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***Shameless Website plug:) I have a new slayer fan fiction site which welcomes every type of BTVS/Angel fiction and since it is a private group for 18+ only, send me an email for an invite! There are great stories to read, fun challenges to compete in and even readers can select their favorites for some awards! Okay now on to the story ***



“I am trying to tell you that something happened there!” Spike screamed at the others. For nearly three hours, since he had felt his connection to Buffy break, he had been trying to convince these people who claimed to deal in all things demonic and mystical that something that was both had told him something was wrong. His brain was screaming at him that his beautiful angel was dead while his heart was telling him that love couldn’t be conquered so easily. With all of his being he wanted to believe that, but he couldn’t with fear pumping through his veins instead of blood. “I can’t feel her, so can you at the very least call Angel and see if they bloody well made it there at all? Maybe you’ll listen to him and then we can finally find out what in the hell is going on!”

He noticed that everyone was staring at him, with nearly identical looks of ‘we-told-you-so’ on their faces but since they were also looking back at something just over his left shoulder, he turned around to see what in the bloody hell was so amusing. The second he saw her, his heart lost all hope and became as dry as dust within his chest. She looked exactly the same as the last time he had seen her except instead of the soft perfume that reminded him of summer while it clung like a whisper on her skin, she smelled of Angel, dank and musky like a deserted cellar. He could also clearly see the newly torn flesh at her neck. It had healed enough for him to know it must have been bad to begin with, but coupled with that familiar scent he suddenly understood why he couldn’t feel her any longer. Once again, Angel had stolen away from him the one thing he loved. “Coming back for you things then, before heading back to LA?”

“It depends,” Buffy said softly, forcing herself to not take a single step closer to him, no matter how badly her body ached to be in his arms. She and Faith had walked in while he had been screaming at the others and she had heard the fear and worry in his voice. Although that had restored her flagging hope she still knew they had miles to go before she could find herself home. “Do you still love Drusilla?”

“What are you talking about?” Spike asked, shrilly certain that he must have heard her wrong.

He sounded so much like Angel, she had to laugh. The two fools who were so very much alike and still somehow managed to hate each other so virulently. She had always known that men were more complicated than Chinese algebra but Spike and Angel took baffling to an entirely different level of incomprehension. “Crazy bitch with a fondness for dolls and mayhem? You spent a century and some with her so surely you remember her name?”

“Whatever Angel told you, Dru and I have been over for awhile pet. She always wanted Angelus more and I got tired of being her stand in.”

“Is that what I am, your stand in for her. I saw you both through Angel’s and Angelus’s memories when I drank his blood and until that moment I thought…” Unable to say the words, with everyone watching her with rapt yet puzzled attention she trailed off and lowered her eyes to the floor.

“You thought what luv?” Spike asked, taking the first step forward. He knew what she was talking about but nothing he had ever experienced when he had shared blood with Dru, had been like what she was talking about. From the way it sounded she had, had Angelus’s mental home videos broadcasted into her mind. Since he had lived it himself, he could understand why she may have been persuaded into Angel’s embrace. He could forgive her anything and since it had been his fault for not telling her himself, whatever happened between her and Angel would be his price for having been such a blasted fool, he told himself bitterly. He had known before she ever left that Angel would do whatever it took to claim her as his own and if Angel was strong enough to break the claim out of spite then certainly his love would be strong enough to do the same…or so he hoped. All that mattered was that she had returned to him, seeking his side of the story and he was going to do whatever it took to convince her that this was where she belonged…here with him.

“I didn’t exactly come to your bed a virgin but I never loved anyone before you and I thought…it was the same for you.” Buffy said quickly, forcing the words out before she lost her nerve.

Unable to stand it any longer, he walked over to her and lifted her eyes up to his. “I loved Dru but even after a century with her, what we had doesn’t even begin to compare to what I feel when I am with you Buffy. There is no one but you and I can prove it to you.” He raised his wrist up to her lips, never taking his eyes off of hers. “Drink me.”

