[Reviews - 204]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 3797 times

- Text Size +




A/N: A big warm thank you for those who have kept the faith. I know how hard this is to read, believe me. I've had to write it. Spike's road to redemption with be long and painful.


Riley sat at the bar, noticing how his favorite petite blonde bartender was looking a bit under the weather. She hadn't been her usual perky self the last couple of days. He was sure it had something to do with her so-called boyfriend. He had overheard Buffy telling her one friend how Spike had talked to her over the phone and how it had made her feel.

He became worried when he noticed the sweat suddenly appear on her forehead, and her face paled. She stopped what she was doing and grabbed the side of the bar, shaking her head as if she was trying to keep from passing out. Riley quickly jumped over the bar and hurried to catch her as she lost her balance and fell.

Buffy felt a sudden rush of lightheadedness and nausea creep up on her. The last couple of days she had been feeling woozy and tired. She had attributed it to the lack of sleep, and decreased appetite since she had last called Spike. Suddenly the dizziness intensified making everything seem hazy and far away.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Riley asked softly and he held her close and checked her rapid pulse.

"I think I'm going to be sick." She pronounced, her eyes wide as her hand came up to cover her mouth.

"Well then it's Dr. Finn to the rescue." Riley said in a calm voice as he picked her up and quickly carried her to the women's restroom.

Buffy immediately fell to her knees as she emptied her stomach contents into the toilet. She could not believe the timing. The last thing she needed was to be sick when Spike called, causing him to add worrying about her to his list of problems. It had been three days, and she expected him to call today.

"How long have you been feeling sick?" Riley asked, as he knelt beside her rubbing her back gently while using his other hand to keep her hair out of the way.

Buffy took several deep breaths to help calm her sickness as she replied, "vomiting first time, dizzy for a couple days."

"Any fever, chills, or the dreaded diarrhea?" The doctor in him began to take over as he again felt her pulse and skin.

"No, neither." She replied as she continued to take slow deep breaths.

Riley hated having to ask this question, "Could you be pregnant?"

Buffy felt a jolt of fear and excitement go through her as she answered, "I'm on the pill."

"Forget to take it by any chance?"

"No, but they did lower the strength a couple months ago." She said, her voice sounding tired and anxious at the thought.

Riley continued rubbing her back His medical opinion was that she did not have a virus. Just she had an illness, but of the mother to be kind. He considered asking her a few more questions that was pertinent but changed his mind.

"I think you should either, make an appointment with your doctor, and or buy a home pregnancy test and take it. You could be pregnant."

Buffy mumbled to herself, "I can't be pregnant, now is not a good time for me, Spike and babies to mix."

Riley closed his eyes to bite off the retort about what he thought of Spike being the father of her baby. It felt like the final nail to the 'can't get Buffy', was about to be hammered in place.

"Well, don't get yourself all worked up about it until you know for sure. It could be you are coming down with a flu bug of some sort." Riley tried to reassure her, even if he believed his first diagnosis was true.

"You just don't understand, now is not a good time to start a family." She tried to explain, without getting into too much detail on her and Spike's troubles.

"Buffy, again, first find out if you are having a baby." Riley said as he silently prayed he was wrong.

It saddened him to think he'd never be able to give her a child or any woman for that matter. During his physical with the army they'd found out he was sterile. His dream of finding the right woman, getting married, and having babies had been destroyed eight years ago. His girlfriend at the time left not too long after.

"I know you're right, but God, I'm scared." Buffy whispered, as she tried to stand.

Riley helped her over to the sink, "How about I drive you home? We can stop at the drug store on the way."

Buffy turned on the water, using it to splash her face and rinse out her mouth. She hated to leave Faith and Robin in a lurch, but she really wasn't feeling well at all. What scared her most would be finding out she is pregnant and then having Spike leave her, unable to face the responsibility of being a father right now.

"Yeah, the ride home would be great and the other offer too." She replied, knowing the bus ride would not be in her best interest right now. "Let me go tell Faith, and then we'll be on our way."

"Take your time, I'm in no rush." Riley reassured her.

"Don't you have clinic or something today?" She asked, hoping he wasn't skipping work or something to help her out.

"Not until this afternoon around two."

"Okay, just so long as I'm not keeping you from something you need or planned on doing." She said, giving him a determined look.

