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Chapter 7

A few more days passed. Buffy was having fewer hysterical periods and more episodes of what she called “her good dreams.” She would even wonder around the house some, mostly watching everyone else. She was tolerating most of the group during these episodes, but both Xander and Giles had to limit how much time they spent with her, and always had to have Willow or Dawn with them. Otherwise she would start to break down again and getting her back to her room without sedating her was impossible.

Spike and Willow were engaging in repeated shouting matches. Willow argued that they were using too much magic on Buffy, and that sedating her all the time wasn’t the answer. She also argued that since the only spell strong enough had to involve brief contact, she was becoming tired of her new bruises and that the trauma of them swarming Buffy to prevent her harming Willow was only adding to the problem.

Spike argued that it was the best way to keep her from harming herself or others. That it allowed them to clean and redress her, and that nothing they did was going to make the problem better. The only thing they could do was keep her comfortable and take care of her, which she didn’t allow when she was awake. He also argued that seeing the Slayer in such a state was traumatizing all the Slayers-in-Training, who were already afraid she was going to slit all their throats.

Their last argument broke down into a shouting free-for-all. Everyone was screaming at everyone else and old feelings made themselves known. Everyone blamed everyone for everything. Giles leaving had been brought up, as had Spike’s previous attempted rape, Xander’s attempted rape when he had been possessed with a hyena spirit, Willow’s attempt to kill them all, Anya’s recent vengeance dealings, and Buffy’s sacrifice to save Dawn. It continued in what seemed to be a never ending circle that failed to solve anything and left everyone feeling bitter and alone as they stormed off in separate directions.

Everyone spent the next several hours alone, throwing themselves into something that “needed” to be done at just that moment. Xander busied himself with repairs and fortifications to the house. Giles was instructing a set of SiT’s in the dining room. Willow was doing research in her room. Anya was preparing food in the kitchen. Spike had taken a group of the best SiT’s for a patrol, and Dawn retreated to her room to write in her journal.

**********

Buffy had been awake since the huge shouting match down stairs. Things were all so confusing to her. All the shouting seemed so real. But she hadn’t been rescued had she? No, it was just more dreams, the ones she couldn’t help. Sometimes she dreamed of dying, of ending all the pain, of resting again, or even of heaven. It was the demons and the things they did, and the fact the she couldn’t stop them. That was why she called up these dreams. But many of the dreams were so wonderful. Everyone caring and kind to her and each other. Everyone working together. That’s how she knew they were dreams. That never happened in real life.

Dawn told her once how Xander volunteered to go find Spike. She simply laughed at the story, knowing how impossible that was. Giles seemed the same as in real life, except he never touched anything, like The First. He had to be The First.

Everyone kept telling her she was safe. What a laugh! She would never be safe. They all seemed to want to help her very badly. They wouldn’t want that once they found out what was happening to her. Who would?

Then there was Spike. The dreams were kind of muddled when it came to him. Sometimes, he avoided her. Sometimes he just stared at her with such sadness. But there were dreams when she would let him just hold her. He would soothe her and tell her how strong she was and how sorry he was. But mostly he just held her, and she would feel a few tears drop onto her face. That was definitely not real Spike.

But they would come for her soon. It felt like it had been so long. How long had it been? She had no way to know, but it seemed like days. Weeks maybe. Surely it hadn’t been. Time was so strange when you were waiting for something. They would come. They always did. She just had to hold on until then, and enjoy the good dreams that took her away from there, from the things she couldn’t stop.

It seemed so quite now. Hardly any sounds at all. This was a strange dream, not real at all. In life, the house would be bustling with activity. Teenage girls couldn’t be quiet if their lives depended on it. Even the girl who was in her room was sleeping curled up in the chair. None of the others had dared to sleep. She laughed as she remembered that Spike had threatened to eat them in one dream. She needed to find someone. “No sense wasting a good dream,” she said as she rose from her bed and made her way down the hall.

She passed Dawn’s room and saw her sitting on her bed writing in her journal. She smiled. Dawn used to write in her journal a lot. She shivered as she passed the upstairs bathroom. No sense dragging that into this. She had enough bad things to face. She peaked her head into Willow’s room, to find her on her stomach with her nose buried in a very old looking book, many more books piled around her. Willow always loved research. She started to make her way to the stairs when the sleeping girl from her room came running out, looking very panicked, until she saw her standing there.

