~*~Chapter 12 - Helpless ~*~
It was with a bright smile that Dawn brought Miss Annigan’s coffee that morning.
“You’re awfully cheery this morning, my dear. I would take it that my little advice worked.”
Dawn turned crimson red, but didn’t lose her smile.
“Yes, it did,” she said. “I can never thank you enough.”
Miss Annigan made a dismissive gesture.
“Listen, child, Thanksgiving is next week and I would love if you and your young man would come to my house for dinner.
Dawn beamed at the invitation.
“I would love it too,” she answered, excited. “I’ll ask Connor and let you know.”
“You do that. I would love to have your company.”
“Well, I would love to come.”
Somebody from another table called Dawn.
“Go child. Don’t get fired over me.”
Dawn walked away, happy at the idea of spending Thanksgiving with Miss Annigan. With her and Connor, it would feel like family again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Buffy?”
“Mmmm?”
“It’s happening again.”
Spike took her hand and put it on his chest. Buffy’s eyes shot wide open when she felt the obvious beating under it. The silence in the room was complete, even Buffy had stopped breathing. Then, the beating suddenly stopped. She felt like screaming. No!
“It lasted longer this time,” Spike simply said.
“Did it hurt?” she asked.
“Yeah. The first time I was too surprised and didn’t really realize. It’s like…I don’t know, like everything is burning inside, and someone is squeezing very hard. It’s hard to explain.”
“The burning might be the air in your lungs. You didn’t need to breathe for a century either.”
“Right. Hope I’m not gonna catch any allergies, then,” he said, joking.
But Buffy didn’t smile. She rested her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest, hoping vainly she could make it start again. Spike tenderly kissed her forehead and they stayed silent for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.
“Do you realize what it could mean for us?” Buffy suddenly asked in a whisper.
“Of course I do. If I’m human again, it opens a world of possibilities. Like a nice stroll in the park hand in hand in the middle of the afternoon.”
She had to smile at that.
“You will have to get an identity. An ID card, a social security number…”
“I know someone who can help me with that.”
“I’m sure you do, honey,” she said teasingly.
He kissed her, and it was slow and gentle.
“We could get married,” he said matter-of-factly.
She tensed, feeling her heart skip a beat. The simple idea filled her with a happiness she didn’t even know was possible.
“Is that a proposal?”
It was his turn to smile.
“Yes and no. I don’t want to make big plans as long as we don’t know exactly what’s going on. But if it does turn out like we hope…then you’d better be prepared for that question, yes.”
“I’m more than prepared,” she whispered. “And you already know my answer.”
He put a finger on her mouth.
“Let’s keep all that for later, luv. When we’re sure, we’ll do it good and proper.”
She agreed. Another thought crossed her mind and her breath caught in her throat, her heart started to beat faster. She kept it to herself, though.
“What?” he asked her, feeling something was going on.
Of course she should have know he would feel it.
“If you’re human,” she said cautiously, “we could…we could have a baby.”
Spike felt a rush of emotions running through him. A baby…that…that would be the real thing that would make the whole humanity thing worth it. He didn’t really care about all the rest. He had lived like that for more than a century, he could go on for another one. Of course, that meant that Buffy would age and that at some point she would die. But he knew already that when that day came he would go with her. There was no way he would be able to go on without her after that.
But now, there was the probability that he would grow old as well…and yes, the incredible and marvelous idea of having a baby…and maybe two or three…and form a family.
“That would be neat,” he said, but she could feel in his voice that he was as moved by the thought as she was.
She sighed.
“We have to stop doing this,” she said in a sadder tone. “Because if we’re wrong…it will be too cruel. And I’m not sure I could handle this on top of everything else.”
“You’re right. Let’s forget about this conversation for the moment.”
“Yes, we’ll do that. Good night, honey.”
“ ’Night, bab…sweetheart.”
