A/N: I wish to thank everyone that has stayed with this story. I hope you keep the faith.
"So, how did it go?" Xander asked, watching with pride as his wife walked around rubbing her very pregnant belly.
"It was hard on him finding out Buffy had been pregnant when she left." Angel explained to his friend and band mate over the phone.
Xander whistled softly, getting Anya's attention, "Buffy had Will's baby?"
Anya's eyes grew big as she plopped down on the chair as she waited patiently for her husband to get off the phone. She prayed that William would be strong enough to handle all of this.
"Twins."
"Wow, twins!" Xander sighed, feeling his heart grow heavy thinking about what William had missed.
"Yeah." Angel replied and then changed the subject by asking, "what's everyone doing to pass the time?"
"Sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear from you guys. Tara is meditating and doing that thing she does to send William strength. Oz and Willow are with Seth and little Ally waiting to hear more so they can ask about Buffy and if they can see her. Penn is wondering when his mentors are coming back." Xander rattled off as his wife blew him a kiss. "My wife is blowing you kisses."
"Tell Oz and Willow I will ask Buffy about contacting them once things settle a bit." Angel promised wanting to close his eyes, make a wish for everything to be okay and have it come true. "Tell Anya, back at her."
"Tell boy wonder we are here for him and all he has to do is call and I'm on the next plane out."
"I will do that." Angel sighed, wishing they were all here right now, giving his cousin their support.
"Hey, if only we knew then what we know now, ya know."
"Yeah, I know, but what's past is past, we just need to try and salvage the future." Angel replied, wishing he'd been a better cousin and noticed what Fred had been doing all along.
"We will, wait and see. He will come out of this stronger in the end, you mark my words." Xander's voice sounded confident, having never faltered in his belief that his friend would beat this.
"I'm glad we have you, Xan-man. You are the loyal soul that keeps us believing."
"You betcha, tomorrow is Oz's turn to call for the update and be the morale booster."
"I appreciate everything you guys have done."
"Hey it's what family is for, and family sticks together."
"Tell Anya I said hey and hope little Harris is not giving her too much trouble."
"I will, buddy, give Cordy a kiss on the cheek and tell her it's from me." Xander said with a teasing smile and wink toward his wife.
"I will do that." Angel laughed, knowing his girl would then give him a look, roll her eyes and say, "Damn, he just has to invoke my nightmare of that day in kindergarten when he kissed my cheek and I had to wash my face to get his cooties off."
"Have the washcloth close by." Xander chuckled, knowing what she would do.
"Take care man and be talking to you soon."
"You too and tell William I'm in his corner no matter what."
Both men hung up the phone with sad hearts. They knew that it was a long shot that William's dream would come true and he'd get the girl of his dreams this time. But, then it had been a long shot the man would ever play guitar again after slashing his wrist thirteen months ago, but yet he could still play just as good if not better then before the injury.
*******
Hearing a knock at the door, Wes opened it, wondering if it was Buffy coming to talk. To his surprise a man, fitting the description William had given him of Mr. Finn stood before him. He could tell the man was extremely nervous.
"Can I help you?"
"Are you Wesley Wyndam-Pryce?"
"Yes, may I ask who might be?"
"Riley Finn, Buffy's husband."
"Mr. Finn, please come in." Wesley stood aside and ushered him in.
Riley walked in the room with his hands in his pockets, feeling more nervous then on the day that Buffy had become his wife. He knew there was a chance the man before him would not tell him what he needed to know, but it was worth a try.
"Mr. Finn." Wesley said as he started to ask why the man was here.
"Riley, please call me Riley."
Wesley could see that the man was nervous, and wished there was something he could do to help him to relax. "You can call me Wes or Wesley."
"I know you must be wondering why I'm here."
"Yes, it has crossed my mind." Wesley replied, sounding curious and not at all upset.
"I'm not here to cause any problems, you see I'm a doctor myself, I'm enlisted with the Army right now. To be honest I'm not sure why I'm here exactly." Riley sighed as he glanced away.
Wesley wondered if Buffy had shared a part, if not all, of what he'd given her of Fred's journal with her husband. He was sure if she had, it was for a very good reason and in his client's best interest. He would give her the benefit of the doubt for now.
"Riley I will advice you as I did your wife to seek counseling for you both. I'm really not at liberty to discuss this matter with you."
