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Thirteen months later.

Spike stood at the door that held the woman that should be sharing this house with him. Fate had taken that chance out of his hands along with a crazy bint named Fred. Now he was here to find the closure he needed to end that horrific chapter of his life.

It had taken some time for him to find her, only because it had taken him this long to get his life back on track. Fred had left him a mess, all tangled in her lies. So many times, he stumbled and only once fell flat on his face during his journey back to reality. He had the scars that showed the battles he had fought physically, mentally, and emotionally.

He knocked on the door, praying no one was home. It still hurt as if it was only yesterday, when he found out she had married not long after he broke her heart. His own life shattered as well. He thanked God everyday for his family, for without them he'd be just another statistic in the hall of death by self-infliction.

"Barb, you're early." Buffy said, becoming pale, as her eyes got wide with surprise and then fear. "How did you find me?"

Spike felt like his throat was closing and his heart was going to burst it was beating so hard and fast. The panic was close to taking over when he said, "I'm sorry, I'll just go," as he turned to walk quickly away.

Buffy had seen the sheer terror in his once sparkling blue eyes and she quickly over came her shock and called out, "Why are you here?" as she stepped out onto the porch.

Spike stopped but was unable to turn back to face her, "I needed to see you, to explain a few things."

Buffy's voice became angry, "Well, you're a little late if you ask me."

Spike turned to look at her and said, "I know, but until recently I wasn't in a frame of mind to deal with it. Buffy, there are things you don't know about that happened back then. Things that were kept from the others that only Angel and Cordy are aware of."

Buffy noticed the shock and then devastation that spread across his face. She looked over her shoulder and noticed Riley standing there holding her son. The look on Spike's face told her he figured out who was Ryan's real father.

"Spike, we do need to talk, but not now." Buffy said, not ready to deal with the fact her children's real father just found out he was a daddy.

Spike looked from the little boy that looked just like his baby picture to the man holding him; back to the one of the few he never would have thought to betray him so. He felt the panic beginning to take over, when it hit him that she never intended for him to find out he was the child's father.

"How could you?" He whispered as he dropped to his knees, hugging himself as he started to rock back and forth. "You were never going to let me know."

Buffy's tears began to fall as she said, "You didn't want me anymore, remember?"

Spike eyes held a pain so great it hurt her soul to see it, "I don't remember anything much from that time of my life. You see I wasn't myself then."

Buffy noticed suddenly Angel was kneeling next to Spike holding him close saying, "I'm here William, you're not alone, remember that, you're not alone." She noticed a car parked at the curb, across the street, with the driver's door ajar.

Spike looked at his cousin and said, "It hurts too much, take me home. That bitch took everything from me."

Buffy's anger gave her the courage to say, "I'm not a bitch, and I didn't take anything from you."

"Buffy, let's go inside, he's not a part of your life anymore." Riley tried to tell her as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Not you! Her, Fred, the bitch that stole it all from me, my soul, she blackened my soul and made me bleed. She took my mind and wrapped it around her darkness, making me believe something that was not real or true, that I don't even remember. She ruined my life." Spike screamed as Angel's grip around him tightened.

Buffy was about to say something derogatory when Cordy appeared shaking her head no, telling her with tears in her eyes, "Don't say anything you might regret. There is so much you don't know and need to know before you judge him guilty and unworthy of your forgiveness."

"I just don't want him in my life any more."

"Well, that's not for you to decide if he wants to be a part of his son's life now is it?" Cordy reminded her. "You don't have a clue what kind of hell he has gone through."

"He put me through hell that much I do know."

"But the truth is he didn't, Fred did. You need to hear the story, and it's not pretty, and not something to discuss out here in your front yard." Cordy told her, knowing Buffy had every right to act like this when she didn't know the truth.

"Cordy, I have a good life here. Riley is a great husband and father." Buffy explained.
"But he's not the boy's father, and William needs a chance to have your forgiveness. Something that once you've heard everything you will understand the need for him to be here. He needs closure with you and what happened so he can try and move on with his life." Cordy tried to tell him.

"I hear he has a daughter, let him play daddy with her." Buffy hissed, some friends of Riley's had overheard someone talking about it one day at the club and told him about it, not knowing that Buffy was Spike's ex-girlfriend. "I don't want him involved here."

Cordy's tears began to fall as she whispered, "I'm not sure he will ever be able to be a real father to that poor little girl. She represents so much that is wrong here. She is an innocent; a casualty that we hope can be salvaged from this wreckage."

"A casualty you say." Riley snorted, "how can you call a little girl that?"