It had been bad enough seeing it through Angel’s eyes, feeling the way he had felt but after what she had told Angel before she left, she couldn’t refuse just because it could hurt her. What she would see could either save her or damn her. Either way she would be free from being tapped in the middle, unable to go forward or back. But if she was going to risk being sent straight to hell she wanted to feel his cold arms wrapped around her, before the flames reached out to lick her skin. Ignoring his wrist, she stroked her hand down her face, memorizing the feel of the lines beneath her fingertips and trailed her hand down to the place where his shoulders met neck. He was wearing his jacket and a simple black t-shirt but there was an exposed piece of skin, pale as the moonlight against a sky of black.

Understanding her intentions, he arched his neck and she closed the distance between them. His arms circled around her, bringing them even closer until nothing but the clothes they wore separated them. Opening her mouth wide, she felt her fangs slowly lengthen as if her demon wasn’t entirely sure that this was the brightest idea and wanted to give her plenty of time to change her mind.

“What’s going on?” Xander asked. He was beyond confused but since everyone in the room had shushed him immediately he figured now was not the question and answer portion of the evening. Not everyone had told him to hush, he amended looking back at the vampiric couple. They were lost to each other, as if they were alone in the room and as much as he loathed Spike he knew what the guy was going through…he was afraid.

It was the same secret fears that he held about his future with Anya…would he ever be good enough for her or where they just doomed. They had broken up and gotten back together because they loved each other to much to stay away but the questions still remained…would he grow up to be a man like his father, would he treat the woman he loved with the same cruel disinterest and scorn because his one true love resided in the bottom of a bottle? Unanswered question, were woven into ever facet of his life with Anya, the answers alone could tell him if they even had a future. So the part of him that loved beyond reason understood that was what Spike and Buffy were doing now even if the rest of his mind didn‘t understand what he was seeing.

They were about to have all of those dark questions brought into the light and as liberating as that sounded some part of him understood that some things were only more damaging, more terrifying when the were brought out of the darkness. Because once they were brought out of the shadows, the fear would either fade or it would become all to real and once you knew the truth, it could never be hidden away in the shadows again or forgotten.

Silently Xander watched her fangs slid into Spike’s skin with a soft pop like that of a needle pressed into flesh and he wondered if the couple poised on the precipice of the unknown would lose each other in the shadows of the past or find the light needed to guide them into their future. Afraid to breathe and shatter the poignancy of the moment he was witnessing, he forgot that rules of time. Each minute that passed seemed as long as an hour. The day passed before him, though the moon never surrendered to the sun outside and the stars did not fade but an eternity had still passed in this room nevertheless.

Buffy’s body, trembled and her chest heaved as her mind bore the constant images pushing inside her mind at the speed of a freight train. She forced herself to endure the vicious onslaught and the moment she had seen enough to have her answer she pulled away as if touching him burned her skin, though her clothes were unscathed. Fisting her hands in her hair, she let out a single piercing scream as she tightly shut her eyes and tried to will the images out of her mind. But even with her eyes shut she could feel Spike’s hand reaching towards her. “Don’t touch me,” she snapped taking another step away.

She heard him hiss, as if she had stuck him and that was enough to buy her a moment alone in her own mind. Opening her eyes, she tried to let him see all the love she still held for him in her heart but before she could say all the words pouring out of her heart she felt a deep brown spread across her irises, like her grass green eyes had been dug up to reveal the rich dark earth below. “My dear sweet William.”

The sound of Drusilla’s voice slipping out from between Buffy’s full pouty lips was like the final stake to Spike’s already battered heart. Now her last words to him finally made since, he realized forcing himself not to step away. Dru had always been able to see things that others could not and when she had said he was covered in the slayer, he had thought it was because of the truce he had made with Faith to save her from Angelus. With her betrayal scoring his heart, he had forgotten that Dru also saw the future, something that he remembered the second her poisoned voice had slipped from Buffy’s honeyed lips. Buffy was the slayer Dru had known he would lose himself to and now he needed to know if he had lost her. “Buffy…are you in there sweetheart? Can you hear me?”





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