She settled comfortably against him and they both went back to sleep. Their dreams were filled with walks in sunlit parks and baby laughter.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn was happy. Thanksgiving dinner had gone so well. After having dinner at Miss Annigan’s on Thursday, they had to celebrate it again on Saturday at Nick’s apartment with other friends, and on Sunday they had gone back to Miss Annigan. The weekend had been busy and wonderful, and Dawn was glad that she didn’t have time to think about Buffy too much. Even though Thanksgiving in Sunnydale had always been…peculiar. This year, there hadn’t been any desperate saving-the-world type of situation. So Dawn had had a lot of fun…but to be honest, she had missed Buffy and the Scoobies dearly. She often wondered how Buffy was doing since she left three months ago. A part of her wanted more and more to call. Only she didn’t have any number to call, since Buffy had probably moved by now.
On an impulse, she picked up the phone and dialed the number for information. She asked for Sunnydale and gave them her sister’s name. The next minute, she had her new address and phone number. She hesitated for a moment, watching the telephone and finally made a quick decision. She picked up the receiver again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Spike had just stepped into a hot bath when the phone rang.
“Of course,” he muttered, then decided to ignore it. The answering machine had not been invented for nothing. He heard the familiar beep and Dawn’s voice filled the room.
“Buffy? It’s me…Dawn. You remember me, right?” There was a little nervous laugh. “I just wanted to say I’m fine…”
“Bloody Hell!”
Spike jumped up and almost fell out of the bath, slipping on the wet floor as he ran in the living room.
“…You don’t need to worry, and I’m sorry I didn’t call…”
“Dawn?”
There was a sudden silence.
“Spike?”
He closed his eyes. God it was good to hear her voice again.
“Yeah, Bit, it’s me. Where the hell are you?”
“Buffy’s not there?” she asked, not answering his question.
“No, she’s working. Dawn, she’s been worrying sick about you. And I bloody well have too. Are you ok?”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. It was very selfish. I just needed some time to sort things out.”
“Buffy told me what happened. It was a soddin’ misunderstanding, Nibblet. Buffy wasn’t talking about you. She was talking about Willow.”
“What?”
“You were never a burden to her. She was devastated when you left. This is so stupid, Dawn. You have to call her back tonight, she will be so happy to hear you.”
“I…Can you tell her I’m ok? You don’t have to worry about me.”
“How can you expect us not to…”
“I have to go. I love you. Bye.”
“Dawn, wait!”
The dial tone answered him. The door opened and Buffy came in. She smiled at the scene. Spike was naked in the living room, holding the phone and drenching the carpet.
“Had to make an urgent call?” she asked him.
He put the receiver back.
“It was Dawn.”
The smile on her face vanished.
“What?”
“It was Dawn,” he repeated, although he knew she had perfectly understood the first time. “She’s ok, Buffy. She’s ok.”
Buffy let her bag drop, staring blankly at him.
“Buffy?”
He came to her, waved his hand in front of her face.
“I’m still here,” she said, catching his hand. “Oh God, if I had been here five minutes earlier…what did she say?”
“That she was fine. She asked us not to worry, the stupid bint. She said she was sorry she didn’t call earlier.”
“That’s all? Did you ask her where she was?”
“What do you think? I got no answer, of course.”
Buffy was torn between relief and anger. Relieved because her sister was fine, anger because she had waited three months to let her know. The relief finally won.
“Thank God,” she whispered, closing her eyes.
“At least we know she’s alive. And she seemed to be really good. I told her it was a big misunderstanding. I also asked her to call back.”
“Thank you.”
She pressed herself against him, not bothering he was all wet. He kissed her forehead.
“It’s just a matter of time,” he told her. “She will call back, I’m sure.”
She nodded, her throat too constricted to answer.
After a while, he said,
“Uh, Buffy…Do you mind if I go back to the bathroom? The living room is turning into a swimming pool. Also, I’m cold.”
She took a step back and noticed he was slightly shivering.
“Sorry.”
She frowned.
“What do you mean you’re cold?”
“I’m starting to feel differences in temperature.”
“Oh. I see. Of course, go, honey.”
She went to sit on the couch, staring blankly in front of her.
Spike emptied the bath and took a quick shower instead, not wanting to leave her alone too long in that state. He got dressed and came back in the living room.