“Buffy! Oh thank God. Do you want to eat something?” The girl questioned. What was her name? She couldn’t remember. Buffy just shook her head. She never really was hungry in these dreams.

“Um, you want to go downstairs? It’s pretty tense, and I’m pretty sure Spike went on patrol.” The girl said hesitantly. Buffy contemplated going downstairs. She didn’t really want to do that either. But for some reason she was..

“Thirsty,” Buffy commented.

“I could get you a glass of water. Tell you what, you go back to your room where it’s nice and safe and there’s no sharp objects, and I’ll bring it to you.” The girl said as she tried to get Buffy to move back to her room.

Buffy looked at the sweet child. She seemed so afraid. They all were afraid. She should save them. Keep them all from The First. From living what had been her life and her calling.

“You shouldn’t be afraid,” Buffy said as she smoothed a lock of hair on the girl’s head and gave her a sad smile. “I’m going to save you all.”

The girl breathed out a small sigh.

Buffy knew there was nothing in her room she could use. In all her dreams it had been stripped of anything useful besides her bed, chair, and clothes. She couldn’t go downstairs, someone would stop her. They always did lately. Willow’s room would have weapons, but it also had Willow. Dawn’s room had nothing that would be quick. That left one room upstairs. The bathroom.

Buffy turned around and swiftly made her way to the bathroom door. She didn’t even pause as she opened it. She quickly scanned the room. The vanity held lots of things she could use. She would save this girl, and then the others.

“Oh my gosh, Buffy, you can’t be in here! Spike said we always have to take you downstairs!” The panicking girl explained as she followed into the bathroom.

“It’s OK,” Buffy calmly told her. “Now, come here so I can save you.” Buffy ordered as she reached out and took a glass and smashed it against the counter. She made a grab for the girl’s arm, as she picked up a larger piece of the glass. “Shhhh..” She consoled the struggling, sobbing girl. “you’ll like heaven. It’s warm, and soft, and...”

“Buffy!” Willow and Dawn shouted at her from the doorway.

“No, no,” The girl sobbed. “Stop! Please, stop. You’re hurting me, please!”

The words echoed in her mind. They had been uttered in this room before. By her. She had been crying too, and begging. Unintentionally, Buffy’s grip on the girl loosened and the girl wrenched herself free and fled the room.

It was suddenly quiet again. But this wasn’t right. After last time, everything from the vanity had been smashed. There had been glass everywhere.

As Dawn and Willow started cautiously forward, Buffy swept everything off the vanity onto the floor, sending Dawn and Willow backward to escape her wrath just as the rest of the house appeared at the bathroom door. With enraged screams, she smashed everything in the tiny room that she could find to smash. Finally finding nothing more she could destroy, she sank down against the back wall. Still clutching the piece of glass she had threatened the girl with. Her feet and arms were covered in small scrapes, cuts, and blood from her rage and the debris. Surveying the damage, she assessed that now everything was proper. This was the way she remembered this room.

**********

Everyone was stunned and at a loss as to how to proceed. Anya, was downstairs trying to console the terrified SiT. Xander was also downstairs trying to persuade the rest of the SiT’s in the house not to flee in fear of their lives. They had tried several times to get into the bathroom to Buffy, but anytime they crossed into the room she became hysterical and did even more damage to her already bleeding limbs and feet. Willow couldn’t get anywhere close enough to put her to sleep. Their one attempt to rush her and magically sedate her had been met with a feral fighter and they had retreated, sported new injuries. Some would require stitching, and Giles thought his hand was possibly broken. She refused to answer to any of their pleas to come out. She was simply catatonic until one of them tried to enter the room.

Giles had suggested that they wait her out. Eventually she would fall asleep and then they could move her. He was also beginning to think that Spike’s argument for keeping her sedated might be correct. This brought out Willow’s anger again, and now she was taking a firm stance that they would have to find some other way to deal with her, because she wasn’t sedating her any more.

