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~*~ Chapter 6 - Confessions ~*~

"Wesley. Hi."

The former watcher didn't show any reaction when he saw his former boss/employee standing at his door.

" Angel."

"Can I.?" Angel asked with a hand gesture. Wesley stepped aside and Angel went in.

"Honestly, I never expected to see you here again," said Wesley.

"I need your help."

Wesley made an ironic smile.

"Oh. Of course."

"But I also wanted to tell you.I've done a lot of thinking, and.well, for me things are clear between us."

Wesley nodded but Angel couldn't tell if he was touched or indifferent.

"So why do you need my help for?"

"Connor disappeared. He left, on his own. I need you to check in the prophecy."

"The Nyazian? Angel, you can't expect there to be a prophecy each time Connor makes a movement."

"No, I know. But I want to know if there's more, something you haven't translated yet, about his present or his future. Just to be sure he'll be ok."

Wesley sighed.

"I think I deciphered the main lines.but there's still some vague part left. I can't promise you this will be what you're looking for."

"Of course. And who knows, you might unveiled something important."

"I'll see what I can do," Wesley said without compromising himself.

"Thanks. Call me anytime. And.if you come by, I know the gang will be happy to see you."

"I'm not entirely convinced about that. But thanks for saying it."

Angel opened the door.

"Bye, Wesley. And my greetings to Lilah."

For the fraction of a second, Wesley flinched.

"Bye, Angel."

He closed the door and turned around. Lilah appeared at the bedroom door, dressed only in sexy and lacy underwear.

"He knew I was there," she said with a smile.

"He's a vampire. He could smell you."

She made a face. "And suddenly the mood is ruined," she said.

Wesley reached for her bra's delicate fastener. "I sincerely hope not, dear." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

" I've got something to ask you," Dawn said to Connor while they were walking that night.

It had finally stopped raining early in the evening, and even if the sky was still gray and covered, they had decided to go for their usual walk.

"Me too," said Connor shyly.

"You first, then." They were walking in the park about fifteen minutes away from their apartment, and since the weather wasn't good, they had plenty of privacy.

"Well," said Connor, "I went to the market today and I met this guy, Nick. He asked me if I wanted to go with them to the bar tomorrow night."

"Do you want to go?" asked Dawn.

"I would like to," he answered, "If that's ok with you, of course." he added quickly.

"Sure," she said, smiling. "Go. Have fun. But be careful with the beer. It can get you very drunk very fast without you knowing it."

Connor smiled at her. He remembered very well when, a week after he had moved back at the Hyperion, Gunn had taken him out and had made him drink, a lot. Not only had Connor been sick, he also had had a huge hangover. Angel had thought that was really funny.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" he asked.

"Well, see, at the diner, there's this old lady and she comes everyday. She's very nice and all and I talked to her about you. And now she wants to meet you," she finished nervously.

"Ok," said Connor hesitantly, wondering why she looked so nervous about it.

"Uh.there's only one little thing," she added.

They stopped walking and Connor faced her, frowning.

"I.I kind of told her that you were my boyfriend," she finally said, blushing furiously.

"Your boyfriend?" Connor asked slowly.

Of course he knew what a boyfriend was. Gunn had explained to him the nature of his relationship with Fred and Connor had seen for himself how all over each other they were. He had to admit that he would love to be his wonderful brunette's boyfriend, but so far he hadn't dare to bring up the subject. He became suddenly very aware that he was holding her hand, that he had been holding it every night since they started their walks.

"Yes, you know, boy like girl, girl like boy, boy and girl go out together?" Dawn explained, jokingly.

"Is that.Is that how you see me?" he asked, squeezing her hand slightly.

"Yes, sort of," answered Dawn in a small voice.

So Connor did something he had wanted to do for a while now. He stepped closer to Dawn, and brought his lips to hers. Slowly, he opened his lips and touched Dawn's with his tongue. Dawn opened her mouth and their tongue began to dance together.

This was totally amazing. She tasted so good. Connor suddenly felt weak in the knees and wondered if Dawn felt the same way. He didn't want to stop kissing her.

They finally stopped and he brought his forehead against hers.

"Wow," she said quietly, but visibly happy.

"Wow," he repeated with a smile.

Dawn felt like she should say something else but she didn't know what. She was afraid to look like an idiot.

"I.I didn't know you felt like this about me," she finally said shyly.