"Baby, call Wes and let him know I'm bringing William back to the hotel." Angel called out as he helped his cousin stand.

For the first time Buffy noticed how fragile Spike appeared, the weight he'd lost. The man who loved life was no longer there. She picked up the worried looks between Angel and Cordy and the sadness that were reflected in the faces.

"When you are ready to find out the truth behind what made William break it off with you, let me know, as for his daughter, again you would need to walk in his shoes to understand it all." Cordy said as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number, not caring if Buffy overheard her or not, "Hey, Wes, things didn't go well."

"No, Angel has him. No, she's not wanting to talk about it and we also found out a little something that sent him a bit over the edge. He has a son."

"Twins, I had twins."

Cordy's eyes grew large as she repeated that information over the phone, "It seems she had twins, and never told William he's a father. I don't know he's not talking much, and Angel's worried and is bringing him to you, yeah let me ask her." Cordy held out the phone and said, "Wes would like to talk to you."

"Who's Wes?"

"William's doctor."

"You mean Shrink." Riley rolled his eyes and spit out sarcastically.

"I will only say this once more, don't judge him until you know how that bitch damaged him. He is the other innocent victim here. So keep your opinions to yourself until you know the facts, Jack." Cordy said with her no nonsense tone and a glare that made Buffy worry for Riley's safety.

Buffy reached and took the phone from Cordy and put it to her ear. "This is Buffy Finn."

"I wish we could have met under more pleasant circumstances." Wesley apologized, "He wanted to do this alone on his own two feet, the way he knew you would want him to."

"What do you want?"

"I want what is best for my client, he's been through a horrific ordeal that one could only imagine or read in a book and say to themselves it couldn't happen in real life." Wesley sighed, "He needs to find closure with you and what happened in that dark period of his life. It's what he needs to be able to walk back among the living, to heal his soul, heart, and mind. There are things he has yet to tell me, for he feels you need to hear them first. Now, I ask of you, is he the father of your children? Twins if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes he is."

"Have Cordelia give you my number, take some time to let his return sink in. If you wish to talk to me, or ask any questions, all you have to do is call. As for William, he no longer likes to be called Spike. I do hope you have it in your heart to see how much he needs this, needs you. All I can tell you is he was not at fault for what happened between you over a year ago. I hope you find it in your heart to listen and then give him the closure he needs."

"I'm not that girl anymore."

"He's not that man anymore."

"I have a new life for me and my children."

"He needs to find his place again, and they are his children, too."

"Riley has been a good father."

"William was never given the chance to be."

"He didn't want me."

"When you hear the truth, you will find out you was all he ever wanted and how Fred took that away from him."

"He has a daughter."

"She is a reminder of a very bad time in his life, you will understand more if you let him tell you about what happened to him. Let him have that time to grieve with you, to share with you his loss. He will never be whole until he does this."

Buffy watched as Angel practically carried Spike, sobbing back to the car as she said, "He looks so broken."

"It's because he is, and me and his family are trying to fix him, you might say." Wesley sighed, hoping this woman would find it in her heart to help put William back together again.

"I don't want him involved with my children."

"That is between you and William, I will do nothing to influence him concerning that matter. I will support him in any decision he makes as long as it's a healthy one. There is no reason he could not be a good father if that is what he chooses to do."

"I can't talk about this now."

"I understand, but I think maybe you should, especially after you hear his story." Wesley suggested.

"Good bye Wes." Buffy said before she hung up the phone handing it to Cordy saying, "He told me you'd give me his number."

"Here it is." Cordy replied as she gave her Wesley's card.

"I can't make any promises."

"No, you can't, but I know Jenny and Giles would love to see their nephew's offspring." Cordy said as a reminder that other people needed to know about the kids. "I know Angel will be ecstatic to meet them."

"Riley is their father." Buffy said hoping Cordy would get the picture.

"No, he's playing daddy, their father is over there being comforted by their cousin. No need for DNA testing to know who the real father is." Cordy winked as she turned to leave with one last thing to say. "Remember one thing Summers, the truth can set you free, are you ready to be set free?"

Buffy felt a pressure in her chest, knowing her life was about to change for the worst. She and Riley had passed the twins off as being his to his family. Now all their lies were about to come back and bite them in the ass.

"Don't worry, baby, we will get a lawyer." Riley said, "I'm their father, only me."

"No, Riley, you don't understand. He won't rest until he has them if he wants them. No lawyer can keep him from being their father. I need to find out all I can about what happened, and then use it against him. It's the only way I can make sure he stays out of our lives." Buffy promised as she stepped into her loving husband's embrace.

