Chapter 15
Spike could see the surprise on Buffy’s face when she noticed the teenage boy standing next to their table. He wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed by their public kissing; the woman next to him, or Mickey, his young friend, who was shuffling his feet, and looking anywhere but at them. Spike snickered at both their discomfiture.
“Hey, Mickey, what’s up my man?” Spike asked.
“My grandmother wants to see you,” Mickey said, looking at Spike but sneaking peeks at Buffy. “She says she has news about your woman.”
“Me?” Buffy squeaked, looking from one to the other.
“Yes, you’re my woman,” Spike said, with another chuckle. Although, he didn’t appreciate Mickey coming up to them at dinner, he knew it had to be important if Paloma sent him. He kissed Buffy’s cheek to reassure her that everything would be all right, and then turned back to Mickey. “Tell your grandmother that after we’ve eaten we will come to visit.”
“Yes, sir,” Mickey responded, nodding at Buffy before he left with her watching him until he disappeared from view.
Spike steeled himself for the questions that were going to come. Thankfully, the waiter came up at that moment to put a heaping plate of nachos before them. Buffy’s stomach rumbled making her laugh.
“I didn’t realize how hungry I was,” Buffy said, reaching for a plate. She loaded it with the filled chips, and then quickly took a bite. “Oh my gosh, these are good.”
“Glad you like them,” Spike commented, reaching for a chip. “So, where were we before we were interrupted?”
“Kissing,” Buffy replied, with a giggle. “But after eating these jalapenos, I don’t think it would be a good idea.”
“Maybe not.”
Why wasn’t she asking him about Mickey and his grandmother? Wasn’t she curious, or didn’t she care? Or maybe he’d trained her too well and she thought she would be punished if she questioned him? Well, it seemed there might be drawbacks to the relationship they’d created. He pondered how to approach the subject without ruining everything that was in place.
“You still there, Spike?” Buffy asked, brushing her fingertips along his cheek. “Is everything all right?”
“Of course it is, pet,” He responded. “Do you mind if we make a stop before we go home?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’d like to meet your friends. It’s nice to know that you haven’t been alone.”
Spike laughed. “No, I haven’t been alone. More like lonely in a crowd though.” He paused, unsure whether to reveal anymore of his heart. “I’ve missed you, Summers,” he finally said, before returning his attention to the food.
It was Buffy’s turn to laugh. “I still don’t understand it.”
And that was why they played this game they did. He sighed. It didn’t seem worth the time to tell Buffy all that was good about her again. It was becoming a broken record. He missed her fire, and was beginning to wonder if she would ever find it. He’d promised that he could love this new Buffy, but it was hard.
“Do you think I’m a sap because I love you?” He asked before he could think of the consequences of it. It was something he was wondering about himself. Buffy froze with a chip halfway to her mouth. She put it down carefully, folding her hands on her lap, and staring at them for a moment. It made him laugh. “I guess you do. Maybe you’re just here because you know you can lead me around by the nose…or rather my dick.”
“Please don’t be mean.”
“Why not? It seems to be only way to get any spice in this relationship.”
Tears welled up in her eyes, making him feel guilty for hurting her. Then it crossed his mind that maybe she was just jerking him around by crying. She knew he couldn’t really harm her despite what he’d threatened since she’d been with him.
“I’m trying, Spike,” Buffy said. “If you don’t want me here, then say so. I’ll leave.”
“Where would you go?”
It was a question of curiosity. Did she have alternate plans? Had his freeing her from her environment given her enough gumption not to go back even if he wasn’t around?
“I don’t know.” She squirmed in her seat. “You think I’m weak?”
“No, Buffy, never weak. You forget your own strength sometimes. I’ve seen you in tighter spots than this, and you come out fighting…not only for your survival but for that of those you love.”
“I’m tired…and it hurts.”
“I know, love, I know.”
“So, why do you make it worse?” She stared at him. There was a flicker of bravery in her eyes. He latched onto it with all the hope his undead heart could hold. “You said you would help.” She waved a hand delicately between them. “Now, you act like I’m a burden.”