He kissed her again, and this time Dawn encircled Connor's neck with her arms. She then felt his arms around her, his hands on her back, bringing her closer to his chest. She loved the feel of his mouth on hers. He was so soft, and so much warmer than the first and only guy she had kissed. His hands felt so good on her back.

She suddenly got worried. They were sharing the same apartment, the same spaces, the same bed. But she wasn't ready for more. She wasn't ready for sex, and she wondered if he would understand. They stopped kissing and she looked at the ground, at lost on how to tell him how she felt. "What's wrong?" asked Connor, seeing her discomfort.

"Connor, I.I like you, a lot. But.I'm afraid. You know, we share the same bed and all, but.I'm not ready to go further just yet," she explained. "Do you know what I mean?"

He understood what she was talking about, and the last thing on earth he wanted was to scare her away, especially after what just happened. So the best thing was to follow her lead on it.

"Don't worry, Dawnie," he said to her, smiling tenderly. "We'll do it your way."

She relaxed visibly and smiled back. "So, you're going to come and meet Miss Annigan?"

"Sure. When?"

He was still holding her in his arms. "Friday morning, before work?"

"Fine."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the end of September, Buffy had moved in her new apartment. With the help of Spike, Clem, and another of their demon friend who owned a van - and Buffy didn't want to know how he had get it - all of what's left of her furniture and stuff had been transported to her new place, which was not far from Main street.

Clem and the demon guy had left a little while ago. Spike was still there, installing the TV.

Buffy looked at him. Their relationship had never been so strange. He had been incredibly helpful, but that was it. A good friend. No, friend was even too strong a word. He was just.nice. Treating her like she was any other girl.

She hated it.

"Uh.Isn't it time for Passions?" she asked, trying a little humor to lighten the mood.

"I guess.not sure. I haven't watched it recently. Where is your remote control?"

"H.here."

She gave it to him. Their fingers met. A jolt of electricity ran through her and she withdrew her hand rapidly. He gave her a look but didn't say anything. After flipping through the channels to make sure they wwere working, he shut the TV off.

"Alright. All set."

He stood up, took his leather duster - she had given it back to him a few days ago - but didn't put it on. "It's not too bad, finally," he said, looking around.

"No, it's ok," she admitted, even if she had the feeling she could never get used to this place.

"Ok, Slayer. See you tomorrow."

"You.you can stay, if you want.I mean, a little longer. It's still early."

He looked at her and the expression on his face startled her. "Really? You're not afraid I might accidentally touch you again?"

The bitterness in his tone made her heart sank. "Wh.What?"

"I'm good enough to help you but as soon as I come too close you play the disgusted girl."

She realized he had taken the wrong way her earlier reaction. "Spike, it's not."

"Spike, it's not!" he interrupted her, mocking. "Yes it is, Buffy. Be honest, for a change. Deep inside, you wish I wasn't so helpful so you could hate me again. You wonder how a bloody soulless creature like me can play nice like that."

That wasn't entirely wrong. Buffy blushed and Spike closed his eyes for a second. Balls, it still hurt like hell. Why, he wondered for the zillion times, why had he come back? Staying and helping her had been the stupidest, bollocksed idea he ever had. A stake through the heart would have probably been less painful than this.

"God, Buffy.I should have known."

"I wasn't disgusted!" she cried. "It.It confused me. I don't know what to think of all this. I don't know what to think about you."

"Oh, it confused you.Poor baby. What do you think * I * feel? Admit it, Buffy. You'd prefer me to be evil, so you could stake me and it would make * your * life less complicated."

He had thrown his coat on the couch in his anger. Without taking it back, he headed to the door, opened it and then turned to her.

"I love you, Buffy.but you're the most selfish person I've ever met."

And he walked out, closing the door violently behind him.

Buffy let herself slowly fall to the ground.

What had just happened? He had seemed so indifferent the last few days.she hadn't suspect the anger and the pain that was boiling beneath the surface.. He was right. She was selfish. She had used him, again. Not as badly as the first time, but once again she had taken what he had offered without ever thinking of giving something back, without wondering what his feelings might be. And of course, she had crushed them. He still loved her.

She shouldn't have feel so incredibly happy about this but she was. And that explained a lot of things.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She ran to his crypt like she was chased by all the creatures of the Hellmouth.

She was praying that he would still be there, that he hadn't jump in his car and left already. She entered without knocking. He was there, sitting in his chair.

Her relief was so big it almost choked her.

He stood up.