"I know, I just wanted to meet you, to get a feel that you're on the up and up." Riley explained as he walked over and stared out the window. "A part of me wants to ask him to leave and never come back. Another part wants me to bow out, let him have his family, the one that is mine only because of what happened to him. Then the third is to offer what assistance I can but keep my family intact as much as possible."
Wesley got the answer to his question, she had let him read the journal, "I take it she let you read the journal?"
"She was so upset while reading it, I got a bit angry. So she then wanted me to understand his pain and made me read it. I promise it stays with me no matter what, I would not betray him like that." Riley promised, his voice shaky with sadness.
"I would say to let time take its course, and that it's normal to want to ask him to leave, to protect those you love. It also shows that you are a good man, to even consider, backing down. Either way I cannot advice you, but I have gotten some high marks of recommendations concerning a Dr. Walsh who practices not far from here. I strongly encourage you and Buffy not to make any rash decisions until you've talked to someone. If you'd like I can place a call to Dr. Walsh to see if she can fit you in. I hear she has a military background so she would be easy for you to investigate."
"I have heard about her. She takes on some of the more difficult cases for us." Riley explained, feeling glad he came here today. "Buffy was right, you're a nice guy. Loyal to Spike, yet fair."
"May I ask that in the future you refer to Spike as William, he's not comfortable with that moniker any longer."
"Sure, no problem."
"Good, now is there anything further I can do for you?"
"Just tell William I will not stand in the way of him being a father to his children if he wishes. But I will continue to be an important part of their lives."
"I'm sure he will be happy to hear that and will want to meet with you in the future to discuss it further."
"I will meet with him anytime he is ready, no rush."
Wesley walked over to the desk and wrote down the information concerning Dr. Walsh. He then turned and walked back to where Riley was standing, handing him the information.
"Here is her number, so you don't have to look it up if you both decide to go and see her."
"I will talk to Buffy about it tonight."
"Does she know you were coming here today?"
"No, but I will tell her."
"Good, secrets right now are not good."
"Never planned on it being a secret, just didn't want to cause her any unnecessary worry."
"But remember we are talking about a woman." Wesley replied in a teasing manner.
Riley chuckled, feeling relaxed as he said, "You're right, I think it's time I go and face the music."
Wesley looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, "I would not sugar coat it or present with flowers and candy. I don't think Buffy is that kind of woman."
Riley couldn't get over how much the man understood his wife, having just met her, "You have her pegged. How do you do that?"
Wesley smiled shyly as he answered honestly, "I just have a knack at reading people, it's a part of what makes me good at what I do."
"William's lucky to have you."
"I will pass on to him everything you have said, and I thank you for your kind words." Wesley said as he held out his hand. "I must say it was a pleasure to have met you. I just wish it could have been under less stressful times."
Riley accepted the handshake with a firm grip, "Same here."
Wesley walked him to the door and took sometime to think about the man's presence here today. He knew that Riley was just another victim caught up in the fallout of what Fred had done. Buffy's husband was a good man with a good heart and Wesley was glad this was not one of them damn reality shows with him as the judge.
*******
"So he came to check you out, did he?" William chuckled nervously, "Can't say that I blame him."
"No, can't say I do either."
"He said he'd not prevent me being a father to my son."
Wesley felt bad not telling his client and friend the truth about the twins as he replied, "Correct."
"So she let him read the journal."
"It think she made a sound decision, she will need his support after all."
"Yeah, she will." William said as he stood and walked over toward the window with his shoulders hunched looking defeated. "I think I'm ready to leave now."
"Would you like to explain that statement?"
"She knows the truth, now."
"And?"
"She has a good life here."
"Go on."
"She and the boy will be better off with him."
"I think you should talk to her first."
"No, I've decided, its best I move on and just leave her alone."
"I think it's not only your decision to make now she knows the truth."
"But I think it is. I'm choosing not to be a part of my son's life and let a normal bloke with no fucked up issues be the role model he needs."
"I think you are afraid to face her."
"Not so much at facing her. I'm afraid I will not be able to let her or our son go if I talk to her or meet him."
"Give it some more time, don't rush and make any hasty decisions."
William looked over at the man who'd been with him, helping him find his place in life again over the last thirteen months. The first few months had been hell in just getting through the detox from the alcohol, drugs, and Fred's manipulations, the rehab needed on his wrist, and getting him to step out of the house. The rest of the time until now was finding Buffy, getting back into playing with the band as a real functioning member.
