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Buffy knocked on the hotel door that possibly would lead her to some answers. That would maybe give her the ammunition to protect her family from him truly entering and disrupting their lives.

To say she was shocked with how young this doctor looked when he answered the door would have been an understatement. It threw her for a loop and raised her suspicions.

Wesley recognized the look and said, "I take it you are surprised that I'm not some older version with horn rimmed glasses, dressed in tweed, and looking in need of assistance of my own."

Buffy immediately relaxed hearing the humor in his voice. "Well, I have to admit I was expecting someone more mature looking."

"Ah, it's the mature that gets them every time," Wesley teased, as he opened the door and asked her, "Please come in, I took it upon myself to order some tea and cookies if you don't mind."

She could see how this man could have won the trust of Spike and his family. Either he was a charmer at the height of his game, or a true nurturing human being that really wanted to help a man get his life back together.

"Please, sit and make yourself as comfortable as you can. I am not here to judge you or tell you what you should do. I'm just here to assist both of you anyway I can to talk about what happened a little over a year ago, but I have to say my priority is William's well being."

"I understand." Buffy replied as she took the seat by the window.

"Before I get started, is there anything you wish to ask before hand?"

"I hope he doesn't expect me to come back to him?"

Wesley sighed as he looked at her with sad eyes and say, "Actually the exact opposite, he expects you to ask him to leave and never come back, I think he's preparing himself for just that."

"And the children?"

"He wants very badly to be their father, but doesn't think he could be as good as a father as Riley. Maybe I had better just say this now. Between his father and Fred, together they've stripped him of any real self worth. I'm not sure he will ever find it again, he is not here really to find closure for himself, but for you. His thoughts and plans during this journey to find you was he didn't want you thinking he meant what he said about your mother."

"Please, I have a hard time believing he didn't mean what he said to me that day."

"Mrs. Finn, or can I call you Buffy? I'm sorry I should have formally introduced myself earlier, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, you can call me Wes if you'd like."

"Wes, Buffy would be fine."

"Buffy, he does not remember much of anything during that time. What he knows is what he has read from Miss Burkle's journal and what others have told him. You see she kept a rather precise journal concerning her time spent with William and none of it is pretty. She was a rather sick woman that unfortunately no one realized it before she ruined his life. He gets pieces here and there, mostly when he dreams, and I question how much it really his memory or nightmares of what he read."

"What has that got to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you it would seem. She used her influence and knowledge with the help of illegal substances, and legal medication to take advantage and make him believe you did not love him, but was using him. She used the fact that she was there and you weren't to warp his sense of who loved him and who didn't. She managed to separate him from his friends and family. She made him believe, they would take her away from him if they found out about their relationship. She was able to manipulate herself into the position of being his salvation. She used a few hypnotic tricks to plant ideas in his head."

"How can I help him?"

"By just giving him a chance to apologize for the hell he put you through since that day he told you he didn't love you." Wesley said and then suggested, "Maybe if you tell him he didn't do anything wrong, he might start to believe it."

"Where is Fred now?"

Wesley bowed his head and sighed, "She's dead, killed herself soon after the birth of their daughter."

"That poor little girl, her mother's dead, and her father ignores her." Buffy felt angry, not understanding how Spike could not love his daughter.

"William has his reasons, and if you decide to view his side you might have a better understanding concerning his feelings toward his daughter." Wesley politely reprimanded the young woman who was being quick to judge.

"I'm sorry I just have a hard time believing a parent could ignore the fact their child needs them."

"You took it upon yourself to keep your children's father from knowing they existed, so who are you to judge?" Wesley countered. "You made a decision based on your feelings at the time, so what makes him less human? If I'm not mistaken you even turned your back on your friends that have done nothing but worry about you and wondered if you were even alive all this time."

Buffy realized he was telling the harsh truth. She was no better then him for running and hiding the truth from everyone, including her best friend, Willow. Leaving them all behind, so she wouldn't have to deal with Spike's rejection of her and the lives they had created.

"I have something I would like you to read. Fred had left all of her belongings to Spike, and thank God she had. If she hadn't I never would've found her journal and figured out just what it was I needed to put Spike on the road to a possible real recovery. I've blackened out the intimate parts, but bare in mind she used those times as her secret weapon to strip him down and rebuild him to meet her needs." Wesley warned her as he handed her a very thick stack of papers.

"What is this?"

"Photo copies of her journal, William at first didn't want you to read it. But after yesterday he's not so sure he could tell you everything in person that the journal could tell you more clearly. I have to tell you he was rather shocked you asked to talk with me."

"Really?"

"He expected never to hear from you."

"I love my husband."

"I believe you."

"Do you really believe that Spike can be a father to the twins?"

"I think he is already a great father, for he is thinking about their welfare before his."

Buffy felt the tears threaten as she whispered, "He always said his child would always come first and will always know he loves them."

"I will let you in a little secret. I think for him to love Abby, that's his daughter's name, he needs you to forgive him, so he can forgive himself and then find it in his heart to forgive Fred for what she's done. It's like the domino effect, all it takes is one domino to start the breaking down of walls one builds around themselves to keep the world at bay."

