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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know it's been over a month since I posted anything, but it was really unavoidable. I was finishing up my senior year of college, and I had neither the time nor the energy to devote to fanfiction. I'm sorry I made everyone wait so long. But, I have completed all my finals, managed to get an A in every class this semester, and am graduating this Saturday. So with that behind me, I should have fanfic time once again.

I hope people are still interested in this after its bit of a hiatus. Please leave me a review and let me know if you're still reading, and what you think of this chapter!
Angel woke up alone, devoid of anything to let him know Cordelia had been there other than the empty ache in his chest her absence caused. It wasn't a surprise, but that didn't make it any less painful.

He got out of the bed and went downstairs, noticing how much quieter the hotel was now. Willow was behind the front desk, and Angel walked up to her, leaning on the counter. "Where is everyone?"

Willow looked up. "Oh. Hi, Angel. Most of the Slayers are gone. A few are still recuperating, and I decided to stay and oversee things since Buffy is…too busy with other things."

"Did she go back to Rome?"

Willow shifted nervously in her chair. She'd rather just stay out of whatever was going on with Angel, Buffy, and Spike. "No. She's still in LA." Willow hoped he'd let her leave it at that.

He didn't. "Where is she? She's not staying here with the other Slayers."

"No, she isn't."

"She's with Spike, isn't she?"

"I don't know. She didn't tell me where she was going when she left." That was the truth, after all. It didn't matter that where she'd gone was obvious to almost anyone.

"Dammit. She shouldn't be alone with him."

Willow honestly didn't understand what kept drawing Buffy to Spike. She didn't really dislike him so much as it just wasn't the kind of relationship she would've chosen for her friend. Still, she didn't think that Angel had much of a right to try to interfere with Buffy's decisions. He'd done enough damage already. "Spike isn't going to hurt her, Angel. He's not even a vampire anymore."

"That doesn't make him no longer potentially dangerous."

Willow was tired. She'd been working to heal Slayers and clean up the mess left over from yet another apocalypse for days now, and she wasn't in the mood to deal with one of Angel's fits. "Look, I don't know what's going on with Spike and Buffy, and I can't say I necessarily approve of whatever it is, but I can say that he never snapped the neck of someone I cared about."

Angel stepped back. "I didn't have a soul then."

"Yeah, and when Spike didn't have a soul, he still managed to protect Dawn and show kindness to Tara, among other things." Willow smiled inwardly when Angel winced. "Look, if you're trying to find support from me, you're not going to get it. I accepted you in Sunnydale for Buffy's sake, but if the topic for discussion is who I trust more, you or Spike, it's going to be Spike."

Angel's expression hardened. "Fine. I'm going upstairs to check on my son."

As Angel left the lobby, Willow thought about how quickly she'd jumped to Spike's defense. From that, she remembered how upset Buffy had been over what Willow had said earlier about Spike. Willow realized with a bit of shame how unfair she'd been the day before. She didn't get it with Spike, that much was true, but she suspected Buffy still had feelings for him—maybe even loved him. She owed it to her friend to make an attempt to understand like she should have years ago. She'd let Buffy down, and while she couldn't make up for that, she could do something now before she lost her friend completely.

Willow stood up, deciding there was no time like to present to start making amends.

*** *** ***

Buffy opened her eyes slowly, noting how well rested she felt. Nightmares had plagued her since she'd left what used to be Sunnydale behind. Almost every night, she'd been forced her to relive the same moment over and over. But they hadn't come this time, her mind letting her sleep peacefully instead. She looked up, her gaze locking with intense blue eyes, and she knew why the nightmares had gone.

No reason to dream of someone dying when you're sleeping in their arms…

"Sleep well, kitten?"

Spike's voice was deep and husky from sleep, and from her position on his chest, Buffy could feel the vibrations coursing through her entire body. "Mmm…very well." She nuzzled herself closer to Spike and pressed a small kiss against his neck.

Spike nudged Buffy away from him as he scrambled to get out of the bed. He took a few steps back, putting distance between them. "What time is Giles getting here?" he asked.

Buffy's good mood immediately plummeted. She hadn't been completely awake when she'd responded to Spike the way she had, the feel of being in his warm arms overriding her brain. She sat up, clutching the sheet in her hands. "Spike…I didn't mean…"

"Yeah, I know you didn't, so let's not push it anymore, all right? Let's just focus on business. What time?"

"Some time this afternoon. He had a hard time booking a decent flight on such short notice. I gave him your address, and he said he'd take a cab when he gets to LA."