"I think I'm going to go for a walk and clear my head."
"Do you wish some company or do you want some alone time." Wesley asked, knowing the man would refuse his company.
"Alone time."
"I will be here if you wish to talk."
"I know."
William walked out the door and headed to the elevator. He was at war with himself on what to do. The need to do the right thing for Buffy and their boy was the most important thing plaguing his mind. It was just hard for him to believe that he would even come close to being what they needed.
*******
"You went to see Wesley?" Buffy asked her husband trying not to get angry.
Riley knew his decision to meet the man was a good one, but going behind his wife's back had been a very bad one. He prayed she would understand where it was he was coming from.
"Yes, I know now I should have told you before I went, but at that time I didn't take the time to think about it."
"Why?"
"I needed to meet the man taking care of Spike, for my own peace of mind after reading that woman's journal." Riley explained as he sat down at the table across from Buffy.
"And what do you think?" She asked, understanding his reasoning. "And just for the record, I do understand, don't like how you went about it, but I do understand why."
"I think he's very good at what he does and that Spike, I mean William, is lucky to have him."
"I agree, and Wes is supposed to give us some a few numbers to some people we should talk to."
"I have someone he recommended; her name is Dr. Maggie Walsh. I haven't met her personally, but she has done some work for us in the past."
"Do you want to call and make an appointment to meet with her?"
"I would, do you mind if I do it, I know my schedule and we can get someone to watch Ryan and Molly."
"Okay, let me know when and then I will let Wes know. I think I might want to talk with Dr. Walsh before I meet with William."
"I'll call her right now and see what can be worked out."
"Great, I'm going to check on the kids and be right back." Buffy replied, since it had been awhile since she had laid them down for their nap.
Riley picked up the phone and dialed the number, feeling relieved it had gone better then he had expected when he told Buffy he'd gone to visit Wesley.
"Dr. Walsh's office, this is Jasmine. How can I assist you?"
"Yes, my name is Dr. Riley Finn and I was wondering if I could speak with Dr. Walsh."
"Most certainly Dr. Finn, hold the line please."
Riley waited on the phone for only a few seconds when someone picked up and said, "This is Maggie Walsh, Mr. Finn, I've been expecting your call."
"You have?"
"Yes, a Mr. Wyndam-Pryce alerted me you and your wife may be calling. He was hoping I would be able to fit you in as soon as I could."
"He's a very thorough man."
"Yes, his reputation is impeccable and well respected. So when is a good time for you?"
"I'm off this Friday, I know it's very short notice."
"Hmm, how about 1pm on Friday then? I would like to meet with you and your wife first and get an idea of why you need my help. Then we can work out the rest and if any single sessions might be needed."
Buffy walked in at the time and Riley replied, "Let me make sure it's an okay time with my wife, can you hold for a moment?"
"Yes, no problem."
"Honey, how about this Friday at one?"
"Great, I can have Barb come over around noon."
"Friday at one will be fine. Did he tell you anything about why we would be coming to see you?"
"No, not a word, other then it would be something in the field I'm researching at the moment."
"Researching?"
"Yes, I'm constantly trying to learn more about second family dynamics and how the family units are not like when we were growing up. It's more common now that the children do not live with both parents and have step parents in the role of their mother or father. My goal is to help as many of these families become well adjusted functioning units that grow together and not apart."
"I see, are you working on a book?" Riley asked cautiously.
"Not one you'd find a Borders or Barnes and Nobles but hopefully in a classroom full of medical students. I'm all about education, not money, Mr. Finn if that answers your question about my ethics."
"It does and thank you for telling me."
"Believe me; my first priority will be helping you and your family." Maggie reassured him.
"Then we will see you on Friday."
"I'm looking forward to doing what I can."
"I hope you can."
Buffy watched her husband as he hung up the phone and gave her an encouraging smile, "Friday at one, and she seems like a nice lady and might be who was need to talk too."
"Great, let me call Wes and let him know I will call him Friday when we get back."
"Okay, baby, I'm going to go and cut the grass before Mr. Harper calls the city on us." Riley said as he gave her a wink and swatted her behind gently.
"You do that Mr. Finn, last thing we need is a visit from the city because of some over grown grass." She teased as she went to get the number out of her purse.
