Spike had returned with donuts. Buffy wasn't surprised that he'd gotten her favorite. After all, she'd meant it when she told him he knew what she liked.
What did surprise her is that he'd also remembered Willow's. Had Spike honestly paid that much attention back in the Scooby days?
It was quiet around Spike's small table now, none of the three people in the room knowing quite how to start a conversation. Willow had been fiddling through most of the meal, and finally she broke the silence, obviously unable to take it anymore.
"So what are you planning to do now that you're human?" she asked Spike.
Spike shrugged. "Probably the same as I was doing. Fight the good fight and whatnot."
"But won't you have problems with that now that you're not a vampire?" Willow asked. "I mean, the whole demon fighting thing isn't nearly as easy without superpowers, trust me."
Buffy and Spike shared a poignant look, and Spike took a deep breath before he answered, deciding there was no real reason to lie about what he was. "I still have my superpowers."
"Oh." Then Spike's answer sunk in, and Willow did a double take. "Huh?"
"I still have my powers. Well, I can't go all bumpy in the forehead region, but I'm not exactly Average Joe either."
"So you're not…human?"
Spike shrugged. "Don't know what I am. I'm not a vamp. The beating heart's sort of a give-away as far as that goes. Other than that, we're not sure."
Willow turned to Buffy. "Is this why you're still here?"
Buffy nodded. "Giles is on his way to LA. He's going to look over Spike, make with the tests and the research, see what we can figure out."
"I can help," Willow said softly. Then she added more confidently, "Whatever changed you is mystical, so maybe there's something I could find out with magic."
Spike's eyes bulged a little, and Buffy had to repress a laugh. "The last time you worked any mojo on me I was callin' myself 'Randy Giles.'"
Willow held up her hands. "I promise I won't do a spell on you. Just more, take a look at your mystical make up. No changing you into Randy Giles again, I promise."
"Good, cause that was bleedin' disturbing."
"I don't know, I thought you were kinda cute with your little bowtie," Buffy said, lighting kicking him under the table.
"Watch it, Joan," Spike replied, although his response only got a giggle out of Buffy.
Willow watched the two of them interacting. They weren't a couple? Could've fooled her… But she resisted the urge to meddle. If they were meant to be, it would happen. If it wasn't, then it wouldn't. No need for her to give it a push one way or the other. "There are spells to tell if someone is human or demon, and then also what sort of demon they are. They're simple, only surface stuff." She turned to Buffy. "Sort of like that one from way back in the day when we were trying to figure out if Amy's-Mom-in Amy's-Body was a witch."
Buffy nodded. "I remember that." Without even thinking about it, she reached over and took Spike's hand. "Are you sure it wouldn't hurt him, though?"
"Positive. And I'd be extra special careful," Willow assured her. "I've really grown a lot in the past year, Buffy. I don't take the sort of chances I used to. My spells don't go wonky like they did before."
Buffy turned to Spike, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as she did. "What do you want to do?"
"Well, as long as Red doesn't turn me into a newt or some such, I'm game. Like to know what I am, and it could at least give Rupert a place to start looking in those musty old books of his."
"Great!" Willow jumped up. "I'll just find a store around here where I can get what I need, and we'll be all set."
"Do you mind if I go out with you?" Buffy asked. "I sort of didn't pack for a long trip, and I'm just about out of important things—like clean underwear."
Spike glanced down, staring at where his hand was still joined with Buffy. This was all so bizarrely domestic. She was talking about needing to buy underwear while holding his hand like it was the most normal thing in the world. He didn't know how it made him feel exactly, but he didn't pull away from her.
"Sure. Be nice to spend a little time with you," Willow said.
"How about you, Spike. Are you okay here, waiting in case Giles shows up, or…"
"I'm fine, luv. You two go do your shopping."
Buffy gave his hand another squeeze before she pulled away. Spike noted how she never noticed they were holding hands with a start as if it were something out of place. She'd pulled away the same way she'd started the gesture, calmly as if it were ordinary. "We'll be back as soon as we can," she said, standing up.
"Most of the ingredients are pretty commonplace," Willow said, standing, too. "I can probably find most of them in the grocery store."
"Let's get them then," Buffy said. "If we're going to do this, I'd like to do it soon."
"What's the rush?" Spike asked, concern crossing his features.
Buffy turned to him. "I want to know what's going on, Spike. I'm worried about all of this. What if something happens, and it turns out to be unstable, and…"
"I turn back into a vampire?" Spike asked softly. Would she be holding his hand at the breakfast table the way she'd just done if that were the case?
"And you get hurt," Buffy said, finishing the sentence her way.
"Oh."
There was another awkward silence in the room for a moment before Willow said, "So are we going to go? I saw a shopping center on the way over here that should be good for a start."
Buffy nodded. "Let's check it out."
"I've got an extra key," Spike said. "Let me give it to you."
"All right," Buffy said as Spike got up and went into his bedroom. He came back a few moments later, pressing the key into her outstretched hand. She looked down at it, then at him. "Thanks."