He sat down beside her, pulled her against him.
“Are you ok?” he asked.
She nodded, feeling grateful to have him beside her.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t talk to her,” he said.
“Me too. But I’m glad she had you to talk to.”
He stroked her arm comfortingly, also relieved that his Nibblet had finally given them a sign.
“You know,” she said, watching him, “If I called the phone company they could probably track the number down.”
“Buffy, no. Don’t. First she was probably calling from a public phone. And second…she made the first step. She called once, she will probably call back.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but she will. Just give her time.”
“She sounded ok?”
“Yeah, really. Try not to worry.”
She smiled.
“You worry as much as I do.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn put the receiver back and burst into tears. She didn’t know what Spike was doing there, but apparently he and Buffy were ok. She was so relieved to know that. And to be honest, she was glad she talked to Spike. She missed Buffy, but she wasn’t sure how her sister would react to the fact she had fled like that and stayed silent for three months. And the worst was that it was apparently based on some stupid misunderstanding…
Then again, Dawn didn’t regret for one second her decision. If she had not taken that bus to Seattle well, she would have never met Connor. If only for that, she would do it all over again. Thinking of Connor, she didn’t want him to come back and find her with a flushed face and eyes full of tears. And she wouldn’t tell him she called Buffy either. She didn’t want him to think she was unhappy with him.
She went to the bathroom, put some cold water on her face, then came back to the living room and to her books. Over a month ago, when she had gone to the library to get something new to read, she had come across schoolbooks. She hadn’t gone back to school yet, considering she had needed to work, but she had every intention to get her high school diploma one day so she started to study.
From the library, she had gone on the Internet and had printed out the program she would have followed if she had been to school. Then she had tried some self-teaching. It was hard, especially after her day at work, she wasn’t very motivated. More than once she had thought about giving up. Then she had thought about Buffy and how miserable her life had been since she hadn’t finished school. Besides, Buffy would be proud of her. So Dawn had decided to persevere and succeed.
Now that she had been at it for over a month, it had become quite easy and Dawn had discovered that she could learn a lot by herself. She enjoyed the challenge. In some topics, she was even getting ahead of the program.
She was trying to understand a mathematic problem when somebody knocked on the door.
“Who is it?” she asked.
“Roland” said a deep male voice.
Dawn frowned. The landlord? What did he want?
She opened the door.
“What’s the matter?” she asked. He was visibly drunk.
“I need the rent. You’re late and I want it now.”
“I don’t have the money here,” she said, hoping to get him to leave. “Connor should be back in about an hour. He’ll bring it to you then.”
He had grabbed the doorframe, trying to hold himself straight. He looked at her and grinned.
“You know,” he said taking an unsteady step in her direction, “I think I could find a way to diminish the rent if you’re very nice with me.”
“No,” said Dawn firmly, her voice not betraying how scared she really was. “And I think you overstayed your welcome. If you don’t mind, I have work to do.”
There was no other way out from the apartment than the door and he was totally blocking the way. He walked in and closed the door behind him.
“Come on, I know you want some. Don’t tell me you’re satisfied with that little boy.”
“I said no. Get out of my apartment!” she said, backing away.
“Tsk, tsk. Don’t think so, sweetie,” he said, approaching her greedily.
When Dawn stepped back at the head of the bed, her back almost touching the wall, she took her chance. Rapidly, she jumped over the bed and dashed for the door. She was about to open it when she felt a mass violently crash her into the door and knocking her off her feet. The landlord then pinned her to the floor and held her. He might be drunk but his strength was the same.
“No!” she yelled at the top of her lungs,” Let me go! Help!”
And suddenly he was not on her anymore. She looked up to see Connor bring the man’s arm behind his back and knock him against the wall. The man grunted in pain.
“You bastard! What do you think you were doing?” hissed Connor, still holding the guy firmly.
The large man was now whining. Dawn stood up and came next to Connor. She was still terrified but also immensely relieved.
“Nothing!” said the man. “She wanted it!”
“Did you want it, chali?” asked Connor, calmly.
