~*~ Chapter 7 - Decisions ~*~

Spike did as he said and patrolled alone the two following nights. He came by her place to see if she was ok, but didn't stay. He didn't kiss her either. Like he wanted to give her some time to be sure she had made the right decision.

He was acting like a perfect gentleman. A perfectly annoying gentleman.

So Buffy decided to take matters in her own hands. That evening he came to see her at the restaurant. It was busy, so she didn't have much time to talk. When he was about to leave, she asked him,

"Wanna come at my place, tomorrow night? I'm off. We could watch a movie, eat pop corn.fight over the remote control."

She was acting all casual, like she was proposing a slumber party to her best friend. I only hope it will end without the pajama's, she thought, and to her great horror felt a traitorous blush.

"Sounds like a good plan. Are you ok?" he asked, intrigued by her sudden red cheeks.

Bloody Hell! I bet she has other things on her mind than popcorn or a remote control. Although I'm sure we could find a useful way to.

He grinned. "Count me in, pet. See you tomorrow."

"Bye," she said, watching him leave with the same pinch of regrets as always. There was always that little part of her who was scared he would not come back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Pop corn is ready."

Buffy went back to the living room where she found Spike staring at a picture of Dawn. "Spike?"

He turned around, startled. "What? Oh, good."

She put the popcorn on the table before joining him. "I worry about her, you know," he said, still watching the pic. "I'm also wondering what she's doing out there, if she's ok. And even if I'm scared about the vampires and demons she might encounter, I fear also the humans who could hurt her even more."

He sat on the couch and she sat next to him. "I think about it 24/7," Buffy admitted. "I try to comfort myself by thinking that if something had happened to her, I would know. I would feel it."

She sighed. "Then again, I'm not sure I would. So it's kind of killing me not to know anything."

She felt a tears rolling down her cheek. "Oh, shoot!" she exclaimed, grabbing a handkerchief.

"Turning into quite the waterfall, lately, are you?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, this is so annoying. I must be very tired. I cried while watching Dawson's Creek the other day."

"That's normal. I hated it when Pacey and Joey broke up." She blew her nose and stood up. "I need some action," she said abruptly.

A wide grin spread on his face. "That's my girl," he said.

"I meant patrolling."

The smile vanished. "Oh. Right. Of course. Let's go fight some nasties, then."

Buffy hid her smile. She had some others actions in mind for later. They dusted some vamps at the Restfield cemetery and killed a blue demon with green horns and big teeth.

"My, isn't he ugly," said Spike, watching the now dead demon lying on the ground. "Demon and ugly, it's kind of a pleonasm," she said with a teasing smile.

"Hey!" Offended, he added "How do you know what pleonasm mean? Did you finally open a dictionary?"

A thin and penetrating rain started to fall.

"I'll show you the extent of my vocabulary at home," she said, starting in the road back.

"Good idea. Don't fancy looking like a drenched kitten."

He suddenly shivered and sneezed.

"Bless you," said Buffy automatically, before watching him. "Spike, did you just.?"

"Sneeze? Hell, yeah." he said with a shock matching her own.

"Since when do vampires sneeze?"

"Since the day after never. The last time I sneezed was around 1880."

He snorted. "I also think I have to blow my nose," he said, more and more surprised.

"Well, I don't have any Kleenex," she said. " You'll have to use your sleeve."

"You're a pig, Summers."

Back at the apartment, they dried themselves. "I don't know what to think about this," she said putting the towels in the laundry basket.

"I don't bloody think anything. I sneezed. End of story."

"Don't you want to know why you did? You're not supposed to. Maybe it means something."

"Sure. Ooooh, I know," he said in a spooky voice. "The end of the world is coming!" She rolled her eyes. "It's not funny, Spike. If it happens again, let me know. I'll call Giles."

He looked at her like if she had grown two heads. "You're kidding, right? You're not gonna call the Watcher because I sneezed?"

She crossed her arm on her chest and put on her 'resolve' face. "Yes I will."

He shrugged. "Suit yourself."

