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~*~ CHAPTER 4 - Normalcy ~*~

Spike hesitated a mere second before knocking at the door of the Summers' residence. His coming back kind of ruined his previous stormed departure of two hours ago. But she had some explaining to do.and so did he. He knocked and the door was opened almost immediately.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, not letting her the time to react to his sudden reappearance, like for instance by shutting the door in his face.

"What?"

"About Dawn. And the house. Why didn't you tell me?"

Buffy was looking at him with a zombie-like face. He waves his hand in front of her.

"Buffy? Are you in there?"

"What?" she repeated, before realizing she was sounding like a total idiot, and Spike was looking at her that way. But she was too surprised to see him back so soon. To see him back * at all *. She hadn't even registered his words.

"How do you know?" she finally asked.

"Can I come in.uh, again?"

"Oh.yes."

For the second time that evening she let him walked into her house. Could this evening get any weirder? she thought in a blur.

"How do you know?" she asked him again.

"Willow told me. She mentioned it, thinking I knew."

She nodded, sitting on the couch. He frowned.

"What the bloody hell happened?"

"The house had a mortgage.I forgot to pay it.end of story. That's me, Buffy the Irresponsible Vampire Slayer."

He sat down on the table in front of her.

"And for Dawn?"

"I don't know.well, I guess that it's some kind of misunderstanding. I was talking to Giles on the phone, about Willow. Dawn probably thought I was talking about her. I don't see any other reason. She left a note."

"Do you have any idea where she wanted to go?"

Buffy shrugged.

"If I knew, don't you think I would be there already? I know she took a bus to Los Angeles. And from there she probably took another one to somewhere else in the country."

Spike stood up, pacing in the living room.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked for the third time.

She gave him a furious glare.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were interested. Seemed to me you just wanted to say goodbye to my sister and get back your stupid coat. You seemed rather in a hurry."

"That's not true and you know it. Buffy."

He sighed before sitting back in front of her.

"I want you to listen to me. The reason why I came earlier tonight."

He stopped, looking for his words.

"Bloody Hell," he muttered. "It was easier when I was rehearsing it in my head."

She was staring at him with a blank expression, which wasn't helping.

"I know you told me to not bother to apologize.and to be honest it wasn't my intention. The way I hurt you.how could I ever apologize for that? I don't see how words can make it better. So I figured the best way was to leave. To get out of your way. And at one point I had decided to never come back. But it was too hard.staying away from you.and Dawn.I hadn't had a chance to tell her a proper goodbye."

Her face softened a little bit and it encouraged him to go on.

"I don't give a damn about that soddin' coat. Since I was there, I just asked.but the reason I came back was you, to see you one last time, and tell you.explain to you what happened in my head. I was a total wreck. Like I told you, I wanted to make it stop. I didn't listen, when you said no.it always meant yes before.and it's not an excuse, I know. Like there's no coming back from that."

She looked at him in the eyes before saying,

"I never asked you to leave, Spike."

He looked at her incredulously.

"What else could I do?"

"Last year has been horrible. Everything. To be honest, I don't remember one single moment of happiness.except when I was with you."

He almost fell off the table.

"What you did.yeah, you crossed the line, that night. But I did tell you awful things. The part where I didn't trust you.that was a lie. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of the things I did to you. So we are both guilty. On the same level. But I would lie by saying I forgot about what happened that night.because you scared the hell out of me. And I'm not scared easily, especially not by you. You were the person I could count on, and suddenly all that was left was fear. I don't want to feel that about you ever again."

He nodded, not saying a word, digesting what she had just said. He looked at her. The blank expression was gone. And she was sitting straight, like what she had just said had relieved her from a weight. He was feeling exactly the same way.

"So.where do we go from here?" he said, smiling back at the memory. She smiled too and he realized he had lost hope to see her do that again. At least towards him. The relief almost made him choke.

"What are your plans?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"The original plan was to leave tomorrow.but it's not like someone's waiting for me. I can stick around for a few more days.that is, if you want me.to help you," he added quickly."

"Yes.that would be good."

They looked at each other uncomfortably, not really knowing what to do or say. They had a long way to go to bring things back to normal.not that there was any sense of normalcy about the two of them.

"Did you say Dawn left a note?" he asked.

She shook her head, getting out of the torpor that his eyes on her had created.

"Yes. I'll get it."

She came back and handed the letter to him. He read it quickly.

"Did you know she was feeling like a burden?"

