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~*~ CHAPTER 1 - Going and Leaving ~*~

Dawn hadn't expected the bus station terminal to be that big. For the first time, she started to wonder if her leaving was a good idea. Oh come on, you made it as far as L.A, you're not gonna chicken out now. But for a moment she had been tempted to forget all her resolutions and run to the Hyperion, asking Angel or Cordelia to bring her back to Sunnydale.

It was only 8 am, but there were already a lot of people waiting for their busses. A little lost, she finally headed for the ticket counters. Although it may be a good idea to decide first where she wanted to go.

An advertising board for Seattle caught her attention.

Ok.Seattle, then.

Dawn refused to think that what she was doing was crazy. She knew it. If the police for some reason caught her, she would be in trouble. She was still under age. Once in Seattle, she would have to find somewhere to live, a job.

But Buffy had done it before her. That summer, after sending Angel to Hell. So there was no reason Dawn couldn't make it too.

She bought a ticket, went back to the main hall. She spotted a young guy about her age, alone. The look on his face hit her. Very lost, but trying very hard not to show it. Exactly like her. Before realizing it, she was standing in front of him.

"Excuse me."

His gaze met hers. Wow. What pain and anger were in those eyes. She lost her focus for a mere second.

"I.uh.Do you know which one is the bus to Seattle ?"

The guy stared at her for a minute before answering "That one" and showing a big white bus with - as Dawn noticed, a little embarrassed - a 'Seattle' sign on it.

"Oh.Of course. Thanks."

"You're welcome." The bus was leaving in thirty minutes, so she already took her seat inside. She could use a little sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connor had no idea where Seattle was but it was a rather expensive destination, which meant it was probably far. He bought a ticket and went back to the main hall. It was only 8 am and the bus wasn't leaving before 8.30, so he had time.

He began to look around him to observe all the people. This world was still so strange to him. On Quortoth, Holtz and him had been the only humans but here, there were humans everywhere, and they were all so different. He remembered the first time he had seen Gunn, he had wondered what type of paint he used to keep his skin so brown. And then he had seen more and more black people, Latinos and Asiatic, and he had understood there were a lot of different types of humans, even if they were all the same species. That had been one of the many surprises this world had to offer.

Another surprising thing was that most humans were unaware of demons. Rarely would demons been seen during the day, and if people saw some of them at night sometimes, they would prefer denying it, blaming the shades or the bad lightning.

Angel had told him that even Connor himself would probably be considered abnormal because of his speed and strength. Connor had frowned at that.

He * was * normal. Would people really consider him some kind of freak? He was a demon hunter, someone who fought the good fight. But Angel had explained to him that sometimes it was just not enough, that people got scared of what they couldn't comprehend.

Connor had been observing people for a while, learning from them what seemed to be normal when suddenly a girl materialized in front of him. She was a very pretty girl about his age, with long dark-brown hair and blue eyes.

" Excuse me.I.uh.do you know which one is the bus to Seattle?"

He didn't answer right away, mesmerized for a minute by how pretty she was.

" That one" he finally said. She smiled, looking embarrassed.

"Oh.Of course. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

She seemed a little lost, and he could totally rely to that. She saw her climbing in the bus, and resisted the urge to follow her. The last thing he needed right now was to get involved with some girl. Even if she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dawn woke up a little later. The bus was moving. She checked her watch. She had been sleeping for one hour.

She opened her backpack and took some pastries she had bought. The person beside her stirred, and she realized it was the cute guy from the bus station. So, he was going to Seattle also. He seemed to be sleeping, or lost in some reverie. Dawn took the opportunity to look at him.

He was really cute. But his hair was funny, all messed up. And it needed a good cut. His fashion sense was also very special. Not really the kind of guy Dawn used to hang out with. But she couldn't help remember the pain and anger she had read in his eyes. It seemed he had his share of suffering. Well, she thought, welcome to the club.

She couldn't chase that feeling of guilt away. Guilt for leaving her sister like that. Now Buffy would be all alone, except for Willow.

