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AN: Heej guys =) I found out yesterday that I'm a favorite author of someone: Spike_Love, so I'm really happy :D

xxx

~ Spikegirl



Chapter 18: Losing Him

Buffy sat on her bed hours later after Giles had left, thinking about all the things that he had said. They had talked a lot, and Giles had told her a lot of stuff about Spike’s past. About his father, who died in a car accident. Giles said that Spike and his father were very close. She thought of her mother- they were like best friends. They shared everything together. Something that she always loved about her. Her mother got pregnant when she was nineteen, which was pretty young, but her mother never blamed her for an early pregnancy. She always said that she loved her more than anything and that she wouldn’t change what happened for the whole world.

She stood up and walked towards her clothes. She put on some new clothes and went downstairs before grabbing her coat and disappearing through the door.

After a short walk, she was finally there. She kneeled down.

“Hi, mom,” she said to her mother’s gravestone, looking at it. ‘Joyce Summers,’ it said. ‘Loving mom and devoted friend. May she rest in peace.’

She really was a loving mom. She had so much love, and she made sure that Buffy got a lot of it. Buffy sometimes wondered if the love that her mother had was so much because her father didn’t have any. When Buffy and her mother had moved to Sunnydale, Buffy had asked her mother why she ever married her dad. She remembered her mother’s face when she told her about her father.

“Your father wasn’t always like that, honey. We were in love once, and your father was the best boyfriend that anyone could wish for. We were very poor but so in love. I thought that money didn’t matter. But your father didn’t share my feelings about money. He thought that he was supposed to be rich, that he couldn’t be a man without the wealth. So he decided to work harder so he could make a lot of money, and he did. But there was a price- his soul. He worked overtime every night, saying that he did it to make sure we were taken care of. But he didn’t do it for that- he did it for the name it gave him, to be popular, wealthy, and perfect. And I wasn’t perfect, so your father found a new woman to spend time with,” her mother had told her with a sad expression on her face.

“His secretary?” Buffy had asked her.

“Yes.”

“But why didn’t you leave him when you found out about that? And after what he did to you, to me?” Buffy had asked her with tears forming in her eyes.

Her mother had put her arms around her. “Because I still loved him after I found out that he had another woman. And I was hoping that he would change, even after he started hitting me. But when I saw him laying a hand on you, I knew that I had to take you out of there. And I did. And I’m happy now, being here with my little girl,” her mother had smiled.

Her father had beaten her a lot longer than her mother had seen, but she never told her, afraid of what her father would do to her or her mother.

So here she was, sitting in front of her mother’s grave. She started talking again.

“So, my life is pretty bad right now,” Buffy said to the grave. “You’ve seen Spike, right? He’s pretty hot, huh, Mom?” She giggled a little. “And he’s so nice, gentle, and caring. He’s perfect. I’m just so scared that he’ll turn out to be like any other man. Afraid that he’ll hurt me. I don’t think he would ever hit me or hurt me intentionally, but it would hurt a lot if he left me. I don’t think I could deal with that. I hurt so much when Ford died- I loved him so much. But the love that I felt for Ford is nothing compared to the love that I feel for Spike. So if he would leave me... I would die.
I love him so much, Mommy, and I don’t want to lose him.” Buffy said, crying with her head buried in her hands.

She tensed when she felt arms around her. She looked up and saw Spike holding her, tears in his eyes. She hugged him as both cried. After a couple of minutes, which seemed like hours, Buffy finally stopped and pulled back, looking at him.

“You heard?” she asked him with a tiny voice.

“Yeah, I heard it all,” He answered, hoping that she wouldn’t be mad at him for eavesdropping. He didn’t follow her or anything- he was just walking towards her house when he heard her talking. Then he saw her sitting in front of a grave, talking to it, talking to her mother, and his heart ached for her.

He gave her a little kiss on the nose. “You are NEVER going to lose me, do you hear me? Never!” he said, looking straight into her eyes, wanting her to believe him.

“I’m just scared,” she said.

“I know, but I am, too.”

Buffy looked at him with a confused look on her face. “Do you think that I’m not scared? Buffy, I’m terrified of losing you, but I need you. I need you with me.”

Buffy grabbed him and kissed him hard, but passionately. They both moaned at the contact, needing each other now more than anything. When they pulled back, they were both breathing heavily.

“Let’s get back to my place,” Buffy said. Spike looked her in the eyes, looking for some sort of sign that she wasn’t sure. When all he saw was love and lust, he lifted her up and carried her towards her house. Buffy giggled and put her arms around his neck. “I want you,” she whispered, which only caused Spike to walk even faster towards her house.

When they were finally in her home, they made their way up to her bedroom. Spike practically threw her on the bed, taking his clothes off before laying on top of her. He smiled at her and kissed her on the lips, moving towards her neck. He nibbled on her neck, which caused Buffy to moan. He pulled back.

“God, you’re perfect,” he said before he put his hand on a breast and giving it a light squeeze, causing Buffy to moan again. “Yes, baby, moan for me,” Spike whispered into her ear, licking it.

Buffy pushed his hand away from her breast and pulled her shirt off, along with her bra. Then she pulled off her pants and panties. Spike looked at her with a smile, and she shrugged. “I just needed to feel your skin against mine,” she said with a smile.

“Oh baby, you’re gonna feel a lot more skin,” he said with one of his typical Spike smirks that made her weak in the knees. He put his lips around a nipple and sucked it hard into his mouth.

“Ugh... Spike!”

