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Chapter 16 - Illusions


Walking into the party with a heavy heart, Buffy had half a mind to
call a cab and get out of there as soon as she could. The sense of déjà vu that seemed to overwhelm her senses when she walked through the door almost sent her back into the hallway.

'This was exactly how it was,' she thought, swallowing hard, trying to
choke back her warring emotions. 'Walk into a party, you think
everything is okay, and then you see him and...

Her thoughts seemed to trail off when she caught a glimpse of platinum
hair across the room. Seeing Faith bolt to the other side of the room
to stand at his side, she felt the sickening feeling inside of her
grow.

"Do you want a drink?" Ben asked with a gentle smile.

"God, yes," she muttered, already walking toward the bar that was set
up along one wall, making a conscious effort to not look in Spike's
direction. She could practically feel his eyes on her, but a small
part of her wondered if it was wishful thinking on her part. After
all, William had never done anything to her but act the role of a
perfect gentleman. It was 'Spike' who hurt her. Of course, since
they were combined in the same man, Buffy didn't want to make the same
mistake of trusting him twice- not until she knew she could.

Grabbing a shot off the bar, Buffy quickly downed it, uncaring of what
the alcohol was. Making a face as the liquid burned down her throat,
she slammed it onto the hard surface and reached for another. Turning
around to face the room as she tipped the shot glass, her eyes briefly
connected with Spike's before closing and tilting her head back,
quickly swallowing more of the alcohol.

"You okay?" Ben asked when she finally glanced up at him, a surprised
look on her face when she remembered he'd been the one she'd shown up
with.

"Fine," Buffy muttered, already feeling a little lightheaded from the liquor.

"Okay," he said with a soft smile. "I'm going to go try and meet some
of the band members. You wanna come?"

"No thanks," Buffy replied, giving him a tense smile when he turned to
walk away.

Turning her back on the room, she bit her lip, surveying the vast
amount of alcohol that was laying before her. All thoughts drifted
from her head- not remembering Spike, not remembering her dad, not
remembering her promise to herself that she would never do this, Buffy
picked up a beer and tilted her head back, letting the bitter liquid
settle the burning in her throat that the harder alcohol had caused.

"Pace yourself, luv."

The soothing voice traveled toward her and she felt an immediate sense
of comfort wash over her before she remembered the last eight months.

"What do you care?" she asked, turning around and trying not to show
how his presence always seemed to unsettle her.

"I care about you," he said softly, gently taking her by the arm and
leading her toward the nearby hallway.

"Where's Faith?" Buffy asked, unable to hide the contempt in her voice.

"Who?"

"Leather pants, doe eyes?"

"Just described half the girls who are here, pet."

Glancing around the secluded area, Buffy suddenly realized Spike's
close proximity and the fact that they were virtually alone.

"I should get back out there," she murmured, trying to focus as the
alcohol made its way through her bloodstream, already making her sway
back and forth slightly.

"Who's the new guy?" Spike asked softly, trying to keep any accusation
out of his tone.

"Who?" Buffy asked, blinking rapidly to focus her eyes.

"The guy who brought you here."

"Ben?"

Spike merely looked at her.

"He's a friend," she said, shaking her head to clear it and
immediately bracing herself against the wall behind her as everything
seemed to be swimming in front of her.

"And your date," he added, reaching out to steady her with one hand on her hip.

Buffy sighed, closing her eyes as she leaned her head against the
wall. "He's not my date," she whispered, shaking her head. "He's not
my anything. We had one date after...and nothing happened."

"Who is he?"

"He's Ben," Buffy replied, opening her eyes and giving him a questioning look.

"Is he good for you?"

"Is this 'friend Spike' now?" she asked, suddenly becoming angry with
all the questions.

"This is 'concerned Will'," he retorted.

"You're not Will," she murmured, bracing her hands against the wall.

"Then who am I?" he asked, watching as she finished off her beer
before he could stop her.

"You're Spike," she muttered, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Do you really believe that?" he asked, taking a step forward and
effectively pushing her against the wall.

Buffy's heartbeat skyrocketed at his close proximity. She knew that
the gesture was meant to be entirely innocent, but she couldn't help
the twinge of fear that passed through her.

"I need to go," she whispered.

"Buffy-"

Reaching out to gently caress her cheek, Spike immediately jumped away
when he noticed her trembling.

"I'm sorry, luv," he said frantically. "I didn't...I would never...not again-"

"Spike-"

"You can go," he whispered, taking another step away from her. "If
that's what you want, you can leave. I never meant to…"

Buffy pressed her fingertips to her temples, trying to massage away the headache that was forming. "I'm just so tired," she murmured in a voice that made Spike's heart ache. "I'm
so tired of everything-of the drama, of my life, of-"

"Me?" he whispered.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Me."

* * * * *

An hour later, Spike kept a careful eye on Buffy as she swayed back
and forth, downing yet another shot. He didn't know how many this was
for her, but it was far past his breaking point. Seeing some friends
of his blatantly hitting on her, Spike finally walked over to the
small blonde who was giggling irrationally by this time. He was
willing to bet all the money he had that she hadn't even heard
anything funny- unless it was in her own head, of course.

"Spike," she said with a bright smile, practically throwing herself in his arms.

Nothing could have surprised him more than seeing the woman he loved
show him so much trust in the state she was in. He would have assumed
that in her drunken state, all of her hatred for him would have been
brought to the surface, but it appeared to be the opposite. She
seemed to glow as she looked at him with such trust that he felt
his entire body ache and tears come to his eyes when he realized that
this was just an illusion.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Buffy sighed in contentment when
she rested her head against his chest. "I've missed you," she
mumbled, her voice muffled.

"Missed you, too, luv," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

"I don't feel very good," she murmured, clutching at his shoulders.
"Can I lay down?"

Looking around the apartment, Spike sighed. The party was still going
strong, but he knew he couldn't deny her.

"I'll take you home," he said softly.

"No," she whispered, already falling asleep against him. "I don't
want to leave you."

'Bloody brilliant,' Spike thought, clenching his jaw.





Thanks so much to: Ash, spuffette, Caatje, Juanita, erin, Caitie, Laine, Seraiza, Amanda, Cordykitten, Sevvy_O, gypsy_jin, Alicia, Franchesca, Shala, BuffyandSpikeForever, tahmoe, H, Crystal Pegasus, Aislyn, dreamgirl4eva & Nyah Ambrose for reviewing!





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