He sat on the couch and grabbed the abandoned popcorn. Buffy sat next to him and switched the TV on.

What do I do now? She thought, while making herself comfortable against the cushions. The whole sneezing thing didn't help to install a romantic mood. But if I don't make a move, he will probably not dare to do it himself. Urgh, that's so complicated..ooooh, isn't it that guy who plays Clark Kent in Smallville? He's so cute.not as cute as Spike, tough. Only Spike is not cute, he's gorgeous. And that body.mmmm..oh that's it. I'm just gonna jump his bones and.

"Buffy?"

There was no answer. Spike leaned on the girl next to him. Her eyes were closed. Her breathing was deep. She was sleeping. Spike smiled tenderly. And, ok, a little bit disappointed. He had hoped this evening would have turned out differently, but the last days had been rich in emotions, for both of them. And to be honest, he was feeling kind of tired too.

He switched the TV off, took her in his arms and put her on the bed. He covered her with the comforter and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

He came back to the living room. It was still raining, and he didn't feel like walking back to his crypt. He toed off his boots, grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and laid down on the couch. Hearing her breathing a few feet away was the sweetest lullaby ever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Connor, sorry, I'm not ready yet," said Nick, opening the door. Nick had asked Connor to go out to the movies that night to check out 'Monster's Ball', the new drama out that week.

Lately, Nick and the guys at the fish store had regularly included Connor in their get-togethers. Connor was always very quiet but friendly, and the guys had taken a liking to him.

"You want a beer or something?"

Connor shook his head negatively.

"Listen, man, I got to take a shower before we go. Please, make yourself comfortable," said Nick showing the couch to Connor.

Connor sat and Nick disappeared in his bedroom. Connor looked around and a magazine on the coffee table in front of him caught his attention. There was a naked woman on the cover. Intrigued, Connor flipped through the pages and saw more of them, all naked and in kind of acrobatic positions. One of them was lying on her back, legs wide apart, showing her private parts.

Wide eyed, Connor made a whistle. He knew women were made differently but he had never saw one before. Why had Gunn never thought of buying him that kind of magazine? That was interesting learning!

His thought drifted to Dawn. She was of course made the same way. He turned the page again and saw the same woman, with a man's erected sex inside of her. Ok, that was probably what having sex was like. That was Dawn was not ready for. He imagined himself being inside of Dawn, caressing her and kissing her, and he loved the idea. Just thinking about it was making him swollen.

He turned the pages again and looked at the many pictures, for an educational purpose only, of course.

Nick walked out of the bathroom. "Ready?"

Connor stood up and they left.

The movie was very dark and serious. Connor didn't understand some part of it. Why did they want to kill the black guy? Why did the young man kill himself? Why did the father end up with the pretty black woman? The good thing was that the amount of sex scenes in the movie gave him a better idea of what sex was, but he never thought it was so desperate, or heartless like in the case of the prostitute. He had a hard time imagining doing something like that to his wonderful brunette. No wonder she wasn't ready.but the woman in the movie had seemed to enjoy it a little.

On his way back home, he couldn't chase away the scenes from the movie out of his mind. Would he be able to pleasure Dawn? He desperately wished he had Gunn with him right now to talk to, to ask him what to do. But Gunn was miles away, back in L.A.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dawn was uncomfortable. A girl at work had given her the name of this clinic, the kind of place Dawn could go see a doctor with no questions asked. What the girl hadn't told her was that most of the clinic's patients were prostitutes or poor women with loads of children. Even at that early hour, the waiting hall was crowded and very loud.

Dawn had came here right after she had dropped Connor at work. She hadn't wanted him to know what she was up to, so she had taken her morning off to come here. When she had gotten there, there were already ten people who had signed to see a doctor. She had been there for two hours already and it was now full with waiting patients and running children.

"Dawn S." called a nurse at the door.

The young girl stood up and followed the nurse down a corridor, away from the noisy crowd.

"Please do sit here. The doctor will be with you in a minute."

Dawn sat and waited for a moment before a young woman in her early thirties walked in. "Hi, I'm doctor Williams. What can I do for you, Dawn?"