"Nope, I'm your chauffer, madam." Riley said with a soft smile as he watched her relax.

"Okay, Faith, drug store, home. That's all the planning I can handle for now." She muttered as she turned to walk out of the bathroom.

*******

Spike smiled as he watched his Doc packed her things in a hurry. They'd played in bed late into the morning leaving them both so tired that they didn't get up until they absolutely had too. She had given him the best present a man could ask for last night, as he remembered packing the lube and condoms away for future use.

"Are you feeling alright, luv?" He asked, as he looked at her sexy well-loved arse.

"Let's just say I will be thinking of you while sitting on the plane, stud." She winked as she suggestively shook her butt at him suggestively. "Getting wet, hot, and bothered, remembering what you did to my poor little derrière last night."

Spike licked his lips and gave her a look of pure lust as he purred, "Don't worry, baby, Spike will make it all better when we get to the next hotel."

"I know you will, baby." She smiled as she zipped up her case. "I love you."

"Love you too!" Spike said with a grin, as he opened the door for them to leave.

*******

Angel paced the lobby, getting worried and pissed at the same time. It was starting to get on his nerves that Spike was always cutting it close with getting to the lobby on time. He felt some relief when he noticed Fred come off the elevator.

"Did you see Spike?" He asked her.

"He was about ready to leave." She replied professionally, "Don't push to hard, he hasn't said anything, but it looks like he had a bad night last night."

Angel and the others, except Doyle tried to relax. The Irishman found he didn't like this so called doctor at all, something about her just wasn't right in his book. He also didn't like some of the interaction between Rayne and this woman when they thought no one was watching them. His gut was telling them their relationship was not on the up and up.

Doyle leaned over and whispered in Tara's ear, "Watch the lovely doctor and Spike more closely, you might learn something you don't want to know."

Tara turned and glared as she said, "Don't start any rumors."

Doyle gave her a sad smile as he replied, "I don't believe it to be rumor. I don't trust the bitch. Been through a few dry outs myself and it's just doesn't feel right to me."

She looked at him and realized he wasn't lying, that he was worried. He placed enough doubt in her mind for her to become suspicious. She promised herself she would pay closer attention to how Spike and this doctor responded to one another in the future. Until she saw something to cause her to be concerned, she would keep it to herself.

Tara watched as Spike entered the lobby, looking between him and Fred to see if she noticed any thing spark between them. She prayed he was not cheating on Buffy, it would cause a rife in the group for sure.

Nothing out of the ordinary was noticed, but she also knew they'd be extra cautious when under direct supervision. It made her wonder when the last time it was Spike had called and talked to Buffy. He was always passing messages back and forth between her and everyone whenever they'd play away from home.

Doyle was now a man on a mission. He'd get the proof that the Dr. Burkle was unethical and that she and her patient were having an affair. If Spike is sleeping around he'd make it known to the bastard, he would be more then willing to win the affection of Buffy Summers and treat her like the princess she deserved to be treated as.

Spike just smiled as he joined the others in the lobby as he kept telling himself, "Don't look at her, mate, just don't make eye contact or Angel will know."

Last night had been special all the way around. She had broken down and confessed how much she loved and needed him. He in turn told her that he felt lost when she wasn't around.

"About time sleeping beauty woke up to greet reality." Xander snickered as he gave Spike a friendly punch in the arm. "Did Buffy keep you awake late with hot monkey phone sex talk?"

Spike felt like his stomach dropped to the floor, in the past three days no one had mentioned her name. To hear it now, after last night, made him wonder what he had seen in the blonde selfish bitch to begin with.

"No." Spike quickly said, without giving any further explanation.

Xander picked up the change in Spike's expression from smiling happy guy, to evil looking dude. Never had the mention of Summers made Spike react like that.

"Trouble in the Rayne and Summers paradise is there?" Doyle smiled, "Good, now maybe a real man might have a chance at her."

Spike turned to glare and seethed, "You think you're man enough?"

Doyle stood face to face and said, "I know I'm more then man enough, it's you that's beneath the likes of her."

"Enough!" Angel growled as he stepped between the two men. "Let's get our heads back in the game shall we."

Doyle waited so he could follow close behind the little doctor. He could tell she was pissed at something with her shoulders all set back and ridged.

He moved beside her and whispered, "You see he deserves a sneaky cunt as yourself. Buffy is ten times the woman compared to you."