“Of course not,” she answered, angry.
Connor twisted the man’s arm.
“Listen carefully,” he whispered in his ear. “If you ever come near * my * woman again, I will cut every part of your body that touched her. Is that clear?”
“Yes, yes,” whimpered the landlord pathetically.
Connor let go of him, pushing him back in the hallway.
“Here,” said Connor, throwing a sum of money to him. “That’s for the rent.”
He closed the door, locking it, then turned to Dawn who was staring at the door
in anger.
“Are you ok?” he asked gently.
She continued staring at the door without answering.
“Chali? Dawn?” he asked again, putting his hands on her shoulders.
At the contact, Dawn jumped as if she had suddenly come out of a trance.
“Are you ok?” he repeated.
“Oh God! Connor…oh God!” she exclaimed, falling into his arms and suddenly starting to cry. “He wanted to rape me!”
She was shaking in fear when the realization of what had just happened had sunk in.
“It’s all right, now, chali,” he said, caressing her back and her hair soothingly.
“I’m here.”
Dawn let herself cry in his arms while he held on to her as if her life depended on his support. Once she calmed a little, he looked at her, brushing her tears away.
“I guess I’ll have to add some locks on that door,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Or do you want us to move?”
“More locks would be ok…and I won’t opened the door anymore when you’re not there. But we can’t afford to move, not for the moment.”
“Baby, if it makes you feel safer, we can afford it.”
“No. I don’t think he’ll try again anyway. And I’ll be more careful. We’ll be fine.”
For the second time that day, she went to the bathroom and freshened herself up. In her pocket, she took the paper with Buffy’s phone number. Knowing that she was there somewhere – and that Spike was there, too – comforted her a little. She knew that in the same situation Buffy would be strong.
So Dawn would be too.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Spike was sitting in the couch, clutching his chest in pain. Buffy was kneeled in front of him, feeling helpless. His heart started to beat more and more often, and for longer periods of time. Which was supposedly a good thing, only it was hurting like hell. He could feel the blood rushing back into his veins, and was extremely warm one minute and freezing cold the next. And there was nothing they could do about it. Just wait. The phone rang.
“Go get it, I’ll be fine,” Spike said in a hoarse voice, seeing she was torn between staying with him and answering, in case it was Dawn.
She picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Buffy? It’s Giles.”
“Giles! Oh, thank God! Did you find something?”
“Not really yet, I’m afraid. Is everything alright?” he asked, hearing the anguish in her voice.
“Not really. It hurts him. And we don’t know what to do.”
“Listen, Buffy, I didn’t find anything concrete but I might have a lead. Someone told me about a certain prophecy involving a vampire with a soul, that had been kept so far by a law firm in Los Angeles. It was stolen two years ago.”
“In Los Angeles? Do you think Angel might know about this?”
“There could be a possibility, yes. Wesley told me once about the law firm they were fighting. I’m going to call him. Maybe they’ll be able to help us.”
“Ok. Giles…if you get to talk to Angel…please don’t tell him about Spike and me. I’d rather do it myself…someday.”
“Of course. I’ll let you know as soon as possible.”
“Thank you. Bye, Giles.”
She came back to Spike. The pain was momentarily gone. But his heart was still beating. Buffy put her head on his chest and listened to the rhythmic sound.
“Giles told me about a prophecy involving a vampire with a soul. He’s going to call Wesley.”
“Well, if there’s a prophecy about a souled vampire, it’s more likely to concern my dear grand-daddy. He was there before me.”
“Still, it can give us some clues. I hate to be in the dark, seeing you suffer like that.”
“Well, as long as I don’t drop dead – or rather dust – I guess it’s for the best.”
“Don’t joke about that.”
“Sorry, pet. But what’s happening is obvious now. I just would like to know why. What did I do to deserve it.”
“I can answer that one. You changed. You helped us, several times. You fought your nature and you won. For all those reasons. The same reasons made me fall in love with you.”
She raised her eyes to meet his, drowning in their blue depths.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“Then it’s all that matters, my love.”
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