted, rising from the bed and striding toward her. "Look, what's done is done, we can't do anything about it now."

"Yeah, I know that…now," she whispered. She cleared her throat and raised her tear-filled eyes to look at his azure ones. "Look, I just hope you'll be happy with Cordelia."

"What?" Spike asked, incredulous at her words. "I... I didn't-"

"What? Oh, so you *weren't* making out with her last night at the Bronze?" Buffy asked bitterly. "Oh, or you were walking down the steps, tripped, and your lips just happened to fall on her's?"

Spike shook his head. Unbelievable, he thought. "As usual, pet, you don't know the whole story."

"Then why don't you explain it?"

"C'mon, Buffy! That chit has been after me since high school. I wasn't interested then, and I'm not interested now. What's it going to take to make you believe that?"

Buffy stared at him in disbelief. "So...you and she aren't--"

"Together? No, love," Spike assured her. "Honestly, I was hoping that you'd be interested in filling that position."

Buffy chuckled, not believing that she had jumped to conclusions about Cordelia and Spike once again. "You're right," Buffy started. "God, you're right about everything that you told me."

"About..."

"I'm afraid to get hurt. I- I am just so afraid that if I love someone ever again, then I- I won't be able to get over you," she said as quietly as possible. "Uh...him."

"Buffy," Spike started, taking a few steps closer towards her. He forced her to gaze up into his eyes. "Do you love me?"

"Spike..." she warned.

"Do you?"

"I...I don't know," Buffy finally confessed. "I'm just so confused about how I feel for you right now."

Spike wrapped his arms around her. "It'll be okay," he stated simply.

"I know." Buffy knew within her heart that Spike would make everything okay. She took a deep breath before continuing, "But, I'd really like to find out how I feel for you, Spike."

"What?"

Buffy tentatively smiled up at him, drawing away from him so that he’d know she was serious. "I think that I could fall in love with you very easily, William," she answered, saying his name in a sweet and endearing tone for the first time ever.

Spike's face lit up, and his smile must have stretched from one ear to the other. He immediately threw his arms around Buffy and hugged her tightly. "That's all I need, love."

Hope.

"Well, I know that I didn't exactly profess my undying love for you, but...aren't you going to kiss me now?" Buffy innocently asked.

"Yes ma’am," Spike replied with equal levity. He cupped the palm of her cheek in his hand and lightly ran his thumb across her lips before lowering his face to hers. Buffy responded instantaneously, and the two shared the sweetest kiss that either one of them had ever experienced in their entire existence.

 
~~~

 
TBC...

Thank you all for the feedback...sorry that some of you aren't enjoying the flashbacks, but they are an important part of their story. Except for that, please let me know what you think so far! Any feedback is appreciated!

 





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