Fred used her little girl voice, as she looked at him all shocked, "I don't know what you are talking about?"

"Don't think you can con me, I know you and Spike are fucking like rabbits, breaking all kinds of doctor, patient rules and such." Doyle chuckled as she blushed. "Please, take him, get him away from sweet Buffy. She needs a real man, not some pussy whipped Nancy boy like Rayne who's letting you lead him by the balls."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Fred hissed.

"Oh, luv, yes I do." Doyle snorted as he walked past her placing himself beside Tara and whispered, "We need to talk."

Tara's sad voice replied, "I know."

Spike happened to meet Tara's gaze and was shocked at the accusation and disappointment he saw there. He tilted his head giving her a questioning look. He felt the sting as she mouthed to him, "How could you?"

It hit him hard that she knew his secret. She knew he was sleeping with Fred, and in her eyes cheating on Buffy. For the first time he felt guilt at what he was doing, but he just didn't think it was something to do over the phone. There just wasn't any time for him to visit Buffy in person and tell her that it was over between them.

*******

Buffy stood in their bathroom staring in the mirror refusing to look down and see the results. She had been standing there for the last twenty minutes trying to find the courage to see if they were going to be parents.

"You can do this, you know you can." She told her reflection.

"This will make or break the relationship. He's not ready for a family yet and will feel like you've trapped him." Her voice of doubt reasoned.

She had the phone in her hand and the number to his hotel already to go. All she had to do was look down at the test results and hit talk. The doubts that plagued her since her last call came back in full force. He had promised to call, and so far, she hadn't heard a peep out of him. She would check the caller ID even when she hadn't left the house, thinking she'd missed his call.

Finally she forced herself glance down and her heart came up to her throat as she hit the talk button and moaned, "Oh God!"

"Hotel Hilton of Dallas, Martin speaking, may I help you."

"Spike Rayne's room, please, code name Slayer." She whispered, feeling scared and alone.

"Hello." Spike's answered out of breath, having made it up to his doc for earlier when he argued with Doyle about Buffy.

"Spike, baby, we need to talk."

"Now is definitely not a good time." Spike replied trying to catch his breath.

"No, we need to talk. I need to"

"You need, it's always about what you need, well fuck what you need." Spike spit in the phone.

"Spike, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Buffy, at least not after today." Spike said deciding it was time for it to end.

"After today?" She asked, feeling a tightness forming in her chest.

"Buffy, I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore. I'm never going to be good enough in your eyes. I need someone who is willing to be here with me, help me, give me what I need." Spike continued to tell her with his back to Fred, not seeing the look of triumph on her face. "I found someone that does all that and more."

"You found someone, in less then a week." Buffy whispered, her voice raspy with unshed tears.

"Yeah, you could call it fate." Spike sighed, "I'm sorry it has to end this way, I just can't live a lie anymore."

"Live a lie?"

"I know what love is Buffy, and what we had wasn't it." Spike felt horrible having to tell her like this.

"You never loved me." She repeated, her world spinning out of control. "Then what would you have called it?"

"Lust, a good time, come on Buffy you don't love me, you just wanted to control me, just like Dru."

"Don't you compare me to her, I'm nothing like her."

"Really, you have issues just like she did, you need to get over your mother and all that bull."

"Spike, I have something I need to tell you." She needed to let him know about the baby.

"You have nothing I need to know about, please don't call me again and I expect you to be moved out by the time me and Fred get back into town next month." Spike said before he hung up the phone.

"I'm so proud of you, baby." Fred praised him as she wrapped her arms around him and placed kisses on his shoulder.

He couldn't help thinking, "But why does it feel so wrong?"

"Come and let me reward you for such a job well done, baby. For proving to me our love is strong enough to face anything and everything." Fred purred as she did things to make his body react and give her what she craved.

Fred smiled to herself, remembering how she had implanted all those thoughts into his mind while under the influence of the drugs she had used, since that first night she came to him. Her plan had worked, faster then she had hoped for, but he was now hers and hers alone. Now she'd have to work at getting the others to accept Spike's decision to choose her over this other woman who obviously did not love him like she did.

*******

Buffy stood sobbing into the phone as she listened to the dial tone. She couldn't think as she looked in the mirror and tried to comprehend what she should do next. Her world was shattered into pieces at her feet. He didn't want anything more to do with her, and hadn't given her a chance to tell him about the baby.

