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~*~ Chapter 10 - Solace ~*~

Spike was pacing relentlessly in his crypt, his head in turmoil. Buffy was working the late shift, so he had come to the cemetery, killed some vampires and finally sought refuge in his crypt. He needed to think.

He hadn't told Buffy about what had happened. And it had lasted for maybe two minutes, so he wasn't entirely sure it wasn't a dream. But it had felt so real. All those things happening, it had to have something to do with his soul. So it was more than time to tell the truth to Buffy. He had waited too long already.

Each time he had tried lately, she had either make those tempting eyes at him, or that bright smile he loved so much, and he had lost his train of thoughts.

But he would go to the library first. It was early, and it was probably still open. He hated to sound like Giles, but some researches were in order.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He walked between the bookshelves, not really knowing where to start, or what to look for. He found the spot dedicated to fantastic and science-fiction literature, and grabbed a book.

"Hey Spike. I thought here would be the last place on earth to see you."

He jumped, turned back. Willow was standing there, smiling, but with an interrogative look.

"Oh, hey Willow.Uh, well, I do fancy a good reading sometimes.and I thought the library would be a good place to find a book, because, you know, they usually have a lot of.books."

"Right."she eyed the one he was holding. "Vampire Mythology? You're looking for some ancestors?" she asked, joking.

"That's it. I don't want Angel to inherit my fortune, so I was looking for potential other relatives," he said, putting the book back in the shelf.

He remembered Willow's offer to do some research earlier. "Did you find anything about my sudden sneezing and blood disgust thing?" She sighed.

"No. I looked in the books at the shop, and also on the Internet, but nothing came out of it so far. Did something else happen since?" she asked, frowning.

"No, I was just asking. I'm pretty sure it's nothing, anyway."

"I don't know," Willow said with a concerned look. "I think you should call Giles."

"I'll think about it. I have to go. See you around, Red."

"Yes.bye."

She watched him going away, wondering what was going on with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Tara. How are things going up there? Because here some powers are messing with us again.or at least with me."

He kneeled down, put a flower on the grave.

"I wish you were here. The Bit wouldn't probably have left if you were still here. She would have come to talk to you. You were a great listener.Buffy told me she had confided in you about the two of us last year. I guess that's where your pretty smart comments came from, right? And I know you never judged me. I could have talk to you about those strange things happening to me.how it kind of scares me but at the same time I don't care that much because I wake up every bloody morning besides Buffy and she has a smile on her face.and that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Ok then.I'll let you rest now. I'll come back soon. Thank you, Tara."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What's wrong, darling?" asked Miss Annigan when Dawn went back to work. "You seem happy and sad at the same time. What's going on?"

Dawn looked away, embarrassed. She didn't want to tell anyone about what had happened with Connor because she was so ashamed.

"It's your young man, isn't it?" probed Miss Annigan. He did something to you that you didn't like."

Dawn blushed furiously, and tears of shame and pain threatened to spill out of her eyes. She had still two hours to work, but she didn't want to be there. She wanted to be alone to cry out her disappointment.

"Martha!" yelled Miss Annigan, standing up. "I'm taking Dawn back home, she doesn't feel well."

Dawn's tears ran down her eyes and she didn't dare to look at her boss behind the counter. She just stayed there, standing at Miss Annigan's table, without moving. A few seconds later, two strong hands grabbed her shoulders.

"Go, Dawn," said Martha gently. "I've noticed you weren't well.I'll finish your tables."

Dawn nodded, forcing a gratitude smile on her lips. She went to get her things put her apron on its hook and left the restaurant with Miss Annigan who was waiting for her at the door. The old lady took her to a park nearby where they sat on a bench.

"Now, tell me what's wrong," said Miss Annigan.

"I can't," said Dawn, uncomfortable.

"Did Connor break up with you?"

"No."

"Did he say something nasty?"

"No."

"Did he.he didn't beat you?"

"Oh.no!"

Miss Annigan stayed silent for a few moments and then looked at Dawn with sudden comprehension in her eyes.

"You made love with him but it didn't end up like you thought it would," she stated.

"How did you.?" began Dawn, looking at the old lady and taken aback by the fact she had exactly figured it out.

"My poor child," said Miss Annigan, laughing quietly. "I was seventeen too, once.I was very much in love but my husband always left me unsatisfied. I was ashamed and thought it was my fault."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing! But one day, probably two or three years after we got married, he caught me trying to satisfy myself after we.you know. Let me tell you, he was not happy, but things changed afterwards."