"I'd like to get the pill," said Dawn, wishing Buffy was with her. Of course Dawn taking the pill would probably completely freak her out.

"You want the pill?" the doctor asked, taking Dawn's pulse and her blood pressure. "Yes."

"How is your sexual life right now?"

"Uh.non-existent?" answered Dawn, somewhat embarrassed.

The doctor took the blood pressure measures away and looked at her. "Why do you want the pill, then?"

"Because my boyfriend and I are getting serious," Dawn said, looking away shyly.

"Dawn," said the doctor, taking a seat. "You look like a serious young woman and I would hate to see you in any trouble. Does this guy love you?"

"I think so," answered Dawn, not sure where the doctor was getting at.

"Where did you meet him?" she asked gently.

"On the bus, on my way to Seattle," she said again, realizing at the same time it might look a bit crazy.

"Does he buy you pretty things?"

Huh ? Dawn thought, totally confused now. The she understood. She thought that Connor might be a pimp! She laughed. "Oh, I know what you're thinking. That he's a pimp, right?"

The doctor sighed sadly. "Dawn, I see a lot of pretty young women like you coming here for the pill, and I find them back on the streets three months later. I would hate to see you become one of them."

"Connor is not a pimp," Dawn said, looking at her hands. " When I arrived here, a pimp tried to enroll me but Connor saved me from him. We've been sharing the same bed for a few weeks now, and not once did he try to force himself on me. We're not rich, we work hard but we have each other and we're happy."

"Then why do you look so sad?"

"Because if I didn't have him, I might have end up like some of the girls in the waiting room. I know he's a good man. I just know it." The doctor seemed to have come to the same conclusion. "Well, if you think so.and you're probably right."

"How can you tell?" asked Dawn.

"Most girls who are with pimps come in here floating on a cloud, saying how much they are in love and how much their boyfriend is generous and covers them in luxury. You're not like them. But still, be careful."

"Ok. But I know he's right," insisted Dawn.

"I'll tell the pharmacy to give you six months of pills. I want to see you back then to make sure the pills are good for you and to do a complete check-up. Is that ok?"

Dawn nodded. Dr Williams wrote something on a medical pad and gave the paper to Dawn.

"Give this to the pharmacy at the front desk, they will take care of you."

"Thanks," mumbled Dawn, standing up and leaving.

She went to pay for her appointment and her pills and left the awful clinic behind her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connor had taken a nice warm shower, got dressed and had put his shoes back on. Tonight, he was taking Dawn to a restaurant that his boss had given him a gift certificate for.

He had just finished shaving and tried to grab his aftershave but it had rolled over in Dawn's side of their bathroom cabinet. He slid his door closed and opened Dawn's.

That's when he saw it: 6 green tablets of something. He opened one of them and saw neat little rows of yellow and white pills. 8 of them were already missing.

Furious, he took the six tablets and stormed out of the bathroom. He threw them on the table where Dawn was busy reading.

"What the hell is that?" he asked angrily.

"My.my pills," answered Dawn, uncertain.

"Why? Why do you take these? Why do you need them?"

For the life of her, Dawn couldn't understand what got him so angry. "Because I need them!" she answered, beginning to lose her temper. "I don't want to get pregnant, you know," she said defiantly.

"If you want to kill yourself, do it without me!" he yelled, and grabbing his coat he stormed out of the apartment, clacking the door behind him.

Incredulously, Dawn just stayed there, watching the door. Killed herself? Where did that come from? she wondered. She could not figure out what she had done to make him believe such a thing.

Still shocked, she stood up, took the pack of pills and put them back in the bathroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Spike opened his eyes, Buffy was sitting beside him. It was still dark in the room. "What time is it?" he asked.

"6.30 am."

He noticed she had changed and put on sweatpants and a halter-top.

"Why did you sleep on the couch?" she asked in a soft voice.

"It was still raining, and I was."

"I mean why didn't you come lay on the bed with me?"

He looked at her, stunned. "Buffy, I can't come into your bed unless you invite me in."