*******
William sat on the e park bench and watched as a father played with his young son. At one time being a dad was one of his biggest dreams. Now it was one of the most painful times in his life. One baby made him cringe at the thought of seeing her, which saddened his heart greatly. The other one was in a better place without him in it.
The more he thought about it, he could only think of one thing to do that would help them both. He knew Giles and Jenny would probably disown him for what he was about to do. The little girl needed a good and stable home where she'd never find out about her mother's fall from grace and her father's inability to look past how she was conceived. Adoption was the only answer he could think of.
As for Ryan, he could remember seeing how Riley had been holding the baby. It screamed protection, love, and good father material. He trusted Buffy enough to realize she'd never have someone that close to her and their boy and not trust him. Riley Finn he could say with all honesty was a good man, someone he'd feel comfortable raising his son.
A song came to mind as he began to hum, then he began to sing softly
Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday,
Love was such a easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Angel stood behind the man he loved like a brother as tears ran down his face. He could feel the pain in his cousin's voice as he sang, longing for that time that he couldn't have back. He had a feeling he knew what Will was planning, and he knew it wouldn't set well with his parents.
"Want to talk about it?" Angel calmly said as placed his hands on William's shoulders, giving them a supportive squeeze.
"Are you sure you want to hear it?"
"All ears."
"Adoption for one that I know will piss a couple people off. Stepping back, and letting another man be the father to the other."
"As long as this is what you really want I will stand beside you all the way. But you have to convince me this is really what you want."
"It's not a matter of what I want; it's a matter of what's best for them. She deserves to have a life untouched by the sickness that surrounds her conception. He deserves to have someone he can look up to and advise him and be a role model."
"I think you'd make a great role model for your son, and a good father to your daughter one day. Will, what you have been doing over the last year shows how strong you are. Most men would've crumbled and fallen to their demons, but you continue to fight them. I'm so proud of the man you are and have yet to become. I believe in you."
Angel felt the shoulders underneath his hands begin to shake. He leaned down and kissed the top of his cousin's head as he said, "Like I said I will support any decision you make as long as you truly believe it is what is best."
"I'm afraid I will be like him."
"Like who, your father?"
"Liam, he hurt me."
Angel's gut told him it just wasn't the hitting kind of hurt William was talking about. "What kind of hurt are we talking about?"
William started to cry harder, giving Angel the answer, he was afraid to be true. He let go and stepped back so he could move to sit next to his cousin. The gasp of pain made him realize William mistook it for something else.
"I'm going to kill that bastard one day." Angel snarled as he sat down and opened his arms giving his cousin the choice of seeking his comfort.
William's tortured expression was all the incentive for Angel to say, "I love you no less Will. I will never believe you'll become like him. Your heart is pure and you need to realize Ethan's the bastard. He is the one with the illness, and you were his victim. I will trust you with any child I bring into this world be it male or female."
"Only you and Wes know, I never told Buffy about the vile acts he made me do."
"Your secret is safe with me and I will never leave you because of it either. I love you just as much if not more for confiding in me."
"I bet we look like a couple of Nancy boys right about now." William chuckled softly through the tears.
"Nah, their just jealous since we're both the two sexiest men in the world right now." Angel teased.
"Not with my blotchy complexion right now, I'd say I look rather not up to par."
"Will, about the song you sang just now."
"Yeah."
"Just keep in mind the saying, 'you never know what tomorrow brings'."
"Wanker."
"Cry baby."
"Hey, I'm not the only one with blotchy skin."
"You're the only one that cries like girl."
"Oh, right you're all manly holding me close to your chest."
Angel laughed as William sat up, "You just better be happy I like you."
He looked at his dark haired cousin and sadly smiled, "I thank God everyday you do."
"Let's get back before Cordy sends the hounds."
"She's a great gal, you let her slip away I'm going kick your arse."
"Buddy, I'd let you. So am I going to have to put on the body armor or are you going to think about the kids a little longer?"
"Don't suit up yet, Peaches. I think I will take what you said about tomorrow under my hat and see what happens."
"Like I said, when you decide for sure, I will be at your back."
"Well we had better go find your girl. I'm feeling a bit peckish."
"I could use a spot of tea myself." Angel replied as he tried to use a British accent.
"Don't do that again. I'm sure the Queen Mother is rolling around in the family crypt as we speak.
Angel threw his arm across his cousin's shoulders as they walked back toward the hotel with the taller man doing his best to master the accent. Thus making William groan and beg him to stop the torture.
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