Some how she made it into the bedroom that once was theirs, collapsing on the bed they once shared. Curling into a ball she poured out her sorrow to a pillow that no longer held his scent. She realized her mistake; she had forgiven him too many times. Now she had to try and forget, forget he ever existed.

Tomorrow, if she had the strength to face it, would be a long day. The more she thought about everything the more she came to realize she was exhausted. The world was no longer a safe place to be, for herself or for her poor innocent unborn baby.

*******

Spike was heading back stage when Tara confronted him, "We need to talk."

"Tara, just let it be." He begged, not wanting to have this conversation now.

"Are you sleeping with your doctor?" She came out and asked.

"Tara, it really does not concern you." He ground between his teeth.

"I take that as a yes." Tara said looking sad and disappointed. "So where does Buffy fit in all of this?"

"Again, none of your concern." He rolled his eyes and tried to walk past her.

"You are a bastard, William Rayne. I never thought I would ever use that word in reference to you, but you're a low life cheating two timing bastard and I hope you rot in Hell." Tara's face became angry and her voice accusing. "She never should've taken you back after this last time. God she is so much better off without you, I just hope she realizes that very soon."

"Tara, what's going on?" Angel asked, worried since he'd never seen Tara so angry.

"Ask your rat bastard cousin." Tara said as she looked at Spike, "Stay the hell away from me."

Angel noticed the pain mixed with anger on his cousin's face. "So care to tell me what happened here?"

"It really doesn't concern you, Angel, let it be."

"I'm not so sure about that, since it made our mild mannered never would yell at anyone, Tara swear and a call you nasty names." Angel said as he crossed his arms and gave Spike a look of tell me or I will beat it out of you stare.

"Fine, since everyone is so keen on my goings on, I broke up with Buffy today."

"You broke up with Buffy, why the hell would you do something so stupid." Angel fumed, wondering where, the hell the real Spike was hiding.

"Why am I the stupid one?" Spike asked, getting more and more pissed off.

"Cause the cousin I know and love worships the ground that girl walks on. She loves you more then life itself, why would you give her and that up?" Angel felt like he didn't know this man before him anymore.

"I'm in love with someone else. Someone, who loves me and wants what's best for me" Spike shouted, "Is that so wrong?"

"Who is she?" Angel asked, already fearing the answer.

"Fred, we are a couple now."

"How long?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, it matters."

"Why?"

"Because it matters if she has manipulated you in anyway to think you love her." Angel said firmly, thinking he was going to talk to Eric about the wonderful help he had provided.

"I know my own mind."

"Do you now, so in less then a week Dr. Burkle has you thinking you love her and not Buffy. That she is what you need and what you want. You expect me to believe that garbage without a doubt that she hasn't taken advantage of your condition and warped your brain." Angel's voice held anger and determination that made Spike back away.

"She loves me."

Nether man saw the fist coming as Cordelia Chase punched Spike in the nose and yelled, "You bastard, you've been cheating on Buffy, after her taking you back after your last fuck up." Her anger getting the better of her since she'd just talked to Tara.

"What the hell is going on here?" Anya stepped between Spike's prone body and Cordy who was about to kick him with all she had.

"Seems bleach bastard two timer here, has been cheating on Buffy with Dr. unethical bitch." Cordy told the others.

"I knew it." Doyle crowed.

"He says he broke up with Buffy today." Angel sighed, wondering how he was going deal with this major problem.

"Where is doctor sleep with my patient whore at now?" Cordy looked around to see if Fred was around.

"Back at the hotel." Xander told them. "Said she had something to do."

"Yeah, prepare for the next clinical fuck fest I would imagine." Anya said as she turned and finished what Cordy was going to do and kicked Spike right in the ass, "You ass wipe, after all Buffy has done for you, you treat her like this."

"Stop hitting and kicking me." Spike yelled as he scooted away from the two angry females, rubbing the area where Anya had kicked him.

"Willow, have you talked to Buffy today?" Oz asked his wife, calling her when Angel mentioned the fact Spike had ditched Buffy.

"I think someone should take you out and put you out of everyone's misery, myself." Doyle said with a smirk. "I'll tell you like I told your lover, you're pussy whipped, and I'm so happy. Now, I will go and get the girl, and we can ride off into the sunset, get married and make pretty little babies."