*******

"I feel bad."

"Why?"

"I feel cheated by not being with my child, with Buffy, and I could care less about the other one."

"One was created in love, the other deceit."

"It's not the baby's fault, I know that, but it doesn't help that she looks just like her mother." He said, having only seen her picture once, about a month ago.

"No, it's not. But for you to accept the little one, I think you need to mend and realize it's okay to love her. It does not mean you care for her mother or forgive Fred for what she has done to you."

"I want to hold him, touch him, smell his scent and tell him I love him."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"But I shouldn't want to do that with her?"

"Maybe in time you will, when that part of you is healed and ready to take that step."

"But I'm not good for either of them. Riley makes a better father. Giles and Jenny are doing a great job with her. I never should have contacted Buffy, should have left her alone, she was happy without me."

"Don't you think she deserves the truth as well? Don't you think she needs to know why you did what you did and who was behind it all?"

"It would only bring her more pain. I don't want her to think I expect her to drop that stiff over sized cardboard wanker, and take me back."

"William, the ball is in her court now. How about we wait to see if she attempts to contact us, and then we go from there."

"Sounds like a plan I can live with right now."

"Good, now get some sleep and I will talk to you in the morning." Wesley suggested as he stood to leave. "Remember, you are not alone in this, and you never will be."

"I know, but some things I need to deal with on my own."

"Yes, but that does not mean you are alone."

"Good night, Wes."

"Sleep well, Willam."

*******

Buffy listened to Riley's snoring, as she got out of bed, hoping she would not wake him up. No matter what, she couldn't get the events to stop replaying inside her mind. The idea that this Fred character had done something to Spike while under the influence of withdrawing and going through his detox, started to take form. Could it be that she had taken advantage of Spike in some way?

She stepped into the babies' room and walked over to stand beside Molly's crib. Her hair was the same color as her brother's, but her eyes were green like hers. The little girl inherited her father's cheekbones and nose. To be honest there was little resemblance of her in either of her little ones; they looked more like their father.

Next, she moved to watch her son as he slept. It always amazed her how he looked just like his father even more so in his sleep. He would scrunch up his nose the same way while dreaming and rub his face into the blanket. Her mind made up, she decided she would listen to what Spike had to say.

The initial shock having worn off and she started to remember everything that had went on around her today. Angel's quickness to come to the aid of his cousin, and then Cordy's being there and asking her to give Spike a chance to explain. This Wes fellow, implying that Spike needed her forgiveness to move on was the final straw.

It all added up that she was the key to Spike finding his way back to being whole again. She wasn't sure if she wanted that responsibility, but then could she look her children in the face one day and lie that she had not done everything possible to help their father. Would they forgive her for keeping them from him, lying to them?

"No, they wouldn't." She whispered having made up her mind.

She knew Riley wasn't going to like her decision, but she didn't care. It was time all the lies stopped. They would have to plan a trip the Iowa to talk to his family and let them know the truth as well. They deserved an explanation in person, and she was prepared to take the brunt of the badness that would come of it.

It will be hard having Spike back in her life, and some feelings would need to be resolved quietly. She would make it known, she loved her husband and would honor her vows to love, honor, and cherish. The one thing she would never tell a soul, was the fact she was still in love with the father of her children.

*******

"No! I won't allow it." Riley growled, "You are not going anywhere near him without me."

Buffy took a deep breath to keep from yelling, "I'm just going to talk to his doctor right now. He will only talk if I'm alone."

"Let our lawyer deal with it."

"'And what about Ryan and Molly, will they deal with it if they find out in the future that we lied to them through our teeth? What example would that set for them? What if they come to find out about Spike later in life and come to love him and hate us for keeping them apart?" Buffy explained, she sat with her head in her hands. "I thought long and hard about this all night. I then put myself in their place."

"And what did you come up with?" Riley asked sarcastically as he glared at her.

She looked up and met his glare with tears in her eyes, "I would hate me and you for keeping the truth from me about who my father really was. The truth always has a way of coming out in the end. I'm thinking about what is best in the long run. It might turn out that he doesn't want to be a part of their lives."

"I don't have to like this, and I think in the end they would understand. He doesn't deserve this, not after what he did to you that day." Riley said, as he leaned forward. "You do what you have to do, we will talk more after you have your meeting with this Wes."

"I know how hard this is for you, it's not easy for me either." Buffy reassured him as she reached out to cup his cheek.

"I love you, Buffy."

"I love you too!"

"We will get through this together."

"Yes, we will, I promise."





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