Chapter 5
There was only a sliver of light peeking out from between the drapes to interrupt the darkness that surrounded her in its velvet chill . Buffy blinked a few times to break the seductive spell of sleep still beckoning to her. Sweet, blissful, darkness that yielded no guilt, no responsiblities, no pain from the life she’d found herself in since she was fifteen. Then she smiled when she remembered where she was and who she was with. Life was going to be different now, Spike changed everything when he rescued her.
Yawning, she stretched, pressing her hands against the headboard and pointing her toes until her body felt some relief by the motion. Yet a declicious ache still lingered in her limbs. Today she would pay for the unbridled passion of the night before. The strength of the vampire she coupled with left her not only sore but with an unaccustomed tenderness between her legs.
No human could ever use her body like Spike could, she thought with a smile. And they certainly couldn’t give her the multitude of orgasms that he did. She had definitely missed fucking him. Yet now she was free to admit that it was so much more than that. She’d missed him, all of him, not just the sex. It was also the feeling of security he gave her. The love he showered on her.
Sitting up, she felt a twinge on her neck and her hand instinctively went to it. Her fingers drifted over the tender bruises Spike had left on her throat. A small nudge of concern over his violence passed through her mind, but she pushed it aside. Spike wouldn’t really hurt her. He loved her and always protected her, standing right beside her through every battle no matter what the personal cost to himself.
Yes, inside of her a small voice asked:
So, why hadn’t he called in all those years that passed?
Why did he let her think he was dead…again?
Why did he wait until her wedding day to see her?
To claim her?
Buffy shook her head, refusing to dwell on the doubts trying to gain her attention. Surely there were good reasons. Everything would be explained away in that way of his that left her feeling safe again. Less than a day had passed since they were reunited. She just needed to be patient. There was all the time in the world for them to really get to know each other. The only important thing was that they were finally together again. This time it would be for good.
Reaching over, Buffy turned the bedside lamp on. She glanced around wondering what she would wear. Her wedding dress was nowhere in sight but she was delighted to spot her suitcases just inside the bedroom door. Spike was going to take care of her. He was considerate enough to grab her cases from the church so she would have something to wear. All she needed to do was love him like he needed. Like he loved her and everything between them would be fine.
She searched through the smaller case to find the red silk robe she bought to wear on her honeymoon. Her fiancé hated her in red. Why hadn’t she realized before that she would have been miserable married to him? And she would have made him even more miserable. Her life would have been reduced to small rebellions just to get back at the boy who loved her because she couldn’t reciprocate his feelings. It would have been the worst mistake of her life.
It was so clear now that her heart belonged to only one. Spike. Oh, she would have tried to love the boy she was going to marry. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have made wedding plans. She wanted to love him but she knew now that she never would have. No matter how hard she would have tried. Spike arriving at the church was the clearest indicator of where her destiny lay.
“There you are,” Buffy exclaimed in victory when she found the robe. After slipping it on, she stepped out of the bedroom. The rich smell of coffee reached her, enticing her toward the kitchen. She hesitated for only a second in the doorway when she spotted Spike beating eggs in a bowl. Then she smiled as she made her way to him and wrapped her arms around him.
“Making breakfast?” Buffy asked, kissing the back of his neck before peeking over his shoulder.
“Thought you might be hungry, Luv,” Spike replied.
He pulled her around him so that he could give her a quick kiss good morning. It wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more of him, the slow tangling of tongues that warmed her entire body. She reached for him but he was already turning away. Trying to hide her disappointment, Buffy reached for a mug in the drainer by the sink.
“Okay, if I get some coffee?” Buffy asked, suddenly feeling awkward. Spike had told her several times that it was her place, but she didn’t feel it yet. It wasn’t home. Until she was here for a few days, had moved her things in, it wouldn’t.
Spike turned around to look at her, his eyebrow raised in slight surprise. “Of course,” he replied before returning to cooking the eggs.
There wasn’t much affection in his voice but it was early yet. Their relationship hadn’t included many morning afters so she had nothing to compare his mood to. Deciding not to let it bother her, she shrugged her shoulders, and poured the coffee she was craving so desperately. After adding a generous amount of sugar and milk she took a seat on a barstool across from him.
She watched him for a moment, letting herself return to dwelling on why he seemed so distant this morning. Shouldn’t they be celebrating? Be all cuddly? It was like their honeymoon after all. They were finally together.
In a return of insecurites, her finger absently traced the corner of her eye. It was where in the last year a few wrinkles had developed. Her body wasn’t the same one he once touched with such abandon. She was heavier, softer than when she was a teenager.
Yet, Spike hadn’t changed in all their years apart. He was still as beautiful and youthful as ever. She was growing older. He wouldn’t. So, many differences between them. Sacrifices they would have to make to survive together. The biggest being that there would be no children for them. She waited for her heart to ache at the knowledge, but it didn’t.