Spike nodded and stepped away from her, letting the two women plan their outing.
*** *** ***
Having Buffy out of the apartment made Spike feel both relieved and anxious. On the one hand, without Buffy there sending his emotions into a tizzy, he could relax. On the other hand, he couldn't stop wondering what she was doing now that she was out of his sight. Other than her brief visit to the Hyperion the day before, she'd been with him almost non-stop since he'd come back to life. He'd gotten used to her presence, the feel of having her there with him.
Still, he knew he should get used to this. It was going to be his life after she was gone. He'd be alone.
He looked up, startled, when he heard a knock at the door before he remembered that the Watcher was due. He ran his hand through his hair, then approached the door, opening it. "Come in, Rupert."
Giles nodded, walking into Spike's apartment and taking a brief glance around while Spike shut the door behind him. "Is Buffy not here?"
"Nice to see you, too, Rupes."
"I…sorry, that was rude of me. It was a long flight, much of which involved a small child pelting me with peanuts."
Spike raised an eyebrow at Giles's actual apology. "Sounds unpleasant."
"The mother was not much better. Makes me wonder why some people are allowed to spawn." He took a deep breath. "So how are you?"
Spike shrugged. "Alive."
"That's good…or is it?" Giles's brow furrowed.
"It's got its perks. I'm liking the whole sunlight thing. And to answer your earlier question, Buffy's not here. She went shopping with Willow."
"Shopping?"
"For magic supplies," Spike clarified. "Red wants to do some sort of spell to see if I'm human or demon."
"She knows about you retaining your powers then?"
"Yeah. Told her over breakfast." Spike reached out for the bag that Giles had over his shoulder. "Here, let me take that for you."
"Oh. Thank you."
Spike nodded, setting the bag over by the wall. "You can sit on the couch," he offered. "And there's donuts if you're hungry."
"No, I'm quite all right," Giles said, sitting down. He took off his glasses, fiddling with them nervously as he glanced around Spike's apartment again. He hadn't expected to be alone with the former vampire like this, and he didn't much know what to say or do. Their relationship in Sunnydale could be characterized as strained at best, and it hadn't been too long ago that he'd conspired to have Spike killed. Now here he was, sitting in the other man's apartment while Spike acted hospitable.
"You know, Watcher, I couldn't bite you even if I wanted to. You don't have to look all twitchy."
"I'm not…afraid of you, Spike. This is just…uncomfortable."
"Because you helped Robin try to kill me?"
Giles winced. "Well, yes, actually."
"Look, it was a mistake on your part, yeah, but none of us knew that at the time. I could've gone either way with the way the First was messing with my head, and you did what you thought was best. You wanted to protect Buffy, and I can respect that."
Giles looked at Spike in surprise. That certainly wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting. "Still, I…"
"Don't. I'm not the one who needs your apology for that. If you're going to be handing those out, then give it the Slayer." Spike sat on the other end of the couch, silence hanging between the two men. "So you want to make me a lab rat now or…" Spike asked.
"We should most likely wait for Buffy," Giles answered.
Silence again as they both shifted uncomfortably. Spike cleared his throat. "So," he began. "Ever played Crash Bandicoot?"
*** *** ***
If there was one thing Buffy didn't expect to walk in to Spike's apartment and see, it was him playing video games with her Watcher. She stopped short, Willow catching it a split second before bumping into her.
"Buffy, what…oh my goddess."
Spike and Giles turned in unison, looking very much like little boys caught with their hands in the candy jar. "We were waiting for you," Spike explained.
"Giles plays video games?" Buffy asked lamely, amazed that she was even able to find her voice.
"Not very well," Spike said. "I was kicking his arse."
"I'm fairly certain he was cheating somehow," Giles muttered.
"Well, we're back, so you two can come out of the Twilight Zone now."
Spike and Giles both set down their controllers slowly and stood up. "Did you get the stuff for the spell?" Spike asked.
Willow patted the bag she was holding. "Yep. Found it all."
"Are you quite sure you know how to perform whatever spell this is?" Giles asked.
"I am," Willow replied. "I already told Spike and Buffy I was going to be careful. No neglectful Wicca Willow this time."
"Did you bring anything that might be helpful to us?" Buffy asked, coming into the living room and standing beside Spike.
"Yes. It's in here, just let me get it out," Giles replied. He went to his bag, unzipping it and pulling out a slim, black object.
Buffy's eyes widened. "Is that a laptop?"
"Yes," Giles replied.
"Didn't I just ask you to come out of the Twilight Zone?"
Giles gave her a dirty look. "I never would've been able to get as many books as I'd most likely need through customs. This way I can simply connect to the Watcher's Library Database that Andrew has been compiling."
"Andrew does stuff?" Buffy said. "Huh. I thought he just slept on my couch and ate all my food."
