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They ended up at the Santa Monica Pier. Spike found a place to stand, looking over the ocean, watching the sunlight as it danced over the water. Buffy watched him, smiling at the awe and delight that was apparent on his face at something so simple. She reached up, touching his arm. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I haven't seen the ocean like this in so long. It's nice at night, but it's not the same. When I was little—when my father was still alive, and my mum wasn't so sick—we'd go to the seaside during the summer. The first day there, I'd always stay out the whole time, despite my mother's complaints and the fact that I'd end up resembling a lobster. Never much wanted to go in the water, but I loved watching everything, taking it all in. Just being out there in the sunshine."

Buffy felt her heart tug at the thought of Spike as a child, visiting the beach with his family. "Have you missed it? I mean, all these years have you been wishing you could see the sun again?"

"Sometimes. Didn't much with Dru. Thought I'd found something better." The bitterness in his tone when he spoke of Drusilla surprised Spike as he felt a sudden swell of anger at his sire for what she'd taken from him. As a vampire, he'd seen what Drusilla as having given him a gift, but now that he was human again, things looked a little differently. Still, if Dru had never turned him, then he wouldn't have met Buffy. Even with all the bad things that had happened in his relationship with the Slayer, he wouldn't trade a moment of it.

"Was it better?"

Buffy's voice pulled Spike back to the moment. "Was what better?"

"When you were a vampire—with Drusilla. Was it better than this?"

Spike looked at Buffy, cupping her cheek in his hand. "Nothing's better than this, luv."

Buffy's eyes widened, and Spike could hear her heartbeat speed up. He knew if he kissed her then that she'd kiss back, but he didn't know what would happen after that. He wanted nothing more than to live this new life he'd been given with the woman he loved, but for the first time in such a long time, he was afraid to take a chance. What if she tossed him aside like she had before? He didn't think he could handle that again, not now. If he was going to have Buffy, he wanted all of her. He pulled back and said with a shrug, "Guess I'm done with the whole vampire bit. Might as well enjoy this new living in the sunlight thing."

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself, wondering if she'd merely imagined Spike almost kissing her. She tried to cover up the moment, the feelings going through her too unsettled to deal with. "The sunlight's a good look for you," she said. "Even if it does make you hair almost blinding to look at."

Her comment broke the tension between them, reinstating the precarious camaraderie that they're been sharing since Spike had woken up in the hospital. Spike turned, looking past Buffy's head. "Come on. Let's go on that."

"On what?"

"That," Spike replied, pointing.

Buffy's eyes grew wide as she realized what he meant. "Oh no. Ferris wheels are among the things that are not mixy with Buffy."

"Aw, come on Slayer. You can't tell me you're scared of a Ferris wheel."

"I'm not scared! They just make me…uncomfortable. Besides, why do you want to get on it anyway?"

Spike shrugged. "For the view. I wanna see how the sun lights up the world."

"Fine," Buffy said, deciding she couldn't deny him that. "But if I throw up, it's sooo your fault."

"Lighten up, kitten. Be fun for once in your life."

"Hey! I'm fun! I'm lots of fun!" At Spike's raised eyebrow she asked with uncertainty trembling in her voice, "You never had fun with me?"

"Well, there was some fun to be had," Spike replied with a leer, letting Buffy know exactly to what he was referring. Then he added, "But as far as just letting yourself have a good time with me, no. We were more about secretive, guilty meetings in the dark."

"We're not in the dark anymore."

"No, we're not."

Buffy looked down. "I had fun with you sometimes—when I let myself. And not just the kinky kind of fun."

"Yeah? When?"

"There…there was that night with the kitten poker."

"You were drunk out of your gourd, Slayer. Besides, you told me that night 'sucked' if I remember correctly."

"I know I said that, but it didn't really. Okay, maybe parts, but there was some fun, too. I…I wanted to be with you, you know. I wanted to do things with you, let you be more like a boyfriend, but I was afraid."

Spike didn't say anything for a moment. He'd never imagined that Buffy had ever considered him as actual boyfriend material. He wanted her to be with him, to have her heart belong to him as much as his belonged to her, but the idea of say, going on actual dates with Buffy had never really entered his mind. But now that it had… Spike pushed the thought aside. Just because she'd felt that way back in Sunnydale certainly didn't mean she did now. He wondered for a moment if the Immortal took her out like that, and he felt the bile rise in his throat. "Don't know how well it would've worked anyway," he said. "Would've been sort of hard to hide us from the Scoobies if we were out on the town."