"We just wait here for him then?"

"I guess."

"You and me, alone in the apartment."

"We've been alone in here since last night, Spike. Who else would be here?"

Spike wasn't sure he could handle this. It had been difficult enough being around her the night before, but after this morning, it was going to be torture. He'd been awake for at least an hour before Buffy had woken up, watching her, holding her, drowning in her. That alone had been enough to almost drive him to the edge, and the soft kiss she'd given him had all but pushed him the rest of the way. "I need to take a shower," he announced, grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

Spike left the room quickly, and Buffy buried her face in her hands. She knew she shouldn't have pushed the boundaries between them this morning, but Spike had never reacted to her touch that way before. He didn't even want to be alone with her. She'd never seen him closed off like this, never seen him guarding his emotions so carefully. She missed the way he used to look at her, the way she could always see his love, whether she'd wanted to see it in the past or not.

But what could she reasonably expect other than this distance? She'd told him that whatever they had in the past was over, that she'd soon be going back to Rome. How could she long for him to feel for her the way he once did if she still wouldn't reciprocate? She'd done that to him once before, and she couldn't again. It wasn't fair to him, and she wasn't going to let herself be that person again.

She had had a chance at Spike's love once, and she'd thrown it away. She'd taken it for granted, and now he'd taken it away.

*** *** ***

Spike stood in the bathroom in his jeans, his hair still damp from the cold shower he'd taken. Turns out it was only slightly more effective when you were something other than room temperature. He'd been hoping for better results. Maybe he would have if Buffy hadn't still been only in the next room. In his bed…

He growled in frustration. If she was going to go back to Rome, why didn't she just bloody do it already and let him live in peace?

His reflection was staring at him now, watching him like a voyeur. He didn't like it, didn't like being held up for examination to his own eyes. After so many years without one, it was unsettling, something that shouldn't be there. He barely knew his own face anymore. He toweled off his hair, then looked closer into the mirror, trying to regard his two-dimensional double with a detached eye, relearning the view it gave him. His roots were starting to show and his curls were unruly, but he didn't care. What did it matter if he was presentable anyway? Besides, maybe if he looked like a wreck, Buffy would keep her tempting little hands to herself.

He pulled his t-shirt on over his head, tucking the bottom of it into his jeans. He could hear Buffy in the kitchen, and he took a deep, calming breath. It amazed him how much he wanted to be around her and wanted her far away at the same time. That woman had always been able to wreak havoc on his emotions.

Spike stepped out of the bathroom, watching Buffy as she moved around his tiny kitchen, a small smile tugging at his lips. He knew it wouldn't last, but for a moment he allowed himself to enjoy this domesticity with the woman he loved. "I see you found the coffee."

"Yes." Buffy turned to look at him. "Is this all right?"

"You making coffee? Yeah, it's fine. Make me a cup while you're at it?"

"I don't know about that. I've seen you hyper."

"Come on. Have pity on the man not used to a human body." He gave her a small pout, and Buffy felt her heart flip. It wasn't fair that he was still so damn gorgeous. His curls were free of gel, and their rumpled look was unbelievably sexy. Her fingers ached to have a chance to run through them.

"Fine. But go easy on the sugar. I don't want a repeat of the Triple Expresso Incident."

"Oh please. That was not that bad."

"Your eyes weren't blinking, Spike. And you were doing that thing where you bounce on your toes."

"What thing where I bounce on my toes?"

"It's a thing you do when you're hyper. You kind of rock back and forth."

"I do not."

"Oh you so do."

"I…" A knock at the door the door cut him off. "Is Giles supposed to be here already?"

"No. His plane doesn't land for a little while yet. Are you expecting company?"

"No. You?"

"No." Spike walked to the door, checking through the peephole, a look of surprise and then concern when he saw who it was. "It's Willow."

Buffy frowned. What was Willow doing here? And how did she find this place in the first place? Buffy sighed, figuring Willow must've gotten better at locater spells. "Well, open the door."

Spike did, regarding the witch with an impassive expression. "Red."

"Hi Spike. Long time no see."

"Yeah. Burnin' up and then gettin' stuck in LA as a ghost sort of put a damper on my social life."

"You were a ghost?"

"Long story. So what brings you to my doorstep?"

"I came to see Buffy."

Buffy came around from Spike then, and Willow noticed the casual way Buffy rested her hand on his shoulder. "I'm here. Is there something wrong? Did any of the Slayers…"

"Oh, no, everything's fine. I just…I just wanted to talk to you." Willow glanced apprehensively at Spike, keenly aware of the fact that he hadn't invited her into his apartment.

