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Spike eyed Willow dubiously as she mixed up the ingredients for the spell she planned on performing. Giles and Buffy were at the kitchen table setting up his laptop, and Spike had to resist the urge to ask her to sit with him and calm him as if he were a child at the hospital to get a shot. It wasn't that he didn't trust Willow exactly. He didn't think she'd purposely do anything drastic like say, wipe his entire memory, but he knew all too well that that sort of thing had a way of happening where Willow was involved…

Buffy glanced up, noticing the extreme wariness written on Spike's face as Willow prepared her potion. "I'll be back," she told Giles softly before going into the living room and sitting beside Spike on the couch. "You okay?" she asked him, patting his leg.

"Sure. I'm doing bloody wonderful."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh. Spike, if you don't want to do this, just say so."

"Don't much like the idea of being as lab rat, yeah, but I need to know what's going on. I…I need to know what I am now."

Buffy was silent for a moment as she took in what Spike had just said. She hadn't thought about it until then, but this was more than just him not knowing what had happened to him. He didn't know what he was anymore. Human, demon, or something else entirely, he didn't know. She realized how frustrating that must be for him, and she reached out to touch him again, this time rubbing his arm soothingly. "We'll figure this out, Spike. I won't let you down here."

Spike gave her a small smile and brushed her hair away from her face. "You've never let me down, Buffy."

Buffy felt her heart speed up. The way he was looking at her now… "Spike…"

"I got it!"

Spike and Buffy turned quickly at the sound of Willow's exclamation. "Got what, Will? The spell?" Buffy asked.

"Yep. My potion's all…potiony." Willow held it up. "See."

Spike frowned when he spotted the murky liquid inside the clear container. "Please tell me I don't have to drink that."

"This from the man who drank blood with bits of cereal crumbled in it," Buffy muttered, earning her a dirty look from Spike that quickly morphed into a smirk.

"You don't have to drink it," Willow said. "It's a skin test."

"Skin test? That doesn't involve festering boils, does it?"

"Nope. It's really simple, actually. I just drop a little on you, and it will turn green if you're a demon and yellow if you're not. Oh, and it comes right off, so don't worry about that either."

"All right then," Spike said, standing up. "Might as well get this over with. Over the sink all right? I don't want to see what that stuff would do to my carpet."

Willow followed Spike to the kitchen sink, and Buffy went back over to Giles, close enough to watch but still out of the way. Spike took a deep breath and held his hand over the sink, letting Willow pour the potion onto him.

"Uh, Red, what does it mean if it turns a sort of murky gray?"

Willow glanced quickly between Spike's hand and Buffy and Giles. "I did it right, I swear! I don't know what went wrong…"

Spike turned on the water, rinsing the gray liquid off of him. "Well, that didn't tell us anything," he muttered.

"Actually, it may have told us a great deal," Giles said as he walked over and took the potion from Willow, spilling some over his own hand. As soon as it hit his skin, the liquid turned yellow.

"See! It works!" Willow declared with a grin. "And Giles is human."

Giles gave the young witch a sideways glance before turning to Spike. "I believe you got the results you did because human and demon is not an either or situation for you. Whatever happened to you didn't so much as make you no longer a vampire as it brought your body back to life again, making you essentially to be a living vampire."

"But he can go out into the sunlight, Giles," Buffy said, approaching the others. "And…and he eats real food instead of blood."

"Which both fit my theory," Giles replied. "Vampires drink blood because it is what the demon requires to keep what is essentially a corpse animated. As Spike himself put it years ago, well, blood is life. If his body were to be sustaining life on its own, which it appears to now be doing, then feeding on blood would no longer be necessary. And as for the sunlight, I suppose that would be much the same thing. A vampire's undead status provides for the negative reaction to sunlight, and now that Spike is, well…"

"Un-undead?" Spike supplied.

"For lack of a better term, I suppose. And if my theory is correct, well, you're something that's never existed before."

"Actually, that's not entirely true, Watcher," Spike said. "Or at least, I think so."

"Connor," Buffy said, knowing what Spike was thinking. "He has vampire strength at least. You should've seen how far he made Angel fly by punching him."

"Who is Connor?" Giles asked.

"Angel's son with Darla," Spike replied.

"What?!" Giles and Willow exclaimed in unison.

"Angel and…Darla…were able to produce a child, and we were not aware of this?" Giles asked. He looked at Buffy in shock. "When did this happen? How long have you known?"

"Chill, Giles. It happened a few years ago. Wolfram and Hart brought Darla back, and she got all groiny with Angel. Seeing as they were both vampires at the time, I have no clue how that made a baby, but it did. And I only found out about it a few days ago, technically. Angel had something done to erase Connor from everyone's memories. Part of the deal he made with Wolfram and Hart."

