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chapter 20, bittersweet – part I

“Nothing worked!” Willow yelled as she materialized in the living room of Jacob's apartment bellowing in frustration with the vampire at her side. Tara immediately dropped the last of the herbs in the fire and stopped chanting as soon as she saw them. The two were covered with crusted mud and their clothes were wrinkled and wet. Willow's curly red hair appeared black and was pasted to her cheeks and neck, forming a perfect frame for her wild black eyes and snarling lips. On the other hand, Jacob looked stunned, as if his living room was the last place he had expected Willow to bring them.

Tara wasn’t interested in Jacob’s bewilderment. She wanted to make certain that besides her feelings, Willow wasn’t hurt. Her eyes inspected her lover’s body carefully. There were no visible blood-soaked wounds seeping through her clothing or jagged cuts marring her flesh. Tara sighed with relief. Then she inhaled deeply, pulled her body perfectly erect and waited for Willow to calm down and tell her what had gone wrong.

“Nothing!” Willow grabbed two handfuls of her own matted hair as she stomped on the floor in a childish rant. “I couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t even step out of the wind tunnel.”

Tara hadn’t been surprised by Willow’s and Jacob’s sudden appearance. She’d expected them. The herbs had run out and that meant the first battle had come to an end. It was just that Tara hadn’t imagined Willow coming back petulant and screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Goddamned Shemhazi!” Willow screeched.

Tara shook her head, unnoticed she hoped, and allowed her eyes to drift from Willow to the vampire. That’s when she saw the small drops of blood on Jacob’s lips. She wondered who or what he’d tasted. But it wasn’t the time to ask and she shifted her gaze back to Willow. Eventually, she’d find out about Jacob’s deed as she watched Willow‘s face pebble with angry red splotches bruising her pale complexion.

She was pacing back and forth, her hands dropped to her sides and curled into small fists that pounded against her thighs. “He was right in front of me. As close as I am to you and I couldn’t touch him.”

“Calm down, dear.” Tara placed her hand on Willow’s shoulder, imploring her to stand still. “I chanted until the last of the herbs were in the fire.” She felt compelled to tell Willow she’d done as instructed. Maybe that would soothe her. “I seared the herbs in the flames, recited the verse and burned the photos.”

“Quiet. I know you did as you were told,” snapped Willow. “There were just too many of them in the alley.”

“T…too many of whom?” Tara stuttered.

“Buffy, Dawn, Spike and some kid,” spat Willow. “All there with Anya and the portal jumper. I couldn’t let that bastard…I had to make certain they got out.” Willow hugged herself around the stomach and dropped to the sofa with a soundless thud.

“Buffy and Dawn were there?” Tara hurried to Willow’s side and sat beside her on the couch.

“Yeah…and Spike,” Willow stood abruptly and moved to the fireplace. She kicked at the glowing embers of the dying flames angrily.

“Jacob,” she called to him without turning away from the fire.

Tara had glimpsed him backing toward the hallway. He had been attempting to sneak out, she imagined. But at Willow’s words, he froze.

“What does it feel like?” Turning slowly, Willow leaned her back against the mantle. “Being able to walk in the sun? What’s it like to be almost a man?” She walked toward Jacob like a lioness, closing in on her prey.

Jacob stumbled into the wall as Willow cornered him.

“It feels like I’ve been touched by God,” His nostrils flared as he blurted out the words. “You know how that feels. Don't you, witch?”

“Yes, I do.” Willow paused and examined her hands thoughtfully. She looked as if she expected to see her fingers curving into claws, thought Tara. But Willow balled her hands into fists, quickly opening them close to Jacob's face. She was taunting him, playing a little game of gotcha. Except the game may not have mattered.

Tara swallowed carefully as she watched Jacob lick his lips and slowly lap the drops of blood into his mouth with his fat, wet tongue. She averted her eyes, disgusted by the sight. But then she heard Willow moan. Tara glared at Jacob. The blood had been replaced by drops of perspiration, dotting the vampire’s upper lip.

That couldn't be right thought Tara. Vampires didn't sweat. Or did they? Or was that what the vampire had meant about being ‘touched by God’? She wondered.

“You feel the power that Luke gave you, huh?” said Willow seductively. “But you didn’t get as much as Spike, you know.”

Tara’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, I know. Not the first born, so to speak. But I got enough, thanks to you,” Jacob said, an edge of sarcasm in his tone.

“Yes, thanks to me.”

Tara was confused. “Willow, what did you do?”