"Of course not. I don't understand why she never talked to me about this.ok, I wasn't probably the best sister in the world lately.Do you think you can help me to find her?" she asked hopefully.

"No." he said flatly.

"What? But you just told me."

"Buffy, Dawn don't want you to find her. It's clearly written in that letter."

"I know what's written, I've read it a hundred times! But I can't stay without doing something. I mean, can you? Don' t you care about her?"

"You know I do. That's why I won't do anything. She wants to be on her own. I don't think she made that decision in one night. It was probably something she had thought about for some time. She felt it was the right time and she left."

"Yes, but.that doesn't make things better. I can understand she wants to be on her own, but.she could have been on her own in Sunnydale."

"Of course not. You wouldn't have let her. Be honest, Buffy."

She put her face in her hands, knowing he was right.

"Am I such a horrible person to live with? Uh, don't answer that question."

He smiled.

"Buffy, Dawn is not a little girl anymore. If she needs you, she'll come back, or she'll call."

"Yeah, unless she's dead or left as such in some horrible hole. I can't help but be worried, I'm sick with worry. And I feel so helpless, that's the worst part."

"I can understand that. But there's nothing you can do. You have to accept it. And you should concentrate on the fact that you'll be homeless in a few weeks."

"I bought some real estate guides. I'm planning to start looking tomorrow.and Willow put out an ad for the furniture."

"You mean you can keep them?"

"Yes, but I won't need most of them. If I can sell them, I can get some money from it."

He nodded, unable to believe this place would be lost to them in a few weeks. He remembered long evenings sitting in the kitchen with Joyce, talking and laughing.watching the telly with Dawn.even sharing Buffy's bed once or twice. She wasn't showing it, of course, but the whole thing probably crushed her.

"If you have no other alternative, you can still stay at my crypt when I'm gone" he offered.

She grimaced. " A little bit too dark and sinister, I suppose," he said.

"Too many memories." She corrected in a soft voice.

There was another moment of awkward silence. Buffy suspected that there would be a lot of it between them in the following days. The whole situation was really weird but at the same time she was feeling strangely comforted.

"Right," said Spike finally, "It's getting late. I'd better go back."

"Ok."

He had already opened the door when he heard her say,

"You can stay.if you want. In the basement, or.here, on the couch."

He closed his eyes. Oooh, the temptation. Why was she doing this to him? Or did she want to show him she trusted him again?

He turned to her.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Slayer."

"No. You're right. It's too soon."

Too soon for what? They both thought.

"I'll see you tomorrow, ok? We can patrol together?"

"Sure. Goodnight."

" 'Night."

And he was gone. But this time, Buffy knew he would come back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was getting late, and almost completely dark outside. Dawn was still not home. Connor was pacing the apartment, his worry increasing with every minute. He had finished his first day of work, after 5pm, and had brought home 65 $. He had been so happy to finally earn some money so they could live a little better. But right now, he was worried. Dawn wasn't home and he didn't know where she was. He was about to grab his coat and go look for her when he heard her put the key in the lock and she walked in.

"Dawn! Are you okay?" he asked, walking to her, relieved. "Did somebody attack you?"

"No, don't worry, I'm fine," she said, smiling at him. "I was working. Did you find a job?"

"Yes," he said, smiling back. "I just saved that guy's life and he gave me a job. Funny, huh?"

"On the fishing boat?" Dawn asked, realizing what was the smell lingering in the air.

"Yes. How did you know?" asked Connor, very intrigued.

"The smell" she answered. "Fishes have a particular smell. Like greasy restaurants," she added, realizing she didn't smelled any better.

Connor grinned.

"Did you have dinner?" she asked, taking off her coat.

"No."

"Do you want to eat out? We could celebrate. We both found work quickly."

"Ok."

One way or the other, he didn't care. He was glad she was safe.

"But I won't leave this apartment without taking a shower. You want to go first?"

Connor nodded and disappeared in the bathroom. Dawn emptied her pockets that were filled with her day's earnings. She had about 60$. She also found Connor's money on the table and wondered how he would view her taking over their finances. He hadn't said anything about it so far, but she didn't want to do something that would displease him in any way. She would bring the subject up over dinner.

About an hour later they were sitting in a nearby restaurant, waiting for their food.

"You know," said Dawn, "We need to make a budget otherwise we won't be able to make it."

Connor didn't really understand why they had to pay for everything all the time, but he guessed Dawn was right. In Quortoth, he would only steal from demons he had slain.