"So this Connor is a small child then? Who knocked his father across the room with one punch?" Giles asked, frowning.

"Not quite," Spike replied. "Kid spent some time in a hell dimension. Grew up faster than a soap opera brat."

"Where is he now?" Giles asked, the Watcher in him unable to keep from being fascinated by the idea of a child born of two vampires.

"Hyperion, last I saw of him," Buffy said. "He was yelling at Angel for selling him out to evil, or something like that. I left then. The guy looked pretty broken, and I figured I didn't need to intrude on the family moment."

"Well, then I suppose there is some degree of precedent for what you are," Giles said. "Although I doubt, um, Connor would allow us to compare the two of you."

"No, don't think that's going to happen," Spike replied. "Poor kid's got Angel for a father and he's dealing with some serious things right now, if the scene Buffy caught is any indication. He's got to be all twitchy."

Giles coughed. "If you don't mind, Spike, I'd like to test you a bit at some point. See exactly what this change entails."

"Sure you just don't want to feel like you flew all the way to LA to pour goop on your hand?" Spike asked with a crooked eyebrow.

"No, that is not it," Giles replied, giving Spike a dirty look. "We may have a theory now as to what you are, but we're still not even sure if this is a permanent change."

"It's permanent!" Buffy said, her tone almost frantic for a moment before she sucked in a deep breath, calming herself. "I told you about the prophecy, Giles. The Powers that Be did this. They can't just take it back.

Spike looked at Buffy askance. What did it matter to her if he was alive or not? It wasn't like she was going to stick around to see what he'd do with this new life he'd been given anyway.

Giles spoke again. "What you told me about that prophecy was very vague, Buffy. It's not one that I'm familiar with, and with the old Watcher's Library mostly destroyed, I don't think I could properly research it."

"Angel might have a copy," Buffy said. "Or at least know more about the particulars."

"He's read it," Spike said. "Well, a translation, but that's more than we have to go on."

"I'll go to the Hyperion," Buffy said. "See what I can get out of him."

"Need me to go with you, pet?" Spike asked, remembering how upset Buffy had been after her last conversation with Angel.

"Are you sure?" she asked Spike. "You've pretty much been avoiding Angel ever since this began."

"I'm sure. Gotta face ol' Granddad sooner or later."

Buffy turned to Giles and Willow. "Will you two be okay here?"

"We'll be fine," Giles replied. "We can research what I have of the Watcher's database, see if there's anything that can help us."

"Okay, you do research, we'll do reconnaissance. Ready, Spike?"

Spike could see in Buffy now how even with a year between her life now and her life as the only active Slayer so much of her was still the same. She still reacted as she always had when she was scared or nervous about something—she fell into action. As long as she was doing something, she didn't feel helpless. "Yeah. Let's go, kitten."

*** *** ***

It was quiet when Buffy and Spike got to the Hyperion, and Buffy realized that all the Slayers were gone. She thought she should probably feel guilty about basically ignoring them after leading them into a near-apocalyptic battle, but she didn't. She wouldn't have been able to do much with the healing anyway. They hadn't needed her, but Spike had.

"Peaches is around here somewhere," Spike said, glancing around the empty lobby. "Scent's still pretty strong. Angel and…" He stopped, sniffing again. "Cordelia? She's supposed to be dead…"

"Yeah, well, I don't think either one of us is in any position to point fingers where that's concerned. We've both been dead twice," Buffy replied. "So you think maybe he's got an ancient prophecy shelf that we can raid and then get out of here without a confrontation?"

"Don't think so, luv."

"Buffy, William! So good of you to drop by."

Buffy and Spike turned to see Angel coming down the stairs. Buffy could see the barely restrained anger in his eyes. "Um, hi Angel."

Angel stopped at the foot of the stairs. "So what brings such a lovely couple to my hotel on this very sunny afternoon?"

Buffy swallowed hard. Or course Angel wasn't going to make this easy… She resisted the urge to reach out and take Spike's hand, knowing that would only make things worse. "We wanted to talk to you about the Shanshu Prophecy." Buffy said, deciding there was no reason to be anything but blunt.

"Oh, that. Why are you asking me?" Angel gestured towards Spike. "He's the lucky recipient, after all."

"Because we don't know anything about it," Buffy said with a sigh. "You've read it. I thought maybe you could help us figure some things out."

"Yeah, I've read it, but it doesn't look like it did a lot of good. Who knows, maybe there was just more than Mountain Dew in that cup after all."

Buffy's brow wrinkled. "Mountain Dew?"

"Tell you later," Spike said.