"Three years!" said Dawn, discouraged.

"Well, in my day you didn't exactly talk about sex like now. Have you tried to talk to him about it?"

"No.I don't know what to say.and I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you!"

Miss Annigan chuckled.

"Don't be embarrassed. That's the kind of talk you would have had with your sister, normally."

"You don't know my sister.but yes, I realize I miss her more and more each day."

"You should tell her."

"I.it's a little bit more complicated."

"Isn't it always? But concerning your problem, there's still another way."

"There is?" asked Dawn, hopeful.

"Come with me." Dawn stood and followed Miss Annigan to a.newsstand?

"Why are we here?" she asked, puzzled.

"Because, in front of you, you have a wealth of sexual education resources, my child. Here," said Miss Annigan, taking a magazine and handing it to Dawn. It was a man magazine, with a bright catchphrase on it "How to satisfy your woman and making her beg for more". She took some fashion magazines as well, all with advices on sex on the cover.

Miss Annigan paid for the magazines. Dawn protested but the old lady insisted.

"And now, you just let these lying around in your apartment, and the rest will do by itself" she said smiling.

Dawn smiled back, not totally convinced.

"You actually thing this could work?"

"Well, you've nothing to lose to try, right? And yes, a young woman I used to know did it and it worked."

Spontaneously, Dawn hugged the woman.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. And I want to see you at work tomorrow with a huge smile on your face!"

~*~*=*~*~*~*~*~*

Dawn was anxious to see if Connor would really read the magazines and decided to put all the chances on her side. When he went to take a shower, she took one of them and opened it to one of the articles she had read that afternoon after going home. She hoped Connor would read at least that one.

When Connor walked out of the bathroom, she pretended to be very absorbed by her reading. He walked to her and gently kissed her neck.

"You can go," he said.

"Thanks."

She stood up, kissed him and went to the bathroom, leaving the magazine carelessly open on the table.

She waited about five minutes then walked out to get the clothes she had pretended to forget on the bed.

Connor was reading the magazine.

And he looked even more concentrated than her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Connor walked out of the bathroom, Dawn was busy reading a glossy magazine he had never seen before. He remembered Cordelia was buying a lot of them.

He went to her and kissed her neck.

"You can go,"

"Thanks." she said, standing up and kissing him back.

Intrigued by what she looked so keen on reading, he sat and turned the pages. The magazine was full with pretty woman and long articles. One of them caught his attention. 'What women wants; What all men should know." And another one was sub-titling 'What makes women happy in bed and ask for more."

Very much interested, Connor began to read. The article was about women's pleasure while having sex. He remembered Dawn's pleasure when they had been in the shower, the other day. It had seemed very intense. Now that he thought about it, she hadn't looked so pleased the following times. And she had looked a little sad, even.

He read avidly, realizing that what was said in the article didn't really correspond to what he had been experiencing with Dawn. She should have looked happier, during and after!

He read further down, and his breath caught in his throat. Most women liked to be hugged and cajoled. Well, he hadn't done that. He had rolled on his back, falling asleep. And he had never been really hugged and cajoled in his life.those were things that didn't come naturally to him. It came easier with Dawn, but he didn't know it was so much important after making love.

What an idiot he had been.

No wonder she looked so sad. She was disappointed in him.

When she walked out of the bathroom a little later, he was done reading the article and was so ashamed he just didn't know what to do.

She walked to him and put her hands around his neck.

"Ready to sleep?" she asked.

"Uh, not yet. But go ahead, I'll be there in a sec."

When he joined her later, she was asleep. He laid down besides her, pondering on how inexperienced and unknowing he was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Buffy got home, she found Spike sitting on the couch. The TV was off.

"Hey," she said, a little surprised to find him in complete silence, apparently doing nothing.

He stood up, walked to her and put his hands on her arms, caressing them softly.

"Hey baby. How was your night?"

"The usual. Much better now. You?"

"Good."

He gave her a sweet kiss on the mouth, before pulling her to him. He didn't say a word.

"There's something wrong," she said, and it was not a question.

"No. But there's something I have to tell you."

She laughed nervously.

"Spike, you scare me with your serious tone. What's going on?"

The look on his face frightened her. She didn't remember seeing him so.well, so serious.

He took her hand and she entwined their fingers. That seemed to give him the push he needed.

"I should have tell you this weeks ago," he started. "At first I didn't know how.then I didn't see the point anymore.but with all those things happening now, you have to know."

"You're not gonna leave again, are you?" she asked with dread in her eyes.

"No!"