Suddenly a large ruckus sounded from downstairs as Spike returned with his group of SiT’s from patrol. There was a great deal of shouting as the newly arrived group was appraised of the situation upstairs and what had transpired. The sound of boots loudly and rapidly thumping up the stairs announced Spike’s arrival a second before he turned the corner. He paused only a second before striding up to the group gathered outside the bathroom door, anger apparent on his face.

“What the hell happened?!” Spike demanded. He didn’t seem to notice the entire house had followed him up the stairs and was quietly observing the group.

“We’re not sure exactly,” Giles began. “But, according to Cindy who was watching her, Buffy awoke and overcame her. She proceeded to bring her to the restroom where she then threatened her with a broken glass. This attracted Willow and Dawn, at which point Buffy released the girl and began smashing everything in sight. None of us have been able to get in there since then for fear of furthering Buffy’s injuries.”

Spike contemplated the summary for a moment.

“Doesn’t make sense,” Spike stated, looking at the floor as if her could find the answers there. He turned around and faced the group of girls behind him.

“Cindy.....you want to tell me what really happened?” Spike asked with suspicion.

The girl looked down at her feet and quietly answered, “I...I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What I’m talking about is this,” Spike started. “Buffy’s hasn’t hurt anyone besides herself so far. I know she’s scared you lot, but she hasn’t let any of you girls touch her when she’s awake, so I’m thinking the whole overpowering and dragging to the loo isn’t entirely true. If it were, the rest of you would have heard something before glass.”

All eyes trained on the unfortunate SiT as they digested what Spike said. Under the intense scrutiny, the girl finally spoke.

“I...I, feel asleep,” she mumbled.

Spike let out a roar as the group erupted in disbelief.

“I’m sorry!” the girl finally sobbed out. “But she is crazy! I followed her to the bathroom and that’s when she grabbed me. You saw it!” She said, pointing to Willow and Dawn.

“She’s right Spike,” Dawn admitted. “Buffy was holding her and the glass when we found them.”

“And then what happened?” Spike questioned.

“It was just like Giles said. She let go of Cindy and then smashed everything. She won’t let anyone near her.” Dawn confirmed.

“So, Willow knocks her out. End of story.” Spike ordered.

“No, it’s not ‘end of story’, Spike!” Willow argued. “We already tried rushing her. Or didn’t you notice that everyone here is bleeding? She’s like a cornered animal. We take one step near her and she gets all screams and thrashing, and waves the glass around, hurting herself even more. I can’t even tell how badly she’s hurt. We will wait until she falls asleep and then find a way to get her out.” Willow firmly stated.

“And what if she decides to cut her arm off before then?” Spike raged. “I would think that this would make you all see that she needs to be kept sedated.”

“I’m not sedating her anymore!” Willow shouted.

Before Spike could respond, a low giggle reached his ears. He knew that laugh. Hadn’t heard it a lot, but he had memorized it. When Willow started to protest again, Spike held up a hand to silence her. He slowly pushed his way through the crowded hall to stand at the door. Buffy was sitting against the wall, little giggles escaping her. She finally looked up from her hand, her eyes sparkling.

“I think this is the first good dream that was accurate,” Buffy laughed. “This is the way I remember you all.”

“Slayer?” Spike started, “What say you come on out here and we’ll fix up your cuts. Spilling quite a bit of blood in there.”

Buffy’s giggles silenced. “It’s all so real. I...I don’t want to leave it. This is the way it was.” Buffy said as she looked around the room.

Spike too glanced around the room at all the disarray, as images and pleas came flooding back to him.

“Yeah, it is,” he quietly agreed.

There was a long pause as everyone seemed to ponder the next move. It was Giles who spoke next.

“Buffy, how about you let Spike come in and tend your wounds? He won’t hurt you, and remember, you said he keeps the demons away?” Giles asked.

Buffy contemplated his request for several moments and Spike stared at Giles.

“Are you out of you mind?” Spike asked. “It’s my fault she can’t go in there without dredging up what’s happened. If I go in there, she’s going to loose what little is left of her mind.”

“Listen to me very carefully Spike,” Giles ordered. “She trusts you more than any of us at the moment. You are probably our only chance at getting in there to help her. Now, I don’t care if you turned your sister in that room, if Buffy agrees to let you in, then you will damn well go in there!” Giles finished. There was a very definite gleam in Giles eyes that broached no argument.