"What do you mean she went home ill and hasn't answered her phone?" Oz's voice became a tad emotional, telling everyone how upset he was about all of this. "Go next door and get Mr. Anderson to give you the extra key, no baby, it's important. You need to make sure she's okay. No Mr. ass wipe just broke up with her is why."

Spike's heart started to race hearing that Buffy had gone home ill and no one had been able to get in touch with her. His head was starting to hurt, and his hands began to shake a bit. He was finding it hard to concentrate.

"Oh, God!" Spike moaned into his hands feeling confused on what to do, "I need Fred, I have to talk to Doc about this. She'll know what to do."

"She shouldn't have to tell you what to do, your the man, you figure it out." Doyle snorted."

"Shut up!" Spike yelled.

"Stop Doyle, now!" Angel growled.

"Yeah, let's get back to the hotel and wait for Willow to call and let us know that Buffy's okay." Tara said as she took Doyle's hand leading him away.

"I agree, that's the best idea yet." Anya replied as she tried to take Xander's hand only to have him avoid it.

Xander walked over and looked down at his friend. "Why did you do it? Why would you treat Buffy so badly when all she has ever done is love you."

"If she loved me so much, why isn't she here with me?" Spike yelled.

"Maybe because she knew in order for you to really get better you couldn't lean and depend on her so much, it didn't work in the past. Maybe she believed that for you to heal you had to learn to do it standing on your own two feet. Could be she put her trust in the wrong man?" Xander's words hit home.

"Maybe she did." Spike said feeling confused, not knowing whom to believe anymore.

"I don't know what this so called doctor has been feeding you, but it's a load of crap. Buffy has always had your back, from the first night you met." Xander continued to say, "I'm still your friend, but right now I'm very disappointed in you. Don't let that demon head shrink do anymore damage, she's lying to you."

Spike felt like his head was splitting in two with his brain being pulled in two directions. On one side, Fred was telling him all of them would be against them and he had to ignore them. Where everyone else was on the other side, saying his Doc was evil, and to run from her as fast his legs would carry him.

Oz walked over and looked down on him with contempt as he said, "If Buffy has come to any harm, I will personally see that you pay."

He watched as everyone but Angel left him sitting on the floor, the only one that seemed to care other then his cousin was Xander. The others brushed him off like he was dirt beneath their feet, or threatened to hurt him if anything had happened to Buffy.

"What has she done to you?"

"She loves me."

"I don't believe that for one minute."

"She believes in me."

"Buffy believed more in you then anyone, except for me, mom, and dad."

"No, Fred does, she understands what I need, and knows I need her to be a better man."

"She really has scrambled your brains."

"No, she found me, and is making me better, stronger."

"What, by making you need her to make decisions for you. Does she need to tell you it was okay you broke it off with her rival? That's not love, Spike, that's having control over another human being. Buffy never took control of you. She gave you choices and let you decide. She forgave a lot of bad choices you made, but she stood beside you in the end." Angel said as he gave his cousin a sad smile, "I called mom and dad and they are going to meet us in Houston. I can't tell you to stay away from that woman, but I won't have anything to do with her, nothing."

"Are you telling me that I have to choose?"

"No, I'm just saying I will visit you and talk with you as long as I don't see her face." Angel clarified. "I love you, you're family and I will always accept you in my home, but she will never be welcome. For one, I think Cordy will kill her, or at least do some bodily harm."

"What if I say you have to accept her or you will never see me again?" Spike asked, feeling brave, and wanting to stick up for his Doc.

"Then I wish you a long a happy life and hope we can at least write. I hate her for this Spike and there's not enough time in the universe to ever change that."

"Okay, want to help me stand up, that girl of yours has one hell of a right hook."

"I know that's right." Angel chuckled, as he helped Spike to stand. "Come on we can share a cab ride together. Maybe there is some news concerning Buffy when we get there."

"I do hope she's okay." Spike mumbled.

"I do too for your sake." Angel replied, "You know she is like family to Oz and Willow. Tara, Cordy, Anya, and Xander love her dearly, and we know how Doyle feels. She's like a sister to me. Giles and Jenny love her like a daughter, just like they do Cordy. Fred will never be accepted, I hope you realize that."





You must login (register) to review.