Angel took a couple of steps closer. "What, you didn't tell Buffy yet? Thought for sure you'd give her a blow by blow, tell her all about how you proved yourself the better man." Angel sneered. "How was it you described your time with Buffy that day? Oh yeah, 'stickin' it to her' was the phrase, I believe."

"Oh, sure, take that out of context, why don't you," Spike snapped. "You know…"

Buffy put her hand on Spike's arm, getting him to be quiet again. "Look, Angel, I am so not in the mood for this. So how about you act like a grown-up here?"

Angel's eyes zeroed in on where Buffy's hand was resting on Spike's arm. Neither one of them seemed to flinch at all at the gesture, rubbing it in his face how comfortable they were with touching each other. "You want my help, Buffy? Fine. I'll give you some advice. Stay away from Spike. That should help you out a lot."

"Dammit, Angel, what is wrong with you? Look, I know you're upset that the prophecy wasn't about you, but…"

"Upset?" Angel started walking again, slowly moving towards them. "'Upset,' she says. I have everything I've worked for, my redemption, stolen from me by this pathetic excuse for a man here, and she says I'm 'upset.' Let me tell you something, Buffy. I'm a little more than upset."

Spike moved himself between Angel and Buffy. "Look, your problem is with me, not Buffy. Leave her alone. You've hurt her enough for one lifetime."

"Aw, what do we have here? William the Bloody trying to be all manly and stand up for a girl that's never going to be his. This just gets pathetic after a while, you know that, Billy?"

"I'm pathetic? You're the jealous wanker who's swaggering around here making an ass of yourself."

"Yeah? Then maybe we should cut the chit-chat." Angel punched Spike, sending Spike staggering backwards and to the ground.

"Angel! What the hell is wrong with you?" Buffy exclaimed. She turned to Spike, gasping as she saw his eyes turn to a feral yellow before he leapt up with a growl and charged at Angel.

Angel's eyes widened almost comically as he realized the Spike he'd just picked a fight with was not quite as human as he'd thought. But soon that didn't matter as he was struggling to hold his own in the brawl.

"Stop it!" Buffy yelled, but neither listened to her. She considered physically pulling them apart, but as wildly as they were fighting, she decided against that. But what could she do? They were likely to do some serious damage to each other if they continued like this.

Suddenly, a bright white light surrounded both Spike and Angel and they floated away from each other. They looked puzzled for a moment before trying to start up again, only to discover they couldn't move. Buffy looked over to see an extremely angry Cordelia coming down the stairs.

"You know, Angel," Cordelia said as she walked towards the vampire, "I was upset enough when I woke up alone a few minutes ago, but then to come down here and find you fighting with Spike… Did you not listen to anything I've said to you these past couple of days? Because honestly, if there's one thing I hate, it's being ignored."

Angel had the decency to look sheepish. "Uh, hi, Cordy. You think maybe you could…"

"Let you go? Nuhuh. Not until I'm finished talking, buster. See, I've said this over and over, but you don't seem to listen, so I'm going to try one more time. Maybe if you're a captive audience, it'll sink in to that thick skull of yours. The Shanshu Prophecy was not yours. It was meant for a Champion—not the CEO of Evil, Inc. You didn't prove yourself worthy—Spike did. Spike was instrumental in adverting four potentially major apocalypses, and two of those were before he had a soul. He risked himself out of selflessness time and time again, and that was almost always because of love. He continually put those he loves first, allowing himself to be driven by his heart, even when it didn't beat. That's what a Champion is, Angel. It's someone who loves with every bit of who they are, who puts love above all else. Love, real love, is the essence of selflessness, of sacrifice. You've had chance after chance to love like that, and you've run from it every time. Spike never has, even when it threatened to tear him apart."

Angel stared at Cordelia, not know what to say. He knew he had no rational way of arguing against that, not with her. She knew him too well. And truth be told, he was tired of trying. "But Cordy, what…what do I do now?"

"You're getting one more chance. That's why I'm here. Took an awful lot to convince the PTB you were worth keeping around after that stunt with the Circle of the Black Thorn, let me tell you. But we made a deal. You get to stick around—with a newly-anchored soul—in exchange for being the Champion I told them you could be. Means you're going to have to work a bit more there, buddy. No more going to bat for Team Evil."

"What about you?" Angel asked.

"I'm here to stay. Someone has to make sure you stay on your path after all. But all this Buffy jealousy crap has to stop, or I am so out that door."

With that, Cordelia released the hold she had on Spike and Angel, and Angel immediately pulled Cordelia into his arms. "I love you, Cordy," he whispered against her ear.