“Got in Luke’s way,” said Willow pointedly as she strolled to Tara and daintily settled herself next to her on the sofa.

“I need more power to touch Shemhazi.” She leaned back against the cushions of the sofa and closed her eyes. “We won’t need to worry about Luke. Spike will deal with him.”

“What about Buffy and Dawn?” Tara shuddered, unnerved by Willow’s mood swing.

“They’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure?”

“They will be all right!” Her voice rose menacingly, but then softened as she added, “We’ve got to go back to the alley.” Willow opened her eyes and looked at Jacob, who stood pressed against the wall next to the entrance of the hallway.

“No, Willow,” Jacob straightened his weakened knees and pushed himself away from the wall. He staggered for a moment, his legs unsteady beneath him and gripped the end table near the sofa with one long-fingered hand. “We should make Shemhazi come to you.”

“We?”

“It is the reason you came to me in the first place.” He glared at Willow. “For my help. You knew we’d get Luke’s gifts, and you couldn’t ask Spike to help you. His only concern is the Slayer. So you came to me because you know I want this…and not just temporarily. I want to keep Luke’s gifts forever. Whatever the consequence.”

Tara watched as Jacob pried his fingers off the table and shoved his hands into the pockets of his muddied leather pants. He reminded her of Spike as he walked toward Willow, his body suddenly teaming with energy and confidence.

Tara felt the skin on the back of her neck tingle as Jacob knelt before Willow and took her small white hands into his large black ones.

“We will have more power, and you will touch Shemhazi.” A slow smile curled his moist lips as he looked into Willow’s face. “And I will become eternal.”

“This will work,” exclaimed Willow. She giggled slightly as she pulled her hands out of his and looked at Tara. “This is a very good thing. Don’t you think?” She was grinning. She then nodded to Jacob, indicating for him to stand up, as she reached for Tara’s hand and pulled it into her lap.

“Now, you were saying we shouldn’t go back to the alley?” Her words were directed to Jacob, but she was looking at Tara as she spoke. “Where should we go?”

Jacob was on his feet, his hands on his hips. “The Shemhazi wants to get to you as much as you want to get to him, right?”

Willow squeezed Tara’s hand. “Right,” she answered, turning toward Jacob.

“All we have to do is pick the place and wait.”

Willow pursed her lips thoughtfully and then smiled. “When did you get so smart, Jacob?”

“Just one of my gifts.”


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Anya was sitting on one of the piles of filth that littered the concrete floor of the alley. She could feel the grit and the mud and a balmy liquid coating the skin of her exposed calves and forearm. Its warmth surprised her for a moment. Then she remembered the rainstorm and the daylight.

The sun had been shining in the sky and yet she’d seen the vampires walk in the daylight. They had unexpectedly not turned to dust. She shook her head, loosening the cobwebs in her brain. Maybe she’d imagined it. But she knew better. Jacob and Spike were human and they were vampires. But now…they were his.

Luke was nearby. She could feel him. When she’d opened her eyes earlier, she’d seen him cowering in a corner. Now he loomed above her, no longer mesmerized by the sight of the Shemhazi and the witch. They were gone. He was no longer weakened by the act of giving away his gifts. Jacob and Spike were gone, too. Luke had also taken his memories, she hadn’t been able to keep them from him. He was more himself than he’d been in a long time, and she knew it.

But Anya was pure demon once more and prepared to do what she needed to do to survive. Opening her eyes, she sat erect and reached her hand out to him.

“Help me up,” she ordered and then grabbed his extended hand, allowing him to lift her from the ground. She didn’t even bother to straighten her short skirt. It fell easily over her thin hips as she stood.

“Well, dear muse, we seem to be back where we started our journey,” He leered, his teeth flashing brightly as his eyes shined with soft tears. “I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah, me too?” Anya tugged at her blouse and pushed it into the waistband of her skirt. His gaze made her uncomfortable. She wasn’t in his thrall any more. No, that part of the journey was over. Seeing Shemhazi had released her from that curse. Instead, his face had given her the strength to accept her demon and let go of her idealistic dreams of humanity and Xander and making love to his body until she died happily in his arms, old and wrinkled and human. No it was time for her to move on. Get back to what she’d known for a thousand years and get away from Luke. Let him go pursue his madness. Willow could handle him. All Anya needed to do was find the right moment to get away from Luke so she could go on about her business.

She stared into the smiling face of the portal jumper. He took her hands in his and held them between his palms. She didn’t flinch as he lifted them to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on her fingertips.

“We must go after them?”

