[Reviews - 563]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 4844 times

- Text Size +




Chapter 19 – Dangerous Territory


Spike took a deep breath as Buffy handed him a cup of steaming tea before sitting in the chair across from him. He studied her for a moment, taking in her body language as she curled her legs beneath her and nervously bit her lip, waiting for him to begin.

“What do you think I’m about to tell you, pet?” he asked with a soft smile.

“I really don’t know,” she whispered. “I’m hoping you’ll clear up who the woman is.”

With a long sigh, Spike leaned forward and set his cup on the coffee table, clasping his hands in front of him as he rested his arms on his knees.

“Drusilla. Her name’s Drusilla.”

“And she was?”

“She was…who I thought I would be with. My life. My dark goddess…the love of my life. At least, that’s what I told myself.”

Seeing Buffy physically shutting her emotions away from him, Spike closed his eyes.

“I thought we were meant to be together. I thought that everything she said was true.”

“I’m not really following,” she whispered, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“She got me into a bunch of things that I now wish I was strong enough to fight against.”

“The drugs?”

“The drugs, the alcohol…the women.”

“What?”

Spike took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck as he sat up to look at her with pained eyes. “She encouraged it…all of it.”

“So…the first time that you and I were together…”

“I wasn’t with Dru,” he murmured. “We’ve been on-again, off-again for years, but I know I wasn’t with her when I was with you.”

Buffy shuddered at the thought of being with someone like Spike and willingly sharing him with other women.

“And you just… voluntarily continued to cheat on your girlfriend?” she asked, biting her lip as she refused to make eye contact with him.

“No,” he whispered in a pained voice. “I didn’t…she had her reasons.”

“And they were?”

“She was using me so that she could get in good with other people in the business.”

“Other rock stars?”

“Yeah.”

“So…if she was your ‘life’, what did that make me?”

“My salvation,” he said, not hesitating for a moment.

Buffy took a deep breath, bringing her legs up to her chest and letting her chin rest on her knees. “And she got you started on the drugs?”

“If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else,” he mumbled, standing up and pacing around the small living room, shoving his hands in his pockets as he retreated into himself.

“Did you love her?”

“I thought I did.”

“And now?”

Taking a moment to look at her, Spike took a deep breath. “Now, I know who I love.”

Buffy shivered at the honesty in his tone. Slowly rising from her seat, she walked over to stand in front of him, putting a stop to his pacing. “Promise me you’ve changed,” she whispered.

“They’re just words,” he replied in a choked voice. “They don’t mean anything.”

“They would mean something to me.”

“Why?” he asked, growing frustrated, his voice rising as he became more distressed. “I promised I would never hurt you. Promised that I would give up the drugs. Promised that I would never…”

Spike trailed off in a choked voice, turning away from Buffy as he tried to calm himself down.

“What do you want to happen, Spike?” she asked, growing angry at his refusal. “Do you want to go back to Drusilla?”

“No.”

“Do you want to start the drugs again?” she asked, her voice rising.

“No!”

“Do you want to hurt someone?”

“No…yes…I don’t know!” he cried, grabbing his hair as if he was wanting to pull it out.

“Who?” she asked, stepping forward until he backed up. “Who do you want to hurt, Spike?”

“I-I don’t-”

“Who!?” she screamed, pushing him into a wall.

Having nowhere to go, Spike felt himself involuntarily lashing out. Grabbing Buffy’s shoulders and spinning them around until she was the one pinned to the wall.

“Why are you doing this?” he yelled. “Why are you trying to test me? Are you trying to prove something? Fine! Yes, I want to hurt someone! I want to so bad that it chokes me!”

“Then do it,” she challenged. “If you’re so desperate to punish someone, then get it over with…finish what you started. What are you waiting for?” she yelled, pushing against him to try and get some kind of reaction. “No one’s here to stop you…do it.”

“Not you,” he said in choked whisper, letting her go and backing away as he frantically wiped his tears away. “I never want to hurt you. I want to take all the pain that I’ve caused you and put it on myself because you don’t deserve it.”

Seeing the tears streaming down his cheeks, Buffy’s expression softened. “I know you’ve changed, William,” she whispered, seeing the hope in his eyes that she had used his actual name.

“I shouldn’t even be here. I don’t deserve anything from you, least of all your friendship,” he said softly, bringing his hands up to cup her face. “That was a dangerous thing to try. Why’d you do it?”

“Because it wasn’t dangerous,” she whispered, breathing a sigh of relief as his hands slid through her hair, pulling her closer to him for a much needed embrace.

Wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head on his chest, Buffy smiled when she felt him relax against her.

“I don’t want to be friends,” she murmured, feeling him stiffen all over again.

“Right then,” he muttered, trying to pull away.

“God, do you ever try and listen when someone talks to you?” she asked, pulling back to look at him with a smile.

“What else is there?”

“Maybe I want to be more than friends,” she said softly, casting her eyes downward and biting her lip before continuing in a hesitant voice. “Maybe I think it’s time to let go of our pasts and start fresh.”

“What happens if I don’t think I’m ready?” Spike whispered.

“Then walk away,” Buffy replied softly. “Walk out that door and let me know that you can be happier without me.” Seeing the pained look on his face, she continued, “Or stay and prove to me that you really are a different person.”

“I promise,” he said in a choked whisper. “I promise I’ve changed.”

“There,” she said with a grin. “Was that really so hard?”

“You have no idea,” Spike said with a smile.




Thank you so much to: Ash, Crystal Pegasus, Caatje, Franchesca, Mari, Cordykitten, spuffette, pj, Bint, Alicia, Laine, samica, Caitie, gypsy_jin, Nyah Ambrose, spikes slayer, dreamgirl4eva, Tahmoe & starhawk for reviewing!





You must login (register) to review.