She gave him a teasing smile. "Oh, I thought that worked only for houses."

She laid beside him on the couch, raining small kisses on his jaw and cheek. "Ok then," she whispered. "I invite you in."

Encircling her waist with his arm, he captured her mouth. Their tongue began to dance and Spike let a moan escape. "God, how I missed you," he said.

The pressure of his lips suddenly changed, and he was devouring her. Buffy gasped, pressed against him from toe to breasts, his arms locked around her. He took her top and passed it over her head, then with veneration touched her bare breasts. He let her flesh fill his palm, stroking her incessantly, enjoying her panting breath, full of need. Need of him. He closed his mouth on one pink tip and she let a soft cry escape.

She looked for his mouth again, craving the touch of his lips on her. God, how had she been able to live all these month without his touch? She cupped his cheek with her hand, relishing in the sight of his handsome face.

He smiled at her, the most loving smile she had ever seen. "Are you sure about this?" he asked her softly, giving her the opportunity to change her mind one last time if she wanted to. But Buffy had never been so sure about anything in her life, so she smiled back and nodded, before reaching for his mouth and kissing him tenderly, erasing once and for all the dreadful memory of their last encounter.

With his fingers, he wandered on her breasts again, then on her belly, reaching her most feminine flesh. He stroked her gently, and mewling noises escaped from Buffy's throat. Her climax came almost instantly, in huge unbearable waves. She cried out, aching in his arms. He felt her spasms, strong and intense against his hand.

"Oh God." she said in a breathless tone, feeling her heart getting back slowly to a steady rhythm.

He rained kisses all over her face, her eyelids, her forehead, her cheek and temple, jaw, mouth and neck. "Buffy." Spike whispered, just for the pleasure of saying her name, while his hard body came down on hers. He positioned himself between her thighs and slid into her into one fast, fluid motion. Buffy gasped again, stunned by the pleasure and the completion she felt. He moved fast and deep within her and she put her legs around him. She gripped him, letting another wave of intense and mind-blowing pleasure sweep over her. She felt him coming the minute after, bursting inside her.

They slowly fell back to earth, exchanging soft kisses, and Spike whispering sweet nothings to her. The feeling of contentment was overwhelming and Buffy couldn't stop smiling.

"Was I that good?" he asked with a cocky grin, caressing her cheek.

"Better," she murmured, still feeling a delicious tingling sensation between her legs.

That man really had magic fingers. And an even more magic.she giggled.

"What?" he asked, happy to see her like that.

"Nothing," she answered. "Just.I'm glad you came back."

"Yeah, I can see that," he teased her.

"Promise me you'll never leave again." "I won't. I'll always be there for you. You won't be able to get rid of me. I'll be like one of those leeches that you can't get off you."

She laughed. "How appropriate for a vampire. And you're so good with the romantic visual."

He got serious again. "Buffy, I don't know what the future holds for us. Anything can happen, anytime. But we are together to face it, now."

She nodded, and kissed him tenderly before saying, "I love you."

His face betrayed his shock, just before a huge happy smile spread his lips. "About time," he whispered, before adding, "I love you too."

She settled comfortably against him, resting her head on his shoulder and firmly encircling his waist with one arm. She had no intention of letting him go ever again. Spike brushed a kiss on her forehead, and closed his eyes. Slowly, they both drifted to a peaceful sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connor couldn't understand the reason why Dawn would take that medicine, or drug or whatever. Then the last thing she had said suddenly popped in his mind. I don't want to get pregnant, you know.

He was so furious he hadn't registered the comment. But know it brought back a memory. He remembered once being in a mall with Cordelia, he had seen this woman with a big belly. He had stared at her, wondering how she had become like that. "Stop staring," Cordelia had said. "She's just pregnant." "Pregnant?" "Yeah! You know, she's going to have a baby."

So, was that the kind of medicine Dawn was taking? Not something awful like Sunny had taken, from which she had died. It was just to prevent her from having a baby. His mind was rolling with unanswered questions. He didn't know where to turn but he needed those answers, badly.