Spike moved around a bit trying to get over the feeling of being held almost completely immobile. He looked over at Buffy, seeing tears in her eyes. Angel's declaration of love to Cordelia had been so soft that he didn't think Buffy could've heard it, but it still had to hurt her, seeing Angel so close to another woman, especially Cordelia.

Buffy wiped at her eyes, then walked over to Spike. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You look beat up."

"Had worse."

"I can get you some ice. And maybe the Slayers left something behind that would help with the pain."

"Buffy, if you need to get out of here, you don't have to make up excuses."

"What are you talking about?"

Spike gestured to where Angel was still clutching Cordelia. "That. Made you cry, didn't it?"

"No!" Buffy sighed, glancing around until she spotted the exit to the garden. "Come on. Let's go talk for a bit. Give them some time alone."

Spike followed Buffy outside, sitting with her on a stone bench. "Kinda nice out here," he said, looking everywhere but at Buffy. "Angel always did like flowers."

"Spike, are you sure you're okay? You two were pounding each other pretty hard." He turned towards her then, raising an eyebrow at her choice or words. Buffy rolled her eyes. "I swear, you have the dirtiest mind ever. You guys were fighting—fiercely. No broken ribs or anything?"

"No. I'm fine. Probably look horrible, but I don't think anything's broken."

"Good. I was scared, watching that. I was afraid he'd really hurt you, as angry as he was."

"Please," Spike said with a snort. "I can hold my own against Angel."

Buffy rolled her eyes again at his words and slightly puffed up chest. "Well, sorry to hurt your manly pride then with my concern for you." Spike smirked at her, and something from the fight popped back into Buffy's mind. "Spike, do you realize that when you were fighting Angel your eyes went all yellow?"

Spike's obvious shock answered her question. "They did? Were there bumpies, too?"

"No. Eyes only."

"Huh. Guess that adds to the Watcher's whole 'living vampire' theory."

"Yeah, looks like."

"So is that why you brought me out here, pet? Talk about my eyes?"

"No." Buffy took a deep breath. "I wanted to let you know that I wasn't crying about Cordelia and Angel. If they want to be together, fine. I'm happy for them, actually. I was crying because of what Cordelia said about being a Champion and love. She was right, about you. You've always loved, Spike, loved so well, and…and all I ever did was throw it back in your face. I'm so sorry."

"Buffy, pet, don't feel sorry about that. I've always loved, yeah—it's part of me. Not even losin' my soul could change that. Loved my mum, loved Dru, loved Dawn, loved you. But don't feel bad about not loving me back. I don't think anyone's ever loved me back the way I loved them. I've come to accept it. There's just something about me, I suppose, that when you get right down to it makes me unlovable." He shrugged.

Buffy started to yell at him, to demand how he could presume to tell her own feelings. She remembered back in the Hellmouth when he'd used what they'd thought at the time to be their last few moments together to tell her she didn't love him. But then she looked into his eyes and really heard what he was saying. Spike thought was unlovable. He thought he'd never have the unconditional love he felt so strongly returned to him. And he was just going to accept that… It made her heart break for him. She reached up, gently cupping his face in her hand. "You're not unlovable, Spike…"

"Buffy, I…"

Buffy pressed her finger to his lips. "Shh. Hear me out, okay? You're not unlovable. Love hasn't done right by you, that's true, but there's nothing wrong with you like that. The things I told you in the past, they weren't true. I did love you Spike, I was just so scared. There's no excuse for what I did to you, but it wasn't because of you. You gave me more than any of my other boyfriends ever did, loved all of me in a way they never could." She dropped her hand.

"I loved you. You didn't…"

"No! Stop saying that, dammit!" Buffy jumped up. Now she did want to yell. She'd tried to be nice and comfort him, but in typical Spike fashion he was being stubborn and pigheaded. "You don't know how I feel! You think you're the one with all the love here? Well, you're wrong, because I love you!"

It was the look of complete shock on Spike's face that made Buffy realize what she'd just said. They stared at each other until the garden door opened and Cordelia stepped out.

"Angel went upstairs, but if you two want to come in, I can tell you what I know about the Shanshu Prophecy."

Spike and Buffy shared a look. The prophecy was why they were there after all. "Yeah, we'll be right in," Buffy said to Cordelia.

"All right. I'll meet you in the lobby." Cordelia went back into the hotel, and Buffy started to follow her when Spike grabbed her hand. "We're going to have to talk about this."

"I know. Just…not now."

Spike nodded, knowing from experience it was better not to push Buffy when she wasn't ready. She walked off, and Spike followed her into the Hyperion.

*** *** ***

That's a mean place to leave it, isn't it? Well, leave me lots of reviews, and they'll inspire me to get the next chapter out sooner. *wink*





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