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~*~Chapter 3 - Realities ~*~

Cordelia found Angel alone in the lobby. He was busy with some papers, trying to put his mind on something else for a moment. He heard her coming and gave her a sweet smile.

"How are you?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"I don't know.sad, I guess. Once more he chose not to trust me and leave."

"So you think he left on his own?"

"What else could it be? He took most of his stuff.I think Lilah was telling the truth, for once. Wolfram and Hart is not involved, this time."

"Oh, which reminds me.you know what's funny? Ok, maybe not funny.Buffy's sister, Dawn, she left too. A few days ago."

By saying so, Cordy studied Angel's face, watching his reaction at Buffy's name. But he didn't flinch.

"I guess it must not be easy for her to raise a teenager all by herself." He simply said.

"Where are Gunn and Fred?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I sent them home. If there is something, I'll call them. You can go home too, if you want."

"And leave you all alone in that brooding mood of yours? No chance, mister."

He smiled, secretly relieved. They hadn't had a chance to be completely alone since their return.

"Cordelia?"

"Mmm?"

She was at her desk now, putting some of her papers in order. "We never talked.about that night."

There was a moment of silence. She got up slowly.

"Oh. That's right."

She came closer, watching him in the eyes.

"Do we really need to?"

Boldly, she slipped in his arms, and he closed them around her.

"I love you, Angel," she whispered softly.

He closed his eyes. If this was not perfect happiness, it was dangerously close to it.

"I love you too, Cordy."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Three days had passed since Dawn's departure. Buffy wasn't working that night, so she had plenty of time to think of how much she was a big failure. Her whole life was a big failure. Everything was a disaster. She couldn't even raise her younger sister correctly. Obviously, Dawn had thought that leaving was a better option than staying with her. Well, Buffy thought bitterly, isn't it what everybody's doing? Leaving? Even the only vamp.guy who was really worth it had left.

Sighing, Buffy went in the kitchen but was not really in the mood to eat. The doorbell rang. Buffy wasn't expecting anyone. Had Dawn changed her mind, maybe? she wondered with hope, running to the door and opening it.

It wasn't Dawn.

"Oh." she whispered.

Spike was standing in front of her. The first thing she noticed was the maelstrom of emotions visible on his face. Expectations, hope, love. Emotions that, she realized, were probably matching her own. "Good evening, Buffy." He said in a hoarse voice.

"Spike."

"I.uh.can I come in?"

That seemed to wake her up. She opened the door wider and stepped aside.

"Of course. I.I never did a de-invitation spell." She added, not knowing why.

That pleased him. So he was not unwelcome. For the moment.

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"Yes. Willow's studying and Dawn is.elsewhere."

Her heart was beating furiously. All the feelings she had denied and tried to forget were coming back all at once like a huge wave. Why did he come back? she wondered.

Why did I come back? he wondered, realizing how painful and wonderful it was to see her again.

"How are you?" he asked, also noticing her paleness and the blue lines under her eyes. She looked tired and worn.

"I'm fine. You?"

"Good.good."

There was an awkward silence. He had decided not to stay. He just wanted to say a proper good-bye to Dawn.and to see Buffy one last time. So he didn't want to tell her, for his soul. It wouldn't change anything, after all.

Buffy was studying her hands. Because when she was looking at him, she didn't know what to choose between rushing in his arms and yelling at him for leaving her. Neither of the solutions were a good idea anyway.

"How are the Scooby's?" he asked, surprised that she was all alone. That house was always so full of life. Now it was quiet, but in a creepy way.

"Willow's fine. She's going back to UC Sunnydale, which is a good thing. She needs to get her life back to normal after what happened."

"What happened?"

"You don't know.? Oh, that's right, you had already left." She said, and was that accusation in her voice?

"Where to start?" she continued with a sad smile. " Tara is dead. Warren shot her."

"What?"

Spike felt a pinch in his stomach. Tara? Dead? The most kind and gentle and sweetest girl he had ever met? Sadness filled him, and he knew it had nothing to do with his new soul. He had always liked the witch.

"How come.? What happened?"