Not caring who was around them, or where they were, Spike reached over and scooped her into his arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, rocking them back and forth while she clung to him.
“I told you I’m a bastard, Buffy,” he confessed. “You’ve never seen the real me, and you keep telling me there is a better man inside. Sometimes I don’t see it, anymore than you see how truly unique and special of a woman you are.”
She caressed him, burying her face in his neck. “I do see you,” she whispered. “Everything around me is so cold…hard and violent, but you touch me, and I feel alive. Your hands may be rough but there is a gentleness in your eyes, and in the way you hold me when I cum. It gives me hope. It makes me believe. Before I believed it was wrong, because of who and what you are. Not anymore. You are my strength. Please don’t leave me.”
Her words were true. There was no lie, no manipulation in them, and he fell in love all over. She was his woman, and he hated himself for bringing her pain when he promised to help her find her way. He sat her back on her chair, and wiped away her tears before kissing her. “I love you. I won’t leave you.”
She smiled. It was wavering in the aftermath of her emotions, but the love was there in her eyes. She truly did love him. It warmed him. It filled his soul. “I finally found her, Mother,” he whispered, looking heavenward knowing his mother would be happy that he’d finally found the love she wanted for him.
Buffy didn’t laugh at him. She squeezed his hand because she knew the truth. All of it. Told over hours of waiting for the end, sitting at the dining table on Revello Drive, and wishing things were different. The road had been rocky, but they were together. One day Buffy would figure things out. He’d learn patience…for her.
“So, let’s eat,” Buffy returning to her seat and nudging the plate toward him. “Then we can go find out this news your friend has about me.”
Nodding, Spike returned to his food. The rest of the meal was spent in some small talk, nothing earth shattering or life defining. They ended up just eating off of each other’s plate while they finished the pitcher of margaritas. By the time they’d left the restaurant, they were both pleasantly full and feeling a bit giddy from the alcohol. It could also have been the peace they’d seemed to find with each other. Deciding to walk to Paloma’s house, Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy holding her close as they moved through the crowded streets. She just sighed and let him lead the way until they reached the small house where Paloma and her family lived. She pulled away from him, straightening her clothes that were already in place then running a hand over her hair. She was trembling and he grabbed her hand while he knocked on the door.
Paloma opened the door, grinning broadly as she ignored Spike, and instead stared at Buffy. “Come in, come in you two.” She waited until they were standing in the front room before she took Buffy’s hand away from Spike. Paloma pulled her deeper into the room, and over by where a lamp cast its glow. Cupping Buffy’s face, she finally looked at Spike, “She is an angel, William. So much more beautiful than even in my dreams of her. You have done well in choosing this girl.”
“Thank you,” Spike said, with a grin. “I think she’s rather special.”
“I’m going to steal her away from you for a few minutes,” Paloma said. “Go join the men in the kitchen while she and I talk privately.”
Spike trusted Paloma, but he wasn’t comfortable with leaving Buffy with her. It wasn’t something he could really explain, except to say that he was afraid that Paloma would impart news that would frighten Buffy or be too much for her to bear at this point.
“I’ll be fine,” Buffy said, smiling at him. “I know I’ve just met her, but I feel safe here…with her.”
“All right,” Spike said, leaning over to kiss Buffy’s cheek. “I won’t be far.”
~~~~~
“He worries about you, nieta,” Paloma said, pulling Buffy away from the still watching Spike.
“I know,” Buffy said, with a blush. She looked back at the old woman who was still holding her hand. She hadn’t lied when she’d told Spike that she felt safe with Paloma. Being here in her house was wrapping her in a warm cocoon of safety that she hadn’t felt since she’d been in heaven. “He loves me,” Buffy said, simply.
“You once denied it,” Paloma said. “But come; let’s go back to my private chamber to talk.”