"You forgot your coat again," she said, out of breath.

He took it without a word, put it on the arm of the chair. Damn if he wasn't relieved to see her. She had really turned him into the biggest poofter ever.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't look at her. He leaned on the sarcophagus, waiting for her to go on.

"I'm sorry for what I've put you through. You are right, I've been horribly selfish. I knew you had feelings but I never took them in consideration. For me, you were a vampire, and I slay them. I didn't kill you, because you had the chip and you were harmless. So yes, I saw you like that harmless, soulless, evil creature I thought you were. And I was too self-involved in my messed up little existence to see beyond that."

She stopped, taking a gulp of air. He was watching her now, not betraying any emotion, but she could feel he was surprised. He hadn't expected her to confess like that.

"And I probably whined a little too much, lately. But you must admit, my life sucks for the moment. And being the Slayer."

"Oh, screw that 'chosen one' and all that fucking crap," he reacted instantly. "Your life is what you make of it. I told you already, if everything goes wrong, start to wonder what * you * did wrong."

She nodded. "I know. I realize that now. But how am I."

She stopped, fighting tears. Oh no, she was not going to cry again. She saw him tense, he hated it when she cried. "How am I supposed to fix the things.I mean, I don't even know what went wrong!"

The tears were running freely on her cheeks but she couldn't help it. She just ignored it.

Spike didn't want anything more than running to her and taking her in his arms. But she had other things to tell, and nothing on this earth would make him interrupt her. What she had said so far had already made his dead heart burning with hope.

"Don't think I haven't seen how you've changed. I want."

She stopped again, looking for her words. She hadn't prepared any of this, and she knew that what she was about to say would change everything. "I want to forget last year, Spike. The depression, the mutual abusiveness, the pain. I want to put all this behind me once and for all."

Oh God, he had been wrong. He had stupidly thought. "I told you, Slayer, I'm leaving s."

"No! I don't want you to leave!"

Confused, he just looked at her, hoping she would get to the point, because that constant switch between hope and despair was destroying him.

"I want to put it all behind me and I want to do it with you."

He thought he had heard wrong.

"Buffy, what are you.there's no way we're going back at whatever we had last year. It's too destructive for me, and for you. That was the reason you broke up with me in the first place."

"I know. I don't want that either."

"Then what do you want?"

She paused and he waited for her answer, scared like hell at what it might be. "I want to forget about the Vampire. And the Slayer. And all the rest."

"What's left then?"

"You and me. Spike and Buffy. Just.Spike and Buffy."

He felt the tension in his whole body relax, and thank god there was the sarcophagus behind him to support his suddenly unsteady body. He nodded slowly.

"I like the sound of that," he said carefully, still unsure about what was going on.

Like him, Buffy felt suddenly completely exhausted. She wasn't used to such a display of emotions. She wiped the tears from her face.

"Buffy.what are you saying exactly? You know we can't be friends. I love you too much for that. Being with you everyday, and not be able to touch you.not be a part of your life.that's the most horrible torture I've ever endured and believe me, I've endured a lot of them. So there's no way I'm going to accept a soddin' friendship, and I won't be your lapdog anymore. There's only one kind of relationship I will accept and it's the serious kind. Either you take it or leave it." Aah, said a little voice in his mind, why do you have to be so direct? She's never going to.

"I take it."

This time, he couldn't hide his surprise. Hell, his tremendous shock.

"What?"

"I take it," she repeated in a firm voice.

And she had never looked more resolute about anything.

"Ok," he said, at loss for words. She's taking it, he thought. She's taking*me*.

The minute after, she was in his arms. They didn't kiss. They just hold on to each other like the world was about to end. And they had been through that already, so they knew the feeling.

She cried softly in his chest, drenching his shirt, but the hell if he cared. The Slayer.no, wait, she had said no Slayer anymore.Buffy was there in his arms, where she belonged. He buried his face in her hair, in her neck, and inhaled her intoxicating smell. He tried to repress any sexual feeling. This moment was about tenderness. Finding their way back to each other.

She finally stopped sobbing, and with a tender gesture he brushed the hair away from her face.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Like I'm finally back at home," she said.

He kissed the top of her head. Damn, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her senselessly and do plenty of non-catholic stuff to her, but this was not the place or the moment.

"And you? How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I have no idea," he admitted, and she laughed. God, her laugh.how he had missed it.

He had missed every single particle of her. "Happy, of course. And scared."

"Why?"