"He came here with a gun, with the clear intention of killing me. One of the bullets hit Tara as well."

"As well? You mean you were shot too?"

"Yeah.but I didn't die, because you know.been there, done that." she said with a self-mocking smile.

"The bloody bastard.I hope he paid for this."

"Oh, he did, believe me. Willow took care of him. She tortured him before peeling his skin off. Then she tried to destroy the world. But, as you can see, she failed."

"Willow.Red did all that?"

Buffy acquiesced.

"Magic got the best of her in the end."

"Yeah.magic and its consequences.I had warned Xander about that. Did Anya and him make up?" "No. She left for England with Giles. Xander got a job in San Francisco."

"Oh. So it's only you, Willow and the Nibblet."

"Y..Yes."

Another silence. Finally, Buffy asked:

"Why did you come back, Spike?"

"Don't worry, I'm not staying," he said, taking her question the wrong way.

"You're not staying?"

"No," he said, not noticing she had paled a little bit more. "I just came back to say goodbye to Dawn.and I needed."

He paused, sighing, looking for his words.

"If you want to apologize, don't bother," she said in a cold voice.

He was not staying. He was leaving. He was leaving her, again.

Surprised by her sudden harshness, he stuttered:

"O..Ok. Can you tell Dawn.?"

"I will." She said, not looking at him. Finally she met his eyes.

"Are you done?"

Taken aback at first, Spike recovered. Well, if she wanted to act like a cold bitch, it would make things much simpler.

"Actually, no. Is my duster still here?"

His duster. Of course. That's the only reasons why he had come back. Dawn and his duster.

"I burned it," she said, without thinking, then regretting it the minute after she saw his face. He looked like she had punched him in the guts. "I see. I guess I'd better go, then."

"Good idea."

"That's too bad, you know," he said, not resisting getting on her nerves some more, " we could have make a nice couple."

"No we couldn't. Because you left, like the others."

"Yeah, well, Slayer, maybe you should start considering why all those men are leaving you. Maybe you are the problem. Did you ever think about that? There's something wrong with you, and I bloody know what I'm talking about!" he said, closing the door violently behind him.

Shocked, Buffy slowly sat on the couch. He was right. And she had done it again. She had chased him away again with her coldness and her bitchy manners. And this time, he would not come back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike stopped his bike at the cemetery entrance. What a bloody stupid idea I had to come back, he thought, rage and pain filling his heart. What did I ever see in her? She's just a cold frigid bitch who can't see a good thing.and why did she look so tired? he wondered, his love and concern getting the upper hand as usual.

Bollocks, he went to Africa and got a soul! But you didn't do it entirely for her, a little voice in his head said. You did it for you as well.

After travelling for some time, he had decided to come back one last time to Sunnydale. To see Dawn and Buffy. But staying would be too painful. She would never love him back. Especially after that ugly scene in the bathroom. But he didn't want to leave knowing she hated him. He wanted to talk to her one last time. He should have known it couldn't turn out the way he wanted.

He picked some flowers and headed to Joyce's grave.

"Hey Joyce.just wanted to say goodbye. Don't think I'll be back soon in this soddin' town.Nobody wants me here, anyway."

He chuckled. "Listen to me, I sound like the poofter. Must be the soul. Cause I've got a brand new one, shiny and all.I think. Got it for Buffy, and, well, for me. But she doesn't love me." He said, not knowing he was echoing Riley's words of two years ago.

He kneeled down.

"So, I'm gonna stop whining now and leave. It's for the best, I suppose. I miss you, Joyce. I hope to see you again one day, in a better place than this one."

He put the flowers on the grave, got up. Heading back to his crypt, he noticed a girl a little further, standing in front of another grave. He came closer and recognized her.

"Willow?"

She turned around, a little startled.

"Oh. Hey Spike. I didn't know you were back."

"And you should know better than to walk around in this cemetery at night."

She laughed softly.

"Oh, don't worry. Bad guys are more scared of me than I'm of them, what with me trying to end the world and everything."

"Buffy told me. I'm sorry," he added, with a gesture towards the grave, which was Tara's.

"She was the best of us. The sweetest girl I ever met. She didn't deserve to go that way."