He didn't know how long he walked but he ended up in the park, the same one where he had kissed Dawn for the first time.

On a bench an old man was sitting, and he visibly hadn't had a bath in a while. He was holding a bottle in a brown paper bag.

Connor sat next to him and debated silently whether or not he should question this perfect stranger about his problem. Considering he would probably never see him again, he gathered his courage and turned to him. "How do woman get pregnant?" he asked quickly.

The man turned to Connor and slowly looked at him from head to toe. He took a long sip from his bottle then looked at Connor again. He chuckled.

"It's when you bone them that they get pregnant," he answered.

"And women have medicine to prevent it?" asked Connor.

"Yep."

"And there's no danger in taking that medicine?"

"Nope."

"Oh God! What have I done?" wondered Connor with despair.

He stood up and began to walk towards his apartment when he realized something. Why would Dawn need these pills if she was not having sex with somebody? Or was she.? The thought that another man's hand could touch her delicate body repulsed him, and awoke an anger he had never felt before. He had been so nasty to her, but how could he have known?

When he walked in the apartment a few minutes later, Dawn was lying on the bed, the lights still on, and her eyes red from crying. He sat next to her. "I'm sorry, Dawn," he said quietly.

"Why? Why did you get so mad at me?" she asked in a broken voice.

He sighed. "When I arrived in L.A, from Quor-toth, I met that girl, Sunny. I liked her and helped saving her from evil men. She had taken some medicine from the pocket of one of them. Later that night, she died after taking it. When I saw those pills in your closet, I just.I didn't think. I got so afraid.I don't want you to die."

"You should have asked me, I would have told you they were not drugs."

There was a short silence.

"Why do you need them?" Connor finally asked. " Is somebody forcing you to have sex?"

Dawn sat and looked at him. "No. Nobody's forcing me to do anything. I got them because.because one day, I."

She stopped, unsure on how to tell him that someday their relationship would develop and that she would be ready to make love with him. She looked away shyly.

"What, Dawn?" he asked, caressing her cheek softly. "What's wrong?"

She took an inspiration. "I got them because one day, I hope you'll make love to me," she said so quietly that if Connor didn't have his enhanced audition, he wouldn't have heard her.

Making love. Connor's heart beat a little faster. That, he knew what that meant. And Dawn wanted him to make love to her.

Her piercing blue eyes looked up at him. "I love you, Connor, and one day, when I'll be ready, I want to know what love is, and I want to know it with you."

She loved him.

Connor desperately wanted to tell her he loved her but he couldn't. He was afraid. The only two things he had loved had died, from a cruel death. Not knowing how to answer her, he looked away, retrieving his hand from her soft cheek.

"Don't.don't you love me?" she asked in a trembling voice, tears coming to her eyes again.

"It's not that," said Connor, deciding that honesty would be the best policy. "When I was a child, maybe six years old, I had a chali. It's kind of a hybrid, one of the few animals that live on Quor-toth. Kind of a little dog. I didn't precisely own it, but I got to tame it and he came to se me everyday, each time I got out. I loved this little animal so much, he was like my best friend, my only friend. One day, somebody found out I was attached to it and killed it, right in front of me, telling me I should never get attached to anything that was not my blood. I was so sad, and I loved it so much.and I love you too, but I'm scared," he finished, his jaw clenched by the pain he felt in his heart.

He couldn't tell her that the person who had killed his chali was the only other human on Quor-toth, the man who had raised him, the one he had called father for most of his life. That was the worst. He hadn't been allowed to love by the very same man he had loved like a father. But his main goal was only to shape Connor into a perfect vengeance weapon, a merciless killer. And finally this man had also been killed, by a crazy woman, all in the name of a senseless vengeance.

"I'm scared somebody will come and take you away from me," he added. "Oh, Connor!" said Dawn, crying freely now. She threw herself against his chest, holding him to her with all her strength. Connor's arms slowly came around her and she could feel him shake from long suppressed sobs.

"I don't want you to die, Dawn," he said in a hoarse voice.

"And I don't intend to. I love you."

"I love you too."

TBC.





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