"Andrew's staying with you again?" Willow asked.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Don't get me started. It's a long story." She made a quick glance in Spike's direction. "Although come to think of it, he was in Los Angeles not too long ago. Wolfram and Hart, if memory serves. Meeting with the CEO and his…people?"
"Well, we have a lot of work to do here," Spike said quickly, clapping his hands together. "So how about we get started."
Buffy raised an eyebrow at Spike, but let it drop as Willow and Giles both began to set up what they needed to get to the bottom of what had happened to Spike.
*** *** ***
Angel knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He knew Connor was still in the room, his scent and the occasional rustling noise making that clear. He knocked again, letting out a small sound of frustration when he got the same lack of response.
"Connor, it's your da…it's Angel. I just want to talk to you."
Connor still didn't reply. Angel reached down, turning the handle and finding the door unlocked, then going into the room. Connor was sitting on the bed, his knees pulled up as he stared at the wall, making no move to acknowledge the new presence in the room. Angel didn't know what to say or what to do. It hadn't been that long ago since he'd been given an infant, a life, to care for, and looking at the young man in front of him now, he knew how badly he'd messed that up.
"Are you hungry?" Angel asked. "I know you haven't really wanted to leave the room, so I could bring you something up if you wanted."
No answer.
"Okay, not hungry… Are you too cold in here? Or too hot maybe? Do you need anything at all?"
Connor turned then, his eyes an icy blue that reminded Angel a bit too much of Darla. "I don't need anything from you. Stop trying to be my father."
Angel blinked. "Connor, I…I am."
"No, you're not. And you made sure of that, didn't you? Got rid of me as fast as you could, made it so I was someone else's son."
"No! Connor, it wasn't like that! I didn't want to give you up. You're my son, and I love you."
Connor jumped up, facing Angel as he began to yell. "What do you know about love? You don't even care about me! You couldn't wait to get me out of your life! And hey, the fact that doing that came with money, power, and a bunch of shiny new toys—just a bonus."
"That isn't true! You're more important to me than anything in this world. You're my son, my own flesh and blood."
"I don't care! I don't want anything to do with you. All you've ever done is fuck up my life, and I hate you!"
Angel bristled. "Connor, please… I'm sorry that things happened this way. I tried to do what was best for you, it just…it never went the way I wanted it to." A list of things that Angel had planned when he'd held Connor as a baby flashed through his mind, and he grimaced at the thought of how so many of those dreams he'd had would never come true for his son. "Just…just let us try to move on from here."
"No!" Connor yelled again. "I can't stand here and listen to you act like it could ever be better, because it can't. You've ruined my life, just like your ruin everything."
"I know I messed up with you. But it wasn't because I don't love you, or because I don't want you in my life. You mother told me once that you were the one good thing that we ever did together, and it's true. Connor, you're the best thing I've ever done, period. Even if things didn't go the way I'd like them to, I look at you, and you still make me prouder than anything else ever could."
"Stop it!" Connor was fighting against tears now. Angel wanted to reach out and comfort his son, but he knew it wouldn't be accepted. "I…I have to leave," Connor said, going for the door.
"No. Don't, please," Angel said, reaching out and grabbing Connor's arm as he tried to make it past him.
Connor pulled away, making Angel stumble backwards. "Don't touch me," he snarled before running out of the room.
Angel went into the hallway, prepared to go after his son when he felt a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.
"Let him go. He can handle himself."
Angel turned slowly. "Cordelia."
"In the flesh."
"I have to go after him, Cordy."
"No, you don't. Connor needs time right now. Give it to him."
Angel's shoulders slumped. "I don't know what to do. I don't think I've ever felt this lost."
Cordelia wrapped her arms around him, pulling him to her. "I know it's hard now, but you're strong, Angel. We'll get through this."
Angel stepped back, although he kept his arms loosely around her waist. "We?"
"Yes. We."
"Does…does that mean you can stay this time?"
"I can stay—for as long as you need me."
"I'm always going to need you, Cordy. Without you I…I fall apart."
"I know. But it's going to be better now. We can be happy."
The look in her eyes made Angel pull away. "No. I can't…I can't be that happy."
Cordelia cupped his cheek. "Yes, you can. It's okay. The Powers want to release you from your curse."
"What? I…"
"Shh…" Cordelia placed a finger to his lips to silence him before replacing it with her lips. Angel hesitated for only a moment before he pulled her to him with a growl. When they finally broke apart, Cordelia was panting, gasping for air. His vampiric ridges were present now, and she reached up to stroke them. "It's going to be all right, Angel," she said softly. "You can let go now."
Angel lifted Cordelia off her feet and carried her off to bed.
*** *** ***
So what do you think of that, huh? Reviews would be nice.
Although please, for the love of cheese wheels, don't tell me this chapter wasn't "Spuffy enough." I did as much with Spike and Buffy as I could with this one, but I had to move the plot in other directions, too, and couldn’t jam it full of heartwarming Spuffy moments. Please respect me as a writer and understand that.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A big thanks to Niamh on this chapter for talking me through my block.