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This chapter contains Spike/Dru during flashbacks, but on of the sexual nature, but the decline of their relationship

Spike felt like his face was about to crack by the time dinner was finished. He was tired of acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world. All he wanted to do was go back to his room and reacquaint himself with his long lost friend Jack; the friend that didn't ask any questions or try and get him to talk about his troubles. He walked out to the smoking section and pulled out his pack of smokes, again feeling like he'd found an old friend.

The more he thought about it the more he became angry with himself. 'It's all my fault, being an idiot, should've told her from the get go who I really was. But no I wanted to go slow to see if she liked me.' The more he thought about it, the worse he felt about it all.

He could never think of a time that a girl was interested in William, 'the gullible stupid git' who was weak, and believed in love ever after. He wore his glasses at auditions, offered all the non -romantic parts in the plays, but recognized as a talented actor.

Then Cecily Addams entered his life. He initiated William in his first experience of love, lies, and heartbreak. She used him to climb the ladder of success in London's theatre district. When she no longer needed him she left him high and dry, letting those around them know how beneath her he was.

It was what brought about the death of William the weak, and the birth of Spike, the survivor. He bleached his hair and had the laser surgery to correct his vision. The clothes became tighter, and he started wearing more leather. His new look built his confidence, and he never looked back.

After Spike emerged, the acting world opened up, and his acting career flourished, while Cecily's diminished. The last he had heard, his first love was now doing walk-on parts- few and far between, and not happily married to an actor that fooled around on her for all the world to see.

Then he was a bigger fool and let Dru, his dark lover who taught him a new kind of pain and betrayal, barge into his life. She told him he was her Spike, she was his Princess and that they would live happily ever after. He had been about to ask her to marry him after she announced she was pregnant. But, she did not wish to have the child, and, she neglected to tell him that.

"I know she will be very happy as my wife," Spike spoke into the cell phone, talking with his best friend, as he hit the elevator button that would take him up to his and Dru's apartment. "Wes, I know what I’m doing, I know we haven't been together that long, but she's having my baby."

Spike started to get irritated. "You don't know how important this is for me; you grew up with a mother, father, and brothers. I never knew my parents."

"I know, I know I can still be a great father without marrying her, but then we wouldn't be a family and I want my child to have what I didn't, a family, mate." Spike tried again to make the man understand how important this was to him. "How about I call you tomorrow, you're starting to make me pissed," he sighed as he hung up.

He took a deep breath, reached into his pants pocket, and grabbed a hold of the black velvet box that was carrying his future in it. It held the engagement ring that would bring him and Dru to the next step of their relationship: Marriage, followed by the biggest step of all, parenthood.

The first thing he noticed was how dark the living room was, but he knew she was there because he heard her tears. "What's wrong, luv?" Spike asked as he quickly moved to kneel before her as she sat on the couch crying. "Tell me Pet, tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry William, I just couldn't do it," Dru softly cried, unable to look up at him.

"Couldn't do what, Princess?" He asked, his mind telling him she was about to kill his dreams.

"I couldn't be a mother, sweet William, my Spike," Dru whimpered as she reached out to grab a hold of his shirt.

"What did you do, Dru?" Spike asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"I knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened," she leaned forward and pressed her face into his chest. "I'm a bad, bad woman to do what I have done, please forgive me?"

"First I have to hear you tell me what I have to forgive, and God I hope you haven't done what I think you have." Spike's voice was tight, fighting back the tears that threatened to flow.

"I killed our baby, Spike, I killed it and now I want it back," Dru started to sob hysterically. "Oh Spike, God will never forgive me and neither will you, what have I done, William, what have I done?"

Spike felt the bottom drop out from under him, as what she was telling him started to sink in. His dream of having a family was falling apart. His heart was breaking for his never to be born child, whose mother had murdered it without giving him a chance to talk her out of it.

Spike pulled away and pushed her away from him. "How could you kill our baby, go off to a fucking butcher and have them take our defenseless baby out of your body?"

Dru looked up with a look of horror on her face. "You don't understand, I was scared and didn't know if I could be a good mother."

"So you just decide to go off and let some bastard rip it out of you?" Spike stared at the woman as if she was a monster. "I can't believe you did this, knowing how happy the news had made me and the plans we made that night."

"Please don’t hate me, we can have more when we both are ready," Dru begged him. "I love you, Spike."

"You love me, you go and make this kind of decision behind my back, then come here and claim to love me," Spike snorted as he started to laugh and cry at the same time. "Damn, Dru, what would you have done if I hadn't wanted the baby, and you hated me for it?" Spike looked at the woman who had just cut his heart out. "Oh, I know, you would have had the damn thing just to get back at me."

"NO!" Dru yelled. "Please, don't say that."