Giles had sent Willow in England to a place where she could be healed. Then, with the help of Anya, Xander and Buffy they had rebuilt the Magic Box again. Some of Xander's construction buddies had come to help, and within two month it was brand new again. Then Giles had decided to go back to England, and to everyone's surprise, Anya had announced that she was going with him. If something had been going on between them, they had stayed very discreet. Anya was still a vengeance demon, but it didn't seem to bother Giles. And after all, he couldn't pretend to be 100 % normal either..

Things hadn't finally worked out between Xander and Anya. There had been too much pain and anger. She couldn't get over the fact that he had left her at the altar, and he really had troubles forgiving her little misstep with Spike.

Dawn's thoughts drifted to the vampire.

Spike had been MIA for more than three months now. He had left without even a goodbye. Which seemed normal, considering the circumstances.but she still wanted to hear his version of the story. Assuming, of course, that he would come back.and that she would come back too. She knew Spike's abrupt departure had hurt Buffy. More than she admitted it. Dawn had sometimes caught her sister caressing the leather jacket well hid in the closet.or just staring at it with a sad expression.

When Willow had come back, things had improved a little bit. Buffy and her had had a heart to heart talk. Of course, it hadn't been all forgive and forget. Forgiving took time and there was no way either of them could ever forget. And even if herself had kept her distances with Willow, Dawn was happy that her big sister got her best friend back.

And then, Xander had left.

He didn't want to, at first. He couldn't consider leaving Buffy, Willow and Dawn. They needed him, and he needed them, especially since Anya's departure. He had buried himself in work, and his boss had offered him a temporary job in San Francisco on a big construction site. He was going to be promoted and in charge of an entire crew. That was a great opportunity for him, both financially and professionally. But mentally, he felt really bad about the idea of leaving his three girls behind. Especially - and Xander hated to admit it but it was the truth - now that Spike wasn't there to help them anymore. Not that his idea of help had been very successful in the end with Anya and Buffy.

Finally, it had been Willow who had convinced Xander to leave. He badly needed the change of scenery. And it would be for a few months only.

Willow had then re-apply to UC Sunnydale, and as soon as it started she would move back to the dorm. Buffy had quit the Doublemeat Palace and found a job as a waitress in a nice little restaurant. The rest of the time, she was supervising the Magic Box with Rebecca. Rebecca was an old English lady, a friend of Giles. She wanted to move to California, so Giles had offered her to run the Magic Box, as well as moving in his old apartment. She had accepted gladly, as she was a little bit into magic herself, and she had got along with the girls just fine.

A growl in her stomach reminded Dawn she had barely ate anything beside that pastry this morning. She took an apple from her bag.

The boy next to her was watching her. He really had a funny look. But, she thought for the zillion times, he was cute. She smiled to him.

"Do you want one?" she asked, showing the apple.

"No. Thanks."

He didn't smiled back, watched elsewhere.

"Ok.Moody much?" muttered Dawn.

She decided to ignore him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The road was long and the ride was boring.

Connor had no idea how long he would have to stay there, in his seat, but after a few hours, he was anxious to move and walk again. He looked around him and saw that most people were sleeping, even his pretty neighbor. He had sit next to her because he had been the last one to get in the bus and it was the only seat left vacant.

He didn't feel tired. He just felt sad.

Life had not been easy in the last few month - Hell, it had never been easy. But just when he started to believe that Angel really wanted to be with him, he discovered things were not as good as he had imagined, and that his father hadn't really forgiven him like he had said.

Of course, he had to admit that what he had done was not easily forgivable.

After all, he had sunk his father into the bottom of the sea.

He remember these few weeks well, he remembered finding Holtz' body with two puncture holes in the neck, as if a vampire had drained him. He remembered the rage he had felt and the assumption that Angel had been the one to do this, assumption only fueled by an equally angry Justine.

He hadn't recognize her at first, and he hadn't wondered who she was, too preoccupied with his own grief. She had helped him to exercise his vengeance, as if she had something personal against Angel herself.

After they had sent Angel's metal coffin at the bottom of the sea, she had invited him to stay with her, telling him how good a fighter he was and that they would make a perfect team. Lonely and disoriented, Connor had followed her in the hope he would find acceptance with her, or something resembling a family. Like he and Holtz had been, and like Angel and his team had also seemed to be before he found out the awful truth.

