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A/N.....Again I thank everyone from the bottom to the top of my heart for reading, and an extra shout out to those inspiring me to continue with your words of encouragement. This story has taken a life of it's own, and I find I can make myself cry......

"Wesley here."

"Hi Wes, Buffy. Just wanted to let you know Riley and I have an appointment Friday with Dr. Walsh."

"Marvelous, I'm glad to hear it. I will touch base with her again and go over some particulars with her so she has some time to acclimate herself with the sensitive subject matter."

"Thank you."

After a brief pause she whispered, "How is he doing?"

Wesley knew William had given him carte blanche on talking things over with Mrs. Finn, but some things he wasn't comfortable discussing.

"He is holding his own."

"Does he want to meet Ryan, or meet with me?"

"Are you ready to see him, or let him meet Ryan?"

"I need to see him, no make that I want to see him. I need to see him and tell him I don't hate him and forgive him for hurting me. Even if he wasn't himself, I think he needs to hear me say the words."

"Have you been using the internet, Mrs. Finn?"

Buffy snorted, "How can you tell?"

"Lucky guess actually. I figured it was that or you missed your calling and should have studied in psychology instead of finer arts and teaching."

"I had some time to think about things as well. I know if I were one of my kids, I would hate that someone lied to me about whom my real father was. The truth always has a way of coming out and can hurt more from the lies told to protect then to just come out and admit the truth."

"You are correct and maybe it's best you both do meet very soon. When would be a good time for you and I will run it past William, or you could call him yourself, if you'd like."

Buffy thought on it for a moment and replied, "Can you give me his number?"

Wesley smiled feeling for the first time that something good was about to happen. "He is in room 226, and the code word is slayer."

Buffy felt faint when she heard him say slayer, "He still uses the same code word?"

"He says it's to remind him of a better time." Wesley said, realizing now it had something to do with her.

"We picked it out together. He said I was his slayer, taking care of Dru so she never came around to bother him anymore. Oh God, I failed him. I was supposed to be there to protect him and I failed."

"No, you did the right thing from what I've been told. He needed to do it on his own, it was his decision to get clean and in the past he depended on you keeping him clean instead of facing his own demons."

"But she used my not being there against him to play with his vulnerability. If I had at least came for the first week she'd never had gotten to him."

"Are you sure about that?"

"What do you mean?"

"She was determined to have him as her own. She could have still found a way to separate you. Maybe, in a more harmful way if you'd been with him physically. Would it have been easier to face this now, if she'd set it up for you to walk in on them having sex. No doubt in my mind she would have found a way to come between you and William. She was that far gone in her delusions, but still in touch with reality enough to have pulled it off.

Buffy took a deep breath as she replied, "Thank you for everything you are doing for him, and taking the time to help me, and my family. Talk to you soon."

"You are most welcome." He replied before hanging up the phone.

Wesley sat on the bed and thought about all he had gone through over the last year and a half. First finding out his father was dying of cancer and waiting to hear what the doctors gave as a prognosis. Just two days after his father's death he received a call from his boss, Lilah Morgan.

"Wyndam-Pryce residence."

"Wesley, is that you?"

"What can I do for you, Lilah?"

"I need your help desperately."

Wesley rolled his eyes, biting off the sarcastic remark that came to mind. "What troubles are you finding yourself in that would have you calling me so soon after my father's death?" Finding it hard to control his anger at what he was hearing. "Now is not a good time Lilah." He growled as he hung up the phone.

His mother, Constance, walked into the room soon after he'd slammed down the phone and asked, "My dear boy why are you so angry?"

"I cannot believe the nerve of her to call me now about a case she feels needs my attention."

"Son, remember you father dedicated his life to helping those in need. He of all people would understand if you had to go."

"I know, but it's the fact she called."

"Wesley, dear, do you think maybe she called because she thinks you are the best one to help reach and help this person in need?"

"I don't want to leave you alone at a time like this."