"What? Say what Dru?" Spike yelled. "Say, ‘that's okay, Luv, I forgive you for killing my baby, for taking a life that I helped to create and letting it become a statistic’? I don't even have a grave to mourn my unborn child's death. Why did you even tell me you were pregnant if you weren't sure you were going to keep it? Why build me up to becoming a father, and us becoming a family only to rip it out from under me?”

"I don't know, all I can say is- I'm sorry and it was a mistake,” Dru begged him with her eyes to forgive her.

"I'm not sure I can forgive you this Dru, at least not right away," Spike placed his hands over his face before running his hands through his hair. "I love you Dru, but right now I don't like you, and I hate what you've done. I'm not sure we can survive this, and right now, I don't give a flying fuck if we do."

"I will go and stay at my father's tonight," Dru whispered.

"I think that would be a good idea," Spike said as he looked at her with disgust in his eyes, wanting so much to reach over and shake the living hell out of her. "I will call you when I decide what to do."

"I do love you Spike," Dru said as she turned to go and pack.

"Well you have a funny way of showing it," Spike spit out, feeling no regret when she then ran to the bedroom crying.

Spike shook his hand as the low burning cigarette touched his fingers, pulling him from his sad musing on one of the worst moments of his life, causing him to toss it quickly into the ashtray. He turned to make sure no one was around before stepping out of the shadows and headed toward his room, hoping no one stopped him for a little chit- chat as he let his mind wander again to places it should be avoiding.

Come to find out the real reason Dru had the termination was not only the fact is might not have been his. Her decision, he came to find out was because Angel wanted nothing to do with her, if she had the baby. Angel had told Dru that she would not get the part of the lady vampire, Julianna, if she had the baby, and, they would no longer be together.

When it all finally came out, he found out that Dru and Angel had been having an affair for six of the seven months that Spike and Dru had been together. He could still remember seeing her face lit up with lust and desire when he'd walked in on her and Angel having sex in what had once been their bed.

He was supposed to be longer at the studio for some special night shots when the camera equipment had decided to act up. So, Robert had called it quits and told everyone to go home early. Wesley had tried to get him to come home with him and have dinner and talk. Instead of listening to his friend, he had decided to go home, watch TV, and order out.

Spike sighed when he stood outside his door, realizing he needed to find a new place to live. This hellhole carried too many memories, and still smelled like his dark princess. "First thing in the morning, want ads and apartment hunting."

He didn't hear the noise at first as he entered his apartment and sat his briefcase that carried the script he was working on now, and next week's script in it. He was feeling doubly depressed since he was informed that Dru had been hired for the next couple episodes as the vampire, Julianna, who just happened to be the past love interest of both William the Bloody and Angelus.

As he turned toward the kitchen to go and grab a beer, he heard what sounded like voices in his bedroom. He stood and listened, recognizing Dru's voice. It sounded like it does when she was in the height of passion. "Yes, OH yes, my love, more."

The male voice that complimented her very vocal wants was like a punch in the gut. "Yeah, baby, let daddy make it all better."

"Yes, my Daddy, so much better now," she moaned.

The closer he walked toward his open bedroom door, he could hear the panting and grunts that accompanied the sound of the bedsprings, and the headboard hitting the wall. Several weeks had passed since Dru had left, after telling him about aborting their baby, and now this.

He prepared himself for the worst, but the visual was the most painful thing he ever had to witness. There she was, his dark princess who had ripped his heart out only weeks before and was now serving it to him on a platter. There she lay on what was once their bed, as another man fucked her senseless.

Not just any man, but his co-worker, someone who he had thought was his friend. There was Angel between Dru's thighs, with her legs up over his shoulders, pounding her into the mattress.

Spike stood and watched them as if he was in a daze. He couldn't move, talk, and felt like he couldn't even blink his eyes. Next thing he knew, Dru's eyes looked into his and all she did was smile like the cat that had eaten the canary.

She licked her lips and reached her hands back and grabbed the bars on the headboard, threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, lover we have company," she moaned as she met her lovers thrust with more urgency.

Angel turned his head to look briefly to see who had caught Dru's attention. "Ahhhh, Spike, care to come and join us?"

Angel's question spurred him into action. ”GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOME!"

"Oh, sweet William, don’t be so prudish, come and let Angel show you how to make a woman feel like she is in heaven. The angels are singing he does this so well." Dru reached up and caressed her lover's face. "Fuck me, like only you can."

"Can't say no to that now can I?" Angel smirked. "Never could say no to you Dru, well except about the baby that is."

"I know lover," Dru moaned. "You were right. I wasn't ready to become a mother."

Spike backed out of the room and ran out of the apartment. Since it hit him with what they were saying that the baby may not have been his, and that Dru had lied to him that night saying she was sorry about having the abortion. That she was just using him to stay close to Angel and to make sure she got the part in the show.