But he had soon been bitterly disappointed. Justine had been violent, ruthless and highly unstable. He doubted anybody had ever seen that side of her personality. She was also a fanatic and didn't trust the people who didn't see the world like her. Of all the scary things he had met in his life, Connor started to consider Justine as one of them.

Two weeks after he had get rid of Angel, Connor was roaming the streets and ended up at a bar, downtown, that he had previously visited with his Holtz. The bar was the propriety of a law firm and generally full of demons and such. So he didn't feel too much displaced there.

He was drinking a root beer when a woman approached him.

"Aren't you a little bit young to be in here? She had asked.

"Leave me alone" he had growled.

"Wait a minute, I recognize you. Connor, isn't it? You're Angel's son. How come your father let you come here?"

"He's not around to tell me what to do anymore,» Connor said harshly.

"Oooh, I detect bitterness. What happened? You and Daddy got into a fight?

"He killed the man who raised me" "Holtz? Angel killed Holtz?" she said, showing real surprise.

But even more surprised was Connor. How the Hell did she know all that stuff about me? he wondered.

"Well, he sucked him dry" he answered.

"No way! Angel killing a human would already be very surprising, but sucking somebody dry.that's near impossible. Unless he's back to being Angelus. Because Angel hasn't feed from a human since he got his soul back, except one time, about four years ago when he got poisoned and his girlfriend beat him into feeding from her. No, Angel would have not done that. Angelus could have, but not Angel. He has too much of a conscience to do that."

Connor watched her for a minute, frowning.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Lilah Morgan, from Wolfram & Hart. And believe me, Angel and his alter ego Angelus are my specialty."

That discussion had got Connor seriously thinking. What if Angel had been honest all along? What if he hasn't been the one who had killed Holtz? What if Holtz letter really meant what it said, that he should go back to leave with Angel and give him a chance?

With his new disturbing knowledge, Connor had been back to the place where he had found the dead Holtz being held by Justine. And now that he could think more calmly, he was seeing things he hadn't seen before. Like the significant amount of blood on the floor, blood that would not have been there if a vampire had really drained Holtz. Looking around, Connor found a bloody ice pick behind a trash container. That could have perfectly imitated punctures holes made by vampire teeth.

So if Angel hadn't killed Holtz, who did?

And Connor remembered that Justine had been there, holding the dead man, crying, with blood on her hands.

Horrified by the realization, Connor had run home. No, not home. Just the place where he and Justine lived. She was there, sitting at the table, a knife pinning one of her hand in it. Connor didn't understand why she did that, why she would put herself through this type of physical pain once a week. Disgusted with her habit, Connor had taken the knife out of her hand and thrown it across the room, planting it in the wall next to the fridge. He then had taken the bloody ice pick and planted it on the table.

"What do you think you're doing?" she exploded when the knife left her hand. "And where the hell did you get that?"

"This time around, I am the one who asks questions,» he had said coldly. She had looked at him and paled visibly when she had met his hard cold eyes.

"Who killed Holtz?" he had asked.

"Angel did,» she had answered.

He grabbed her by the throat and pulled her out of her chair.

"Who.Killed.Holtz?" he had asked again between his clenched teeth.

Justine had swallowed nervously, barely able to breathe.

"He asked me to do it,» she had finally answered.

"He who?"

"Holtz. Holtz asked me to kill him."

Connor had let go of her and she had stumbled.

"Why?" he had asked, turning away from her.

"Because he wanted you to finish what he had started, he wanted you to destroy Angelus, and you did. He would be so proud of you. He knew that if he didn't give you a reason, you would not have done it. Everything is now as it should be, everything is right."

Connor knew that was a lie. Nothing was right. Everything was wrong. He had sent an innocent into the bottom of the sea. An innocent who had only wanted to love and accept him. And Connor had so cruelly craved that love and acceptance.

"You're sick,» he had said to Justine. "You're sick and you're wrong."

"Yeah, well, what are you going to do? Fish him back?"

That was exactly what Connor wanted to do. But he didn't know how.