"Oh, my dear, sweet Wesley, I've been preparing for this day since you father told me he was dying. I have my sisters to keep me company if I so desire. I have the garden that needs my attention. There is a phone at my disposal to call and check up on my son, or so he can use it to check on his mother. Your father was so proud of you. He had people calling him complementing him on what a fine doctor you'd become."

"You are sure you will be alright if I left so soon?"

"If you can help this person then yes I'm all for you going."

"It is rather delicate, and it will take a good amount of time to help him if I decide to take it."

"I have faith you will do the best that you can, and that is all anyone can ask."

"Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Not since yesterday, you are slipping."

Wesley laughed as he leaned down and kissed her cheek, "You are one cheeky old lady."

"Well I had to be to put up with your father, you know. He was not always the settled old man you came to know. Took me some time to get him to realize I was the woman for him."

"Not how he tells it, it's not."

"Oh, you men, now off with you and I will see about getting a flight arranged. Tell me where you are flying off to."

It was not soon after that he was on a plane for the states. He'd also gotten a call from Eric Stewart, telling him how sorry he was to hear about his father. Then graciously thanking him for taking the time to come and help with William. The moment he walked in and looked at the faces of the Giles' family and then William he knew he was taking the case. His mother had been the one that sent him on his way.

Wesley chuckled as he reminded himself to call his mother in the morning when he got up. She had come out to visit him a few times and had fallen in love with Sunnydale, California. Threatened a few times to sell the family home and move there, especially if he and Kate married and started a family. He was sure that soon he would have to make some decisions concerning his future, but for now he was content where he was.

*******

William heard the phone start to ring as he unlocked the door. He rushed over to the desk to pick up the phone.

"Hello."

"William?"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Is everything okay?"

"We, Riley and I, are going to see someone Wesley recommended."

"You are, that's great."

"I think we need to talk face to face before I go." She said, having found she didn't want to wait and see Dr. Walsh first.

"Why?"

"I need to tell you something I think you need to hear." The need to tell him she forgave him was begging to be said.

"Bad or good, something?"

"I think good something, but I don't want to say it over the phone. I want you to hear it from me in person."

"I will see if I can get one of the little meeting rooms here at the hotel. Call me back in, say, 10."

"Okay, will do, and don't worry I promise it is of the good stuff, not bad."

"I will try, but not sure if what might be good for you might be bad for me."

"William, don't imagine anything, just know at last we get to talk."

"Call me in 10."

*******

"I don't know if I can do this?"

"Will, you can do it. I'll be right outside waiting for you, we both will." Angel promised.

"Yep, both of us sitting right there." Cordy said as she pointed at a couple of seats just down the hall from the small conference room the hotel let them use.

"She told me not to think about it, that is was good what she had to say."

"Won't know until you march your ass in there and hear what she has to say." Cordy said with a wink before kissing his cheek and taking her fiancé's hand leading him toward the chairs, "remember we'll be right here."

William turned and walked to the door, separating him from the one thing he wanted, but would never have. She was everything to him, and soon he would have to try and forget that and move on. There had to be someone else he could settle down with, Buffy did.

He opened the door and walked into the room. The first thing he noticed was her face, gone was the open adoration that used to be there whenever he walked into a room. Now all he saw was what looked like pity. He couldn't help but wonder if that was what she had to tell him, how much she pitied him.

The first thing she noticed was the sadness that radiated from him like thick molasses. Gone was the bouncing energy that once kept him vibrant and so full of life. The need to hold him and try and find that man again overwhelmed her, as she moved forward with the intent to do just that.

"Buffy?"

"Shush, just let me hold you for a little while." She cried as she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. "I just want to bring her back to life so I can kill her myself. I hate her for what she did to you, to us."

He tried to keep the tears at bay as he embraced her pulling her closer. Hearing her, feeling her, her scent so unchanged, it broke the dam. His legs gave out as he dropped to his knees sobbing, taking her with him since she wouldn't let go. They ended up on the floor with her in his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist as they held each other in a death grip and cried.