"Yeah, well, that's another thing I regret—keeping us a secret like that."

Spike placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "No point on dwelling on it right now, pet. Let's just enjoy our day, shall we?"

Buffy gave him a bright smile, and Spike couldn't help but feel his heart soar. "Sounds like a deal to me," she said.

*** *** ***

Angel paced his room, looking every bit the part of a caged animal. Buffy and Spike should've been back already, and the knowledge that they weren't infuriated him. He couldn't believe that Buffy would be so naïve as to just accept Spike becoming human. Didn't she know that this had to be a bad thing? There was no way that the Powers would reward Spike like that. To consider him worthy of that level of redemption… It was ridiculous.

Angel knew something evil had to be behind this. For all they knew, Spike had made some sort of deal with the Senior Partners, probably just so he could trick Buffy into thinking he was worth trusting and steal her away from Angel.

He kicked a piece of his bed frame. This was not the way things were supposed to happen. If Buffy didn't see how bad this was, well, he'd have to tell her—and make sure she listened.

Spike would not get his destiny, or his girl. Angel wouldn't allow it.

*** *** ***

"See, this isn't so bad, is it?"

Buffy tightened the grip she had on Spike's leg. "It's very high, and I really wish this thing we're sitting in didn't keep shaking. It feels like we're going to tip out."

"We're not going to tip out," Spike said.

"We could. Wouldn't that be embarrassing—a Slayer being done in by a Ferris wheel." Buffy frowned. "Maybe it's a demonic Ferris wheel."

"It's not a demonic Ferris wheel. Just relax, enjoy the view."

"But we're up so high…" Buffy hated to admit it, but ever since she'd leapt from Glory's tower, high places had not been on her list of favorite things.

Spike put an arm around her. "No need to be nervous, Buffy. I'm here—I won't let anything happen to you."

Buffy was amazed at how his touch could manage to calm her and excite her at the same time. She looked over the side, squeezing Spike's thigh as she fought off the vertigo. She leaned against him, admitting to herself that the view from the top was pretty neat.

Spike, for his part, was beginning to regret this little idea of his. Buffy's scent was assaulting him, and that coupled with her nearness was driving him crazy. He'd thought that her scent wouldn't still affect him like this now that he was a human, that it wouldn't be this strong. But it was the same as it had always been, still calling to him. He fought the urge to turn and bury his nose in her hair.

He could feel Buffy's nervousness draining from her as she settled down beside him. He tried to get himself to relax as well. This could be the last time he was this close to Buffy, the last time he was surrounded by her glorious scent. At that thought, he tightened his arm around her.

Buffy felt the hold Spike had on her strengthen. Being in his arms again, even like this, was setting her emotions into a tizzy. That small voice in the back of her mind that always seemed to throw its two cents in where Spike was concerned was telling her she should throw him off of her. But she didn't want to listen to that voice this time. She wanted to be in Spike's arms. She'd spent a year thinking he was dead, a year believing she'd never be near him again, and now…

Buffy felt the tears rolling down her cheeks before she even realized she was crying.

"Why are you crying, luv?" Spike asked.

"You." Buffy felt Spike's grip loosen, but she held on to him before he could manage to slip away. "No, wait. Let me finish. I…I thought you were dust, and here you are, and I can touch you…"

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No! For all your swagger, you can be really insecure sometimes, you know that? It's just a big emotional thing, and…" Buffy placed her head against him. "You're here, and you're real…oh god, Spike, you're real."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

Buffy kept crying, even as the ride came to an end, and Spike led her over to a bench. He held on to her, quietly reassuring her until she finally looked up him, wiping at her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go all weepy girl on you."

"As long as the tears meant you're happy I'm back, then it's all okay, pet."

Buffy laughed, lighting punching his arm. "Of course I'm happy you're back. And I would've been just as happy it I'd heard about it months ago, too."

Spike looked at her sheepishly. "Yeah, I knows I was a right git about that."

"Damn straight."