Desperate and disillusioned, Connor had walked away and had been to the beach where he had fought his father for the last time. He had sat on a rock, and, miserable and lonely, he had begun to cry as if he was a baby.

He had never cried like this before because Holtz would never have allowed it.

But now, he was alone and everybody who loved him, or could have, was gone. He had pushed them away by his blindness to conduct his selfish vengeance.

"Connor, what are you doing here? What's going on?"

The soft and gentle voice of Cordelia had startled him. Quickly, he had dried his tears with his shirt' sleeve.

Cordelia had walked to the rock and had sat next to him. She was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing two weeks ago. She looked around, puzzled and disoriented.

"Connor, where is Angel? We were supposed to meet here."

"That was two weeks ago, Cordelia."

"Really? I didn't realize.I was taken away by the Powers-That-Be, and.now I'm back." She had raised her head. "Can't you make up your mind?" she had shouted at the sky. "Well, there has to be a reason. They brought me back right here where I find you crying. So, tell me, what happened?"

Connor looked at the sea.

"I.I sent him deep down, in a box" he had finally said, letting the tears fall freely on his cheeks.

"What? Why?"

Her lack of anger surprised him. "Because I thought he had killed Holtz."

"Oh, Connor! Angel would never do such a thing. He knew you loved him and wouldn't have wanted to hurt you like that. Why didn't you come to us to talk?"

"I know.I know that now. Is it to late?" he asked in a trembling voice, feeling ashamed like never before.

Gently, Cordelia pulled him to her and hugged him.

"Well" she said, "I guess we have a big fish to catch".

"But how?"

"Don't worry. We'll find a way. I know now why I'm back. My work here is far from done!"

They had gone back to the Hyperion, much to the delight of Gunn and Fred who had been left in the blank for two weeks. They had rented a barge, then, with the help of two Gunn's friend they had left at sea and had found Angel with some of Cordelia' surprising powers.

Connor had learned that Cordelia had disappeared during those two weeks. She had been taken to a higher dimension to fight evil. According to Cordelia, it had seemed to her she had been gone for fifteen years. It had intrigued Connor greatly that in those fifteen years she hadn't aged a bit. He was curious but he hadn't had the time to investigate the matter further.

As soon as Cordelia had located Angel, they had sent some of Gunn's friend under water to hook Angel's casket with the chains. As soon as the sun was safely down, they begun to pull the coffin out of the water. When he emerged and they pulled it on the barge, Connor attacked the fastenings with all his strength, helped by Gunn. Once it was open, Cordelia tried to carefully wake him up. He hadn't fed for a while, so when he awoke, his face changed into game face because of his extreme hunger.

"Here" said Fred, offering him a cup of blood. Connor helped him sit and Cordelia fed him.

When Angel had drunk, he had looked around him and had seen Connor still holding him in a sitting position. They had stared at each other for a while, not knowing what to say.

"You okay, man?" asked Gunn, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"How long?" Angel asked.

"Two weeks" answered Fred.

"I'm sorry,» said Connor quietly.

"I know, son" Angel sighed. "I know."

The last thing Connor had expected was to be forgiven so easily. At Angel's offer, Connor had moved back to the Hyperion, where, for a while, they had evolved in an uneasy routine at first. But things were gradually getting better and he had learned a lot. Angel had continued to show him how to fight. Gunn had shown him some streetwise tricks to help him survive in the wild streets of L.A or any other city. Fred had introduced him to the rudiment of computers and book, and he even had made some shopping with Cordelia, who had been craving for that for fifteen years. She may have been in the company of the Powers-that-Be, but she was still a woman.

Of course all of this was too good to be true. He should have known. In the end, he wasn't really wanted.

The girl sitting next to him chuckled softly and he looked at her, thinking maybe she was laughing at him. But she was visibly lost in her own thoughts, and God was she pretty. He couldn't help himself but stare at this beautiful girl with bright blue eyes, pink lips and long, luscious brown hair. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

Suddenly, as if realizing she was observed, Dawn turned her head and looked back at him.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked defensively." Do I have something on my face?"

Connor smiled, shyly looking at his hands. Cordelia had told him more than once that smile was irresistible. "No" he said. "You're pretty, that's all."