Buffy smiled sadly as she realized he was right, "I will try and do my best, and maybe reading this will make it better."

"Take it one day at a time, and if you have any questions feel free to call me anytime."

"Thank you!"

"You're very welcome."

"No, I mean thank you for being here for him."

"He is very special to me."

"Do you love him?"

"Not in the way you think, I've been with him for 13 months, and he's come to be like a brother to me. You can't help but care about him."

"Yeah, he has a way of just worming in and before you know it he's in your heart." Buffy giggled.

"My girlfriend, Kate is great at understanding it as well. He sort of did the same with her."

"He's lucky to have you taking care of him, you have a gift with people." Buffy complimented him.

"Thank you, and please remember it is not pleasant reading I just gave you. If any point you wish to stop and let me tell you the condensed version let me know."

"No, I think that I will suffer through and read it all, how better to understand what this witch did to him, to us."

"My door and phone is at your disposal anytime."

"I will remember that."

"Is there anything else I might be able to help you with?"

"Do you think you can refer me to someone for couple counseling, not for me and Riley as a couple, but how to deal with the prospect of Spike being a part of the twins' life?"

"I will make some phone calls and see what I come up with. I have a few connections that can help me find someone near by and the best at their job."

Wesley walked her to the door and bid her farewell. He knew he'd be seeing her again soon. He could tell that she did love her husband, but her heart was still in love with someone else.

*******

The tears fell as she read how the night Spike had called her all looped up on drugs was the night this bitch had violated her man. By the time she was done with just that portion she wanted Fred back alive just so she could kill her herself.

The more she read the harder it was to hold Spike responsible for his actions. It became apparent that it was the shit that crazy, so-called doctor had planted in his brain.

Riley became concerned when he noticed the tears running down his wife's face. "Buffy, leave it, don't read anymore."

"I have to, you don't understand what she did to him, God Riley it's unspeakable what she did to his mind. How she abused him."

"I find it hard to believe she abused him."

Buffy became angry and thrust the papers, "Here, read it for yourself, read how she raped him. She raped his body, his mind, and soul."

Riley kept from rolling his eyes as he took the papers from her and began to read. His medical training and military training did nothing to prepare him for what he was about the read.

"Holy shit!"

"Yeah, read on, it only gets better." Buffy said sarcastically.

"Dear, lord, Buffy I can see why he has a hard time with accepting his daughter."

"Yeah, you can say that again. I'm not sure I should've let you read that."

"No, don't worry it's safe with me, I would never do anything to add to his pain and suffering."

"I understand why he needs me."

Riley closed his eyes as he realized something as well. He would never doubt his wife's love, but he knew she was still in love with Spike. The words on the paper in his hand made him realize that for some reason he now had what really belonged to another man. Spike's chance of being with the woman he loved, and who had given birth to his children ended up stolen from him.

"I know I do, I understand perfectly why." Riley sighed, wondering if he would be able to stand letting her go.

"Riley, I'm not going to leave you for him. I've made my life with you now."

"You and me, it's based on a lie. You came with me believing he didn't love you, that there was no future with him."

"I will honor our vows. I do love you."

"But you're in love with him."

"Riley, don't do this."

"Buffy, I understand, I really do."

"No! You don't, it would seem. I will do what I can to help him, within reason, to find what he needs to move on, if he wants to be a father to the twins, I won't stop him. I will not leave you to go and live with him. We might be able to become friends, but that is all."

Riley in his heart knew that she was running from her true feelings, afraid to trust that kind of love she had with Spike again. He would play along for now, and see where things go, but prepared to let her go if need be.

"I think we've read enough for tonight, don't you?" Buffy asked, as she took the papers out of her husband's hands and placed them on the desktop.

"Yes, more then either of us wanted, but needed to know."

"I can't even imagine what he's gone through." Buffy said as she followed her husband into their bedroom.

"I can." Riley said as he turned to look at his lovely wife and explained. "I would be devastated beyond reason to find out I lost the woman I loved this way. To find out another man has shared with her the things that should have been mine would be like a stake in my heart and someone was grinding it deeper every time I thought about it. Knowing another man was playing father to my children would eat me up inside."

Buffy began to cry as she saw the true pain on Riley's face and in his voice was telling her. "I don't know what to do, I really am at a crossroads."

Riley gathered her in his arms and said truthfully, "Follow your heart, Buffy, it won't lead you astray."

"It did once."

"Did it now? I don't see it that way. I see it was true, it knew to trust him, and he didn't betray that trust, it was taken from both of you. That bitch stole both of your lives, not just his. She stole from your children their real father and the chance to have spent their first six months of life with him. She stole something from me as well; she stole from me the time that I could have used to get over loving you, not that I regret the time I've had with you."

Buffy tears flowed as she broke down and sobbed causing Riley to lift her up and carry her to their room. There he placed her on the bed, crawling up along side her, letting her wrap her arms around him and continue to cry against his chest. His tears mixed with hers as they fell asleep holding on to one another.

*******





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