"Same reasons as you are, love. I don't know if this will work. I'll be damned if it doesn't. I've been trying to make you understand how right we are for each other for months now. I would hate to be proven wrong."

"So, it's more about your ego, then," she said with a smile.

"That and the fact that I can't live without you."

She put her forehead on his chest and closed her eyes. Reluctantly, he pulled her back.

"You'd better get home, now, baby. You're exhausted."

She grimaced. "Don't call it home. It's not home. It's just a place to live for the moment."

"You'll get used to it. But you need to rest. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok. I'll be home early. I'm not working tomorrow night." She wanted so badly to stay here with him, but then things would not stay innocent, and she really wanted a fresh start with him. The shag fest would wait. But shag fest there would be. Oh yeah. And hopefully sooner than later. She turned back before leaving. "You won't leave, do you?" she asked.

"No."

"Promise me you won't." God, could she be more insecure?

"I promise. Now go get home and get some sleep, for evil's sake. I'll patrol the next two days so don't worry about it."

"Thanks," she said, and was gone.

Spike stood for a moment in the middle of his crypt. Then he pinched himself. Ouch. No, it wasn't a dream. A new confidence was growing inside him. She hadn't talk about love yet, but this time he had no doubt she was willing to try. Seriously.

For a moment, he was tempted to perform that stupid dance he had seen Xander and Willow do once, but he refrained himself. He was not a Nancy- boy. Oh, and what the hell? Nobody would see him anyway!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Connor! Over here!" Nick called when he saw the young man walk into the tavern. "Guys, this is Connor. He works at Roger's."

"Hey man," said a few of the guys gathered around the table.

Nick made the introductions and ordered a beer for Connor. "Just to let you know, the conversation is about the hottest babe," said Nick to Connor discreetly.

"Pamela Anderson," shouted one of the guys. "I would fuck her in a minute."

"Dude, I heard she has Hepatitis C. I wouldn't touch her even with a Naked Gun 33 1/3 condom on!"

"I wouldn't mind having Jennifer Lopez," said another one. "That one is a babe."

The conversation went on and on, and even if Connor didn't know any of these girls or most of the expressions they were using, he was on full learning mode, trying to learn anything that he could.

"And you, Connor, which one would you do?" asked one of the guys, Derek, the same one who had caught the fishes the other day.

"My girlfriend," he said, smiling, now understanding the expression Derek had used.

"Your girlfriend?" asked one, surprised.

"Nancy boy," laughed another.

"Wow, she must be a babe," said a third one.

"Or you're desperately in love," said Derek. Connor smiled, amused, and took another sip of his beer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So, you're the young man who stole Dawnie's heart," said Miss Annigan, looking at Connor from head to toe.

Connor smiled shyly at Dawn who was standing next to him.

"Come on, kids. Sit down. We have to eat before you go to work!"

Connor and Dawn sat next to each other and looked at the menu. Dawn was pointing out the specials to Connor, telling him what was good.

"You're so cute!" suddenly said Miss Annigan, laughing gently. "I wish I was your age again."

Dawn smiled at her.

"What will it be for you?" asked the waitress, visibly bored out of her mind.

They place their order and she walked away.

"Do you see why I like you so much, dear?" asked Miss Annigan, looking at the waitress retreating back. "A smile and a 'good morning' would not have killed her."

Dawn looked at the other waitresses and noticed, for the first time, that none of them were smiling. They all had a grim expression on their faces. And she began to understand a lot of other things too. Most of the girls were complaining about the low tips they were getting and when they had compared, Dawn always came on top of any of them, even without Miss Annigan generous daily contribution. Some girls had complained to Martha that she always got the most paying tables and Martha had done some table reassignments, but still, Dawn came ahead of everybody. When they walked in, some people would even ask at which tables she was working and would sit there to be attended by her.

"See, Dawnie, if this girl would smile just a little, she would get as many tips as you. I know the other girls have been complaining that you got better tips than them. But people like you, sweetheart, they like you because you smile and treat them nicely. People like to see smiling friendly faces."

Not really knowing what to say, Dawn looked at Connor who smiled sweetly at

her.

"And as I can see, you have a very good reason to smile all the time," added the old lady, looking at Connor knowingly. "So, young man, do you keep Dawn happy?" she asked.

"Uh.I hope so. I try," he answered.

"Good!"

The waitress walked over to drop their food and they started eating, listening to Miss Annigan's childhood stories.

TBC.





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