Ok, how do you want to resist to that? The young girl thought.

And she was feeling that weird attraction. Something in him.not because he was cute. Well, that helped, of course. No, it was something else.something she couldn't describe.

"What's your name?" she finally asked.

"Connor"

"Nice to meet you, Connor. I'm Dawn."

He acquiesced but didn't add anything.

"Do you.Do you live in L.A" she asked again, trying to make casual conversation.

"Yes. I mean, I did. You?"

"No. I come from Sunnydale. Do you know?"

"I think I heard that name before.but I can't remember."

"Oh, it's normal" she said with a slight smile. "It's a very boring town"

She was not going to scare him away with stories of vampires, demons and apocalypses. He probably had no idea all those things existed.

They chatted for some time, although about superficial topics. He managed to smile several times, which made Dawn's heartbeat a little bit faster. But only a little bit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What are you going to do?" asked Willow, very concerned.

"I wish I knew," sighed Buffy, taking the plates of their breakfast and putting it in the sink.

"I don't understand" Willow said, frowning. "I thought they were supposed to take the furniture first, then the house."

"I thought so too. Here, I get to keep the furniture. Not that it will be very useful without a house. I guess the only option is to sell most of them. But I'll keep the couch. It will be more comfortable when I'm living under a bridge." Willow smiled. If Buffy was still able to joke about this, then things were not as dark as they seemed.

"You can put an ad in the paper. If you want, I can take care of that for you" the redhead offered.

"Thanks. We have two months to leave the house.it's a chance we're not kicked out immediately, I guess. But I must admit I don't know how this things work. Mom always took care of the mortgage and house stuff, then Giles.I should have paid more attention."

"Well, I guess your mind was preoccupied with other things, and I'm not a stranger to that."

Buffy smiled.

"Maybe not, but it goes way beyond that. It seems they send me a warning letter weeks ago. Though I never saw the color of it."

She sighed.

"I still have to tell Dawn.

"I didn't hear her leaving this morning."

"Me neither. But I was sound asleep."

She got up.

" I have some laundry to do, then I'm going to work."

"Ok. I'll get dressed, and then I'll go check for that ad. And also buy one of those Real Estate papers. You need to start looking for a new place."

"Yeah, good idea. Thank you, Willow." The former witch smiled and left the kitchen. Buffy knew she was trying hard to cope with the aftermath of Tara's death and her own actions. But something was broken, and although she was going on with her life, she seemed to have switch on 'No feelings allowed' mode. Something Buffy could totally rely to, since she had adopted that mode for herself as well. She was working, slaying, taking care of Dawn, showing her how to fight and protect herself.but she was refusing to think further. She was refusing to think that not so long ago, she had felt more alive then ever. She remembered too well the feelings he had awakened. Moments of pleasure, even of happiness sometimes.a feeling of belonging, even if she had denied it very hard.

Why do I keep thinking about him ? she thought, anger rising. He nearly raped me! And here I am, counting the days like he had done for me the year before.and he will probably never come back.

The thought made her nauseous. She shook herself, putting her mind on the safe and boring topic of the laundry.

She got to Dawn's room first. The curtains were still closed. Buffy noticed the form under the cover.

"Dawn, you forgot to put your alarm clock on again."

She opened the curtain and daylight filled the room. She turned to the bed.

"Come on, sleepyhead, time to."

Buffy realized she wasn't talking to her sister but to a bunch of pillows.

"What the hell.?

She took the cover away. The pillows were put together to give the impression that someone was sleeping underneath.

Confused, Buffy looked around and saw her sister's schoolbag on the floor. Worry started to fill her. What was Dawn up too? She opened her closet. Some clothes were missing.

"Oh my God.Willow!"

Her friend burst into the room. "What?"

She noticed the pillows in the bed and Buffy in front of a half empty closet.

"What?" she repeated.

"I think.I think she's gone,» Buffy said in a blank tone.

She kneeled down, rummaging through the closet floor.

"Her traveling bag is missing."

"Buffy, what are you talking about? Dawn is gone?"

"Some of her clothes are missing. And why would she put pillows in her bed? I don't understand, why did she do this?" she said, her voice getting hysterical.

Willow came closer.