"Right then," Spike said, sensing Willow's desire to speak to Buffy alone. "There's a bakery down the street. I'll go grab something for breakfast while you two chat."

"Baked goods and coffee? I think you may be pushing your caffeine and sugar intake there, pal," Buffy said, elbowing him in the side lightly. "I'm going to have to tie you down."

"Now now, Slayer, it's not nice to tease a bloke with sweet words like that," Spike said with a wink. He stepped back to both give Willow room to come into the apartment and to avoid Buffy's attempt to smack him. "I'll just go put on my boots, and then I'll get out of your hair."

As Spike went into the bedroom, Buffy motioned for Willow to come in, then shut the door behind her. Willow glanced around, her nervousness apparent. "Not used to seeing Spike live anywhere but a crypt," she said.

"Yeah, well, he's making with the above ground dwelling these days."

Spike came back out of the bedroom then, causing Willow to grow silent again. "Any requests, Buffy?"

She shrugged. "Whatever. You know what I like."

"All right. You kids play nice." He gave Buffy a smile, then left the apartment, locking the door behind him.

"Have a seat," Buffy said, making a sweeping gesture in the direction of the couch before sitting down herself. There was an awkward silence between the two once-close friends before Willow spoke.

"So you and Spike slipped back into it pretty quickly."

"Huh?"

Willow held up her hands. "I'm not being judgey, I promise. I just noticed there how coupley you two were, so soon after reuniting."

"Again, huh? Spike and I aren't a couple."

"Really, I'm not going to judge you over it, Buffy. I mean, that's actually part of the reason why I came today, to apologize for how I acted at the Hyperion yesterday, and tell you that I'm okay with any choices you make regarding Spike. I mean, if he makes you happy, then there's no reason in the world for me to look down on the whole thing."

"I appreciate that, but we're not together. I'm going back to Rome soon."

"Oh," Willow said, her brow wrinkling. The way Spike and Buffy had been when she'd come to the door, she could've sworn they were together. "So why aren't you back with him? I mean, if it's okay for me to ask that…"

"It's just over between us," Buffy said tersely. "I have a life in Rome, he has one here. End of story. So did you come over here just to discuss me and Spike?"

"No. Well, sort of. But I already did that part, I guess." Willow took a deep breath. "I also want to apologize. And I know that saying 'I'm sorry' really isn't enough, but it's all I really know that I can do right now."

Buffy frowned, unsure how to take Willow's sudden apology. "What are you sorry for?"

"For, well, for being a bad friend I guess. I haven't been there for you at all, not this past year, and not for a long time back in Sunnydale either. And…and I know I'm to blame for how messed up your life was and, Buffy, I'm so sorry…"

Buffy watched as Willow's eyes filled with tears, and the sight made her feel conflicted. On the one hand, she wanted Willow to feel guilty. She had been a "bad friend" on more levels than Buffy could even begin to describe. But on the other hand, Buffy didn't really feel the need to hold a grudge. Things had happened that neither woman was proud of, and while Buffy knew she'd never be as close to Willow as she'd once been, she didn't want to push her completely out of her life either. Good or bad, they'd shared too much for that.

"It's okay. You didn't single handedly screw up my life. I'm not going to lie and say you didn't help, but it's all in the past now. And, well, I'm over it. Coming back from heaven was difficult, but I think in the long run, things worked out for the best."

Willow looked up, hopeful. "So you don't hate me?"

"What? No! I never hated you, Will. I was mad, yeah, and you weren't my favorite person there for a while, but I never hated you. You're, well, you're family, and good or bad, I'll always love you."

Willow sniffed. "I'm glad to hear you say that. I thought…well, I thought I'd killed our friendship forever, you know? Like we were just going to drift apart and be that kind of people you see at reunions and you think 'Wow, they were so close in high school, and now look at them!' Although I guess we can't really be those people, since our high school blew up—twice—but you know what I mean."

Buffy smirked. "No, we won't be those people." She was surprised at how true the words sounded to her. No, they weren't going to be as close as they were as kids, but Willow was still her friend. And she'd missed her. It hit Buffy now just how much she'd missed having her around this past year. Buffy reached out, wrapping her arms around Willow in a friendly hug, her eyes tearing up. "I've missed you," she admitted aloud.

Willow returned the hug. "Me, too. You were my best friend, Buffy."

"You, too, Will. You, too."

*** *** ***

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