"I'm sorry, so sorry I was so weak. I'm sorry I hurt you like that, never would I hurt you like that on purpose, never." He was able to say after some time as the tears started to lessen.

"I know, baby, I know. She's the only one to blame here, her. You weren't weak, baby, never. She took advantage of your vulnerable state and used it for her own evil means. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, to protect you, like I should have." Buffy reassured him, letting him know who she blamed for all of this.

"No, Buffy, it's my fault, I had the problem that caused it all."

"No!" She leaned back and took his face between her small hands and said, "look at me, you did nothing wrong here. You said you don't remember much from that time, do you know why?"

"I just remember bits and pieces and I'm not even sure what is real memory or not. I only know what I've read in her journal. She wrote it down what it was I was supposed to have said. Did you read that part?"

"Yes."

"Did I really say those words to you, and say what I did about your mother?"

Buffy nodded her head yes, unable to say the word. The pain of hearing him say it still hurt, even knowing what she knew now.

"God, Buffy. You must hate me."

Her eyes grew large as she hurried to shake her head no and say, "I don't hate you, I did at first but I don't now."

"Now you pity me." His voice sounding dejected.

"No, I don't pity you or feel sorry for you. I hurt for you and for us." She said reaching around taking his hand and placing it over her heart. "You are still in my heart."

"I never stopped loving you, never." He said as he removed his hand from her chest and cupped her cheek, "I'm sorry for everything. I keep thinking my love should have stopped her from doing this."

"This is real life, not some Nora Roberts romance novel, baby. She used her knowledge, skill, and other gifts, to do a Manchurian on you, sounds like she should have worked in the government. I forgive you, even though I don't think you did anything wrong. Can you forgive me for not being there when you needed me the most?"

"Buffy, luv, there is nothing you did wrong, nothing. God, only knows what she would have done if you'd been there. I never would have forgiven myself if she'd had harmed you in any way."

"Then let's agree to place the blame where it belongs. Dr. Fred Burkle is the one responsible." Buffy said as she leaned into his hand. "Can you forgive me for not telling you I was pregnant?"

His hand traveled to the back on her head as he pulled her closer. He leaned in to kiss her forehead as he sighed, "A small part of me is angry, but the rest understands and accepts you found someone that can give you the normal life you and the baby needs."

"I think I had better clarify something while we are on the subject of baby. I didn't have one, but two babies, I had twins."

"Twins, as in boy, boy or boy, girl?"

Buffy softly giggled," Boy, girl."

"Ryan and?"

"Molly, and I can see you in them, other then Molly having my green eyes they both look just like you."

"Which one is older?"

"Ryan by a whole 5 minutes, and let me tell you Molly came out screaming. I think she was mad her brother cut her off at the pass."

"How old are they and when were the born?"

"They were born on July 17 at 1:10 and 1:15 in the morning. I was in labor for 12 hours and 48 minutes making them 6 months old."

"Is he a good father to them?"

"Yes."

"Does he treat you good?"

"Yes."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes, I do love him, not the same as how I love you."

"You still love me?"

"Yes."

"Would you hate me if I decide to not be involved in their lives?"

Buffy looked thoughtful as she asked, "Why don't you want to be a part of their lives?"

William's tortured expression said it all as she pushed her fingers up and into his hair as she leaned her forehead against his and looked deep into his eyes and said, "You are their father and I want them to know you. Meet them and see if you still want to walk away then."

"That's what I'm afraid of, it not being able to do the right thing if the right thing would be to walk away if I saw them, let alone held them in my arms."

"Why would you think the right thing would be to walk away?"

"So they're not touched by the ugliness."

"Nothing about you is ugly. Just you being here right now demonstrates to me what a strong man you really are. I want them to know their father. I think you'd make a wonderful father if you want to be."

"I want it, I really do."

"Then give it a try, I don't think you'll regret it." Buffy smiled, praying that maybe if she got him to accept the twins, it might help him accept Abby as well.

"I'm scared."

"So am I, I'm thinking that's the first trait needed to being a good parent, is being afraid you'll fail them."