Willow smiled.

"I know she's looking after me. After all of us, probably."

"Even me?" he asked.

"Certainly." She answered, and for the first time that night he felt at peace.

Standing in front of Tara's grave, he shared a quiet moment with Willow.

"So, you went to see Buffy?" she finally asked.

"Yeah. It didn't go well. Although it's hardly a surprise."

"I think she was hurt that you left. Not that she would ever admit it, of course. But I'm pretty sure she was."

Spike was not convinced.

"Well, she has a funny way to show it, then."

"You know her.and with Dawn and the house, she's really having a hard time for the moment."

"Dawn? What do you mean?"

"Buffy didn't tell you?"

"No. Did something happen to her?" he asked, immediately worried.

"She left. Three days ago. She left a note, saying she would be fine and asking Buffy to not try to find her. But we don't really know why she left. Buffy said something about a misunderstanding. And all that on the day Buffy is told she has lost her house."

"They are homeless?"

"Buffy will be. She has to leave in two months."

Spike shook his head, torn between anger and love.

"Why didn't she tell me? We were having a normal conversation, and then suddenly she went all bitchy. The funny part is that I had just told her I was not staying. I thought she would be happy."

"You told her you were leaving again? No wonder she gave you the cold treatment. Don't you know it's like her curse? Every man she cared about left her at some point.even you." "Yeah, well, I told her my opinion about that. And it doesn't change the fact that she burned my duster."

Willow looked at him like he had started to speak Chinese.

"She told you that? That she burned your duster? Wow, she must be pretty pissed off at you."

"I'm rather used to it, but what do you mean?"

"Your duster is hanging in her closet. It's been there all summer, and it was still there yesterday."

Spike stayed silent, swallowing all this. No wonder she had acted like that. As usual, her life was a total mess.

"I think I need to have a serious conversation with the girl," he finally said. Willow smiled.

"I never thought I would say this but you're probably exactly what she needs."

Obviously, Willow didn't know what had been going on just before he left.

"Maybe. We'll see about that. Her brain is thicker than wood. She can be so annoying."

"But you still love her."

His face softened.

"I always will."

Willow felt the pain in his voice. Somehow, she understood him completely.

"If you want to go back to talk to her, I won't be home until late."

He nodded.

"Thank you, Willow."

"See you around?" she asked with a knowing smile. "Probably."

And with a last nod to Tara's grave, he left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Spike. Long time no see."

"Yeah, Willy. I'm sure you missed me," Spike answered in a sarcastic tone.

The bartender made a sheepish smile.

"What can I give you?"

"A whisky will be fine."

He sat up at the bar, mumbling a 'thank you' when Willy handed him a glass full of the amber liquid.

Spike didn't honestly know what he would tell Buffy. Part of him wanted to stick to his original plan: say goodbye to Dawn and leave without a glance back. Only Dawn wasn't there. Buffy was left alone, and soon homeless. Some part of him told him to not care and let the bitch manage her own business. But the other part was telling him to stay and help his Slayer. His Buffy.

And as usual, that part won.

His ears caught the song in the background. He recognized the lyrics of 'London Rain'.

I'm coming home I'm coming home to you I'm alive, I'm a mess

I can't wait to get home to you

To get warm, warm and undressed.

Coming home. How appropriate. Only life had nothing to do with a stupid song.

So keep me, keep me in you bed all day Nothing heals me like you do.

Yeah, no chance that would happen. He would probably not see the colour of the Slayer's bed sheets anytime soon. Not that they used a bed very often.

And when I'm home, curled in your arms And I'm safe again I close my eyes and sleep, sleep,

To the sound of London Rain

Of course it would never happen like that. And they were in bloody Sunnyhell, not in London. He sighed, finished his drink.

Time for the second round.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They were all gathered in the Hyperion's lobby.

"Still nothing?" asked Angel.

"No, nothing," Fred answered.

"Then what are we still doing here?" asked Angel shortly. "We have to go on searching."

The three others looked at each other, unsure of how to tell Angel what they had discovered.

"Tell him" Gunn said gently to Fred.