She took a sip of her coffee, trying to dispel the newest round of her doubts in their relationship. Her sudden flight with him hadn’t given her any time to think about the consequences. Her heart had firmly been in control when she let Spike take her away.
Here was where her dreams took her to every night. A day hadn’t passed that she hadn’t thought of this vampire and all the things she thought they’d lost. Here she was loved, worshiped even. Nothing else mattered. No one else out there had ever come close to making her feel like Spike did. All the sacrifices would be worth it.
“Thank you for bringing my bags in,” Buffy offered, staring at him over the rim of her coffee cup.
“You’re welcome,” Spike said, reaching for a plate. He spooned some eggs onto it, along with some bacon and a couple of pieces of toast before placing it on the counter in front of her.
“Thanks,” Buffy said. She took the fork he offered, taking a big bite of the steaming, scrambled eggs. “These are really good. Didn’t know you could cook.”
“Yep, one of the many things you don’t know about me,” Spike said, putting the fry pan in the sink.
For a few minutes she watched him clean up while she ate her breakfast. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate a full meal. Before her wedding she’d been too nervous to even try. It felt good to be sitting here, in Spike’s house, being all domestic. Some of the tension seemed to drain from her body.
Thinking aloud she absently said, “Sometime I’m going to need to arrange to have my things moved down here.” Actually it was one of the many arrangements that would have to be made if she was staying here in Mexico. Some of her things had been moved into her fiancé’s apartment while the rest had been put into storage. All of it would have to be sent to her to go through. Her car would have to be sold or shipped to her. And she would need to speak with Giles about her position with the Council. Not noticing Spike’s silence, she continued, “I’ll need to call Dawn today, too.”
“No,” Spike said. “I’ve taken your cell phone and wallet. They’ve been put away.” He gestured toward her food that was now going uneaten. “Finish up before it gets cold.”
Buffy could only stare at him in disbelief. He just told her that she couldn’t contact her sister and that basically she was his prisoner. Without a way to communicate and without her wallet, she was stranded. She turned toward the door as she remembered the long, dusty road that led to Spike’s place. It would be a long walk back to town.
Trying not to upset him until she could figure this whole thing out, she took a few bites of toast. It stuck in her throat though. She reached for the glass of juice he’d put in front of her to force it down. Maybe if she kept talking he would become the man who had brought her here and not the cold stranger she was facing this morning.
“I’m going to need clothes,” Buffy said, looking up at him as innocently as possible.
“I’ll buy you what you need,” Spike said, ruffling her hair as he sat beside her. He kissed her cheek and reached for a piece of toast.
“I’m still going to need to make some arrangements…”
“I said no,” Spike threatened. “I’ll take care of you and make sure you have everything you need.” He ate without any apparent cares. Even to the point of licking the butter from his fingers.
“Dawn will be worried about me,” Buffy pushed, hoping that his former relationship with her sister would make him relent. It didn’t. It only infuriated him.
“I said no,” Spike yelled, standing up. “What part of that don’t you understand?” He swept the plate from the counter, sending it crashing to the floor. “There will be no leaving, no contact with anyone from your past. Your life is here with me now. Remember it was your choice to come with me. So, deal with it.”
Buffy took his hand, kissing the palm, “Yes, I chose to be with you. I do want to be with you, but…”
Spike yanked his hand away, only to grab her by the arm. He pushed her to the floor before she could react. He knelt beside her, twisting her hair around his hand, forcing her too look up at him. “I am only going to say this once. You will obey me. There will be no arrangements, no contact. That part of your life is over with.” He let go of her and stood. “Now, clean up the mess.”
All of her dreams where shattered like the plate in front of her. It was over. The nice, normal life she was trying to get by getting married. Her dream of living a wild, passionate, and happy life with Spike. No justifications. Nothing except waking up to a nightmare she didn’t know existed. This was the Spike everyone warned her about. The vampire that only needed an opportunity so he could hurt her. She sobbed out her terror and her disillusionment.
“I thought you loved me,” Buffy choked out, too afraid to even look at him.
Spike knelt beside her again, lifting her chin with his finger. “I do love you, pet.” His thumb traced her lip. “You should be grateful that I do after everything that’s happened. Not many men would, seeing how far you’ve let yourself fall.” He kissed the corner of her mouth then his tongue traced the trail of tears still rolling down her cheeks. “At least you’re still a good shag.”
“How…Spike,” Buffy had so many questions but she was blinded by the pain that was ripping her apart.
“Clean up the mess then yourself,” Spike said almost gently. “I don’t want to see you until then. Okay?”
Buffy could only nod, still hoping she would wake up. It wasn’t going to happen though. No matter how much she wished it. She watched as he gave her a smile before he left the room. She got herself into this and she would have to learn to live with it. Spike loved her like no one else did. She swore she would find a way to please him as she began to clean up the mess on the floor.
to be continued…
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