Spike went down her body, moving towards her cunt, which Spike once called ‘The most perfect little pussy that God has ever created’. Spike was almost there when he felt a tug on his hair, so he looked at Buffy, who shook her head.

“No foreplay- we can do foreplay later. I just need you inside of me, please. Can’t wait- I need you,” she whimpered.

Spike smiled. “Alright, kitten.”

He gave her a quick kiss on the lips before thrusting inside of her, which made Buffy scream. Spike stopped. “Does it still hurt?” he asked with a look full of concern.

Buffy smiled. “No, you’re just so big. You have the most perfect cock that God has ever created,” she said with a smirk of her own.

“God, baby, I love you,” Spike said before he started thrusting into her heat again.

‘I’m home,’ he thought. ’I’m finally home.’

Buffy kissed him hard on the lips. “I love you,” she said, moaning softly. “Oh God, don’t stop, baby. Never stop.”

“I won’t stop- I could never stop. I could do this all night... making love to you... pounding into your sweet pussy. Do you feel me, baby? Do you feel me inside of you?”

“I feel you, Spike. God, I feel you,” Buffy moaned, running her fingernails across his back, leaving her mark.

They were moving together, building up the speed. Buffy hooked her legs under his ass. “Faster, baby, I need you too much.”

Spike wasn’t one to refuse a lady’s wish, especially not his lady, so he speed up his thrusts, practically ramming into her now.

“God, Buffy, you’re so fucking tight... take it, baby, take all of me... hot, bloody hell... I love you... Love your sweet pussy, love all of you,” he said, wrapping his lips around one sweet nipple before sucking it into his mouth.

“Ugh, Spike,” Buffy moaned. “I need to...baby, I need...”

“I know what you need,” Spike whispered in her ear, moving his hands down. “Spike will give you what you need.” He pinched her clit, causing her to scream, moving her body even harder against him, clamping her muscles around his cock.

“Fuck, Buffy!” Spike yelled out, thrusting once more before spilling himself in her heat.

They laid there for a little while, Spike on top of Buffy, before Spike rolled over, taking Buffy with him so that she was on top.

“That was perfect,” Buffy said with a smile, looking at him with a satisfied look.

“You made it perfect, luv,” he said before kissing her on her forehead. Buffy yawned, trying to hide it from Spike- she didn’t want this night to be over yet. “Go to sleep, Buffy. I’ll be here in the morning,” he assured her.

“What about Giles?”

“He knows I’m here,” he told her.

Buffy laid her head back on his chest. “Goodnight, my love.”

“Goodnight, Spike. I love you,” Buffy said before closing her eyes and slowly falling asleep.

Spike was looking at her, waiting for her to fall asleep. “I love you, too,” he said before joining her, falling into a deep sleep.

They were completely content, not knowing that there was a secret meeting happening about them.

“Cordy, I just don’t think we should do this anymore,” the guy pleaded against his friend.

“Are you backing out? Oh my god, I can’t believe you! You fucking asshole. We had a deal- you get her, and I get him!” Cordelia Chase screamed at him.

“You don’t understand. When I went to see her tonight, I saw her and Spike sitting together, and I realized that they really love each other,” he said.

“That’s not the reason- I know you, Angel O’Connor!” Cordelia shouted at him.

Angel sighed. “Darla is pregnant. I’m going to be a father,” Angel said with a smile on his face. “I wasn’t happy about it at first, but Darla and I are going to try and make this work. I don’t want my son or daughter to grow up knowing that its father was the reason why two people in love broke up. And I don’t want them to have a father that took a girl with force.” Angel looked down. He couldn’t believe what he was thinking. He never raped a girl before- they always went willingly, they all seemed to want him. But he saw the love between Buffy and Spike, the same kind of love that existed between him and Darla. And he really wanted to be a good man, and for once in his pathetic life, he wanted to do the right thing, especially for his baby.

Cordelia looked at him with big eyes, staring holes into him. “I can’t believe it! Angel O’ fucking Connor becoming a father! You actually fucked that whore- I can’t believe you!” Cordelia yelled at him.

“Hey! You shut your mouth. That’s the mother of my baby, and I… I love her,” he whispered. “I really love her.” He looked at Cordelia. “It’s over, Cordy. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it,” he said before walking away.

Cordelia watched leave and sighed. “Damn. I guess I have to do it all alone, then,” she said.



Wrap yourself around me baby
I need a lot of warmth these days
Hold me just tighter baby
I need strength these days

And all the damage I do
Wasn’t meant for you
No I just wanna love you
Will you love me too

Can we forget what I said
I was out of my head
Something that I never meant
But baby, hoping you might understand
I was out of my head, I was out of my head

Try to pull me back down baby
The tights that bind could break
'cause I’m feeling restless lately
I need you these days

And all the damage I do
Wasn’t meant for you
No I just wanna love you
Will you love me too

Can we forget what I said
I was out of my head
Something that I never meant
But baby, hoping you might understand
I was out of my head, I was out of my head

Words can’t mean nothing
I still try to tell
What we have is something
And I know damn well
I’m better with you
And I’m hopeless without
So just get here ‘cause I need you now

But baby hoping you might understand
I was out of my head



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AN: The song is called 'Forget what I said' by Krezip, it's a popular band in Holland, I don't know if you guys ever heard from them. But I thought it was a good song about Buffy's feelings about them breaking up and getting back together.

Thanks to Allison, Livia, gypsy_jin, Caitie, BuffyandSpikeForever and Phoenix for reviewing, I love you!

Don't forget to review for the next chapter =)

~ Spikegirl





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