Buffy only nodded as she followed Paloma down the hallway. The walls were loaded with family photos that she wished she could take the time to look at. This house was filled with love, and she wanted to know what a family truly was, because she had never really seen one before. Or at least not for a very long time.
The room they finally stopped at was toward the rear of the house. It was a sitting room off of Paloma’s bedroom. There was a garden outside the window lit up by hanging lanterns on the eaves of the house. It was a clearly a haven for Paloma. It was filled with comfortable furniture, and the tabletops were crowded with religious statues. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief just crossing the threshold.
“Sit, child,” Paloma said, gesturing toward the couch. She lit a few candles then dimmed the main lights so that the room was cast into shadows. Before sitting next to Buffy on the couch, Paloma grabbed an afghan and laid it across Buffy’s lap. “Now, Buffy, why have you come to Mexico?”
“To be with Spike.”
“It is all right to talk to me, dear.” She patted Buffy’s hand. “Many things of you I already know. Not only from William, but from the dreams that come to me at night.”
“You must be important to Spike for you to call him William.”
“It is all he has truly been. Spike was the name of the monster. It kept William from the horror of the life he was leading.”
“You know?” Buffy asked, shocked that this woman knew the truth, but yet welcomed Spike into her home. It was so unlike the way that she’d been taught to treat vampires, and her friends wouldn’t understand this woman’s attitude. “How could you allow him…here…with your family?”
“Why would you?” Paloma countered with a smile. “We both know that he is a good man. He has conquered the demon within him. Not just with the soul, but before that with the love he found for you.”
Buffy covered her hands with her face. Before she’d never wanted to accept Spike’s love for her, or how responsible she was for the changes he’d made. If she had, then he would have been one more person that she would have to take of, instead of being able to excuse away anything that happened to him. It was a frightening concept, and it made this relationship they had even more real.
“Do not hide from the truth. It won’t go away.”
“If anyone knows that, it’s me,” Buffy said, with a harsh laugh. “It never goes away.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Paloma said. “And it will come after you again.”
“What do you mean? Spike said I was protected here.”
“You are protected,” Paloma said. “Just by being the woman of the Ghost Walker, you have the loyalty of many here in Tijuana. They will protect you with blind eyes to those who want to find you, the prayers of the faithful, and the strength of the mighty to keep your enemies from you.”
“Ghost Walker?” Buffy asked. She heard everything Paloma said, and she knew the nickname was for Spike, but she wanted an explanation. She needed to hear about Spike in this new life he’d made. “You mean Spike?”
“Yes, William, we call him Ghost Walker,” Paloma laughed, and gestured toward her hair. “He looks like a spirit with the hair and pale skin.”
“Yeah, I guess he does.” Buffy smiled. “So, why is everyone so loyal to him?”
“He protects us, nieta, from the evil that walks our streets in day and night.” Paloma glanced out her window, and shuddered. “He has seen the pits of hell, and is not afraid of it. He will fight when others won’t, for us.”
“That’s Spike,” Buffy said, with a nod. She smiled. “He was the only one who always had my back in the fight. My equal and I knew I could count on him to keep his promises.”
“He always will. Trust him, and one day when you’re ready, he’ll be there again.”
Buffy stared at her hands, and then whispered. “Is that the news? That I’ll have to fight again. Is there something coming?”
“No, there is nothing coming,” Paloma replied, covering Buffy’s hands with her own. “It is already here, as it has always been. Yes, I dreamed that you were in the fight again, but it was on your terms, and Spike was beside you.” She tilted Buffy’s face up with her finger. “Buffy, you know where your heart is, and one day you’ll be ready. I think for now though there are other things you need to learn.”
She nodded, and smiled tremulously. Maybe one day she would fight again, but not now. Now, she only wanted to be Spike’s woman. Without thinking, she leaned against Paloma, who drew her into her arms. The older woman rocked Buffy whispering softly to her in Spanish, giving her the safe haven she needed while she sorted through her tumultuous emotions.
Things were changing, and she had to accept that.
to be continued…
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