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As promise, here’s a new part of this one, too! ;)
Thank you , as always by Pandy and me!!
Sorry for all my bad mistakes…
Well, let’s see if you like this Buffy… ihihihi..


XVII (I)

< You diddle me with the bond stuff? That’s ok. You make me blood addicted? That’s ok. You make me do things with you… that I can’t even mention? That’s ok. You get rid of your chip and resume killing people immediately after, adding to your list even my ex- boyfriend? That’s ok. You mess my life up so bad that by now I don’t even know anymore what I really want from it? That’s ok. But don’t you dare to turn my life.. into un-life.. you.. you just can’t!> Buffy thought as she had run so much that she had finally almost arrived at her house.

She had never felt so confused.

< Yeah, sure, Buffy, tell yourself this nice story! Do you wanna talk about your thoughts when you woke up? Yes, ok.. but .. hey, conscience, remember? We had decided to erase those dangerous thoughts.. and.. you should stay by my side, not.. his! Anyway, I wonder if I still have a conscience now…> she kept her monologue as she slowed down her walk to stop and stare at the moon, the same moon that almost every night had been the background of her very, very dangerous relationship with that bleached gorgeous vampire she couldn’t resist to.

< Alright! Now I’m arguing.. with myself! Madhouse, I’m coming! Lucky for me we are far away from each other right now.. because if Spike heard me.. Ouch, Buffy, don’t do the same mistake again! What have we decided? * Who * mustn’t think about * whom* anymore?> she scolded herself.

She was already at Revello Drive, but from afar she saw a small crowd of people approach, and their faces became familiar.
“Oh, my God, Buffy, there you are!” Willow exclaimed, hugging her.
“Will, I’m sorry, I.. I didn’t want to make you worry, I was just..”
“You were with Spike, we know everything!” Xander accused her coldly.
“Wh- Wha. What? No, you’re wrong! Besides, why should I ever.. “ she struck back, gesticulating way too much, but Anya approached her quickly, pulling her hair behind and finding what she was searching for.

“Here it is! See? A big red nice claim.. that seems to be renewed nothing more than twenty four hours ago..” the improvised detective explained, making all the others face that harsh truth. “Dear old Anyanka strikes again! Uh, I said ‘old’ for fun, of course, because, as all you can see I. am. Not. Old!” she clarified.

“So, it’s true!” Giles commented, paralyzed by the shock.
“Yes, ok, I confess. This is Spike’s bite mark, and sure.. it’s not the first one..” she started to explain.

< But it will be the last one with no doubts.. right?> she thought, not fully sure.

“Everything started after the first meeting with Dracula, Spike rushed to my bedroom the afternoon after, telling me that the only way not to be under Dracula’s power.. was to belong to another vampire. So..”
“I can’t believe it! And you even accepted?! You are so ingénue that you’d better be ashamed of yourself! You must never have a deal with a vampire, it’s one of the main rules of a good Slayer.. if only you had bothered to study a bit of theory sometimes!” Giles scolded her bitterly, shaking his head, shocked and upset.
“Anyway, I killed Dracula, because if I had waited for your * precious * help.. I would have lost the fight, that’s sure!” she struck back with a very cutting sarcasm.

“Buffy, now you’re unfair!” Willow scolded her.
The Slayer fell on her knees, bursting out crying.
“Yes, I’m unfair, I’m evil, I’m wicked, I’m such a mean person.. and everyday I just get worse.. You have no idea about what I did, how many times I did it, where I did it, but I saw that you already know with whom I did it!” she exclaimed, between sobs.
“Buffy, it’s not your fault. It’s Spike, that dirty bastard brainwashed you!” Xander exclaimed.

Buffy’s sobs stopped and she burst out into a laughter that puzzled everyone. They had never heard her laugh that way.. it seemed.. a soulless laughter.
“Poor ingénue! You still believe to the pretty fable about the evil vampire who enslaves good girls’ minds! I wish it was so easy, but it’s not. Everything I did.. I did it because * I * chose to do it. He has never forced me to do something, quite the contrary, I was the one who looked for him first after our deal to defeat the Count! There was a repressed part of me that was dying to come out.. and he helped me to discover this side of me, but he didn’t create it, it already existed, maybe it has always been inside me. In a word, about all that happened, I’m not his victim.. but I’m his accomplice!” she explained kinda coldly, with a disquieting proud as she said the last sentence, and even more disquieting was the light that sparkled in her eyes.

Everyone looked at her shocked, and Willow thought about what she had just said.
“Oh, my God, Buffy, don’t tell me.. that.. that Riley..” she started asking, trembling.

“No. I didn’t help Spike to kill him, and I didn’t ask him to do that, either, but it’s as if I did it.. because I really wished that!” the Slayer answered, shocking them even more.
They all talked at the same time, everyone trying to say something different, but Buffy made them all shut up.
“You can’t understand.. He.. he had exasperated me! Every single day he tried to give me a dose of ordinariness, but I didn’t nothing but rejecting it, as addicted as I was to the overwhelming darkness Spike had offered to me so far!” she explained.

Anya looked at her a bit puzzled, frowning.
“Buffy.. are you trying to tell us that.. Spike is a drug pusher.. and Riley was a pusher, too?” the former Vengeance Demon wondered, but her question was deliberately ignored as a heavy silence took place.

( End I)

More Buffy/Scoobie moments in the next part, we know that’s not what you want.. just be patient and trustful ihihihhi ;) ;)





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