"I was getting the money to go make the deposit for last week" told Fred. "All the money is gone."

"We think Connor might probably have taken it," added Gunn.

Angel looked at them with pain in his eyes. He didn't want to admit it, but deep inside he knew his friends were right, his son had run away. Nobody in town had seen Connor except for one person who remembered him at the bus terminal the morning of his disappearance.

"Angel, if something wrong was happening to him, we would know. I would know," Cordelia said softly. "Like when Holtz kidnapped him?" Angel threw back in her face, regretting it the second that followed. But Cordelia didn't seem to mind.

"Angel, you know that we were not told because it was meant to be," she said, still as gently. "And this time around, maybe Connor being away is also meant to be."

"You know, Cordy's right, man. We won't find him unless he wants to be found," Gunn said. "We looked everywhere and we didn't find him. Let's face it, man, the boy is not in town anymore."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Working. They had to find jobs if they wanted to survive, had declared Dawn a few days into their co-habitation. And Connor knew she was right.

He was walking on the docks, trying to figure out how to ask somebody for work. That was not easy. Gunn had told him that sometimes people along the docks hired others under the table with no question asked. You just had to be at the good place and the right time. Ok, but how to make it the good place and the right time? Connor wondered, before his thoughts rapidly flew to a more interesting subject: Dawn.

His wonderful brunette, as he liked to think of her. It was only a week since he met her, but he could safely say that he liked her, a lot. She always seemed to know what to do, contrasting to him who barely knew anything normal about this world. He had no doubt he would have managed to survive on his own, but being with Dawn made things so much easier.so much nicer.

At night, when he was looking at her sleeping on the bed but still refusing to touch the sheets, he still wished she would touch him. He was getting better at controlling himself. He didn't want to scare her and he figured that if she ever wanted to touch him, she would.

Early this morning, when she had been ready to begin her search for a job, he had looked at her somewhat distressed.

"I don't want you to go alone," he had said, worried, remembering very well what had happened only a few hours after they had walked out of the bus terminal.

"But I have to," she had said. "If you are with me, nobody's going to give me a job."

"But what if you run into other pimps?"

"Don't worry," she had said smiling gently, slightly touching his arm. "It's early in the morning. And I don't intend to look for a job in an area full of prostitutes and pimps."

"Ok, but let me go with you for part of the way." he had reluctantly conceded.

"Fine," she had agreed. "Will you go look for a job too?" she had asked, walking in the bathroom to brush her hair.

"Yes, I was thinking of going to the docks," he had answered.

"Mmm. The docks? That's a good idea. I'm sure there are some restaurants over there. Maybe one of them is looking for somebody like me."

So they had walked together and had gone their separate ways at the pier. Connor was still smiling at the thought of her when danger caught his attention. There, in the middle of the pier, stood a man who was talking on a cell phone while brandishing his other arm in the air. Right over his head was a huge crate of goods being moved by a crane. The crate was balancing dangerously in the wind and a ripping noise could be heard as the crane suddenly stopped in mid-air. Gathering all his speed and strength, Connor ran to the man and pushed him out of harm's way, tumbling down on the ground with him.

"Hey!" yelled the man at Connor, visibly angry.

At that moment, the crate came crashing down on the ground, breaking apart and spilling its content of fish all over the place. The man, who had paled visibly, looked at the place where he had just been standing with shock on his face. Connor offered him his hand to help him stand up. Once on his feet, the man looked at the broken crate again and then at Connor.

"Son, I.I don't know how to thank you for what you just did. You.you saved my life. Oh, God! Wow will I ever be able to repay you?"

Connor smiled, ready to say it wasn't anything, but then thought again.

"Actually.I'm looking for a job," he said nicely.

"A job? You saved my life and all you want is a job?" said the man surprised. "Are you sure you don't prefer money?"

Connor smiled.

"With a job, I'll have money on a permanent basis," he pointed out. "And I have some conditions" he added boldly. "Paid cash, 8$ an hour, no questions asked." He knew that 7$ was a little over the minimum wage.

The man pondered this for a minute.