"What do you suggest?" he asked.

"I figured that if we put aside about 25 $ a day, we should be okay for the rent and the groceries."

"Okay." said Connor simply.

"Don' t you have anything else to say in this?" she asked, getting exasperated.

"Not really. You' re more update about those things than me. Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."

Dawn looked at him and frowned.

"You're serious?"

"Yeah! I'm not really good at budgeting," he said, before adding "Ok, I don't even know what the word means."

"Okay then," she said hesitantly. That's what she had wanted all along, but having Connor give in so fast took her a little by surprise.

"What's wrong?" asked Connor when he saw the uncertain look on Dawn's face.

"I.I didn't thought you would let me take on finance over so easily."

"Dawn, where I grew up, money was not really important. So I never really learned how to.budget, and the value of things.now, if you want to show me, I would love to learn," he added almost sheepishly.

Dawn made a genuine smile.

"I can do that. Not that I'm the queen of budgeting.and I didn't had a great example in my sister, considering she lost our house.but I guess there were circumstances.anyway, I'll show you what I know. And it makes me think, we really need to find a place to hide our money. Frankly, I don't trust the landlord and the lock on our apartment."

"That I can do," said Connor, smiling. "I was good at hiding things where I grew up."

"Good, cause I was never very good at it" Dawn said, remembering how easily

Anya had found her stolen goods some months ago. "You know, thinking of it, I'm sure we'll do fine. And maybe soon we'll be able to move in a better apartment."

Connor smiled at her optimism and attacked his dinner just as the waitress had dropped it off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connor was alone today. It was his day off. That morning he had walked Dawn to the restaurant then back home. Dawn was getting increasingly tired. Since she still refused to get under the blanket, she didn't sleep well at night and, after six days of working eight to ten hours a day, her fatigue was beginning to show. She barely laughed anymore, so tired was she, and Connor was beginning to cruelly miss the light and free spirit of his wonderful brunette.

So, with this in mind, he took some of the money he had left with him and left the apartment right after he got back from dropping Dawn. He took a city bus to the nearest Wal-Mart. He was glad that during his time in L.A, not only had Cordelia shown him how and where to shop, she had also explained how to use the mass transit, saying that until he got a car of his own, mass transit would be a very useful alternative.

Getting to the store took a little longer than he thought, but it was all worth it if he wanted his Dawn back. He walked in and went immediately to the bed and bath section. Rapidly, he chose sheets and a new comforter that he liked, and that would fit their bed. He also grabbed two pillows and looked for a mattress cover like the one they had. Walking in front of the towels, he grabbed two big light blue ones, bigger than the one they had at the apartment, and a few face clothes. Dawn didn't like the ones they had and was using them very reluctantly.

Happy with his selection, Connor walked to the cashier. It cost a little more than he had thought, but since he didn't really have any idea of the value of those things, he had brought a lot more money that he needed. He was glad Dawn had proposed to teach him those things, because most of the time he was feeling really clueless, and he hated that. He didn't like feeling stupid, especially in front of her.

A few hours later, he was back at the apartment, after a trip to the laundry mat to wash the sheets and towels. Doing the laundry had not been an easy feat but an old gentle woman had helped him figure it out.

He had just finished making the bed when Dawn walked in with her hands full of diner's bags.

"I bought us a little something," she said, then looked up at Connor and saw the bed. "Oh my God."

She walked to the table and dropped the bags then walked to Connor who was grinning like a happy idiot.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"What? Of course I do!" said Dawn, looking at the bed again.

"See, I even got a mattress cover so the sheets won't be directly on the bed." He said, showing it to her.

"How did you.? I mean, where."

"Well, I had some money left," he explained shyly. "I thought that, you know, it would be more comfortable."

"You bought this for me?"

Connor nodded with a shy smile.

"Oh Connor! Thank you so much!" she exclaimed, throwing herself against his chest.

Of all the reactions she could have had, he hadn't expected.well hoped.that one. Slowly, he brought his arms around her and hugged her gently.

"I'm glad you're happy," he said quietly, bringing his hand to her hair. They were so soft and silky. He liked the feel of it under his fingers, and the feel of her against his chest. And he felt his body reacting to her closeness.

"What did you bring for dinner?" he asked to hide his growing discomfort, and reluctantly let go of her.

"Some chicken sandwiches from the restaurant," she said, walking to the table and setting it up.