"Do you plan on having more kiddies?"

Buffy sighed as she answered, "Riley can't have children of his own."

"Oh! I'm sorry to hear that." She could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Would you like to meet them this Saturday?"

"Are you sure you want to do this without talking to the doctor on Friday?"

"We are meeting with her on how to raise them with you involved. I don't want to raise them with lies, they have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass."

"I want to be a part of their lives."

"Then be a part of their lives."

"Would you be upset if I moved closer to them?"

"No." She lied, but not really.

The fact he'd be closer didn't upset her, as much as it made her wonder if she' d be able to handle seeing him with another woman. She knew that was being hypocritical since he was dealing with her being married to someone else.

"Are you sure?"

"It will be awkward at first for both of us, but I think it's something we can come to manage. The children's needs have to be considered, and the closer you are to them, the stronger the role you can play in their lives."

"I did get a few books out of the library a few days ago."

She smiled as she leaned back, dropping her hands to his shoulders and asked, "What kind of books?"

"Everything you need to know about handling a baby. From diapers, teething, feeding schedules, to appropriate toys for ages under one years of age."

"My, it's not your usual reading of poetry before bedtime." Buffy smiled as she started to realize the intimate position they where in.

William knew the exact moment she felt his erection; it had been so long since he'd been with anyone, not since Fred. The look of discomfort on her face made him withdraw into himself, shifting her away from him as the disgust at not being about to control his desire for her took over.

She put her finger over his lips before he could apologize. "Don't apologize for wanting me."

He tilted his head and watched her take her time, trying to get the words right. He knew she had to be embarrassed and was going to tell him how wrong he was for letting his hormones take over at a time it should have.

Buffy was surprised how much she wanted him right now. The tingle that shot through her body was intoxicating, when she felt his arousal against her. So much that she almost began to add friction to the fire. The sudden thought of her husband had saved her from acting on her impulse.

"William, don't let this keep us from trying to be friends. I know it might take us sometime to learn to accept we can no longer be lovers, but I think we can at least try and be friends."

"I will always love you."

"And I will always love you, but I'm married now and honoring my vows is very important to me."

"I understand. I promise I will never put you in a position to keep you from honoring them."

Buffy smiled as she moved to stand so she could give him what she brought him, "I have a little something for you."

William smiled softly as he wiggled the life back in to his legs before attempting to stand. "Really, what?"

"I took some videos of the bundles of energy and put them on a disk. It works in most DVD players and thought you might enjoy seeing them in action."

He reached out and took the couple of disks giving her a teary smile, "Thank you, I can't wait to play them."

"I need to get home it's close to dinner time."

"Thank you for everything today."

"You're welcome, and I have to say thank you as well."

William looked at her with that lovable confused expression that always melted her heart as he asked, "What do you have to thank me for?"

She walked over and gently stroked his cheek, "For not hating me for stealing your children away."

"Buffy, I could never hate you, never in a hundred years could I ever come close to hating you. My greatest fear is I will never find anyone that comes close to the way I love you."

"Don't give up on finding someone that would break my heart even more, then if you did find someone to share your life with."

"I will just need time. I think before I can even think of looking I need learn to depend on myself."

"Do you want to walk out together?" She asked him, as she prepared to leave.

"No, go on, I need a few minutes before facing Peaches and Demon girl."

"Okay, I will be talking to you soon and will be looking forward to seeing you on Saturday." She replied, fighting the urge to throw herself in his arms, forsake her vows and take back what was hers.

She walked out the door feeling like she was leaving something very important behind. He watched her leave knowing he'd never find anyone else to fill the void in his life. That he would be growing old lonely and alone.

Two anxious looking people met Buffy, when she came face to face with Angel and Cordy. She expected them to give her the cold shoulder and demand to know what she had done to Spike.

"How is he? Should I go in and check on him?" Angel asked worried, the love for his cousin evident in his voice and expression.