That was the night he first met Jack, and until Wesley intervened after a few weeks of drunkenness and whoring around. He was oblivious to how bad he had let himself go, and how much he'd let Jack take over his life. He was just lucky he had not fallen so low it affected his job, he never came to work drunk, but he was starting to lose weight and look unhealthy.

It happened to coincide with a time in filming where William The Bloody was going through some tough times as well, and everyone thought he was doing his theater method acting. Only Wesley, Giles, and Jenny knew the truth, about what really had happened, with Dru, Angel and the baby. Spike never made a formal announcement when Dru had told him she was pregnant.

Spike stood in front of his cabin door and hoped Wesley was not around. He just needed to not think about his life for a while, and the best way for that to happen was to get lost in the bottle and numb up his brain.

He let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, when he noticed he was alone. Picking up the hidden bottle he then headed over to his bed, noticing a videotape lying there.

"Wonder what the hell this is?" He asked, as he picked it up the tape, reading the handwritten title, placing the unopened bottle on the bed. "Smile Time. Hmm, wonder what someone taped that is meant to make me smile?"

He walked over and turned on the TV, and the VCR, and then took the tape out of its casing inserting it into the player. He grabbed the remote and moved to lie on the bed so he could relax and see what silliness was waiting for him.

"All right, Percy let's see what you present you have let me," Spike shrugged, and took a long drink of Jack. "See, Jack? Here you thought I wouldn't provide you with entertainment."

He was taking another drink when he hit play and about choked at what he was seeing. There, in full color, was Harmony undressing like she was a stripper. He recognized the clothes as the same outfit she was wearing the day he last saw her before joining the others at the hotel a couple days ago.

"Hi, big Daddy, I hope you have something for me that’s bigger than that lens," Harmony said as she unclasped her bra, letting her tongue softly lick her bottom lip. "‘Cause I'm in need, Daddy."

"Don't worry, baby girl, Daddy has just what you need," the familiar male voice behind the camera growled. "Tell Daddy who fucks you best."

"You Daddy, I burn just thinking about what you do to me," Harmony moaned and she played with the top of her pink thong as she moved back to sit down on the bed. "See how wet you make me." There, clear as day, was a large wet spot on the crotch of her panties.

"Yeah baby, I see how wet you are. Does he make you this wet?" Angel asked as she leaned back and slipped off her underwear.

"No, he’s never made me this wet," Harmony smiled as she scooted up onto the bed. "Now come over here and take care of your little girl, she's so wet and horny."

Spike noticed the date and time on the video, telling him that when Harmony had sped away from his house she had gone straight to Angel's bed. He fast-forwarded through the tape to see what else Angel wanted him to see. The more he watched, the more he drank. The more he drank, the more he was seeing a different blonde woman with green eyes being fucked by the bane of his existence. It wasn't long before he passed out, not noticing the tape ending and automatically rewinding.

*******

Jenny was happy she had persuaded Buffy to talk to Spike. All she needed now was to find the man so she could get this misunderstanding behind them. "Let's go and see if we can find my husband. I'm sure Spike is with him."

"Okay," Buffy said her voice soft and unsure.

"Don't worry. I know it will all work out. You both will work this out," Jenny winked and took the young woman by the hand, pulling her a long as she looked for her missing husband.

"So, did you like your dinner tonight?" Buffy asked Willow who was keeping up with her and Jenny.

"Yeah, it was very good. I would love to have their recipe for the vegetable lasagna; it was out of this world," Willow rubbed her tummy and giggled.

"You and food, and you don't gain a pound," Buffy shook her head as she continued to let Jenny lead her toward what looked to be the casino. "I'm going to have to live on fruit and water for a week, when we get home."

"I know what you mean," Jenny groaned. "If my family keeps eating like this all week, we’ll need new clothes to fly home in."

The three women laughed as they entered the casino and immediately Jenny saw her husband over by the craps table standing with Noel, Robert, and Wesley. The first thing she noticed was the worried look on Wesley's face as he kept scanning the room.

Wesley was the first to see Jenny and wave her over. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed the redheaded beauty walking toward him as well. "Looks like the Mrs. is here Rupert, and she's brought company."

"Ah, yes, Buffy and Willow." Rupert smiled as he turned to his bosses. "Let me introduce you."

"Would be our pleasure," Robert smiled and winked at Noel, noticing the look on Wesley's face, and wondering which of the two young women had caught his attention.

"Hello, my errant wife," Giles smiled as he looked at her hand, joined with Buffy's.

"Hello, my almost absent husband," she returned the smile as she dropped Buffy's hand and reached up to hug her husband and whisper in his ear. "If you notice her about to flee, grab her." She then kissed his cheek and leaned back. "Where is the blonde boy wonder?"