He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. He could read the worry in her eyes.

"When I left a few month ago.I went to Africa. I had heard about some demon with particular skills, and.he gave me my soul back."

Buffy opened her eyes wide. Automatically, she stared at his chest.

"What?"

"I had to go through a trial and I won. I got my soul back. For you. Hoping that then there would be a chance you love me back."

"Oh my God" she whispered, putting her hand on his chest as if she could feel his soul through it.

"So that's what was different about you," she said thoughtfully, before frowning.

"Why didn't you tell me when you came back?"

"I didn't plan to stay, remember? I thought it wouldn't do any good. And afterwards I didn't know how to tell it.the thing is, I think that everything that's happening to me might have something to do with it. I've got my soul back, and suddenly all those weird things happen, and."

He stopped.

"What?"

"Last night.my heart started to beat."

She stayed silent for a minute.

"Ok.I think I need to sit down."

They both sat down on the sofa.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He nodded.

"It doesn't anymore for the moment. But I'm pretty sure it did, for one or two minutes."

"You should have woken me up!"

"It didn't last long enough. But I will next time.assuming it happens again." He said, not sure if this was something he wanted or not.

She put her hand on her eyes, trying to assimilate all the big news.

"Ok. So.you sneeze, you're disgusted by blood, and now your heart decide to wake up.it looks like you're."

".Regaining my humanity. I know. I thought about it."

They stayed silent, pondering on the implications of what had been just said.

"What I don't understand is why," Spike finally said in a calm voice.

"Me neither. But you did a lot of good things, this last year." "Angel has a soul, and he's helping others" Spike objected. "He's not human, as far as I know."

"No, but Angel' soul was a curse. You asked for it."

"Right. Good point."

"Morph into game face."

He did as told. The lumpies and fangs appeared. He reverted to his human face immediately.

"Well, you're still a vampire."

She led him to a mirror on the wall. She was the only one reflecting.

"Still no reflection either. Did you try going outside?"

He gave her a look.

"I'm not suicidal, luv."

She smiled and put her hand on his cheek.

"Who knows? You could not burst into flame and get a nice tan."

She was joking, but deep inside all that stuff was freaking her out.

"After 120 years without seeing the sun, I'd rather go with a hell of a sunburn."

"I don't want you to take the risk anyway. The fangy face and no reflection will do for the moment. But I'll call Giles tomorrow."

"Alright," he said, not discussing this time.

She slipped into his arms, putting her head on his chest. He caressed her back gently.

"All this things happening to you.it can only mean something good, right?"

He sighed. "I don't know, baby."

She laughed sadly.

"Wrong answer. You're supposed to tell me it's gonna be ok."

He smiled.

"You know better than that, sweetheart."

"Of course. I'm just."

She tried to fight the ominous idea that something bad could happen to him and sought solace in the refuge of his arms.

His hands slid to her waist and he kissed her. They just touched lips at first, before his tongue invaded her mouth and mated with hers. Her soft sighs of pleasure instantly turned him on. He put his hands on her firm buttock and pressed her against him.

"I love you," he whispered, trailing a path from her ear to her jaw line with the tip of his tongue.

"Please show me how much" she moaned, already tucking up the extremity of his t-shirt.

They didn't make it to the bed.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Is everything alright, Buffy? You seem distracted."

Buffy met her colleague Valerie's concerned look. She smiled.

"It's nothing. I'm fine. Just some stuff on my mind."

"Hope you didn't had a fight with that cute boyfriend of yours."

"No, don't worry. Everything's perfect."

As perfect as a romantic relationship with a reformed vampire can be, she thought.

"But I wanted to ask," Buffy said," Is it ok if I leave a little earlier this afternoon? I need to call a.family member living in England, and with the time difference."

"Sure," said Debbie, smiling.

"Thanks."

So when her shift was done Buffy hurried back at her apartment to call Giles. It would still be early in England but at least she would be sure to catch him. She just hoped it wouldn't be Anya answering the phone.

Spike was not there. Since he was living with her he had kind of adopted the same lifestyle, and was generally awake during most of the day. But what he was doing exactly she didn't know. She thought that he was probably working or had found a way to make some money because he was bringing money back to her on a regular basis, paying his share of the rent and the basic stuff. Like every normal couple does. And she thought wiser not to ask too many questions about the origin of that money. As long as he didn't kill anyone to have it, she was fine with it. And she trusted him enough to be sure he wouldn't do anything she would reprove.

She dialed Giles' number. He answered almost immediately.

"Hello?"