“Shemhazi and Willow?”

“No. Spike and the Key.”

“What?” Anya managed to keep her voice steady as the panic crept into her stomach. She’d expected Luke to go after Shemhazi and Willow. She was ready for that. She wanted that. But Spike and Dawn? Why?

“They will help me return to what I was,” he said. “I was a man before I became what I am now. Just like you were a woman, once upon a time. I want to be that man again, and the Key is the one who can help me.”

“Oh.” Anya muttered, and for a few seconds she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Thankfully, that didn’t last too long.

“Dawn disappeared through a portal, and she took half the alley with her. How will you find her?”

“No problem. All I have to do is follow Spike. He will lead me to her.” Luke squeezed her hands tightly. “Let’s go.”

His words were the last she heard before a swirling portal surrounded them.


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“Let’s go, babe,” Carlo was pulling her by the hand, dragging her back toward Buffy and Spike. They were at least a half a mile away, thought Dawn. She could barely make out their bodies standing in the middle of the sun-drenched dirt road. Hadn’t they been sitting down a few minutes before? Didn’t matter though, she shrugged and snatched her hand out of Carlo’s grip. She wasn’t ready to go back yet. They had barely found enough for the four of them to eat, let alone drink. The makeshift containers they’d carved from some of the larger pieces of black fruit were only half-filled with seeds and edible leaves, if Dawn had remembered her biology properly, if biology even existed wherever they were now.

They’d discovered a small hole bubbling with fresh water under the twisted vines of one of the fruit bushes. They were able to fill at least one container with the warm clear liquid. All in all, she expected to rejoin Buffy with a feast in hand.

“Damn, damn, damn,” she muttered anxiously. “What’s Spike going to eat?”

“Don’t you think he’s had enough?” snapped Carlo as he stomped away from her and headed in the direction of Buffy and Spike.

Then he turned to face her. “Jeez, Dawn, what is it with you and your sister and this fucking guy? I mean he’s not even human. Shit, if he is, he’s still got a thing for blood. I mean girl, look at your neck!” He threw an angry arm in the air, but managed to hang on to the fruit bowls cradled in his other arm.

“Hey, Carlo. This is not Spike’s fault. Something happened to him in that alley, and for a few moments he lost control. You met him before this all went down. He’s like a good vampire and he wouldn’t hurt me or you or Buffy, ever!”

“What about the other bastard? He bit me, you know.”

“Yeah, true.” She couldn’t argue that point. “But he didn’t finish the job. Maybe he’s a little like Spike and has some good in him.” Dawn had left the sunlit road and wandered into the night world. She pushed aside thick patches of branches and rotten fruit, searching for anything that she could add to the containers.

At least she was looking for food. But part of her was stalling. She wanted to give Buffy time to talk to Spike. Make certain that he was okay, and not one bloody hell away from returning to the Big Bad he’d been in Sunnydale before the chip. She’d been a little girl when he’d been running amuck with Angelus, as Giles used to say. She didn’t remember Spike then. But she’d heard about him. He’d frightened the pee out of his share of Scoobies as Anya had said often enough, and he’d given Buffy a good fight more than once. Even her big sister admitted that.

Dawn’s memories of Spike were more recent, and that wasn’t just because she’d been dropped in Sunnydale the year before by the monks. She and Spike were friends. He’d helped her bunches of times. He’d helped her find out the truth about her past. He’d stayed with her that horrible summer before Willow brought Buffy back to life. Buffy had even trusted him with her life and with her Mom’s, lots of times. So even if he had scared the heebie jeebies out of her with that biting thing in the alley, she wasn’t going to admit it. Not right off anyway, because she trusted him. She had to, he was her friend.

“Dawn, come on. Let’s get back, okay?” Carlo sounded less angry as she crawled out from under a heavy patch of vines with a handful of seeds.

“Okay. I’m ready.” She dumped the seeds into one of the fruit bowls and picked up the handmade bottle filled with water and fell in step next to Carlo.

“You did this, didn’t you?” Carlo asked.

“Oh, you mean like teleported us to this dimension,” she answered. “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“You know not every girl in the Bronx can teleport, babe. At least not without some serious drugs in ‘em. So you’re like Spike, not human?”

“I’m human. Just got special powers because of my being the Key and all. It’s why we came to New York City in the first place. Something was trying to hurt me and my sister and all of our friends in Sunnydale because they wanted to get to me. Or at least that’s what we thought.”

“Okay, hold on a minute. You got me confused, girl. You’re a key?” Carlo had nearly tripped over his own feet, he’d stopped so quickly.