Spike brushed the last of her tears out of her eyes. "You were the first thing I asked about when I popped out of the amulet, wanted to know if you were all right. I tried to get back to you then, too, but I couldn't. And then when I could, well, I got scared, Buffy. I was afraid that you really hadn't meant it when you said you loved me, and that maybe you wouldn't be all that happy to see me. Angel said you were doing well in your new life, and I was afraid I'd just be an intrusion."

"Oh, Angel said, huh? I barely talked to Angel after the Hellmouth closed, Spike. We went to L.A. immediately after to regroup, and I gave him a brief description of what went down, but that was it. No one wanted to trust the new CEO of the Law Firm of Evil, myself included. Anything Angel knew about my 'new life' was reported back to him by his spies. I guess he figured with all the money he was getting from Wolfram and Hart he could finally get someone to do his stalking for him."

"Yeah, I heard about that," Spike said.

"I still haven't gotten over him agreeing to run that place. What was he thinking? I mean, taking evil down by joining forces with it? Is he a complete idiot?"

"Yes, actually. I don't know what all that forehead does, but it certainly isn't storing any brain matter."

"It’s to shield his beady little eyes."

Spike gaped. "Did you just agree with my Angel insult—and then add to it?"

"Yep, sure did." Buffy's mood darkened again. "Some of my girls are dead because of him. His damn stunt with Evil Inc. almost brought on an apocalypse."

"He had other reasons for it, too." Spike thought for a moment that maybe he shouldn't spill his grandsire's big secret to Buffy, but then he remember how much he hated the guy. "Not sure on the specifics, but it turns out he had a son with a resurrected Darla. The kid got raised in a hell dimension, came back all wonky in the head, and Peaches made a deal with Wolfram and Hart to try to give the boy a normal life, or some such rot. Erased everyone's memory of him and had a new life fabricated for his son."

Buffy's jaw fell, and for a moment she said nothing at all. When she did speak, the best she could come up with was, "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. Apparently there was all sorts of badness surrounding it, too, with Wesley trying to get the kid away from Angel because of a buggered up prophecy claiming Angel would make the kid a light snack."

"And you say Angel erased everyone's memory of everything pertaining to his son? That, too?"

"Yeah."

"How convenient," Buffy muttered.

"What do you mean, pet?"

"I don't know… Just, well, if there was badness, and Angel made a deal with evil that made it all go 'poof…' Convenient in a creepy, wrong sort of way."

Spike frowned, thinking about how Wesley had said something about how Angel had seemed more willing to let Connor die than let the memories he'd had erased be released. "You think it was more about Angel than Connor?"

"I can't say for sure since I don't know the whole story, but knowing what I do about Angel, I'd say yes. He's much more likely to try to gloss over problems than actually face them. And hey, if it 'never happened,' then it's one less thing to weigh down his guilt-ridden soul." Buffy punctuated the last setence with a roll of her eyes.

Spike's brow knitted. "Since when were you so down on Angel, Buffy?"

"I'm not really down on him, I'm just…seeing him a little differently these days. Although I hope he at least learned from this." Buffy looked down for a second before looking back up, and Spike could see a hint of insecurity in her eyes. "Did I know he had a son before he did the memory wipe, or did he keep it from me?"

"Dunno, pet. Never came up."

"I don't know which bothers me more—the thought that Angel would keep something that big from me, or that he'd steal any of my memories like that. If something happened to me, I want to remember it."

Spike stroked her hair, hating the fact that Angel still had the power to put that look in Buffy's eyes, even after all she'd seen him do, that he could reduce her to the unsure little girl she'd been with him in the past. Sometimes he wanted to shake her, make her see what he really was, but he had long since given up on erasing all the love she felt for the other man. "I'm sure which ever one it was, he wasn't trying to hurt you," Spike said, not sure why he was defending Angel. He figured it was because he didn't like seeing Buffy upset.

Buffy put on her best smile then, taking Spike's hand. "I really don't want to talk about Angel anymore right now. We were supposed to be having fun, right?"

Spike smiled back, deciding it would be best just to leave things there for now. He knew that there were several unfinished conversations in the exchange they'd just had, but he didn't want to ruin this day. "Right. Ready to get to it, pet?"

"You betcha." Buffy and Spike stood, their hands still intertwined.

*** *** ***

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