"Don't rightly know." Giles looked closely at his wife and knew something was up. "He practically ran out of dinner and we have not seen him since."

"Oh!" Jenny sighed. "Did anyone look in his room?"

Wesley bit his lip, wanting to ask Buffy, who was looking nervous, what had happened between her and Spike earlier. He was sure something had to have happened with how surly the man had been acting since coming back from their date. "No, we have not. I got the impression he wanted to be alone."

"Where are my manners?" Giles smiled, changing the subject. "Ladies, may I introduce the men that are responsible for our being here."

The women turned their interest over to Giles and the two other men. "This is Robert Silver, if not for his imagination and wonderful way with story telling, we would not be here."

"Ladies," he bowed.

Giles next introduced. "Noel Miller is the man responsible for getting the money so we get paid, otherwise known as our producer."

"Good to meet the two of you, having already had the pleasure of meeting the lovely Mrs. Giles," Noel winked at Jenny.

"And be very careful, because this one likes to flirt, but he’s harmless," Jenny smiled at the two men, but pointing at Noel.

"Gentlemen, this is Willow and Buffy, friends of my wife," Giles mockingly glared at Noel. "Remember, my wife."

Noel chuckled. "Don't worry. I'm not after his lovely Jenny. I'm very happily married and the father of five, thus why I'm here, and she is not. She didn't want to chase five little fat burners around the ship. Plus, Jenny tells her my every move."

Buffy and Willow laughed at the man's description of his family, seeing in his eyes he was very proud of them and he really was a family man.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both," Willow smiled.

"Are you with the convention?" Robert asked.

"Nope, just vacationing on our own," Willow replied, sneaking a peek over at Wesley, thinking how the camera did not do him justice. She could also see the worry that was residing in his brown eyes. 'I wonder what has him so worried.'

"Do you watch the show?" Noel asked.

"I do, but Buffy doesn't," Willow shrugged.

"So Buffy what do you watch?" Robert asked, hoping she was not one of those reality TV kind of people.

"I don't watch TV," Buffy replied, looking around the room hoping to catch a glimpse of Spike.

The four men looked at her with a look of wonder. "You don't watch TV? I find that refreshing," Noel commented, having never met someone that didn’t watch something on the television.

"I just don't have the time with working two jobs, and tying to save up money so I might be able to go back to school." Buffy lightly blushed from the looks the four men were giving her.

"Well, I must say I wish my oldest was that dedicated to her studies," Robert sighed. "Maybe I should send her to live with you for a few months. You might rub off on her."

"More like she'd corrupt Buffy and turn her into a TV zombie," Noel snorted.

Wesley couldn't help sneaking a few looks over at Willow, thinking no one noticed. The man's interest in the pretty little redhead was noticed by everyone, except Buffy, who continued to look around for any sign of Spike.

"Well, I think I'm going to call it a night. In a few weeks we will be back at the late nights and all day filming and editing," Robert sighed. "So I'm taking advantage of living the normal guy's life, up at daylight, and then to bed at a reasonable hour."

"I think today was tiring, and tomorrow is another day," Noel agreed. "So I think I'll walk up with you. Giles, Wes, we will see you tomorrow at the photo shoot"

Everyone said their goodbyes to the two men, leaving Willow and Buffy wondering if they should say goodnight as well. Then Jenny started dancing around and looking at her husband with excited eyes.

"How about we go to the midnight buffet and pig out," Jenny looked at her husband pleadingly. "If we can't do dinner we can midnight snack together at least."

Giles smiled as he shook his head. "How could I refuse such in invitation?"

"It's still early," Wesley offered.

"How about going to our room for drinks before going on the midnight raid?" Giles offered. "Ladies, care to join us?"

Willow and Buffy looked at each other, with Willow wanting to go, hoping to spend some time with Wesley. Buffy was on the fence, thinking she should go and look for Spike, but then if she spent time with his friends, she was bound to run into him.

"Okay, if it's okay with Buffy?" Willow smiled shyly.

"Sounds great to me," she smiled softly.

Wesley kept his joy hidden that at last he was going to be able to spend some time with Willow. First he needed to stop off in his and Spike's room and leave the man a note, telling him where to come and meet up with them.

"Let me stop off in my room and leave a note for Spike, and then I will meet you up at your room," Wesley smiled. "It will be an adventure I would not want to miss." His last sentence directed at Willow, causing her to blush.

"Well, let's go," Jenny smiled feeling excited at the vibes she was getting from Wesley and Willow. "It shouldn't take you long, since your room is right by ours."

Buffy and Willow said they'd be right there, wanting to go to their rooms to freshen up a bit, giving Jenny some time to fill Giles and Wesley in on what happened with Spike and Buffy.





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