“Hey, don’t even go there. It would take hours for me to explain the Key business. So just trust me. I can do things but I’m still human.” She was a little concerned about Carlo’s reaction to all of this. He’d met his first vampire, and seen the body of his murdered mother and been teleported to a three-dimensional black and white world, within the span of twenty-four hours. Carlo wigging out was justifiable, figured Dawn, but she didn't want to deal with that possibility now.

“Look, Carlo. For some reason I didn’t even know about until recently, I can travel through dimensions. Get from one universe to another and obviously,” she waved her free hand in the air. “Pull my friends and family with me when I do it.”

“Okay, okay. It’s way too much for me to take in right now, babe. I’ll just go with it, okay?” Carlo looked exhausted. Dawn planted a quick kiss on his cheek as she walked past him.

“Is this bad guy still after you?” Carlo asked as he walked next to her. “I mean outside of the vampires, I saw some really weird shit in that alley.”

“Yeah, it was weird.” Dawn said thoughtfully. She remembered seeing Willow inside a spinning jar of wind and a giant angel flying around her. She wasn’t going to mention the angel, though. It had wigged her out big time. She couldn’t even imagine what Carlo might…

“What made you think of it? I mean damn, bringing us here to this place. It’s odd, you know. Just three long strips of world. Two dark and one, well, nothing but sunshine.”

“Don’t know why, really.” She said honestly. “I just wanted to get out of that alley as fast as possible. Too much bad for us to handle.”

As she turned to face Carlo, she felt a tickle in her spine. Then a twisting pain in her head brought Dawn to her knees.

“Carlo!” she screamed. “Get me to Buffy. Get me to Buffy now!”

“Oh, shit.” Carlo dropped the containers he was carrying, scooped her up in his arms, and ran as fast as he could toward the figures of Spike and Buffy standing in the middle of the road. Good thing he was a runner, he thought as he double-timed his pace. He felt like he was flying over the dirt path.

“God. Oh God. It’s coming. God, we’ve got to hurry,” she was crying. “Run faster, Carlo. Faster.”


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Buffy couldn’t hold Spike’s body close enough. The kiss had started slowly, tongues tasting and entwining as they caressed each other tenderly. Then the kiss was a starved animal, and his arms tightened around her and she was hanging on to her life. She groaned as he pressed his bare chest against her swollen breasts, the friction making her nipples ache. She wanted her skin naked against him, but he was holding her so tightly she couldn’t breathe.

Buffy wished she could think. But she’d left thought behind until she heard Carlo screaming her name. Finally, she had to pull away from Spike.

Carlo was a hundred yards away as Buffy turned to face him. Her stomach dropped as she saw him carrying Dawn in his arms. She sprinted toward the boy running to her. She felt Spike racing at her side.

“What happened?” she yelled as she met Carlo and pulled Dawn out of his arms.

“She…wanted me to…Buffy, damn.” His words were falling out of his mouth in fragments as he dropped to his knees in front of her and Spike.

“Buffy, my head. God, it hurts,” Dawn cried. “Its coming after us. I feel it, Buffy, and I can’t…” Her eyes rolled back in her head and she screamed, clutching Buffy around the neck as the pain seemed to shoot through her.

“Oh, Dawnie. Please hang in there, baby. Please.” Buffy rocked Dawn in her arms and looked up at Spike, her eyes pleading. She didn’t know how to help her sister in this dimension where only trees, a dirt road and sunshine existed.

“Buffy!” Dawn scrambled free of her sister’s embrace and collapsed into a ball of shivering fear. “It’s here!” She screamed as she pointed a finger in the direction from which she and Carlo had just come.

“Spike?” Buffy was reaching for Dawn when she saw Spike begin to morph into his demon visage. She couldn’t even touch her flailing sister, the sight of the vampire was so startling.

He was different than she’d ever seen. The bumpys were still there but his eyes were blood red. The fangs extended from his mouth dripped with blood, too. His own, she wondered?

“Buffy, hold on to her,” he ordered, his voice deep and stern. Carlo was still kneeling near Dawn and inched closer as Buffy pulled her sister’s body to her chest.

His words were the last she heard before a swirling portal surrounded them, and she was leaping through dimensions. Seconds later they landed in heap in the small living room of her apartment in the Bronx.

“Spike?” He was standing next to her, his face covered with sweat, holding his duster in his arms. “What did you do?”

“I’m a portal jumper, Buffy,” he said calmly. “I jumped.”

To be continued…





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