"He said he needed to have some time before facing Peaches and Demon girl." Buffy offered with a reassuring smile. "I think it went well and he has a couple disks of the twins with a tentative meeting set up to see the kiddies on Saturday."

She watched as Angel visibly relaxed, "Thank the powers that be. I was so afraid he was going to just walk away."

Buffy gave him a concerned look and asked, "Care to explain?"

"This afternoon, he told me he planned to put Abby up for adoption and to leave here and let Riley play father to the twins. I wasn't sure if the talk we had changed his mind, but I'm glad for whatever did change it."

"So you will support him if he chooses to stay and be their father?"

"I will support him in any decision he makes as long as it is truly what he believes is best and not what he thinks best." Angel said, letting her know he was with his cousin 100 percent.

"I really should be going, but I would like to spend some time with both of you soon." Buffy told them, hoping they'd want to as well.

"I think that would be a great idea." Angel replied.

"Me too, but can I have a word with you in private, just some girl talk?" Cordy asked while giving her man a reassuring wink.

"Sure, walk me to my car?"

"Lead the way."

"Buffy, don't break his heart or lead him on. Be very careful for you still own his heart and soul. But I think you already know that, so the real mission I'm on is to give you this." Cordy said as she handed her a thick envelope. "It's from Willow and Faith, you do remember them, don't you?"

Buffy became defensive as she took the missive from the other woman and answered sarcastically, "Yes, I remember them perfectly."

"Well no one would have guessed since you didn't leave a note or let them know you were okay. Do you know that Willow worried you had ended up somewhere hurt or dead. She loved you like a sister and this is how you treated her. I can see hiding things from William, but not to trust Willow to keep your secret, well it was like stabbing her in the back is how I look at it. We all were worried sick about you until the private investigator found you and told us you were alive and living the married life on the east coast."

"I didn't want to put her in the middle."

"But instead you left her out in the cold worried and wondering what she had done to make you think so little of her. You're Seth's Godmother for Pete's sake."

"I'm sorry."

"Honey, it's not me you need to say it to, it's the two women who thought of you more then a friend, but more like a sister." Cordy eased her words with a warm hug. "Nice thing about it, I think they both will forgive and take you back if you send pictures of those sweet babies and beg them to come and visit."

"I don't know, you don't know how many times I reached for the phone to call either of them."

"Then this time, pick up, dial, and speak." Cordy winked, "Well gotta go, going to drag William up and make him show us baby pictures and pig out on pizza and wings."

"I'm glad he has all of you."

"It was rough at first, but we've worked it out. I think you have some things to work out as well."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I think you do."

"Cordy, I'm married now, and Riley is a good husband."

"Just put this in your bonnet and think on it, is he the one? Is Riley the one that makes you scream when you're angry, or does he even make you angry? Do you know when he walks into the room without seeing him enter, or know when he's looking at you that special way? Does he make you tingle in places that no one else should make tingle? Is it fair that you stay married to a man because you don't want to break your vows of marriage? These are things you should ask yourself when it comes to figuring out if Riley is the one you want to grow old with and honor until death do you part."

"Cordy, please don't do this?"

"What, make you think outside the box you've put yourself in? Buffy is it fair to Riley that you stay married to him out of loyalty and not because you love him, honor him, and want to forsake all others before him. Does he make you feel the passion? Do you make love or just have sex? You could be keeping him from finding what you know you could have again. I'm just saying you should consider the answers to these questions while you think about what it is you really want out of life, what you deserve out of life, and Riley too." Cordy explained as she looked at Buffy with nothing but understanding and warmth. "I just want to make sure you don't run and hide anymore. Face the music and be able to live your life to its full potential."

Buffy knew what she was being told was true, but right now she didn't want to deal with it. So instead she nodded her head yes and turned to return home to her husband and children with the belief that right now it was the best thing to do.

Cordy watched her leave and prayed the woman would wake up from her denial. That one day soon, she would realize she was hiding behind Riley and the safe vows of marriage. She truly believed that Buffy and William belonged together and one day Mrs. Finn would wake up and smell the coffee.





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