“OK,” a voice answered. But instead of Spike agreeing to Giles directions it came from the bathroom, redirecting everyone’s attention back to the small woman sitting against the wall.

“Buffy, are you sure?” Giles inquired. “I don’t want to mistake your acceptance.”

Buffy simply nodded.

Spike’s mouth moved several times as if to say something, then closed again. He fixed a questioning glance to Buffy, though she didn’t return his gaze.

Of all the demons Spike had faced, he was certain this was the hardest. Buffy’s entire ordeal had forced him to face his actions like nothing else had. He couldn’t escape this. He wasn’t sure he should even try. He thought he had faced it, but the images before him brought it freshly to the forefront of his mind. A broken and alone Buffy, surrounded by the destruction of the room, covered in cuts, scrapes, and still healing bruises. Then what Giles said came back to him. Buffy trusted him now to take care of her. Had told him before all this that she had forgiven him. Believed in him even. Said that he could be a good man.

He looked back to Buffy again and found that she was looking at him. Her green eyes seemed to be asking him if he would come take care of her. Spike searched himself for that answer, and heard a resounding “yes” in his head. He fixed a little smile on his face and stepped across the threshold into the room.

He was rewarded with a small smile from Buffy. He slowly reached to the shelf and took down the first aid box, then equally as slow he made his way over to Buffy. He sat down next to her, leaning against the wall as well. Her eyes followed his every move.

“So, come here often, pet?” Spike grinned as he opened the box and began taking out the necessary items to clean her wounds. Buffy didn’t answer, but turned to look around the room again. She didn’t seem to notice as Spike set about applying antiseptic and bandages. Her feet seemed to have taken the brunt of the damage and it took a long time for Spike to get them properly cleaned, removing all the glass and wrapping them firmly.

“Well, that should do it. Lets get you back to bed shall we?” Spike questioned, but made no moves.

“Why didn’t you leave?” Buffy asked.

“Beg pardon?”

“Why didn’t you leave? Like the others? You never left me. Not like the others. Why?” She elaborated on her question.

“Made a promise to a lady,” Spike answered with his usual smirk.

“Will you always take care of me?” Buffy questioned.

“Till the end of my unlife,” Spike replied.

Buffy went back to looking around the room. She glanced at her bandages. Then back at the glass on the floor.

“Quite a mess. Should have one of the girls clean up in here every now and then.” Spike smiled.

“We’ll need a new shower curtain,” Buffy said absently. Then began staring intently at the shower.

“Yeah, but I can’t say I’m gonna miss the little penguin one that Red bought after The First took you.” Spike answered off-handedly. “Amanda was pretty smart using your old one to strangle one of those Bringer fellows.”

When he didn’t get any comment he looked back to Buffy, who was still staring intently at the shower curtain that lay crumpled on the floor.

“Buffy? Luv? What is it?” Spike called.

Suddenly Buffy’s head whipped around and she stared at Spike, then back to the shower curtain. She repeated the action a few more times settling finally on the shower curtain. “You came,” Buffy finally uttered as her face crumpled and tears began flowing down her face.

“Buffy?” Spike asked confusedly.

“It’s not a dream is it?” She asked as she turned, looking to Spike.

“No, luv. It’s not a dream.” Spike answered softly.

Buffy suddenly launched herself into Spike’s embrace as she began crying in earnest. Her small cries of “you came,” and “you saved me,” sending all the onlookers into their own silent tears as everyone realized that Buffy was back in reality. Spike simply rocked her as she cried out her relief of the realization that she was no longer trapped in that unspeakable horror. He couldn’t even begin to voice his own joy that she was with them. He had never dared to hope she would recover any. He should have never doubted his Slayer. She was a remarkable woman.

Spike contemplated what lie ahead. It would be a long road for her. There would be lots of confusion. Somewhere along the way he would have to explain that Willow and Xander had been the one’s to actually get her out of the cave. They still had to battle The First. She still had a lot of healing to do, both mind and body. Their difficulties were far from over. But if she could find her way when she had been so lost, he knew she would be emerge victorious. She always had. She always would.





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