"Well, kid, I guess there's something I can do for you," he finally said, putting his arm around Connor' shoulder. As a matter of fact, I own this fishing company and have four boats in the water. And I'm short of staff. Let's go to my office and see what you can do."

An hour later, Connor was uploading carts of fishes from one of the returning fishing boat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dawn walked along the street facing the port in search of another restaurant when she heard the crashing sound coming from the pier. She guessed there must have been an accident and she hoped nobody was hurt, especially not Connor.

She liked him. A lot.

He was so silent and kind of broody most of the time, but when he spoke to her, he was always gentle and nice. She wondered where he had grown up, since he seemed totally oblivious to a lot of basic things in today's society, although at the same time he was aware of some unconventional things like the black market, prostitution and fighting. He was so strange to the things he didn't know about and Dawn had to admit, she liked to rule the family, so to speak. She was the one 'wearing the pants', she thought with a chuckle.

And even if she had known him for little over a week, she was already wondering how it would feel to have his strong arms around her, his lips on hers. She stopped thinking about him when she walked into a restaurant, the third one she was visiting that day.

Like the two previous restaurants, it was chaos in this one. Burly men, most probably fishers, were eating breakfast waiting for the right tide before leaving the pier. Dawn stopped a waitress and asked for the owner. The girl pointed out to her a big matron behind the counter, who was yelling orders to everybody in a loud deep voice.

"What do you want?" she asked Dawn with brusqueness when she got to the counter.

"Uh.A job?" asked Dawn, taken aback by her rudeness.

The matron looked at her.

"See the old woman over there?" she asked, pointing out at an old lady sitting by the window. If you can satisfy * her *, you got yourself a job."

"O..ok."

Dawn looked at the old lady and frowned. The matron must be kidding her. That old woman looked so nice and gentle.

"Here's an apron," said the matron, giving it to Dawn as well as an order pad and a pen. "Good luck."

Dawn put the apron on and walked to the table with a genuine smile on her face.

"Good morning," she said to the lady once she was at the table. "My name is Dawn and I'll be your server today. How can I help you?"

Dawn was surprised that the line had come to her so naturally, especially since she had never done that before.

The old lady turned from the window and looked with a sudden severe stare at Dawn, glancing at her from head to toes. Dawn withstood her gaze without losing her smile. She really needed the job.

"Dawn? Is that even a real name?" asked the lady sharply.

"Yes, it is and it's mine." Dawn answered calmly.

"Dawn, what kind of name is that anyway? Why in hell would you name someone after the sun raising in the morning?"

Dawn knew it was meant as an insult but decided to overlook it.

"Well, it's a family thing, really," she answered lightly. "My sister's name is Buffy."

"Buffy?" chuckled the old lady. " I have to admit, Dawn's a lot better. So, you want to work here, I guess. Why here?"

For one reason or another, Dawn didn't feel like lying to the old woman.

"Because I need money, and I want to be paid cash."

"Well, young girl, your honesty is honourable.I like that in a person. I'll have a coffee, two creams, three sugars, and two eggs with sausages, three ketchups, two strawberry jellies and brown toasts."

Without even writing it, Dawn repeated the order to the lady and walked back to the counter where she took her pad and wrote it down. Thankfully she had a very good memory and had always been impressed by the waiters who could take orders without writing them down.

"That was quick." Said the matron to Dawn.

Dawn smile and gave her the ticket. I grew up on the Hellmouth, and my best friend was a vampire, she thought. I'm not gonna be impressed by a grumpy old woman.

"Coffee's over there," the matron said frowning, surprised that Dawn got the order at all.

Dawn took a cup and the coffee, with the milk and the sugar, and walked back to the old lady's table.

"Do you want me to put the milk and sugar in it for you?" she asked while pouring the coffee.

"Please." answered the old lady.

Dawn served two other tables without incident. It had quieted down a bit when the old lady stood up and walked to the counter.

"Martha!" she yelled at the matron. "I like her. Hire her. At least she has manners and honesty.and pay her well."

Dawn, who was standing not very far, looked at Martha. The matron shrugged and went back to the kitchen. When she went to clean the table, Dawn found a 10$ tip waiting for her.

TBC.





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