"Giles, hi. I'm sorry to call so early."

"It's alright, Buffy. Did something happen?"

"Not really.well, sort of. We need your opinion about something."

She proceeded to tell him the latest events. He knew about Spike and her already. She had told him the last time he had called. And even if Giles wasn't too happy about his Slayer being involved with a vampire again, he also knew that Spike could be a real asset to her. It was a comfort to know she wasn't alone anymore, and if she had chosen Spike, well he knew better than to argue with her. "Incredible," Giles murmured to himself. "So Spike has a soul now? That makes two of them.but he chose to have it. I wonder what the Council would think about that."

"Please don't tell them!" said Buffy. "I don't want to see them arrive in Sunnydale and treat Spike like a guinea's pig. You must promise not to tell them, Giles, please."

"I won't, Buffy, don't worry. I'll make some research. And it's clear to me that somehow Spike is indeed regaining his humanity."

"Yes, we thought about that. I need to know it's something positive, Giles, I.I don't want anything to happen to him."

Giles recognized the concern in her voice. It was the same she had once shown for Angel a few years ago. Only she was a teenager then. Now she was a full-grown woman. She had had to deal with too many losses already.

"I'll do my best, Buffy, I promise. And don't hesitate to call me, whatever happens. Day or night."

She fought back the tears that were coming. She was missing Giles so much, but she knew that starting to cry on the phone would only increase his own worry.

"Thanks, Giles. I thought.It would be good if you could come over for Christmas.and, uh, Anya too."

"We both have our plane tickets already," he said in a more cheerful tone.

"Oh, that's great! Everyone should be there then.well, except for Dawn. Unless she decides to le me know she's fine..."

"Still no news?"

"No. I learned to live with it. A part of me is pretty sure that sooner or later she will call or write.I stay optimistic."

"I'm glad you do. I'll let you know as soon as I know something. Take care, Buffy.and say hello to Randy for me."

She laughed.

"I will. Bye, Giles."

She hung up, feeling a little bit better. And wondering if Spike still had that tweed costume.oooh, and especially the hat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Connor, what's up, man? You looked pretty freaked out at the store earlier," said Nick, opening his door to let Connor in.

Connor had gone to visit Nick earlier that day and had asked him if he would have some time after work to discuss something. Nick had looked intrigued by the request but had accepted, of course.

Connor walked in the apartment, looking nervous, and Nick closed the door behind him. He followed him in the living room, visibly uncomfortable.

"I need your help," said Connor, almost desperate.

"Looks like it's serious," said Nick, sitting on the couch. "What's going on?"

"It's.It's Dawn," he answered, looking everywhere but at his friend.

"You knocked her up?"

"I what?" asked Connor, not knowing what he meant.

"She's pregnant?" asked Nick.

"Oh, no, she's not. She's taking those pills," he said, happy to show he knew at least one thing about women's contraception.

"So what's the problem?"

"Well, I.I."

"Connor, relax. It's only the two of us. I promise not to tell anyone or to laugh, ok?"

"I don't know how to give her pleasure," finally burst out Connor. Nick frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"We.we made love the other day, and.and since then, she's sad. I think I disappointed her."

"Was it the first time that you guys.?"

Connor looked away, blushing.

"I see. And it was your first time as well, huh?"

Connor nodded.

"And hers too."

Another nod.

"And they never talked to you about sex at school?"

"I.I never went to school. My guardian taught me at home."

It was the first time that Connor referred to Holtz as something else than his father and he realized, in his heart, that Holtz had never really been his father. He had taught him how to be a good fighter, how to be tough, but he had never showed him how to love, and show love.

"Oh, man," said Nick, quietly, shaking his head. And let me guess, your guardian never taught you about sex."

"No, never."

Feeling defeated, Connor sat on the couch next to Nick.

"Well," said Nick after a few seconds of silence. "Let's begin then, because you have a lot to learn. I'm not going to make an expert of you but at least you'll know your way around. The rest will come naturally."

It was 10.30 pm when Connor left that night. Nick had shown him a lot of stuff, pictures and magazines, explaining to Connor the various do's and don'ts. He had also suggested him to read everything he could and not be afraid to follow his fantasies, as long as Dawn was willing to go for it. He had also insisted on the fact that he could read as many thing as he would, it would be his love for Dawn which would help the most in the end.

When Connor arrived home, Dawn was already asleep. He quietly undressed, took a quick shower and slipped in bed next to her. She had her back to him so he approached her and spooned her body with his.

Soon, he would make love to her like she deserved.





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