They ate in a comfortable silence, and once they were done they went outside for their daily walk. At a lack of anything better to do, they had begun to walk after dinner, exploring their neighbourhood and sometime getting supplies for their apartment.

That night, when they began to walk, Dawn's hand found its way to Connor's and they walked hand in hand, relishing each other's company.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A little bit before nine the following night, Spike showed up at the Summers' residence.

"Ready to go?" he simply asked.

She nodded, took her jacket and they both headed to the cemetery.

At first they walked in silence, not really knowing what to say. It seemed silly to say something trivial and they had no idea how to bring up important stuff either.

To Buffy, it felt strange to patrol alongside him again. She had thought for a moment it would never happen again. And she had become so accustomed to his help that when he was gone, she hated to have to patrol alone. She had done it for years, but a few vampires and demons ass-kicking with Spike had changed that. So she was glad when Dawn started coming with her.

"Is your chip still working?" she suddenly asked out of the blue.

He shot her a surprised glance.

"Yeah.I think. It's been a while since I had a fight with a human, so.but I guess it does. Why?"

She shrugged it off.

"I don't know.you just look.different."

"Different how?" he asked, trying to look unconcerned by her statement.

"Dunno.I can't put the finger on it."

He smiled wickedly.

"That's too bad. You were rather good at that."

She hid her own smile. He was still able to joke. Badly, but still.

"So," he said, bringing the conversation on safer ground, "What's up with the rest of the Scooby's? Didn't you mention Demon girl going back to England with the Watcher?"

"Yes, and please try to avoid the saucy suggestions."

"Looks like old Rupert still got it, then. Did something really happen between them?"

"We don't know. Dawn thinks so. But they always stayed very discreet, if there was ever a reason to stay discreet, that is."

"I always thought they made a good couple. Remember when we lost our memories and they thought they were engaged? I didn't fancy her too much to be my step mom, though."

"Besides, sleeping with your step mom doesn't help for good family relationship either," Buffy said in a slightly acid tone.

"Uh, right. I guess not."

Bloody hell. He should have known that mentioning Anya was not a good idea.

"What about Harris, then?" he asked, quickly changing the subject - again.

"Like I told you, he was promoted. A good job offer in San Francisco. Willow and I persuaded him to go. He'll be back in a fe."

"I NEED BLOOD!"

They both jumped in surprise and turned around. A vampire, freshly raised, was looking at them in a very unfriendly way.

"Excuse me, buddy, I was talking here. Don't you know it's very rude to interrupt people like that?"

"I NEED BLOOD!" yelled the vampire again, starting to walk towards Buffy. She took her stake from her pocket.

"And stop shouting, you're gonna wake the dead."

He launched himself at her and all she had to do was plunge the stake in his chest.

"Was that guy stupid or what?" she wondered with amazement while brushing the dust off her jacket.

" 'I need blood'?" Spike quoted the vampire-turned-dust with a frown. "Where did that come from? The bloke watched too much Dracula B-movies."

"Let's hope he didn't wake his friends, because I reached my slaying quota for tonight."

He raised an eyebrow.

"One vampire is your slaying quota per night? I hope they are not multiplying too much, then. I thought this was the bloody Hellmouth." "And it's still is, unfortunately. It's just.well, I have so many things on my mind.I know the slaying should come first.and if Giles was here, he would probably beat my fingers with a cloth."

"After cleaning his glasses," said Spike with a smile.

"I have two appointments to visit apartments after tomorrow. And I hope to have some quick answers to the ad Willow put out for my furniture. Don't you have friends looking for a bed or a table?" she asked him half- jokingly.

He thought for a moment then frowned.

"Actually.."

"Spike, I was joking," she said.

"I don't. Let me get back to you about this, alright?"

"Uh.Alright."

He walked her home. She opened the door.

"Do you want.uh.no, you probably don't," she said, feeling her heart melting under the sweet smile he gave her.

"Goodnight, Slayer. I'll see you soon."

"Ok. When?"

Try to look a little bit * more* impatient, Buffy. And try to think before opening your big mouth.

He shrugged.

"Tomorrow, probably."

"Ok. Bye."

He walked back to the street. She called him back.

"Spike?" "Yeah?"

"That thing I told you about being different.I meant it in a good way. I'll try to figure out what it is."

"I'm sure you will, Buffy."

And I bloody well hope you won't, he thought. Not before I decide it's the right time and the right place. And that it's worth it.

TBC.





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