"Calm down. Maybe she's not gone. Maybe she just sneaked out last night and

went to school this morning."

"Her schoolbag's here."

"Ok.Well, maybe she took another one." Willow said, sounding suddenly less convinced.

"I don't understand." Buffy repeated. "What.I mean."

"Buffy."

Willow touched her friend' shoulder.

"There's a letter on her desk."

Buffy rushed to grab the letter and opened it.

Buffy, When you find this letter, I'll probably be far away. I'm sorry, but I had to leave. I realize now what a burden I've been for you. And now that we lost the house, I thought you'd be better without me. Try not to worry. I can defend myself, now. I took some money from the Magic Box, it's probably not the cleverest thing to do but so you know I've got some with me. I promise to pay you back someday. Buffy, please, don't try to find me. I really need to be on my own, to sort things out. I don't even know where I'm going yet. Please don't be mad at me. I love you.

Dawn

Buffy slowly sat on the bed. Willow took the letter and read it quickly.

"I have to find her." Buffy finally said.

"She's asking you not to." Willow pointed.

"How can I not? She's out there, all alone! And where on earth did she get the idea that she was a burden? And how does she know about the house?" She suddenly remembered her conversation with Giles the day before. If Dawn overheard me talking about Willow and thought it was about her.

"Oh my God.I have to go find her," she said again, heading to her own room to get dressed. Willow followed her.

"Buffy.Dawn said it, she's probably far away by now. You don't even know where to start."

"Well, I can't stay here and do nothing. I'll go to the bus terminal. She probably took the first bus this morning."

"Then what? Even if she took the bus to L.A, once there she can take another bus to anywhere in the country!"

That seemed to stop Buffy for a second, but she finally resumed dressing.

"I have to do something, Willow. I can't be here and pretend that it's fine that Dawn left."

"Alright. Go to the bus terminal. I'll go see for that ad. Let's meet here in one hour, ok?"

"Ok."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Yeah, I remember her," said one of the clerks at the terminal. "She took the first bus to L.A."

"Thanks." Buffy said.

She sat down on a bench, not knowing what to do next. She let a sob escape but refrained herself from crying. All this had been a big misunderstanding. Why hadn't Dawn come to talk to her? She would have explain, tell her she was not a burden, that Buffy needed her little sister beside her.

She got up and headed back to Revello Drive.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Willow arrived a few minutes after her.

"The ad will be in the paper day after tomorrow," she said. "Any luck?"

"No. You were right, of course. She took a bus to L.A. Now the question is, did she stay there or took another bus?"

"If she really want to run away, she won't stay in L.A."

"It's big. She can hide anywhere."

"She could. That's why I'll call Cordelia, to let them know. Just in case."

Buffy put her face in her hands. Willow hugged her.

"Buffy, I know this is probably a stupid thing to say, but try not to worry. Dawn said it herself. And you were the same age when you ran away, remember?"

"Yes, but that was different. I'm the Slayer."

"And she's not a baby anymore. She knows what's out there. She fought beside you. And if there's anything, she'll call. Or she'll take the first bus back to Sunnydale."

Willow's word calmed Buffy a little bit. She smiled sadly.

"I have to go to work. Maybe I can call and tell them I'm sick." Willow shook her head.

"What for? You need the money, Buffy, especially now. You can't afford to lose this job." Willow said wisely.

Buffy sighed.

"I know. Thanks for your help, Will."

"It's the least I can do. And it helps me too. To get rid of the guilt," she added, half-joking. " Go now, or you'll be late."

Buffy went to her bedroom to get change. She paused a moment in front of her closet, watching the black leather coat still hanging there, as if it were waiting.

"Spike." she whispered, saying his name out loud for the first time in weeks. "I really need you right now. Can't you feel it, wherever you are?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Willow dialed the Hyperion's number.

"Hi, you've reached Angel Investigations. We're not in for the moment, but please leave a message and we'll get back to you."

Surprised that no one was there, Willow let a message for Cordelia, asking her to call her back urgently. But the redhead didn't thought it would help much. If Dawn didn't want to be found.

Why did you run away like that, Dawnie ? Willow thought. And where are you now ?





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