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NA GRACH CROI


Chapter 18: ‘Ih ta mo Anam’ (She is my Soul)


Spike sat in the divan of the front room of his parents’ house, his head bowed into his strong hands. He had finally stopped groaning, and crying the truth be known, just a few minutes before.

Xander Harris, Spike’s best friend and employee, sat on the huge chair just across from the divan and Tara still occupied the rocker. The sister had not said a word since she vehemently accused her oldest brother of driving off his wife, and the youngest O’Hara sibling.

In fact, all three of the people in the room had been silent, for what seemed like hours, but had probably only been minutes. Finally, Tara O’Hara spoke up.

“I do not know which one of you I am most angry at, William,” Tara said evenly. “You, for being a proud, foolish man who drove off the one bright thing in your life? Or our brother, Angel, for feeding on poor Buffy’s misery and convincing her to run away from you?”

Spike looked up from his hands, his blue eyes were miserable and wet from tears. “Why would Angel take Buffy away from here?” he asked in disbelief.

“Oh, he did all right,” Tara muttered, “I know this for a fact. Angel planned this as sure as I’m sitting here. Tell me, William,” she continued with a grimmace, “did you ask Angel to watch Buffy?”

“Yes,” Spike mumbled, ashamed at himself, “I did. But I wanted him to make sure she didn’t run off, harm herself or…..”

He stopped, mid-sentence, a shocked look on his face. “He was supposed to have you keep Buffy company, with him her, of course,” he continued. “Angel was supposed to keep Buffy here, but you were supposed…..”

“Our brother made it quite clear that ‘I’ was not welcome in this house, William,” Tara choked out angrily. “Sweet Angel said you couldn’t bear the sight of me and wanted me miles from Buffy. I had no idea that ‘he’ was even in this house until I saw them, Angel and Buffy, leave here on the horses. By then it was too late. However,” and here Tara’s chin began to quiver, “dear Angel did stop in our house, relayed the horrible things you said to poor Buffy. Did to her.”

Spike groaned, loudly, again and dropped his head in his hands once more. He began to weep, not even caring that his sister or best friend saw his weakness.

Xander looked confused, but kept his tongue. The big, good-hearted man just could not seem to say anything at the moment.

“God, I’m so sorry,” Spike moaned in regret. “How can I fix this? What can I do?”

It was Xander that answered Spike first. “You can go get your wife and bring her home, Spike,” he said calmly. “You can kick your brother’s arse, sorry Tara, and bring your wife back to you.”

Tara spoke suddenly, “it’s not like that,” she gasped. “Buffy and Angel, I mean. No, William, Xander, it’s not like that. Angel took Buffy away, yes, but only to help her. I believe that. At least on Buffy’s part. She’d never ‘go’ with Angel, unless it was to escape the horror that’s happened here. I cannot say what’s in our brother’s bitter heart, William,” Tara continued, her soft eyes were sincere. “But I know Buffy, maybe better then you do and she did not go with Angel to ‘be’ with him. I swear it. She wouldn’t, she couldn’t. Dear God, you foolish man. The girl loves you, needs you. I’m just terrified of what you’ve driven this girl to do, that’s all.”

Spike sat frozen in his spot, traitorous tears ran down his cheeks and he felt as if he had lost his soul. ‘I have,’ he snorted, ‘I’ve lost my Buffy. She is my soul.’

Tara spoke softly, “William,” she began carefully, “will you be going after her then? Will you bring her home?”

“Will she come home?” Spike answered his sister with another question. “What if she won’t…”

“Can you live without her, brother?” Tara asked evenly, her gaze never faltering from William’s blue eyes.

“Maybe,” he paused, then, “maybe not. But I sure as Hell don’t want to live without her.”

For the first time in hours, the three people in the O’Hara front room smiled, just a little bit. Spike stood up and nodded at Xander.

“We’ll leave in the morning, Xander,” he stated, “get a start at light and head out to Balleycastle.”

“It can’t wait,” Tara piped in, strongly. “It can’t wait til morning William,” she warned.

“They can’t get that far, Tara,” Spike countered, “and I don’t want to upset Xander’s family with this drama. We’ll leave in the daylight and catch them as soon as possible.”

“No,” Tara shook her head with conviction. “It can’t wait, William,” she repeated. “There’s more, brother and I’m afraid of what will happen if you and Xander wait to go fetch Buffy home.”

“More?” Spike mumbled, confused even more.

“Yes,” Tara murmered, averting her eyes from her brother. “Buffy is desperate, William,” she admonished him, “terribly afraid and desperate. When a woman is at her wits’ end, she’ll do foolish things and make bad decisions. Now, I’m not saying that Buffy would do these things, or ever try anything to harm herself or,” she paused briefly.

“I’m not saying that Buffy would strike out at you or herself by doing something everyone might regret later, but she’s terribly upset. That’s obvious or she would not have left with Angel. You need to go, now William, after them both. Stop them before they get to where ever it is Buffy’s is headed to. I’ve a feeling it’s the Western coast and a ship to America, but…..”

“What are you saying Tara?” Spike asked in a dangerous, calm voice. He was beginning to panic again and felt the need to start the journey to find Buffy as soon as possible.

“I’m saying,” Tara said softly, “no, I’m asking again. Do you love Buffy and do you want her back, forever, William? The past forgotten, for you both?”

“Yes,” Spike answered quickly, with conviction. He noticed that Xander grinned widely.

“Then you need to go after her, tonight, brother,” Tara nodded her head. “There’s more at stake here then you and Buffy’s marriage,” she added seriously.

“Tell me,” Spike murmered anxiously, “tell me what more is at stake, as if that’s not enough?”

“I should let Buffy tell you this,” Tara shook her head, slowly, “it’s not my place, but I’m afraid for both of you. And your child together.”

Spike felt as if the ground opened up and swallowed him. He suddenly remembered something from days before, something his beautiful Buffy had said to him, just before that fuck Ethan Rayne showed up and tried to destroy his world.

‘I have something to tell you, Will,’ Buffy had smiled softly. She’d looked so radiant and happy, so full of life. That’s because she was full of life, Buffy was. There was a baby, that’s what she’d wanted to tell him before evil men had come and ripped their world apart. Men that Spike himself had allowed to come between his wife and him.

“I’m not so sheltered, William,” Tara broke his reverie with soft words, but full of fear. “Not so sheltered that I do not know that women can ‘solve’ the worries of unwanted pregnancies. If Buffy feels that you do not want her back, she might seek out a fix for this situation. She wants the baby, William, more then anything, but you? What about you, brother? How much do you want your wife and child?”

“More than anything,” Spike rasped tearily, “I want them both, back here. With me.”

“Then we best not wait,” Xander grunted. “The more we wait, the more of a head start they get. I’m with Tara, here. Buffy would come back, Spike. You just need to make her understand that you ‘want’ her back, along with your child.”

Tara took her brother’s hand and held it, tightly. “Xander’s right, you must go tonight. I’ll ride to the Harris house, let Nancy know what’s about. But, William,” she warned, “when you find Buffy, do not let her know that you know about the babe. Let her tell you. She might think it’s the baby you just want, not both her and the child.”

“I do want them both,” Spike murmered softly. “You asked me if I could live without Buffy? Well, I can’t. I can’t, I don’t want to, and I won’t.”


A/N: Mmmm, short, short chapter to keep the interest up.
Now,did we really think that Spike would just let Buffy waltz out of his life? Nahhhhh…

As for Angel, he’ll be punished, for a while, but believe me, even after the Spuffy make up? There will be many more chapters. Thanks for reading, please review. Luv, Spuf





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